Safest bets are smartest bets

So I said I was going to Detroit. In the end, I didn't go, because of factors beyond my control. Yup, G-d has struck again, this time in the form of (cue the drum roll here please) The Weather. Yes that nemesis of all that is right and righteous (was that a tautological redundancy right there?) struck the forces of good, goodness, and the pursuit of various other things.
See, A. Winter weather, plus B. Notoriously unsafe 15 Passenger Van, plus C. Even more notorious, if that's possible, very young drivers makes for a toxic cocktail that tastes worse than a screwdriver made with ethanol. Then I figured that I'd look for a ticket, on an aeroplane, (and why does spellcheck not like that), but aside from the high cost it seemed likely that there'd be delays and various other forms of fun, so I decided to I'd skip this one.
Anyway, it does mean that I'll get to spend another Shabbos in my beloved Cottage Grove. Whoever thought they'd see me write that, eh?

Motown here we come!

As you may or may not know, depending on who the you is, last year I was ensconced in the warm pottery workshop that is Morristown, New Jersey, popularly known among those of us in the know as "Motown". Well, today, with the help of the Almighty, I, along with the rest of the Shluchim here at YHSTC, will be going to the world's "Motown", Detroit, Michigan. Why? Well, there's a convention happening for all the Talmidei Hashluchim throughout this vast land that is known to those of us who dwell here, there, and somewhere, as North America. It was funny to see Chai Lifeline's Chinese Auction place Mexico in South America. As far as I know, there aren't any Talmidei Hashluchim in Mexico, so hopefully that won't be a problem.
Yesterday we had a nice little discussion with Rabbi Nachman Wilhelm about Shluchim Conventions, and whether they serve a purpose. He said that if he hadn't personally heard the Rebbe say how important the convention was, then he would never have believed that Shluchim should attend. The Rabbi said that many years ago he wanted to make a program for Shluchim, to learn the laws of marriage, divorce, etc, and he wanted the Shluchim to fly to Minnesota or wherever six or eight times a year, for two or three days each. Obviously Shluchim would only come to one or two sessions a year. Anyway, when Rabbi Wilhelm broached this idea to R. Krinsky the presumptive head of Lubavitch misunderstood, and thought that the Shluchim were supposed to come every time, and he said, and of course I paraphrase, "You know what Rabbi Chadakov would say if a Shliach took this much time off, even to do something important? That obviously he's not needed where he's on Shlichus, becuase otherwise how could he take so much time off?"
So yeah, it's all good.

As I was saying...

Hershel Tzig recently wrote that he too has writer's block. Poor guy. I sympathize. In fact, I was planning on writing some poetry today, and I sincerely hope that you enjoy it. Here goes:

Lipa was singing
A song that was beautiful
but also happened to be goyish
the rabbonim banned him
the gedolim slammed him
and now he's learning orange

The Lipa story was
quite boring
we moved on

We started moving along
the democrats joined us
strange times, eh?

So we got onto Chassidus
according to Matisyahu it's really deep
so deep he fell in and can't get out

Speaking of Matisyahu
writing, actually,
it's nice to hear he's still alive

No, really,
even though he dumped Lubavitch
for some screamers and potheads
i hope he finds his true calling

What, frying squirrels is not
a true calling?
How 'bout boilin 'em

Obviously that's not Kosher
but then again, neither is
kolko, which didn't stop lipa
the other one

Of course... Would a TRS production
be complete without some words on ellipsis?
How does one make those plural?

Grammarians are a lot of fun
especially when they are done
after work they do party
and sometimes even flit from tree to tree
(weirdos)

The time has come
to end this soon
as soon as my internet works again

but until then
'till the soon is as soon as soon should be
you'll have to put up with some more
poetry

If you would glorify it with that label

What do you do with a drunken sailor?

Yes my friends, the eternal question must once again be asked-what exactly does one do with a drunken sailor? I refer of course to the "Gedolim" and "Rabbonim" who banned a concert by my beloved Lipa. Jerks. Mr. Chaim Rubin, aka life-of, claims that he really doesn't want to become a beacon of Lashon Hora for the world, and therefore is trying his best to stay above the fray, or something like that. Heck, my hits increased yesterday after I blogged about Lipa, and I fully expect to have thousands of new readers by tomorrow morning.
So now that it's basically officially over, we can all breathe a sigh of relief, content with the knowledge that there is now a new ban to reference every time we feel the need to curse out the afore-mentioned Rabbi people. Let's see, we've got: shaitels, strawberries, broccoli, shaitel stores, concerts by Avraham Fried, Yaacov Shwekey, Lipa Schmeltzer, Shloime Gertner, and...um...anything else? Oh well, I'm sure my (likewise afore-mentioned) readers can give me some others.
Do these bans accomplish anything? I still eat strawberries and broccoli, still wear a shaitel (oops, no one was supposed to know that [:)]), and still attend concerts. Truth is, I wouldn't attend a Shwekey concert, so maybe these Rabbis have been at least a little successful. Maybe if you gave me free tickets I'd go. We'll have to see when they arrive in the mail.
In the meantime, the issue of the current ban is still fresh. What's the solution? I'm not sure. My not listening will accomplish nothing. Of course, there's no way of me not to listen to this ban, because I wasn't planning on going to the concert anyway. Too bad there's no form one could sign in opposition. Too bad I don't now HTML to make a form that everyone could sign. Too bad I wasn't paying attention in 8th grade when they taught us HTML. As always, nu nu.
But seriously folks, what's my advice for you? Whenever anyone mentions Matisyahu Solomon or David Feinstein's name, just laugh. Trust me, you'll have fun with them.

The Lipa Affair

I now listen to the strident call to arms and present to you my thoughts on the big event of the century, an incident that will surely change more lives than the big bang, a cataclysmic event that may signal the end to listenable Jewish music, a...you get the point. I speak, of course, of the planned Lipa Schmeltzer/Shloime Gertner/Yisroel Lamm which would have rocked WaMu like nobody's business. As of this time no one really knows whether the concert will continue as planned.
For those who don't know, this concert was officially "banned" a few days ago by about thirty Litvish and Chassidish people types. Some would call them "Gedolim" and Rebbeim". I certainly wouldn't. The blogosphere has pretty much divided itself as to whether Lipa, who the ban is mainly directed against, should listen or not. Perhaps the most important issue is one of intent; why this singer, why this concert.
The people who orchestrated the ban are known as "Askanim", community workers. We bless these people every week on Shabbos in the Yekum Porkans and Mi Shebeirach. Who are these people? The conspiracy theorists would have you believe that these people are out to get Lipa, for some unnamed offense, and they managed to get a bunch of gullible Rabbis to sign on. The self-righteous slimesnags (ooh, can I copyright that word? [and with that objectivity flies out the window]) are saying that these Askanim are righteous people, concerned for the welfare of their community, and trying their utmost to make this world a better place.
As I've commented several times on other blogs, I'm very happy to be a Luabvitcher, obviously for many reasons, particularly because it means that I don't have to listen to this ban. This attitude is really not to conducive to Judaism, but it certainly does have precedent. Do any Sephardim not have two wives because of Rabbeinu Gershom? (Major tangent here: As reported on that indispensable source of [possibly true] information, the reason for the continuation of Rabbeinu Gershom's decree against polygamy is a source of major conflict among the weirdos who are [potentially] interested in getting hitched twice.) Additionally, if Lubavitch Rabbonim were to ban the concert, would I go? Obviously, if the Rebbe were to come out against something like this (which he would never do, because 1. He is way too classy, and 2. He is way too smart) then obviously not only would I not go but I would also try and stop everyone else from going too. But what if, for example, a Rav I respected would prohibit attendance? Or a Mashpia? In fact, I've been told by a Bochur that I respect that he, though a big fan of Lipa, would never go to a concert, because it's not a place for a Chassidishe Bochur. This wasn't a criticism of those who do attend concerts; after all, an unimpeachable source of religious inspiration, our gallant leader, has been seen by this blogger at various concerts. Heck, his uncle and brother make their living standing up on stage and singing. So Lubavitch is ok with concerts. Great.
But the rest of the world? If the concert happens, are they allowed to go? I would say yes, but that's only because I can't stand the slimesnags and look for any opportunity to show their true colors. (Man, I just realized that I'm really a close-minded bigot). The Torah tells us to make fences in our lives, to be holy in that which is permitted. At the same time, the Torah tells us that the original sin was caused by Adam's adding to G-d's prohibition. Where's the middle ground? Go ask a Rabbi. But what is obvious is that banning a concert like this is a great way to write the word "is" three times in a relatively short sentence. No, really what I'm trying to say is that some Rabbis don't see the forest for the trees, and don't get that sometimes they shouldn't listen to askanim and blindly sign anything that comes their way.
Isn't it nice to parrot what a bunch of other bloggers have written and not even write it as well? Yup, life is good.

It's pouring

Last night I remembered some more of what Rabbi Manis Friedman said, and I'll relay it to you right now. Oh yeah, and if anyone has any theological problems, please remember that generally it's not nice to shoot the messenger. With that said...
The Jews got the Torah. Hashem himself told us the first two commandments. Forty days later they worship a calf. What's up with that? And think about it. The only two commandments which they broke were the first two! The two that they heard directly. (Fine, so what about Rashi? That's why I said, don't shoot the me. Please.) What was the problem? Hashem wanted to tell all the commandments to Moshe, and then he would relay them over to the Israelites. The Israelites weren't too pleased with this; they wanted to hear from Hashem himself. So Hashem said fine, if that's what they want. After two though, they couldn't take it anymore, so Moshe continued. Why couldn't they take it? Because they weren't keilim, they weren't vessels. They couldn't deal with G-d himself talking. So what happened? They broke these two commandments. The lesson for us? You've got to have a Moshe. Without a Moshe there's no hope. Heck, even with a Moshe we sometimes have problems.

Another great little thing that I heard in the name of the Rabbi, though not straight from the horse's mouth (as it were) was a little question from some dude to the Rabbi. "Is your Rebbe the Moshiach?" Obviously this question is one of the more controversial things to have ever hit Lubavitch in the last, oh, let's say sixteen thousand years or so. Rabbi Manis answered, "Have you ever seen what it says about Moshiach in the Yalkut Shimoni? It says that he's a leper, bound in chains, degraded, suffering public humiliation and private torments, a broken body, a destroyed physique, (etc). Do you really think I want this for my Rebbe? Now Shach maybe, he would be a good candidate. After all, Menachem Shmo."

And thus was the empire forged.

Live with Manis

This Shabbos was the YHSTC Father-Son Shabbaton with Rabbi Manis Friedman, father of our gallant leader, and he was pretty good. Actually, he was great. The only problem is that it (obviously) wasn't recored, and I have difficulty in remembering everything a person says over the course of about six hours worth of speaking. But, because I'm so dedicated to you, my dear readers, I will try as hard as I can to give you the goods.

There was a famous disagreement between the Rebbe and the Friedriker Rebbe, about the importance of telling stories of miracles. The Rebbe asked his father in law, and I paraphrase, "Why don't you say miracle stories? I know that there are theological problems involved (major paraphrase), but they're so good for inspiring people, and raising their spirits." We don't know what the Rebbe was answered, but we do know that the only miracle stories the Rebbe told were always about the Baal Shem Tov, or another Chassidic personality, never having anything to do with Chabad. Here's an interesting story that illustrates this point.
The Rebbe once called up a Jewish guy and asked him to install air-conditioning in the Friedriker Rebbe's office. The guy came with his engineer (remember, this is the forty's) and the installation was done. While it was taking place, the man noticed the Friedriker Rebbe sitting by his desk, and he was awestruck. The sight of the holiest man of the generation was incredible, and he was extremely affected. Later, in the car, the man asked his non-Jewish engineer, "What did you think of the Rabbi by the desk?" The engineer replied, "What Rabbi?" The Jewish guy was amazed. He questioned further, and his engineer really hadn't seen the Friedriker Rebbe!
When he got home he called up the Rebbe and excitedly told him of the miracle that had taken place. The Rebbe told him, "What are you so excited about? The guy was busy working, he was involved in measuring, in calculating, it's no wonder that he didn't see my father in law."
The man said, "It was impossible to miss the Friedriker Rebbe. Did a miracle happen? Obviously. Did the Rebbe try to downplay it? Of course."

What does this story mean to us? I'm not sure. Certainly that the Rebbe followed instructions. And just as certainly, that there is stuff going on that we have no idea about.

Later on, or perhaps it was earlier, the question of creation was brought up. As I had just watched the Boteach-Hitchens debate, I was quite interested to see what the Rabbi would say. He blew my mind. What caused the big bang? Two things interacted. That's about as basic as you can get. There must be two things. Because if there's only one thing, why should it create a universe? There's no desire. That's where Judaism comes in. It teaches that G-d wanted to create a universe. So he did. Otherwise, why should it have come into existence? This is the reason we do Mitzvos. Because Hashem wants us to. For some reason, non-religious Jews and non-Jews understand this a lot more than Frum people. They say, "Why? G-d said so? OK." A frum Jew, on the other hand, will say something brilliant like, "Oh yeah? If G-d wants it so much, why doesn't he do it?" And how do you answer this? Well, it's pretty simple.
You listen to Him because He created you. Simple.

Anyway, we're having a Melaveh Malka with Rabbi Moshe Feller soon, so I better go. I'll try to update with some more shtuff when I have the time/will/memory.

Wiped

Today many of the members of YHSTC went skiing. I just thought you should know that. It was actually pretty fun. I learned Rambam and then a Maamar (from a Dvar Malchus) on the ski lift, which of course only increased my already substantial "Chassidish" cred.
It's funny, I worked out the numbers and discovered that the last time I went skiing was right before the war in Iraq started. So much has changed since then, huh? If I wasn't so tired I'd post a picture and write a witty caption underneath, but as I am rather tired, I won't. Oh, and if anyone from chabad.org, my former masters, are reading this, "Hi."

Zeh Katan Gadol Yihieh

I was going to write about Purim Katan again, but then I learned a Sicha on this week's Haftora, which just happens to be my favorite, and I decided to write about that instead. Oh, a quick note about Shmuley Boteach, who I've savaged in the past. Last night I watched a recent debate of his with Christopher Hitchens, and I must say that I was very impressed. I had previously seen Mr. Hitchens savaging Mother Theresa, quite rightly I believe, and he didn't disappoint in this argument either. Shmuley also performed quite well, and even though I didn't agree with several of his points I still think that he had an admirable performance.
OK, enough praise. This week's Haftora is the famous one of Elijah the prophet on Mount Carmel, exhorting his people to follow their true G-d with the famous words, "Until when will you limp with two opinions? Either to Hashem, or to Baal!" The reason this is my favorite Haftora is that it's so quotable-if ever someone is wishy-washy, or is being hypocritical, this line is great. Not that I'm not guilty of being wishy-washy and hypocritical, but at least I feel bad about it afterwards. Sometimes.
Anyway, the Rebbe (in Likkutei Sichos 1) asks two basic questions: Why does Elijah give the Jews the option of going to Baal? And why does he accuse them (merely) of having two opinions; why not say that they are worshiping the idol, which is in fact what many of them were doing.
The Rebbe's essential point is that wavering on a theology as a whole, being an agnostic, is worse than completely believing in the power of the idol. At least when you believe in Baal, you believe in something. The same point extends to repentance; when you know you've done something wrong, it's much easier to return than when you can justify it to yourself.
The obvious question is, how does this apply to our times? The Rebbe explains that there is a world which proclaims certain things, especially with regard to a person's livelihood, and it's very difficult to break free of these expectations. We are taught to believe that certain behaviors will ensure our financial success, like going to college, while others, like staying in Yeshiva, spell financial ruin. The Rebbe is not saying here that getting a job is a bad thing; what he is saying is that believing solely in capitalism, communism, or any other 'ism to get you through life is our equivalent of idol worship. Even saying that a person can do both is not acceptable, because this is wavering with two opinions, believing both in G-d and the almighty dollar.

Phones, hats, and automobiles

Tonight is Purim Katan, and I'm happy to report that according to R' Yechiel from Paris we should all eat a very large meal tomorrow and possibly (probably) get completely stoned out of our boxes. In case you're wondering, R' Yechiel is a Rishon, so you're allowed to listen to what he says. Am I planning on following this course of action? Possibly. (Not probably).
Did you know that kids, between the ages of two and six, learn five to ten new words every single day? Isn't that incredible? What is equally incredible is how I've become something that I couldn't stand back in Mesifta. An up-hatter. When I was in Mesifta, it used to annoy me to no end that there were Bochurim who walked around, and even Davened, with the brims of their hats up. Now it's my turn to have Bochurim approach me and ask, "Why is your brim up?", and even try to forcibly put it down. I haven't yet been able to figure out a response to them that I can communicate in the six second window I'm given. My question is, why did I ever care whether a guy's hat was up or not. Fine, so there is the issue of looks, and a fedora's brim is meant to be worn down. But otherwise, why does it matter? Surely there is no religious reason. Wearing a hat and jacket is mandated by Shulchan Oruch, but as far as I know nothing is mentioned regarding the orientation of the brim.
When I think back to my own high school days, it seems that the reason I was so against brims being up was that I had a very strong idea of what Lubavitch was supposed to be, and obviously the Rebbe wore his brim down, so presumably we also should. Does that mean that married men should wear a Kapote every day? Or even a white shirt?
The assumption could be made by someone that wearing the brim up is a sign of independence, and possibly of revolt. Funnily enough, the people who are most concerned with my current behavior are those whose own Chassidishkeit, not to say religious standards, are hardly exemplary. Oh, and the reason I sometimes wear my brim up is because I often forget to put it down, and the reason I keep it up, frankly, is to antagonize certain crowds.
Just a note: I realize that I'm way over-analyzing this issue.
Anyway, as I was saying, what I now believe is that someone who has yet to fully grasp the point of Chassidus will latch onto a certain external aspect, like the brim, and confuse that with what Chassidus is really about. Far be it from me to criticize, but it does seem that many different Chassidic communities are at this stage, where all they have is their unique clothing, music, food, or even tablecloth cover.
Chabad Chassidus, on the other hand, says that "Chassidus Mont Pnimius", that Chassidus demands not the outer shell, but the inner intent. Rabbi Ahron Gancz once farbrenged about this, and pointed out that this does not mean that a guy can buy a very stylish suit and then tell people who criticize him, "What do you mean? Chassidus Monet Pnimius! What do you care how I dress?!" Obviously there must be some standard, but as long as that is basically adhered to, do the itty-bitty things really count? As long as heart is turned to the Father in Heaven, and the intentions are pure, does it really matter what shade the pants are, or the kind of Tefillin bag?