I know you've all been desperately waiting for a new post (hey Sam), and believe you me, there's lots to write about. Only thing is, I'm no waiter to be ranting, and anyway, it's kind of hard to be anonymous when you're working for the world's largest media retailer (box). Plus, there's the whole picture on the side of the page thing. Be that as it may, there's still plenty I can write about without getting my pants sued of. For example, did you know that I'm working on a real live book deal? No details no, but expect to see my name in print within the next three years or so. And the day job? So far so good. Learned lots re: headphones today. Now I just need to pay a decent pair for myself.
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The Impersonator (by TRS, courtesy of BB)
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And the winner is...
(Drum roll please)...
Summer:
Hot-4
Miserable-2
Cold-1
Bold-1
__________________________________
Israel+Iran:
Dark skin-6
War inevitable-6
Ruled by dictators-4
Separated at birth-3
___________________________________
Macaroni and Cheese
Good move-21
Bad move-3
___________________________________
Should TRS stop the ad hominem attacks?
Which attacks? -9
Yes-5
No-4
___________________________________
Trains are to males as...
hotdogs are to BBQ-10
crochet is to females-7
tennis balls are to dogs-6
robes are to HP-5
__________________________________
Shall we go healthy?
Yes-10
Yumm...arugula... -8
Are you crazy? -8
No-1
__________________________________
Last album before Sefirah?
Avraham Fried's Live in Israel-7
Benny Friedman's Taamu-4
Shloime Gertner's Say Asay-4
Beri Weber's Vehaarev-2
___________________________________
Some day we will all be...?
Expressing fear-10
Together-8
Warm-8
Sheltered-2
____________________________________
Yossi and TRS are...?
Evil-14
Brilliant-8
Hilarious-7
Awesome-5
____________________________________
Brush teeth in the shower?
Certainly-16
No way! 11
Brush teeth? 6
Shower? 5
__________________________________
America needs...?
More bagel stores-9
Legalized marijuana-7
Universal health care-4
Less reliance on foreign oil-4
_________________________________
America is indebted to...?
Charlie Chaplin-5
George W. Bush-4
Doug Mientkiewicz-3
Barack Obama-1
_________________________________
What should have been his reason?
Bored-1
Urgent appointment with hairdresser-0
Phone needed sanitization-3
He was going on an actual date-11
_________________________________
Is Over-Capitalization A Uniquely American Problem?
YES-2
no-8
Who said it's a problem?-2
Do they even have capitals in Crylic?-11
__________________________________
The winter has come...
Down the hatches!-2
Up the hatches-0
Who said anything about hatches?-6
I was going to say alcohol...-14
__________________________________
Should TRS be invited to the Kinnus?
Of course! He's TRS!-10
I hate to break it to you... -10
You really want rubber chicken?-3
I'll call Moshe right now-2
__________________________________
Craigslist:
Drawers, Bookcase, Couch...-10
Rocks-3
Cheap-2
Awesome-2
____________________________________
Crown Heights?
Crazy-20
You couldn't think of a better poll?-16
Expensive-13
Boring-3
_____________________________________
TRS?
Daily-17
Weekly-9
Every moment of your life!-7
Never-3
Monthly-1
___________________________________
TRS+le7:
No presence=Presents-11
I'm there!-7
I'm there+Presents-1
__________________________________
Breadsmith's Best?
Everything!-9
Greek Olive Ciabatta-5
Blueberry Cornbread, Rustic Italian-4
French Roll-2
Lemon Poppyseed-1
__________________________________
The future is...?
Now-9
Happened-2
In ten minutes-2
After supper-10
______________________________________
Music by the wedding:
Only Lubavitch-12
Lubavitch+Lipa-7
Only Lipa-5
Lubavitch=Lipa-4
____________________________________
What's for dinner?
Beef-6
Potatoes-3
Dan Quayle-10
The spelling bee-6
___________________________________
The Nine Days:
More mourning-7
More introspection: 3
More no music-7
More almost over!-8
___________________________________
The Three Weeks:
No music-6
Mourning-5
Introspection-5
Nearly Over!-5
___________________________________
Have you ever seen your father...
Cry-5
Fly-9
Tie-5
Sigh-5
___________________________________
The summer:
Hot-4
Sticky-7
Noisy-4
Enjoyable-12
___________________________________
Do you believe in...?
Unicorns-6
Taxes-3
The Great Pumpkin-7
Universal Health care-12
___________________________________
Peanut Butter and...?
Jelly-11
Jam-5
Plain-8
Who eats peanut butter?-6
____________________________________
Is there any specific reason...?
Yes-9
No-7
Depends who's asking-14
____________________________________
I prefer...
Lchaims-4
Shabbos Kallahs-1
Aufrufs-2
Weddings-7
Life-21
___________________________________
To be or not to be?
Be-10
Not to be-3
That is the question-5
Who cares about Denmark?-14
___________________________________
Pease Pudding
Hot-3
Cold-2
In the pot nine days old-14
___________________________________
Lag B'Omer means to me...
Bad Guitar Strumming-7
BBQ-5
Real Music-3
Parade-2
___________________________________
What is an appropriate response to terror?
Wringing of necks-21
Wringing of handkerchiefs-4
Wringing of hands-1
___________________________________
Who is your favorite Sefirah artist?
the Friedman Clan-9
Yosef Karduner-3
Lev Tahor-2
Kol Zimra, Six13-1
___________________________________
If one finds Chametz in a matza box while setting up the Seder plate, does one
burn your mashpia-31
burn your chametz+burn the entire box of matza-5 each
call your mashpia-1
__________________________________
When the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza pie,
13-that's amore
8-that's a matzah, that's a bore
1-that's a law
_________________________________________
What's your favorite aspect of Pesach?
Summer:
Hot-4
Miserable-2
Cold-1
Bold-1
__________________________________
Israel+Iran:
Dark skin-6
War inevitable-6
Ruled by dictators-4
Separated at birth-3
___________________________________
Macaroni and Cheese
Good move-21
Bad move-3
___________________________________
Should TRS stop the ad hominem attacks?
Which attacks? -9
Yes-5
No-4
___________________________________
Trains are to males as...
hotdogs are to BBQ-10
crochet is to females-7
tennis balls are to dogs-6
robes are to HP-5
__________________________________
Shall we go healthy?
Yes-10
Yumm...arugula... -8
Are you crazy? -8
No-1
__________________________________
Last album before Sefirah?
Avraham Fried's Live in Israel-7
Benny Friedman's Taamu-4
Shloime Gertner's Say Asay-4
Beri Weber's Vehaarev-2
___________________________________
Some day we will all be...?
Expressing fear-10
Together-8
Warm-8
Sheltered-2
____________________________________
Yossi and TRS are...?
Evil-14
Brilliant-8
Hilarious-7
Awesome-5
____________________________________
Brush teeth in the shower?
Certainly-16
No way! 11
Brush teeth? 6
Shower? 5
__________________________________
America needs...?
More bagel stores-9
Legalized marijuana-7
Universal health care-4
Less reliance on foreign oil-4
_________________________________
America is indebted to...?
Charlie Chaplin-5
George W. Bush-4
Doug Mientkiewicz-3
Barack Obama-1
_________________________________
What should have been his reason?
Bored-1
Urgent appointment with hairdresser-0
Phone needed sanitization-3
He was going on an actual date-11
_________________________________
Is Over-Capitalization A Uniquely American Problem?
YES-2
no-8
Who said it's a problem?-2
Do they even have capitals in Crylic?-11
__________________________________
The winter has come...
Down the hatches!-2
Up the hatches-0
Who said anything about hatches?-6
I was going to say alcohol...-14
__________________________________
Should TRS be invited to the Kinnus?
Of course! He's TRS!-10
I hate to break it to you... -10
You really want rubber chicken?-3
I'll call Moshe right now-2
__________________________________
Craigslist:
Drawers, Bookcase, Couch...-10
Rocks-3
Cheap-2
Awesome-2
____________________________________
Crown Heights?
Crazy-20
You couldn't think of a better poll?-16
Expensive-13
Boring-3
_____________________________________
TRS?
Daily-17
Weekly-9
Every moment of your life!-7
Never-3
Monthly-1
___________________________________
TRS+le7:
No presence=Presents-11
I'm there!-7
I'm there+Presents-1
__________________________________
Breadsmith's Best?
Everything!-9
Greek Olive Ciabatta-5
Blueberry Cornbread, Rustic Italian-4
French Roll-2
Lemon Poppyseed-1
__________________________________
The future is...?
Now-9
Happened-2
In ten minutes-2
After supper-10
______________________________________
Music by the wedding:
Only Lubavitch-12
Lubavitch+Lipa-7
Only Lipa-5
Lubavitch=Lipa-4
____________________________________
What's for dinner?
Beef-6
Potatoes-3
Dan Quayle-10
The spelling bee-6
___________________________________
The Nine Days:
More mourning-7
More introspection: 3
More no music-7
More almost over!-8
___________________________________
The Three Weeks:
No music-6
Mourning-5
Introspection-5
Nearly Over!-5
___________________________________
Have you ever seen your father...
Cry-5
Fly-9
Tie-5
Sigh-5
___________________________________
The summer:
Hot-4
Sticky-7
Noisy-4
Enjoyable-12
___________________________________
Do you believe in...?
Unicorns-6
Taxes-3
The Great Pumpkin-7
Universal Health care-12
___________________________________
Peanut Butter and...?
Jelly-11
Jam-5
Plain-8
Who eats peanut butter?-6
____________________________________
Is there any specific reason...?
Yes-9
No-7
Depends who's asking-14
____________________________________
I prefer...
Lchaims-4
Shabbos Kallahs-1
Aufrufs-2
Weddings-7
Life-21
___________________________________
To be or not to be?
Be-10
Not to be-3
That is the question-5
Who cares about Denmark?-14
___________________________________
Pease Pudding
Hot-3
Cold-2
In the pot nine days old-14
___________________________________
Lag B'Omer means to me...
Bad Guitar Strumming-7
BBQ-5
Real Music-3
Parade-2
___________________________________
What is an appropriate response to terror?
Wringing of necks-21
Wringing of handkerchiefs-4
Wringing of hands-1
___________________________________
Who is your favorite Sefirah artist?
the Friedman Clan-9
Yosef Karduner-3
Lev Tahor-2
Kol Zimra, Six13-1
___________________________________
If one finds Chametz in a matza box while setting up the Seder plate, does one
burn your mashpia-31
burn your chametz+burn the entire box of matza-5 each
call your mashpia-1
__________________________________
When the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza pie,
13-that's amore
8-that's a matzah, that's a bore
1-that's a law
_________________________________________
What's your favorite aspect of Pesach?
14-4 cups of wine
5-Matza
2-Tahalucha
1-Elijah's Cup
_________________________________________
Does the RCA Hanhala need a backbone?
27-They have hanhala?
6-Yes.
3-No.
_____________________________________
Does your mashpia approve of your actions?
14-I hope so.
12-Who has a mashpia?
4 each-Sometimes, No.
3-Yes.
2-Not sure.
___________________________________
How often do you listen to your mashpia?
21-Who has a mashpia?
14-100% of the time.
5->50% of the time.
__________________________________
Do you have a mashpia? (courtesy of YYR)
12-Yes.
9-The truth?
7-No.
4-That's none of your business.
________________________________________
Should the Taaruvos test be before Pesach?
20 -Yes.
4-No.
_____________________________________
Can it happen (VD"L)?
22-Yes.
4-No.
_____________________________________
Which is Lipa's best CD so far?
5 each-Lipa Baderech, A Poshite Yid.
4-Keinehora.
3-Likro Et Hahalell
2-Non Stop Lipa
_________________________________________
Should TRS spend more time in Yeshiva?
13-Yes.
7-He has no chance anyway...
5-No.
3-He's so smart anyway...
______________________________________
Will Taaruvos be harder than Bassar B'Challav?
13-How should I know?
8-Yes.
6-Depends.
3-No
____________________________________
Does Rabbi Chaim Schapiro read TRS?
8-Yes.
6-Go pack your bags TRS.
5-No.
_______________________________________
Do you like TRS' hat? (Jan '4. 09)
7-Wear it on first date
6-Yes.
3-Wear it to wedding.
2-No.
1-I'll buy TRS a new one.
__________________________________
Have you ever been inspired by TRS?
11-Define Inspired
8-Yes
4-No
___________________________________
Vus Meint Chassidish?
19-Group Think
6 Each-Smashed Hat, Lots of Alcohol, Ego ___________________________________
Cheshvan-What do you think?
35-It is what it is
7-Unpack your bags
4-Depressing
3-Boring
_____________________________________
What's the best thing about Sukkos?
10-Eating in the Sukkah
6-Eating in the rain,
4 each-Simchas Beis Hashoevah, Not sleeping in the Sukkah
2-The High Holy days are over.
___________________________________
Did you do Teshuva yet (prior to Yom Kippur '68)?
13-Working on it,
5-"Is Moshiach here yet?"
3-No
3-Have I sinned?
2-It's none of your business
1-Yes
___________________________________
Is reality broken?
12-"What kind of fool question is that?"
7-"Whose reality?"
4-Yes
1-No
___________________________________
Elul: By you what is it?
10-Beginning of school
7-A good time to repent
5- "Shofar, Sho Good."
3-"By David, Hashem is my light"
2-"Trembling Lubavitch Fish,"
1-Sad to see that school is starting.
___________________________________
15 Av: By you what is it?
6-Marriage
4 each-No Tachanun, On Shabbos this year-who cares, "Ma Zeh 15 Av?"
1-Heralds shorter days
____________________________________
Which CD did you miss most in the 3 weeks? (111 votes!)
42-Lipa's A Poshite Yid
16-Avraham Fried's No Jew will be left behind
12-Lipa's Likro Et Hahallel
10 each-8th Day's Brooklyn, MBD's Efshar Letaken
9-Abie Rottenberg and Shlomo Simcha's Aish
7-Yehudah Gilden's Harei Yehudah
4-Yossi Green's The 8th Note
____________________________________
What is the coolest place to go on Merkos Shlichus?
8-Perth
7-each Bulgaria and Namibia
5-Argentina
4-Kazakhstan
2 each-Canada and New Mexico
____________________________________
Can you think of a better poll than this one?
13-No
5-Yes
____________________________________
What's your favorite Shavuos food?
12-Cheesecake
1 each-Blintzes, Cheese Danishes, Sushi, and Fleishiks
0 each-Penne a la Vodka, pizza.
____________________________________
What CD will you listen to when Lag B'omer rolls around?
5-Yossi Green's 8th Note
2-Avraham Fried's Forever One
1 each-Lipa's Keinehora, Yosef Karduner's Road Marks the Whole, Avraham Fried's Chazak
____________________________________
What's the best thing about Pesach Sheni?
5-Matza
2-Only have to eat a little
0-Rosh's Farbrengens
____________________________________
Do you listen to music during Sefira?
13-No
6-Those who do are sinners and will burn
6-Yes
2-Why not?
2-I'd get depressed if I couldn't
1-Not stringent when it comes to mourning.
____________________________________
Is this the end of the world as we know it?
3-Could care less
2-Yes
2-No
1-I don't know
____________________________________
Which is the best Matza?
6-Crown Heights Matza
3 each-Boro Park, Your basement
1-Montreal
0 each-Kfar Chabad, Chicago, Russian ____________________________________
Which is the hardest to clean for Pesach?
7-Kitchen
6-Going to Florida
4-Children's bedrooms
2-Own bedroom
1-Car
0-Basement
____________________________________
What's your favorite Hamantaschen filling?
5-Poppyseed
1 each-Apricot, Chocolate, Raspberry, and Strawberry
____________________________________
What will you be drinking this Purim?
7-Benedictine
1 Each-Dry red wine, Sweet bubbly wine, Absolut, Glenlivet, and Full Throttle
0 Each-Smirnoff, Glenfiddich, Makers Mark, Bottled Water
____________________________________
Who won't win this year's (2008) Presidential Election?
5-President George W. Bush
3 Each-TRS, The Almighty Editor
2 Each-Hilary Clinton, Dick Cheney
1-Bill Clinton
0 Each-Barack Obama, John Mccain, Our Gallant Leader
____________________________________
Which is the more exciting Shechita?
6-Cows
2-Goats
1 each-Chickens, Turkeys
____________________________________
Which is worse?
8-Wicca
5-Communism
____________________________________
If a man speaks in a forest, and there is no woman present, is he still wrong?
7-Men are ever wrong?
3-Men are ever right?
4-Yes
1-No
____________________________________
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck would chuck wood?
2 Each-Funny, Makes no sense, EP get a life, TRS get a life
0-Not funny
____________________________________
Are the recent polls Chassidish?
9-Yes
7-No
____________________________________
Your favorite condiment?
1o-A1 Steak Sauce
9-Honey Dijon Mustard
8 each-Wasabi, Tachina
5 each-BBQ Sauce, Olive Dip
4 each-American Mustard, Ketchup, Chrein, Soy Sauce, Chummus, Matbucha, Turkish Salad
3 each-Mayo, Chatzilim
2-Relish, Ginger, Lox (Yoni)
________________________________________
Your favorite cold cut?
6 each-Pastrami, Corned Beef, Tongue, Smoked Turkey
3 each-Salami, Bologna, Roast Beef
2 each-Turkey Roll, Turkey Pastrami
27-They have hanhala?
6-Yes.
3-No.
_____________________________________
Does your mashpia approve of your actions?
14-I hope so.
12-Who has a mashpia?
4 each-Sometimes, No.
3-Yes.
2-Not sure.
___________________________________
How often do you listen to your mashpia?
21-Who has a mashpia?
14-100% of the time.
5->50% of the time.
__________________________________
Do you have a mashpia? (courtesy of YYR)
12-Yes.
9-The truth?
7-No.
4-That's none of your business.
________________________________________
Should the Taaruvos test be before Pesach?
20 -Yes.
4-No.
_____________________________________
Can it happen (VD"L)?
22-Yes.
4-No.
_____________________________________
Which is Lipa's best CD so far?
5 each-Lipa Baderech, A Poshite Yid.
4-Keinehora.
3-Likro Et Hahalell
2-Non Stop Lipa
_________________________________________
Should TRS spend more time in Yeshiva?
13-Yes.
7-He has no chance anyway...
5-No.
3-He's so smart anyway...
______________________________________
Will Taaruvos be harder than Bassar B'Challav?
13-How should I know?
8-Yes.
6-Depends.
3-No
____________________________________
Does Rabbi Chaim Schapiro read TRS?
8-Yes.
6-Go pack your bags TRS.
5-No.
_______________________________________
Do you like TRS' hat? (Jan '4. 09)
7-Wear it on first date
6-Yes.
3-Wear it to wedding.
2-No.
1-I'll buy TRS a new one.
__________________________________
Have you ever been inspired by TRS?
11-Define Inspired
8-Yes
4-No
___________________________________
Vus Meint Chassidish?
19-Group Think
6 Each-Smashed Hat, Lots of Alcohol, Ego ___________________________________
Cheshvan-What do you think?
35-It is what it is
7-Unpack your bags
4-Depressing
3-Boring
_____________________________________
What's the best thing about Sukkos?
10-Eating in the Sukkah
6-Eating in the rain,
4 each-Simchas Beis Hashoevah, Not sleeping in the Sukkah
2-The High Holy days are over.
___________________________________
Did you do Teshuva yet (prior to Yom Kippur '68)?
13-Working on it,
5-"Is Moshiach here yet?"
3-No
3-Have I sinned?
2-It's none of your business
1-Yes
___________________________________
Is reality broken?
12-"What kind of fool question is that?"
7-"Whose reality?"
4-Yes
1-No
___________________________________
Elul: By you what is it?
10-Beginning of school
7-A good time to repent
5- "Shofar, Sho Good."
3-"By David, Hashem is my light"
2-"Trembling Lubavitch Fish,"
1-Sad to see that school is starting.
___________________________________
15 Av: By you what is it?
6-Marriage
4 each-No Tachanun, On Shabbos this year-who cares, "Ma Zeh 15 Av?"
1-Heralds shorter days
____________________________________
Which CD did you miss most in the 3 weeks? (111 votes!)
42-Lipa's A Poshite Yid
16-Avraham Fried's No Jew will be left behind
12-Lipa's Likro Et Hahallel
10 each-8th Day's Brooklyn, MBD's Efshar Letaken
9-Abie Rottenberg and Shlomo Simcha's Aish
7-Yehudah Gilden's Harei Yehudah
4-Yossi Green's The 8th Note
____________________________________
What is the coolest place to go on Merkos Shlichus?
8-Perth
7-each Bulgaria and Namibia
5-Argentina
4-Kazakhstan
2 each-Canada and New Mexico
____________________________________
Can you think of a better poll than this one?
13-No
5-Yes
____________________________________
What's your favorite Shavuos food?
12-Cheesecake
1 each-Blintzes, Cheese Danishes, Sushi, and Fleishiks
0 each-Penne a la Vodka, pizza.
____________________________________
What CD will you listen to when Lag B'omer rolls around?
5-Yossi Green's 8th Note
2-Avraham Fried's Forever One
1 each-Lipa's Keinehora, Yosef Karduner's Road Marks the Whole, Avraham Fried's Chazak
____________________________________
What's the best thing about Pesach Sheni?
5-Matza
2-Only have to eat a little
0-Rosh's Farbrengens
____________________________________
Do you listen to music during Sefira?
13-No
6-Those who do are sinners and will burn
6-Yes
2-Why not?
2-I'd get depressed if I couldn't
1-Not stringent when it comes to mourning.
____________________________________
Is this the end of the world as we know it?
3-Could care less
2-Yes
2-No
1-I don't know
____________________________________
Which is the best Matza?
6-Crown Heights Matza
3 each-Boro Park, Your basement
1-Montreal
0 each-Kfar Chabad, Chicago, Russian ____________________________________
Which is the hardest to clean for Pesach?
7-Kitchen
6-Going to Florida
4-Children's bedrooms
2-Own bedroom
1-Car
0-Basement
____________________________________
What's your favorite Hamantaschen filling?
5-Poppyseed
1 each-Apricot, Chocolate, Raspberry, and Strawberry
____________________________________
What will you be drinking this Purim?
7-Benedictine
1 Each-Dry red wine, Sweet bubbly wine, Absolut, Glenlivet, and Full Throttle
0 Each-Smirnoff, Glenfiddich, Makers Mark, Bottled Water
____________________________________
Who won't win this year's (2008) Presidential Election?
5-President George W. Bush
3 Each-TRS, The Almighty Editor
2 Each-Hilary Clinton, Dick Cheney
1-Bill Clinton
0 Each-Barack Obama, John Mccain, Our Gallant Leader
____________________________________
Which is the more exciting Shechita?
6-Cows
2-Goats
1 each-Chickens, Turkeys
____________________________________
Which is worse?
8-Wicca
5-Communism
____________________________________
If a man speaks in a forest, and there is no woman present, is he still wrong?
7-Men are ever wrong?
3-Men are ever right?
4-Yes
1-No
____________________________________
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck would chuck wood?
2 Each-Funny, Makes no sense, EP get a life, TRS get a life
0-Not funny
____________________________________
Are the recent polls Chassidish?
9-Yes
7-No
____________________________________
Your favorite condiment?
1o-A1 Steak Sauce
9-Honey Dijon Mustard
8 each-Wasabi, Tachina
5 each-BBQ Sauce, Olive Dip
4 each-American Mustard, Ketchup, Chrein, Soy Sauce, Chummus, Matbucha, Turkish Salad
3 each-Mayo, Chatzilim
2-Relish, Ginger, Lox (Yoni)
________________________________________
Your favorite cold cut?
6 each-Pastrami, Corned Beef, Tongue, Smoked Turkey
3 each-Salami, Bologna, Roast Beef
2 each-Turkey Roll, Turkey Pastrami
8 comments:
hey Sam=Sam,Sam?
If so, hi Sam.
I don't think you know this Sam.
Dear Mr. R.S.
"No waiter to be ranting" - error or very obscure reference?
Looking forward to the book tour - assume that your loyal readers will receive free signed copies.
Making space on the bookshelf,
Leo d T.
You work for the world's largest media retailer? What do media retailers sell? Psychics? Paints? Newspapers?
LdT: not particularly obscure- http://waiterrant.net/. Also a good book.
I'll probably be ghost-writing it.
Sara: yes.
e: http://www.bhphotovideo.com/.
Hey everyone! this is "sam" here!
Listen up R. S.: I'll be giving you a quiz on Headphones tomorrow.
I don't want you cheating from Shprintza.
I wish you hatzlocha in getting paid for doing what you would actually want to do in life. I know that is not to sell MP3 players.
Well, as soon as I figure out what I want to do...
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