Are you ready?

Two years ago I posted, and today I was once again inspired to post similarly.

The version I recall is:

Before the Rosh was officially Lubavitch he informed his yeshiva hanhala that he'd be in 770 for shavuos, not in Lakewood. They cried, "But matan Torah is in Lakewood!" The Rosh responded, "Yes, but Moshe Rabbeinu is in 770."

The version ex-Mossad recalls is:

The Rosh reponded, "True, but Koballas Hatorah is in 770."
--
I prefer my version if only for being more radical and in your face. I suppose one could ask the Rosh what he said, but that would ruin the fun. Besides, as studies have shown, memory is bogus.

Left with memories

A couple of years ago the Yeshiva High School of the Twin Cities had a banquet to celebrate the end of the Yeshiva year. When I say "celebrate", of course, it has different meanings for different people. Some of the Bochurim are undoubtedly quite happy that it's all over, while others are probably quite sad. As for me? I remember doing the postmortem this summer after finishing up Merkos Shlichus in Kansas and Missouri; I felt that I had accomplished a lot, but that there was a lot more that I could have done. Nine or ten months later, I feel pretty much the same. Thank G-d I accomplished a lot but there's still that nagging feeling inside that I could have done so much more. Oh well, that's life.

In other news, Rabbi Yosef Eizicovics Farbrenged beautifully last night. He said a lot of shtuff, most of which applied to the Bochurim here; of course, there was also lots of other goodies, which I'll be happy to share here now: And here we go...

There was once a Jewish community in Russia which received funding for various activities, including a school, hospital, orphanage, poor house, softball league, and various other functions. The government notified them that there would be an inspection, to see that the money was going to a good cause, and the community was worried. They were mostly Misnagdim, and therefore mostly normal. Unfortunately, there was also a small number of Chassidim among them, who acted in ways that were slightly out of the norm: they walked around ignoring everything and everybody, thinking Chassidus; they Farbenged 'till the wee hours of the morning; they spontaneously danced in the streets; in general, they weren't the very best ambassadors for a nice snaggy community. The inspection was drawing nearer, and the community council couldn't decide what to do. Two days before the government was delegation was to arrive, one of the town's men hit on a brilliant plan.
The great day arrived, and all the Chassidim of the town were crammed into a Shul, lured by the promise of a massive Farbrengen, at the community council's expense, and warned not to leave until the next morning. The government delegation toured the town's Jewish institutions, and turned to go. They were on the way to the train station when one of them noticed a large building that had yet to be inspected. He mentioned this to the other members of the delegation, and they all went over to investigate. The city council, which was accompanying them, tried to persuade them not to go, but it was to no avail, and the Shul was entered.
The scene that greeted their eyes was, to put it exaggeratedly, incredible. There was a massive Farbrengen going on: Chassidim were dancing on tables with bottles in their hands, doing somersaults and other stunt-like activitys; others were still Davening Shacharis, and they paced around with deep concentration; still others were singing to themselves, looking for all the world like shepherds in the Urals. The community council didn't know what to say. When everyone on the tour was outside again the head of the government delegation asked the community leader a question, "Why didn't you show us this before?" The leader started to explain, "Well, you see, we, um...". "It's quite impressive," said the government head, "you Jews are truly brilliant. In all the Russian towns and villages, all the crazies wander around and bother everyone. This is the first time I've ever seen them all gathered together, in one place, where they won't bother anyone. This is truly incredible!"

The lesson? Craziness is no problem when everyone is together. Trite, but true.

Once there was a (rich) guy who was brought closer to Judaism through two Jews, a Shliach in beautiful New Jersey, and a Rabbi Kaminetzky, or maybe that's Kamenetzky. Regardless, as you may or may not have noticed, one was a Lubavitcher and the other a Misnaged. The guy had a baby boy, and called in the Shliach to find out the different honors that are part of a Bris. The Shliach explained everything, and said that in Lubavitch, the biggest honor is reading the Rebbe's letter.
At the Bris the father announced, "With the reading of the Rebbe's letter, Rabbi XXX, Shliach of XXX; and with the holding of the baby during the reading of the Rebbe's letter, Rabbi Kaminetzky." The Shliach stood up to read, and Rabbi Kaminetzky stood up to go. He simply refused to hold the baby while the Rebbe's letter was being read, and was prepared to embarrass himself, the father, and everyone attending because of it. He was ready to lose a rich supporter.
After the Bris was over the father said to the Shliach, "I always knew that there was some friction between Lubavitch and Misnagdim, but I never saw it until now."

And what can we, us fine-feathered fiends, learn from this story? A lot of things: A. There are haters in this world, B. There are people who don't like the Lubavitcher Rebbe very much. As Rabbi Yos says, with regard to the Rebbe, you're either with him or against him, there ain't no middle road.

Yoni Chanowitz, fellow Shliach here at MyYeshiva told over a story about the Rebbe Rashab. After the Rebbe had finished saying a Maamar a guy came over and said, "Devarim Hayotzim Min Halev Nichnasim El Halev (words which come into the heart go into the heart), and I didn't feel the Maamar you just said at all. Hhmm?" The Rebbe Rashab gave him a piercing glance, and said, "Don't blame me if you don't have a heart."

Ouch

Long frock and all

I came to the Rosh's farbengen tonight charged with a mission: to record his every word for posterity, and provide inspirational messages for the masses.The good news is that I managed to hear lots of good shtuff; the bad news is that I didn't manage to transcribe it. The reason for this is that I sat down right next to the Rosh, and I figured he wouldn't be too pleased to see me pecking away at my iPod while he was speaking.

One thing that did stick in the hemp weave that is my memory was a statement which pretty much summed up the evening: "The truth is not negotiable- once you compromise, it's no longer true."

He also said a long vort about how the Torah starts from the letter Beis and not from the letter Aleph because the letter Aleph is the number six (trust me on this one) and Beis is nine. This is in contrast to the traditional explanation, where Aleph represents curses and Beis represents blessings. Regardless, when you count the Sefiros starting from Midos (Chesed, Gevurah, etc), the sixth one is Yesod. When you count the Sefiros beginning from Chabad (or Kesser), the ninth one is Yesod. So what's the difference? It's very simple. When you start everything from midos, from emotions, because you want, then that's what you are left with- self. Everything flows into yesod, and when the only thing is self, then that's all that gets passed down.

Chochmah, on the other hand, is very different. It's not emotions or ego. Chochmah is the spark, the first illumination that precedes comprehension, the smallest point of dawn. When you begin with chochmah, when you start your journey with nothing, then when it comes down to Yesod it remains nothing, a vessel empty of ego and self pretension, a vessel that can receive G-dliness.

This is the curse of Aleph: Aleph is I, the ego, the person who has no room in his life for anyone else but himself. The Beis, is different though. The Beis allows for someone else, is willing to listen and put others ahead of itself.

Today there is seemingly no need to listen to anyone else. Everything is written down and easily searched. There are thousands of Sefarim that have been printed, an answer provided for every question, a solution for every problem. Who needs a mashpia? Just because you're a little older and wiser, just because you saw a little more, heard a little more, felt a little more... you think you're any better? I can read any Chassidic story I want, I can learn any Sicha I want, I don't need you!

And that attitude, as they say, is just plain wrong.

The first step

Rabbi Yitzchak Meir Kagan had a problem. As he told the Rebbe in Yechidus, "I feel like I'm a great guy." The Rebbe responded, "Start doing things to justify those feelings."

(source)

A Chassidishe Melave Malka

I was at a Shabbos Table today (thank you the Amazing Yankel!) and I heard a couple of cool Baal Shem Tov stories, and since it's Motzei Shabbos I think it would be appropiate to relay them to all of you people out there.

The chassidim of the Tzemach Tzedek were once sitting around discussing the stories of the Baal Shem Tov, and trying to figure out how some of the more incredible ones happened. The Tzemach Tzedek walked in, heard what was going on, and said, "Every story of the Baal Shem Tov could certainly have happened, but there are three of them that I still can't figure out." He then proceeded to tell one of them.

There was once a guy who was married to his wife for ten years and they had no kids. He went to the Baal Shem Tov, who told him to stay married. The guy listened, and lo and behold ten years passed and the couple still had no kids. He came to the Baal Shem Tov and complained that he still had no kids. The Baal Shem Tov said, "Stay married." The guy said, "Look, I've been married for ten years for the Torah, and ten years for you, but I can't deal with this anymore."

The guy went home, divorced his wife, remarried, and had an absolutely miserable life. Like, entirely evilly crazy. Or something like that. He came to the Baal Shem Tov and complained that his life was so horrible- what had he done to deserve it? Sure, he hadn't listened to the Baal Shem Tov's advice, but was what he did so terrible?

The Baal Shem Tov took the guy to the local Synagogue, pulled out a Sefer Torah, opened it up, and showed to the guy a possuk that said, "This guy son of this guy (the guy in the story) should not divorce his wife." The Baal Shem Tov said, "What can I do? It's written in the Torah."

The Tzemach Tzedek did not understand how the story happened, but he said that if anyone could do it, the Baal Shem Tov could.
---
There once was a local innkeeper who didn't have any money, so the local Poretz threw him in the local deep dark dank pit. The Baal Shem Tov heard about this, and he fundraised here and there, and lo and behold he collected enough money to free the innkeeper and repatriate him to his long-suffering wife and children. Unfortunately though, there was not enough time for the innkeeper to go home for Shabbat, so he graciously accepted an invitation from the Baal Shem Tov.

The Baal Shem Tov's table was surrounded by the usual assortment of holy men and beggars (and many were one and the same), and the innkeeper had a place of honor at the head of the table. The Baal Shem Tov asked him, "Nu? Vos Is Neais?" The innkeeper told him that it had been a pretty regular pit, with pretty regular miseries. The Baal Shem Tov said, "Really? There was nothing special about your jail?" The innkeeper responded, "Well, now that you mention it, there is something..."

The innkeeper continued...

I wasn't alone in the pit, there were a whole bunch of other people there too. It was a pretty big pit, so I spent all my time on one side, and they spent all their time on their side. It was very strange- they would cry and mourn and generally be in a depressed state of mind the whole week, Sunday through Friday morning, but then Friday afternoon through Shabbos they partied like it was 1697. They did this every week for as long as I could remember, and it was really weird. I never asked them what was going on, because it was rather disturbing, and I didn't want anything to happen to me.

One week I found them much more depressed than normal, if that were possible. This afternoon, right before I was freed, they were much happier, exceedingly so, much more than normal. Knowing that I was to be released soon after, I approached the leader of the group and asked him what gave. He told me that, incredibly enough, he was not a man, nor were all the others of his group, but rather they were demons! Their whole life source came from a very holy man, which was a bit of a downer, because he was a very holy man, so they didn't have much of a life force. He fasted from week to week, and the demons suffered tremendously. Every Friday afternoon he would prepare himself a cup of milk, and prepare himself to drink it. The demons would send a messenger demon to the holy man's house, and just before the holy man could drink it the demon would spill it all over the floor. The holy man would get angry, and the demons would get life force for the weekend. They would party for a bit, but then the new week would start, and they'd be back to suffering.

One week (this week) the holy man decided that enough was enough, so he locked up the cup of milk in his safe so that it could not spill. The demons were very sad about this, because they knew they wouldn't get any life force that week. Nevertheless, they decided to send a demon just to see if it could do anything.

There was a guy selling super cheap wood that day who was coming up the road, and the holy man's wife got really excited. Super cheap wood! Woohoo! She approached the holy man, informed him of the upcoming woodsman, and begged him to allow her to purchase some for the house. The holy man said, "Sure thing, here's the key to my safe so you can get some money to buy some wood." The wife went over to the safe to get the money, and she spilled the milk! The demons were very happy. Super happy.

thus ended the innkeeper's tale...

While the innkeeper was finishing his tale one of the holy men around the Baal Shem Tov's table collapsed in a faint. Turns out he was the holy man in the story!

The Baal Shem Tov explained the incredible Hashgocha Pratis in the story. The innkeeper was imprisoned with the demons, only to be freed by the Baal Shem Tov, but it was too late for him to go home, so he went to the Baal Shem Tov's house, and told the story...

I doubt the םבין will יבין, but...

You know why it says, (Leviticus 19, 17) "Rebuke you shall surely rebuke", and the Rabbis say, "Even a hundred times"? I'll tell you why: it's because the first 99 times the person you're trying to straighten out will laugh in your face. In the spirit of that, I present today's Tanya, courtesy of Chabad.org. I sincerely hope that those who this applies to will take it to heart and won't continue to be a source of embarrassment to the rest of us. (If you aren't interested in reading what the Alter Rebbe has to say [and if that's the case, shame on you!], scroll down to the bottom for more from myself)
--

ומה שפיקוח נפש דוחה שאר עבירות וגם יעבור ואל יהרג

True, we find a principle that saving a life overrides other prohibitions though not the prohibition of idolatry; so too the law sometimes calls for one to commit a transgression rather than be killed, whereas with idolatry, incest and murder, the law requires that he submit to death rather than commit any one of the three.

This would seem to indicate that the Torah itself distinguishes between idolatry and most other commandments — while the Alter Rebbe previously stated that the adultress who makes such a distinction has been blinded by a ”spirit of folly,“ for in reality every sin tears one away from G‑d in the same way as idolatry.

In the following paragraph the Alter Rebbe states that there is no contradiction here. The requirement or non-requirement to sacrifice one’s life for a prohibition does not reflect its intrinsic worth.

היינו כפירוש חז״ל: אמרה תורה, חלל עליו שבת אחת כדי שישמור שבתות הרבה

This fact that saving a life overrides other prohibitions is because, as the Sages explain; 1 ”The Torah declares: ‘Desecrate one Shabbat for his sake so that he may live to observe other Shabbatot.’“

When the medical treatment of a patient involves an activity normally forbidden on Shabbat, the Torah requires that we desecrate the Shabbat to cure him so that he may live to observe Shabbat in the future. Thus the precept of Shabbat has not been waived in the face of an external consideration. It is in the interests of the Shabbat itself (i.e., the patient’s future observance of Shabbat) that we desecrate this one Shabbat,

ולא משום קלות העבירות וחומרן

and it is not because of the relative leniency (of the Shabbat) or gravity of the sins (such as idolatry), that one is waived while the other is not.

תדע, שהרי שבת חמורה ושקולה כעבודה זרה לענין שחיטת מומר לדבר אחד, ביורה דעה סימן ב‘

(2This contention is supported by the following fact: Violation of the Shabbat is a grave offense, and comparable to idolatry with regard to the law of Shechitah by anyone who habitually violates a particular precept, as codified in Yoreh Deah, Section 2.

There the Shulchan Aruch states that one who regularly desecrates the Shabbat is unfit for Shechitah, as though he habitually practiced idolatry.

מה שאין כן במומר לגילוי עריות

A habitual sexual offender on the other hand does not have the same law applied to him as a habitual idolator, indicating that the violation of Shabbat is graver than sexual offenses.

ואפילו הכי פיקוח נפש דוחה שבת ולא גילוי עריות

Yet the consideration of life overrides Shabbat, but not the sexual prohibitions.

Thus it cannot be argued that the requirement to sacrifice oneself for the sexual prohibitions is due to their gravity, for we see that the desecration of Shabbat is even graver than them with regard to Shechitah. Hence we must conclude that the laws governing self-sacrifice are no measure of the relative gravity of the mitzvot,

אלא דגזירת הכתוב הוא

but they are simply a matter of Scriptural decree. 3

The sinner, however, who does distinguish between the gravity of the various transgressions, sacrificing his life for the prohibition of idolatry but not even restraining his desire for others, surely has his thinking clouded by the ”spirit of folly“ of the kelipah, which obscures his hidden love of G‑d. For in reality, every transgression creates the ultimate separation between the sinner and G‑d.

The Alter Rebbe now goes on to say that if a difference is indeed to be drawn between the various sins, it is only with regard to their effect after they have taken place.

אלא שלאחר מעשה החטא, אם היא מעבירות שאין בהן כרת ומיתה בידי שמים

After the sinful act, however, if the sin is of the type that carries neither the penalty of karet (spiritual extinction of the soul), or death at the hands of heaven,

שאין נפשו האלקית מתה לגמרי ונכרתת משרשה באלקים חיים

in which case the divine soul does not completely perish and is not entirely cut off from its source in the living G‑d;

רק שנפגם קצת דביקותה ואחיזתה בשרשה בחטא זה

except that through this sin its attachment to its source and its connection with it has been weakened somewhat, in the case of such a sin, the Alter Rebbe concludes (after a parenthetical note), the animal soul and the body can rise out of the kelipah and unite with the holiness of the divine soul.

The difference between — on the one hand — the sins carrying the penalty of karet or death at the hands of heaven, and other sins, is explained elsewhere4 as follows: The connection of the divine soul with its G‑dly source is comparable to a rope woven of 613 strands, each strand representing one of the commandments. Every sin severs a corresponding strand. When one strand is broken, the entire rope is weakened, but not severed entirely. The penalties of karet or death at the hands of heaven, however, cut the rope entirely, so to speak.

* * *

In the following note, the Alter Rebbe states that the varying degrees of severity in the punishments imposed for various sins correspond to the blemish caused by each sin. The purpose of punishment is not the punishment per se, but purification of the soul from the blemish which the sin brought about. Thus, the greater the blemish, the more severe the punishment.

הגהה

ולפי ערך וחלוקי בחינת הפגם בנפש ובשרשה בעליונים

NOTE

Corresponding to the extent and specific nature of the blemish caused by the sin in the soul and in its source in the supernal worlds,

כך הם חלוקי בחינות המירוק והעונש בגיהנם או בעולם הזה

are the various purifying processes and punishments in purgatory or in this world (i.e., the suffering of the soul in purgatory, or one's suffering in this world - whose purpose is to purify the soul),

לכל עון וחטא עונש מיוחד, למרק ולהעביר הלכלוך והפגם

for each transgression and sin its appropriate punishment, for the purpose of cleansing and removing the stain and the blemish caused by that specific sin.

וכן בחייבי מיתה וכרת אין פוגמין כולם בשוה

Similarly, the blemish caused by the sins carrying the penalty of death at the hands of heaven or karet varies from one sin to another.

END OF NOTE

הרי גם נפשו החיונית הבהמית המלובשת בגופו, וכן גופו

(To return to our original point:) After the sinful act, in the case of those sins which do not carry the punishment of karet or death at the hands of heaven, the sinner’s animal soul, which animates the body and is clothed in it, as well as his body itself,

חוזרים ועולים מהסטרא אחרא וקליפה זו ומתקרבים לקדושת נפש האלקית המלובשת בהם

return and rise from the sitra achra and kelipah whereto they descended when the sin was committed, and they draw closer to the holiness of the divine soul that pervades them.

המאמינה בה’ אחד, וגם בשעת החטא היתה באמנה אתו יתברך

The divine soul always believes in the One G‑d, and remains faithful to Him even while the sin is being committed.

For it is only the animal soul, via the body, that performs the sinful act.

רק שהיתה בבחינת גלות ממש תוך נפש הבהמית מסטרא אחרא, המחטיאה את הגוף ומורידתו עמה בעמקי שאול

But at that time, [the divine soul] was in a state of veritable exile in the animal soul — which derives from the sitra achra — which causes the body to sin, and drags it down with itself to the lowest depths;

למטה מטה תחת טומאת הסטרא אחרא וקליפת עבודה זרה, ה‘ ישמרנו

so low, in fact, that it is even lower than the impurity of the sitra achra and the kelipah of idolatry (May G‑d preserve us!).

An exile’s foreign surroundings restrict him from expressing his abilities and ideas. Similarly the divine soul (which is in exile within the animal soul when one sins) is unable to express itself in mastery of the body and in harnessing it for the service of G‑d, by reason of the foreign environment of the kelipah.

ואין לך גלות גדול מזה, מאיגרא רמה כו’

There is no greater exile than this exile of the divine soul within the animal soul, that is brought on through sin. It is a plunge ”from a lofty roof [to a deep pit].“

וכמו שכתוב לעיל, דשרש ומקור נפשות כל בית ישראל הוא מחכמה עילאה, והוא יתברך וחכמתו אחד וכו‘

For, as explained earlier, 5 the source and root of all Jewish souls is in the Divine Wisdom, and G‑d and His wisdom are one and the same... and sin plunges the soul from this lofty plane to the depths of exile within the sitra achra.

והוא כמשל האוחז בראשו של מלך ומורידו למטה וטומן פניו בתוך בית הכסא מלא צואה, שאין לך עלבון גדול מזה, אפילו עושה כן לפי שעה

It is comparable to one who seizes the king’s head, drags it down, and dips his face in a privy full of filth — the ultimate in humiliation, even if he does it only for a moment.

שהקליפות וסטרא אחרא נקראות קיא צואה, כנודע

For the kelipot and sitra achra are called ”vomit and filth,“ as is known.

Similarly, when one seizes the divine soul, which stems from Divine wisdom (”the king’s head“), and through his sins forces it into the kelipah (”a privy full of filth“), he brings upon his soul the most unspeakable humiliation — even if he does so only for a moment (for afterwards the soul rises out of its exile).

We thus see that the differences between the various sins apply only after the sin has been committed. During the act, however, every sin tears one away from G‑d. Since every Jew is endowed with a hidden love of G‑d, by virtue of which he wishes to be constantly united with Him, and never to be separated from Him, not even for a moment, he can employ this hidden love in fulfilling all the mitzvot and in avoiding every sin — as the Alter Rebbe concludes in the following chapter.

--

So, you got all that? You really enjoy sticking the head of the king in the toilet? Do I really have to repeat this ninety nine more times?

Groggy

Dedicated followers of this here blog will recall extensive discussion regarding alcohol and its effects on the human psyche/body. Here's a little science on the matter:

Dark Liquor Makes for Worse Hangovers

A new study may help drinkers pick their poison. In a head-to-head comparison, bourbon gave drinkers a more severe hangover than vodka, report Damaris Rohsenow of Brown University and colleagues in an upcoming issue of Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research.

But vodka drinkers aren’t off the hook: Drinkers’ sleep suffered equally with both drinks, as did their performance on tasks requiring attention and quick responses. Understanding the lingering effects of alcohol after a night of heavy drinking is important for people who engage in safety-sensitive tasks, such as driving, while hung over Rohsenow says.

The researchers recruited 95 healthy young adults, ages 21 to 33, and gave them caffeine-free cola mixed with bourbon, vodka or tonic water. The drinking ended when participants’ breath-alcohol concentrations hit an average of 0.11, well over the legal intoxication limit. Participants were then hooked up to sleep monitors, which record brain activity, and allowed to sleep it off. At 7 a.m. the next day, the researchers roused the subjects from bed (a wake-up that did not include coffee or aspirin) and asked them to rate the severity of their hangovers.

Overall, bourbon drinkers reported feeling worse than vodka drinkers, rating higher on scales that measure the severity of hangover malaise, including headache, nausea, loss of appetite and thirst. It should come as no surprise that alcohol drinkers said they felt much worse than those who had drunk only tonic water.

One reason for the different effects of vodka and bourbon, Rohsenow says, could be that bourbon contains 37 times more toxic compounds than vodka does, including nasty organic molecules such as acetone, acetaldehyde, tannins and furfural. A good rule of thumb for liquors, she says, is that the clearer they are, the less of these substances they contain.

Both the bourbon drinkers and vodka drinkers slept poorly compared to the nondrinkers, the team found. The next morning, when the participants performed cognitive tests that required attention and quick reaction times, the drinkers performed worse than the nondrinkers, but the type of alcohol had no effect on performance. Both groups of drinkers were impaired equally.

(wired.com)

Redeem thyself

Tonight is Tes Kislev, which leads into Yud Kislev, which is the day I wrote a cute post a couple years ago. Some things change over time, and something don't... (read the comments in that post).

Have you ever realized that truth is non-negotiable? It just is. If you don't like it then that's fine, but you can't escape it. Why do I bring this up? Probably because I couldn't remember what I really wanted to write. Ah, now it's all coming back. Last night we had a Farbrengen for the auspicious day of Yud Kislev, the day that the Mitteler Rebbe was freed from jail. Though Shillibear attended he didn't say anything, leaving the inspirational shtuff to the Shluchim of YHSTC. Oh, in case you're wondering, the reason I try to avoid the word "Stuff" is because my third grade teacher, Mrs. Ring, would always tell my class that "stuff" is what you put in turkeys, and for every other situation you should be a bit more specific. Anyway, I talked about the Mitteler Rebbe. He really made things very easy for us. Both of his important days are right next to each other, so we can spend just 48 hours and then forget about him for the rest of the year.

Shillibear liked this. At least, I think he did. He laughed. Point is, we've got this incredible Man of G-d, and no one cares in he least. His father, the Alter Rebbe, said that if you would cut him no blood would would flow it, but rather Chassidus. When he was 14, and ready to get married, he had many proposals, and when they asked him which he wanted he said, "whichever one is ready to get married the fastest, because I want to hear a Maamar from my father."

Do you realize what this means? Here's a guy whose whole existence was dedicated to the word of G-d. Simply incredible.

Nizkarim

There's a dvar Torah about this past week's Haftora (Vayera) that I've thought about every single year since I first heard it in 2004. Originally blogged on October 27, 2007 (read some cute comments there), here it is (slightly edited):

When I was a young child, back in YOEC, I heard something so good that I still remember it. The Rosh (Our fearless leader) gives a speech every Shabbos, and four years ago yesterday was no exception. The Haftora for Parshas Vayera deals with the Shunamite woman who Elisha first promises a child and then brings back to life. The child I mean. Sephardim only read the Haftora half-way, up to the point where she (the woman) tells her husband not to worry about the dead kiddie. Ashkenazim read the whole thing, up until the actual resurrection. Lubavitch normally follows the Sephardim rite, but for this Haftora we read according to the Ashkenazic version. Why? Hold on a second, you'll soon find out. See, Sephardim are big believers. In fact, they'll believe anything you tell them (how do you think I got that bridge off my hands?) which is a beautiful thing. On the other hand, Ashkenazim are a bunch of skeptical Apikorsim. So, obviously, Chabad wants to believe. But in this Haftora, we follow the Ashkenazim, because it deals with redemption, and when it comes to redemption, we don't want just to be told that it's all going to be good, we want to see the redemption.

Isn't that beautiful? I certainly thought so.

Kadesh<>Shur

Avimelech says to G-d, "Even if it is righteous, would you slay it? Perhaps this is your practice, to destroy the peoples for no reason. So did you do to the generation of the flood and to the generation of the disunion. I say too that you slew them for nothing, just as you say that you will slay me."

What the heck was the dude thinking, trying to shtech G-d? Like, "Oh, I'm going to win a logical argument with G-d, now he's not gonna do anything to me." Hello, this is G-d we're talking about, he invented logic! And even if he somehow loses, he's still gonna kill you. Will that make you feel better about how things went, that before you died you proved your point? Yasher Koach.

Hashkafah? Ha!

Today's (yesterday's, whatever) chitas says, and I quote from the Sapirstein Rashi Chumash, "Any 'Gazing' (השקפה) that is mentioned in Scripture is for bad, i.e. indicates the detriment of that which is being gazed upon."

Got it?

Simchas Torah Blues

Last year I had some problems on this night. Read on:

I knew something was wrong the moment I walked into the door, and realized what it was as I chanted Havdala tonight. The problem was that I didn't have a hang-over, and I didn't plunge immediately into bed upon coming home. What kind of Simchas Torah is it where I can make Kiddush on Mahke three times and never feel the effects once? What is the world coming to?

Still, basically, Simchas Torah wasn't too bad at all. It wasn't quite as inspiring as it has been in previous years. There was no great Farbrengen which brought the gathered throngs to instant repentance, nor any pithy wisdom which could reduce the most inebriated baalaboss to tears in nary a moment. Sure, it's great to hear local exalted figures belittle themselves and say, "I'm so full of #$%&" over and over again, with innovative invective at every turn, but after a while it begins to wear. "All right," I wanted to say, "I can accept that you are full of it. In fact, I'm convinced. But can you stop focusing on your own shortcomings for a little while and try to actually accomplish something?"

This reminds me of the old joke, where a Rabbi on Yom Kippur gets so inspired that he cries out, "Oh G-d, I am nothing!" The chazzan, not to be outdone, follows suit with, "Oh L-rd, I truly am nothing!" The gabbai doesn't wish to be left out of the fun, and he too screams out, "Oh G-d, I am nothing!" The Rabbi turns to the chazzan and says, "Huh, look who thinks he's a nothing."
Yeah sure, we're really proud of you that once a year you pretend that you recognize your own shortcomings, but hello? Does anyone really care? We all know that we're a bunch of morons, and most of us are drunk enough to think that we want to change. And what happens instead? We end of eating crackers and salsa (the chips were all stale-for shame!) and drinking Cherry Coke Zero because no one can come up with anything intelligent to say.

Of course there were some nice things about Simchas Torah this year. We danced with the scrolls, made Kiddush, screamed at each other, got annoyed by hordes of little brats who seem intent on ruining as many lives as possible. And what was the whole point of this exercise? That our kids should stay frum. All right, I don't have any kids. And if I did I would certainly object to them being called brats. Be that as it may, why do we have this whole shindig? You think we do it for out health? Have you seen the state of our liver?

No, we make this whole production because we want our kids to stay frum. All right, so we enjoy it too, but that's only a fringe benefit. And sometimes it can be even more annoying to write royally than it is to read it. And pretentious too.

That's a problem. I hate sounding pretentious, and I know that in the past I've failed miserably in this regard. Who am I to tell anyone else to do anything? Of course, this attitude can have negative consequences. Last night someone asked me why they should go to a Lubavitch BT Yeshiva versus any other BT Yeshiva. I told him that he should go to a Lubavitch institution because we're better. This was of course after I had made Kiddush. I then proceeded to tell him that of course every Jew thinks that his Judaism is better. So what's the difference? We know we're better. Except that everyone knows they're better. So what's the difference? We learn Chassidus. So does Breslov. We learn Chabad Chassidus, plus we're not always high. Who says Chabad Chassidus is the way to go? We do. And they say that Breslov Chassidus is the way to go. Plus they're always high.

Fine, but at the very least we're far superior to Misnagdim. After all, we learn Chassidus, and they learn Mussar. Of course, a Misnaged will tell you that this is exactly the reason why his way is better. And how about the modern orthodox? At least we're not Judaism-lite, right? Ahh, but the MO will tell you that the only way for a Jew to be successful is to integrate himself into the world. And that way is the best.

Perhaps, at the end of the post, the only thing to do is to quote Rashi (which I will now fail to do) in today's Chitas, when he says that at the end of the day, all the Jewish people are blessed, and they're all wonderful, etc. etc. etc.

Isn't it nice to be able to clothe a lack of strong moral value in a cloak of Judaism? And if this can be said of Jews, why not invite the whole world into the mix? Why can't the whole world, devoid of malice and money, just be friends?

If you think I'm pandering to the Obama camp, trying to avoid being one of the first against the wall when the revolution comes, then...

Gott's Nomen (day 2)

This morning I bumped into the Rosh in shul and I said, "You're number three (for the minyan)." Then someone (who won't be mentioned because my wife said not to) said, "I think he davened already." I said to the Rosh, "You did?" and he nodded yes. I walked off to the mikve, but before I got there he called out "TRS!" All right, he didn't actually say my name, I doubt he even knows this blog exists (though his son told me he reads it), he said my real name. Anyway, he called me in, and said, I'll help you make a minyan, I'll wake up the people in my house. Then he told me the following:

The medrash says that sins begin to be counted from the first day of sukkos. Why is this? Because people are so busy doing mitzvos, either putting up a sukkah or buying a lulav or esrog or whatever, that they have no time for sins! Only when they relax a bit, on the first day of sukkos, do they begin to sin. (The lesson is that once you begin to relax... [he said parenthetically]). Some people though learn this medrash incorrectly; they think that they're coming out of yom kippur clean and pure, and they can afford to do a few sins here and there... I'll go wake them up...

The fish are still trembling

After yesterday's shocking post I thought it would be a good idea to have a little holiness and other shtuff like that, and what better way than by providing some comments received on that very same post? I wish I could tell you who wrote them, but I can't. Nu nu.

ב'יחידות' של אחד מחשובי המשפיעים אמר הרבי ('מקדש מלך' כרך ד' עמ' שצג):

"..כשנהיה אלול בעולם ("אַז ס'קומט אַ אלול אין וועלט") ולומדים את עניני חודש אלול כפי שנתבארו בחסידות, הרי זהו אלול אחר לגמרי!"

In a "Yechidus" of a distinguished Mashpia, the Rebbe said ("Mikdash Melech", v.4, p.393):

"When Elul "enters" the world, and one learns the concepts of the month as they are elucidated in Chassidus – it's an entirely different Chodesh Elul!.."

(A unique, rare expression from the Rebbe, as are many others in that set – culled from personal letters and diaries of chassidim, many of them first-hand).
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Here's another vort I heard recently, actually quite "chassidishe" notwithstanding..

Someone once came to RSZ Auerbach zt"l with a calendar for the upcoming year, to approve and/or edit Halachic issues etc. RSZ perused every page, and didn't comment till the last month Elul. There, was in large letters, a famous "slogan" or "catch-phrase":
תכלה שנה וקללותיה, תחל שנה וברכותיה

RSZ asked, "Nu, du vintshs di klalos shoin fun heint..?!"

(Meaning, It's definitely a true line, but at its time; don't schedule your problems in advance..)

The Right Shtuff

Still looking for inspiration? Well here it is, conveniently packaged and easily digested, perfect for all you stay at home dads and suchwhats.

I just heard a great story, and though it's well known it's well worth repeating. A Chassid once had occasion to visit a Misnagdic stronghold, and he received a warm welcome. What I meant to write was that he got a lot of heat from his fellow Jews for his personal views. Anyway, once it got time for him to leave his ever-solicitous hosts wanted to know what he thought of their city. How did they compare to the Chassidim he usually associated with? The Chassid answered, "The difference between a Misnaged and a Chassid? Simple! A Misnaged goes around thinking about Hashem all day, while a Chassid thinks about himself." The villagers were delighted, and they gave the Chassid extra Challah and Chrein to take on his long journey. As the Chassid was getting out of dodge, accompanied by the elders of the city, he said, "Oh, and to explain myself a little: A Chassid knows that Hashem exists, but he has his doubts about his own existence, so he goes around all day troubled by the matter. A Misnaged, on the other hand, knows that he exists, but as for Hashem? He wonders about Him all day, trying to figure out if He truly is there." It was lucky that the only people there were old, and the tomatoes they lobbed at him were fairly easy to avoid.

What does this story have to do with Pesach? Lots. No, really. Pesach is all about cleaning out the Chametz within you, escaping your own personal (as opposed to someone else's personal?) Egypt, walking three hours to eat Matza and drink wine with a bunch of people from S. Louis Park. What? You don't do that? Do you even have a Seder? Is there Judaism in your life?
Seriously folks, Pesach is serious business. Once upon a time, back in the day, in the land before time, many years ago, when they weren't so enamored of repeating themselves in order to artificially lengthen their blog posts (not that they had blog posts or anything), Pesach was very different. Cleaning? It's not like anyone had too much Chametz in the first place, so all they had to do was a little of this and a little of that, and presto! Life was good. They did have to Kasher their dishes, but they had a Rav to take care of that. Pesach was mostly about making sure the Matza remained dry and the wine remained wet. Interestingly enough, it was much easier to ensure the latter than the former. Who would've thought?

Nowadays, we've got problems. There's Chametz all over, our cars are filthy, and we can't even afford to go to Florida for the holidays, because the economy is in the trash. Oh right, six of you can afford to go to Florida. Sick. Anyway, as I was saying, cleaning is the biggest thing we do to prepare for Pesach. Our Matza? Most of us just buy it, along with wine, and anything else one might need to celebrate the holiday in style.

Is there a lesson in all of this? Way back when the main thing was keeping away from things: keeping the flour dry, the wine free of alien influence, the Goyim out of their cemeteries and our houses. Today things are different. We're cleaning, shopping, cleaning some more, shopping some more (the President is so proud). Maybe we're just not good enough to stay away from sin and temptation, after all, we're the lowest generation of all time. At the same time though, we can do, accomplish, make things happen. Sure, we're pathetic losers for being alive now, but we also have the unique capability to bring Moshiach. No other generation was given the same tools we were. Is it difficult? Of course. Can we do it? Do we have a choice?

Fine, so I didn't really connect the story and its moral. What you're gonna do, shoot me?

Healthy is as healthy does

Seeing as no one seemed to like last night's brilliance, here's some nice little farbrengen shtuff to keep you occupied.

Rabbi Chayim Friedman Farbrenged earlier this evening. Shocked by the lack of titles? I told you I was going to make this brief. When a surgeon prepares to do surgery, he (or she, for that matter) prepares himself extensively. He cuts his fingernails, and blunts, them. Then he washed his hands to the elbow, and then puts on latex-free gloves. The janitorial staff, meanwhile, has been working hard to ensure that the operating room is completely sterile, that not a single germ should be left standing. What happens then? The patient is wheeled in, the doctor takes out a knife, and boom! There's blood everywhere. What was the point of all that preparation? Obviously, it was to ensure that there's be no infection, that the patient shouldn't be damaged. Even though it may seem like he's being hurt by the doctor, the whole point is to help, and it would be terrible for anything to go wrong.

So too a person who comes to criticize his friend; he has to make sure that his motives are pure, and that his words are measured. He must keep in mind what he is doing, and what his goals are. The point is not to cut open, though that may have to be done; rather, the point is to heal.
After Rabbi Friedman said this I wandered on over and made the observation that in an emergency, there's no time for the doctor to wash his hands. A paramedic, if necessary, will plunge right in, disregarding the circumstances he finds himself in. Why? Because time is of the essence, and what good will it do the patient if his doctor's hands are pure but he is dead?
So too with education. Sometimes a Mashpia has the advantage of time, the ability to objectively evaluate a situation and ensure a sterile environment for his reprimand. Sometimes though, on the front line, the fire is burning, and someone has to put it out. There's no time for dilly-dallying, no opportunity to calm down. The guy has just got to go in there with guns blazing, and hopefully it'll all turn out all right.
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And here was a nice anon comment:

But really, I think maybe the point of the farb. was that when a regular fellow wants to criticize he needs to imitate the doctor or surgeon. Yes, in case of emergency you would allow a doctor to jump right in and skip some precautions. But a non-professional would be wasting his time and risking the life of the victim if he jumped in not even knowing of what precautions there are to take.

So again, the point of the farb. might be: don't wait until you need to criticize and then learn how to go about doing it. Prepare yourself NOW for the eventual need to criticize (constructively), become a doctor (or an aide), so that in an emergency, you'll be qualified to open your mouth.

Or something like that.

S. Joseph+Manhattan=Fun Galore!

They say that if you empty your mind of all extraneous thoughts and allow your conscious to just drift with the tides, then good things will happen. Well, let me tell you friends, it's not true. I've been trying it out these last few days, and the only thing which occurs when you empty of your mind of all thought is that your mind becomes empty of thought. Generally it's tough to achieve this for any length of time, but I seem to have mastered the technique, because right now I can be sitting reading a book which is actually quite good (even if the editing stinks) and yet my mind isn't in it. Same thing, l'havdil, by Rambam-it's all very interesting (the laws of repentance) and very topical, but is my mind in it? Not really. It's like I've gone onto a higher plane of existence or something. Maybe if I stopped smoking this shtuff or practicing this shtuff... (I joke).

Anyway, two years ago, things were a lot different. I was in Kansas (and Missouri), and for some reason I was writing two posts a day. Silly me. Anyway, here's the first from Friday, July 13, 2007, written at 2:18 AM (see, even then I was certifiably insane!), originally entitled "Finishing up".

I think I'll finish with S. Joe, shall we, before moving on to Manhattan. Let's see, where was I...

Ah yes, City Hall. Magnificent building, made even more magnificent by the, well, magnificent air conditioning. Do I get a prize for using the word "magnificent" three times, in a relatively intelligent manner, in one sentence? I did mention it was hot, right? Anyway, no new info from the secretary, and so we drove off to the Pony Express Museum. None of the horses had any Jewish affiliation.

There was a store that we meant to visit, but by the time we arrived it had already closed. Oh, well. But right next to that was a beautiful park that we drove and walked around, finding many beautiful vistas but unfortunately no Jews. Then we had a brilliant idea. Where do people hang out? Baseball games. So we tried to find the baseball game. Forty minutes later we ended up at the town library, so we walked in.

Gold. Both librarians were very talkative, which is perfect, because so am I. Turns out there are no decent jobs in S. Joe, but there is plenty of meth. Sounds like a good place for a nice Jewish boy, huh? We did look in the White pages though, and finally found him. The one we'd been waiting for. The whole reason we'd come into northern Missouri. A JC Penney's.

Just kidding. We found a Jew. He didn't really want to meet with us. And so of course he didn't. We don't force people to do anything. It's counterproductive.

And besides for a quick stop at the local mall, punctuated by some more talkative but unfortunately non-Jewish people, that was basically it. A success? There's a famous story that two students went a'roaming and came home depressed, having accomplished nothing. And that Shabbos, the Rebbe said that no, they had accomplished. An old woman had seen two young men walking around, with beards, hats, and jackets, and decided to light Shabbos candles. Point is, you never know what you've done. And as I said, we certainly did our fair share of walking around in beards, hats, and jackets. So please do your part and light those Shabbos candles. ;)

Next Time: The Little Apple-Big results
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And now for number two, originally entitled, "Little Fruit", and published just eleven hours and 16 minutes later. I must have been crazy. Here goes:

Why do I have a great desire to begin every sentence with the word "so"? Is there something wrong with me? Should I take English comp. 101? Does anyone really care? Would you like it if I started writing about Manhattan and stopped gibbering?

They say that you can turn on cruise control, fall asleep, wake up, have lunch, turn the steering wheel, and be all good while driving on the I-70. Point is, it's a straight road. Not too much to look at either. Since it's the three weeks we can't listen to music, so instead I popped in a CD of a Farbrengen with Rabbi Gordon. Which Rabbi Gordon? I have no idea. Not that's it's too important anyway.

Here comes the inspirational part:

Rabbi Gordon said that some people ask, "Why go out and help Jews? Live in your own world, keep your kids religious, and let everyone else do their own thing." The answer is best explained through a parable. Life is a big sea. And when people come down into this world, they're dropped into that sea. Some people happen to fall onto boats. Some people are immediately swallowed up by the dark, frigid, shark-infested, non-chlorinated, probably salty waters. The guys on the boat get to suntan. And some people even fall off the boat. Now what's the law if you see someone foundering in the depths? You must go save them! There's no Well- I-have-a-schedule-plus-my-wife-will kill-me-if-I'm-late-what's-in-it-for-me type of talk. You go and rescue the drowning person. And if the cry of "Man Overboard!" is heard? Everything stops! The man (or woman, or child, or whatever) immediately becomes the focus of attention. You must save them!

The analogy is clear. Some lucky people are born into observant homes, where Torah is learned and Mitzvos are kept. And some people are born into the opposite. And they're drowning. And it's our responsibility to save them. And if someone leaves their religious lifestyle? A man is overboard? How much greater is our responsibility?

Inspiring, huh? I certainly thought so. And guess what? There's more! Joy!

Well, next time anyway. I have to go now.

Yummy and not so much

I was in Empire Kosher tonight shopping for my sister (I'm a nice guy, eh?) when I ran into Aryeh Schwartz who informed me that there'd be a farbrengen tonight by his home with Rabbi Mendy Schapiro (LA) in honor of Gimmel Tammuz. I promised to come, remembering the superb peanut butter cookies which had been served at the last such farbrengen that I attended.

Sure enough, when I made it up to Aryeh's fourth floor apartment there they were, several dozen delicious peanut butter weight increasers. Aryeh mentioned to me that his brother in law (Menachem) had told him that I had blogged about these cookies previously, and so they had made sure to bake them. Thanks Menachem!

Before I forget, Fitz Shpiegelman wanted me to mention him. For all those keeping score, Fitz just finished learning Smicha in Atlanta and is a really swell guy. Just saying.

Anyway, of course, Rabbi Schapiro said lots of great things. I didn't write anything down at the time (as I had my hereditary seat on his left side), but one thing he said really struck me.

Once upon a time there was a guy who came home and told his wife of fifty years, "Honeybunches? You know what? There's one thing that all rich people eat that I've never had the opportunity to partake of."

His wife said, "Yes, what would that be?"

Her husband answered, "Blintzes!" "

Blintzes?"

Blintzes!"

"From what do you want blintzes?"

"Well, all the rich people eat them, so they must be good. I'm sixty five years old, and I think it's time for me to finally live in style."

The man's wife was very sympathetic to his plight, but pointed out a slight problem in his plans. "You know," she said, "there's a reason that through forty five years of marriage I've never made you blintzes. They're too expensive!"

"So?" her husband countered, "We'll use substitutes. For example, in real blintzes there's white flour. Well, we can't afford that, but we can afford something else that's white and powdery-baking soda!"

(I won't bore you with the rest of the ingredients, but suffice it to say that the resulting "blintzes" were very strange indeed.)

The man bit into his "blintz" and told his wife, "You know, it's true."

"What's true?"

"The saying that all rich people are crazy. Have a taste, these blintzes are disgusting!"

What's the lesson from this story? Very simple. We know that the very best life is the chassidic life. We know that the only path to personal fulfillment and global change is through doing what we're supposed to do. And yet... and yet we often say, "It's nuts! Who wants to live like that?"

The problem is that we do only a little bit of what we're supposed to. Sure, we're "living a chassidic lifestyle," but what does that really mean? Anything? We're putting garbage into the equation, no wonder that's all we're getting out of it. You can't say that being a frum Jew is ridiculous until you've actually, properly been a frum Jew. Until then, you're just eating baking soda and who knows what else!

Hurting

How long?! How long?! Ad mosai, till when?!
How long?! How long?! Ad mosai, till when?!
When all the hearts are broken
How can You shatter a dream?
When all the world is trembling
How can You shake anything?
When all the songs have ended
Only Your song will sing better
You're the only who can put a broken heart back together

Courtesy of 8th Day/Jewish Music Lyrics

Yup. Gimmel Tammuz. 15 years. Everyone on the blogosphere is writing about it tonight. But what is there to say? The wound is still raw. Even worse, for many people, it's starting to close. What do you say at a time like this? I don't know. I wish I did.

Nu G-d, we're waiting.

Hafuch ba, hafuch ba

The Rogatchover Gaon was once walking down the street when he was accosted by (insert great scholar's name here-I can't remember which one, but he was great) who said, "Mazel Tov!" The Rogatchover, already an old man at this point, said something to the effect of "Huh?" The great scholar explained, "Well, you hold that kiddushin is a peulah nimsheches, that the act of sanctifying a woman for marriage (in effect declaring that she is now only available for one man) is a continual action, i.e. it's not that you sanctify her once, you are constantly effecting kiddushin upon her. So, since you have 'just not' gotten 'married' to your wife, I said Mazel Tov!"

The person who told me the above story, Rabbi Aaron Gancz, added that as far as he knew the great scholar was being a bit facetious, because he didn't hold of the Rogatchover's great chidush here, and wanted to express that in a humorous way.

The Rebbe says in a sicha (or it could be in a footnote, I forget exactly) that the union between man and woman makes no sense whatsoever. How could it be that two opposites could come together? The Rebbe explains that for this you need a peulah nimsheches, a continuous action, to allow for this meeting of diametrical forces. And what is the practical lesson from this? A person thinks that he's gotten married and now he's done; he's fulfilled all he had to do, and now he can live the rest of his life in peace. The Rebbe explains that this isn't the case! Kiddushin is a peulah nimsheches, without continuous work on the part of the husband and wife a marriage won't last! It's not enough to put in effort in the beginning and assume that everything will continue without a problem; instead a person needs to constantly work on maintaining and improving their marriage.


Hat tip to Dovid and Sara for inspiring this early morning post