Sunday, October 25, 2009

To the ground

As noted by e, tonight there was a poetry slam in good 'ol Crown Heights. I read two pieces- the first was originally published on this here blog 167 days ago, called "Traumatize this!", and the second will be originally published on this here blog right now. Here goes:

A poetry slam.
No Mushkie, you can't slam people's poetry.
What does slam mean then? Um, you slam?
What do you slam? Don't ask questions like that. Judaism doesn't appreciate questions like that.
So why doesn't slam mean telling people off?
People don't appreciate criticism.
Even if you say it's constructive. It hurts their feelings.

No, you can't boo; it's not right. People don't like that.

So what do you do by a poetry slam?

You listen? You listen to poetry? Who wants to listen to poetry? I would only come to talk. To recite. To recite poetry.

So what if it's pretentious? Or obnoxious? Is the point of a poetry slam really to listen to others? To understand them? To try and figure out what drives them? What makes them tick?

Yeah, like, whatever. Absolutely ridiculous. I'm supposed to listen to others? As I said, I'd rather just talk.

Because really, when you think about it, we're all just cogs in the wheel of a vast thingamajiggie. Or something like that.

OK, was that good? Did I slam correctly? Anyone's feelings hurt? No? Good?
Excellent.

53 comments:

Mushkie said...

What did I do to deserve that? Read your blog? Forget traumatizing kids with bedtime stories, I'm traumatized for life.

Altie said...

!!!!!!!!!!!! Great to hear you read it in person. Make sure to have a good one for next time too.

Qtap said...

Why does no one tell me about these things? Alas.

Nice slamming though, from what I read anyway.

e said...

qtap: you can join the "crown heights poetry slam" facebook group and be notified whenever there's another slam.

Qtap said...

I could, but it's rather pointless now, seeing as I wont be here any longer. Would have been nice to know before. As I said, alas.

e said...

join anyways, just in case you happen to be in New York during a future poetry slam.

Qtap said...

Could do, I suppose.

sarabonne said...

"we're all just cogs in the wheel of a vast thingamajiggie"
I say, that's rather profound.

הצעיר שלמה בן רפאל לבית שריקי ס"ט said...

"So what do you do by a poetry slam? You listen? You listen to poetry? Who wants to listen to poetry?"- Tell me about it bro...

Crawling Axe said...

TRS, she could be your muse.

Crawling Axe said...

For instance:

Holy Moses! Have a look!
Flesh decayed in every nook!
Some rare bits of brain lie here,
Mortal loads of beef and beer,
Some of whom are turned to dust,
Every one bids lost to lust;
Royal flesh so tinged with 'blue'
Undergoes the same as you.

Cheerio said...

i particularly enjoyed this line "Is the point of a poetry slam really to listen to others? To understand them? To try and figure out what drives them? What makes them tick?"

in the question, is the answer!

Modeh B'Miktsas said...

Feh poetry.
Poets:
Those writers whose minds cannot
fathom the structure of a simple sentence
Free verse:
the poetry of poets who
are thwarted by grammar but also rhythm
and can neither rhyme nor scan.

Anonymous said...

ex-i-sten-tial

i like it

what-- is-- now--?

(please say "at a poetry slam" not "by a poetry slam")

and last night i was reading (lame) poetry but i felt i didnt want to hear i wanteed to talk

but-live? ppl that i know
as you say to get to know what makes them tick?
any day!
if i dhave been in crown heights idve come

C said...

:)

Nice!

Funny!

Wish I could have been there.

e said...

aren't you too chassidish for poetry slams? (I know i shouldn't start discussing here what we're already discussing on my blog.)

Anonymous said...

im wonderin plz answer was it mixed? like how was the seating? the presentations?

The Real Shliach said...

Mushkie: Eh?

Altie: Why? I'll do what I did this time- write one two minutes before.

Qtap: T'was.

Sara: It was meant to be a parody of deep and profound things which say the same thing.

Shriki: So why did you come?

CA: She could be...

Maybe she was really just a brilliant parodist?

Cheerio: Au contraire-in the next line is the answer.

Modeh: Some people just don't appreciate art.

Anon: I'm a Lubav, of course I say "by"!

C: :)

e: I was rescuing nitzotzos...

The Real Shliach said...

Anon: Yes, it was mixed.

Altie said...

if it works for you...

הצעיר שלמה בן רפאל לבית שריקי ס"ט said...

Come on, stop playin’ man; you know I enjoyed all of it, ..and the fact that I was treated kindly. I even mustered my last ounce of patience to try to figure out what Nemo was saying!

Crawling Axe said...

unless not

The Real Shliach said...

Shriki: Don't bother, you'll just give your brain an aneurysm.

CA: She was just misunderstood. Perhaps I should write a book exonerating her for my doctoral thesis?

Altie said...

For what? Your semicha test?

e said...

no, his doctoral thesis. what did you not understand?

Altie said...

Why would he write a thesis? He never even went to college.

e said...

((b/c he's trs and this is his way of being funny.))

The Real Shliach said...

What do you think the "C" in RCA stands for?

Altie said...

:) Community. Duh.

Crawling Axe said...

He can write it for his post-doctoral thesis.

TRS: maybe. It’s like those American movies that are so bad that you wonder if they are for real or are parodies.

The Real Shliach said...

Altie: Rabbinical Community of America? Lakewood might have a thing or two to say about that.

CA: My guess is that in those big productions, there's at least two or three guys watching from the sidelines who can't believe what's going down- sort of like a yeshiva, or indeed any large organization.

Altie said...

Okay, as many words as there are in the English language for the letter 'c', I couldn't find any! Stupid encyclopedia.

RCA. Let the C stand for: college. (The next best was circle.)

It is counted as a real college degree?

The Real Shliach said...

It'll get me into law school, if that's what you mean.

Altie said...

I find that hard to believe. But if you go to law school, good for you.

Nemo said...

Um...

Mushkie said...

TRS: Eh. You mentioned a Mushkie. My name is Mushkie.

The Real Shliach said...

Altie: You find what hard to believe?

Nemo: It was a compliment. Trust me.

Mushkie: Did you eat shabbos day at the bloggers convention?

Altie said...

That the world would accept a certificate from RCA as an equivalent of a college degree.

The Real Shliach said...

It's not a matter of belief, it's a fact.

Altie said...

If that is for real, then that is really cool. But what kind of degree would it be considered? A Rabbinate?

The Real Shliach said...

It's a bachelors degree that also entitles you to be called a Rabbi. If I wanted to I could go straight to law school with it (after LSATs of course). For other master's level programs though, I'd probably need to make up some classes- for example, to go to medical school, I'd have to take some science first.

Altie said...

Did you pass all your smicha tests yet?

Is Mr. TRS gonna be a notorious lawyer someday? I'll have to make sure to look out for you. I might be a psychologists.

Modeh B'Miktsas said...

Even for law school, I think the decent ones make you take 2-3 other courses.

BTW, the snags give you a bachelors for sitting 4 years even if you're a grubbe am ha'aretz. If you pass smicha, you get a doctorate and become a Dr. of Divinity just like reverend Al.

The Real Shliach said...

Altie: No and no and that's very nice.

Modeh: As far as I know you can just go straight in... for clarification we need Nemo.

Should I become a snag?

Nemo said...

As long as you have the rubber stamp of a Bachelor's of Talmudic Law, an LSAT score, and you have demonstrated writing ability (including the ability to write a fine argument for why you should get admitted despite your lack of credentials (this takes talent)), you can get into most law schools all the way up the list, besides for a select bunch of NYC schools and maybe Harvard and Yale. The hardest part is being some am ha'aretz and keeping afloat once in school ...

You can also get into MBA school, MEd schools, MSW schools, and a whole bunch of others, possibly even including non-science PhD's (although I've never heard of anyone who has tried -- what would a bochur do with a philosophy degree anyway? Go become a rabbi ...). Depends on your own imagination/creativity in applying.

Crawling Axe said...

Altie, become a Neuroscientist instead. Psychologists are full of crap.

Altie said...

That may be so.

I failed science.

Altie said...

And so they say: psychologists are those people who didn't have the brains or the time to become a REAL Dr. But that ain't fair.

Mushkie said...

TRS: Surprisingly enough, I was where I belong, either in Adelaide or Melbourne. What did that have to do with anything?

The Real Shliach said...

Exactly. Evidently, you are not the Mushkie referred to in this post (though if memory serves, you are the same age).

Modeh B'Miktsas said...

TRS: Avadeh

Nemo:Or get someone to write your essay for you. Like that apikores from yeshiva who always knew what all the words meant and is now in college.

nemo said...

Modeh - nisht azoi poshut. There is an ungraded writing section on the LSAT which is forwarded to every law school you apply to. Considering that these schools know that you have no writing experience, you better believe they're reading it for quality and using it as an exemplar to compare your application essay to.

Obviously the application essay will be better quality than a page and a half argument concocted in under 1/2 hour, but it will be indicative of your writing abilities and whether you were at all capable of producing that application essay.

Modeh B'Miktsas said...

SOme apikorsim are good at stylistic imitation.