Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Of the fruitiest

A comment was left on this here blog a little while ago, and I've taken the liberty of republishing it in order that a wider-ranging audience could see and appreciate it.

Dear Mr. R.S.

You do seem to land yourself in interesting social situations! I might recommend the "family support" role as very effective on occasions where one's presence is required. My rule is to avoid all social events unless, by some quirk of fate, I am expected to pay for all or at least most of the costs of the event on the principle that I might as well get to eat what I've paid for. However, this does not always work and when I do have to attend social events sponsored by others my standard reply to questions regarding my presence, relationship to the celebrants etc. is to gaze deeply into the eyes of the questioner and say, with great feeling, "I'm here to support the family." The questioner is immediately placed in a vulnerable position - clearly there is something afoot that they are not aware of and, if you have spoken in a deep, serious tone, something they should not ask about. You gain further advantage by being someone who knows things the questioner does not in addition to holding the moral high ground by being there "in support." As a fallback posiiton you can always use the "Finkelstein barmitzvah" ploy but I'm sure this is far too easy and hardly challenging to an experienced campaigner as yourself. I'm sure our founder and president, Mr. Stephen Potter, would agree.

I smite you on the chin,
Leo d T.

49 comments:

Yossi said...

very useful tip

The Real Shliach said...

Isn't it? I thought so too.

Dowy said...

but suppose you happen to be talking to a relative of the fam, and he actually knows that you havnt the faintest idea wat your talknig about, your much better off saying you came to point out famous personalities to the col guy.

The Real Shliach said...

Well, I think that in this sort of occasion you're generally safe, because of course there are in fact two families you're dealing with here, which is why I was asked several times whose relative I was.

sarabonne said...

That really is brilliant. I might try it out...

Dowy said...

btw wats the finkelstien bar mitzva ploy?

e said...

I was wondering the same thing as dowy.

The Real Shliach said...

It's funny, because I know I've heard the explanation several times, but for the life of me I couldn't tell you exactly what it was.

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

This reminds me of a way to get into a club. Walk with someone else and offhandedly nod to the guard, saying: “He is with me.” And keep walking with a determined look.

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

By club I mean a gentlemen’s club, not what you lot thought.

The Real Shliach said...

CA: have you ever heard of Stephen potter?

2: in America, a gentleman's club is not what a gentleman's club in England is.

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

1. No. Although I’ve definitely heard of the names Stephen and Potter separately.

2. Because it includes a tennis court and a sauna?

The Real Shliach said...

1. Well, look him up. You won't regret it.

2. No, because in America a gentleman's club is a strip club.

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

1. Thanks.
2. I’ve heard it both ways. In fact, I’ve seen a completely normal version of a gentleman’s club on Spin City.

The Real Shliach said...

2. According to Wiki...

What is Spin City?

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

2. Not a source.

A show. A series. A program.

Yossi said...

I don't know about England, but in America, a series is a sports tournament, usually basketball or baseball.

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75ST4CgDD7Y

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

It’s not very good. Not nearly as good as the British shows you advised to me. (Of course, it’s American, so no surprises there.)

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

3:42.

The Real Shliach said...

Wiki is not a source? Surely you jest.

I don't plan on watching the clip, but take my time on it- even if you do manage to join the drones, don't tell them americans that you're going for "lunch at the club"- they'll think ill of you.

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

Well, the clip had the ok kind of club, so you were in no danger.

Now I know why my boss gave me a strange look another day.

The Real Shliach said...

And what about you?

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

What about me?

The Real Shliach said...

Were you in danger?

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

No. Nobody was in danger.

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

Actually, I just watched the third part, and I take it back. You were in danger. (I still wasn’t, though.)

The Real Shliach said...

Is my blood redder than yours?

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

I have no idea. I can bring a scalpel with me, and we’ll check on Sunday, bli neder.

The Real Shliach said...

What I meant to say was, why are you less in danger than me?

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

I am constantly listening to the shiurim of R’ Dovid Gottlieb, and their merit guards me.

The Real Shliach said...

Even when you insert yourself headfirst into the lion's den?

sarabonne said...

Crochet is to females? Pu-lease, that's so passe.

The Real Shliach said...

Why is it passe?

sarabonne said...

Because the knitting and crocheting phase was in highschool.

The Real Shliach said...

Really? Did you do those things in high school?

sarabonne said...

Sure, it drove the teachers nuts.

The Real Shliach said...

Really? Why?

sarabonne said...

Because a teacher wants their student's full attention and participation.
Plus girls would lay out their scarves in the middle of the classroom which was a bit disrupting.

The Real Shliach said...

What would the students do instead of fully attending and participating?

I can see that.

Modeh B'Miktsas said...

An American 'club' is one that has bad music, worse dancing and possibly beer that is worse still. A 'gentleman's club' is something else entirely.

sarabonne said...

Crocheting.

The Real Shliach said...

Modeh: Yes, quite, thank you for clarifying.

Sara: I thought that was the point of the class?

sarabonne said...

Maybe if it was a crocheting class but we were studying European History.

The Real Shliach said...

Ahh, so enthusiasm for the class was so great that it diminished class participation in other subjects. Well, in my book, if you can get students excited about something then you're doing pretty well.

sarabonne said...

No, there was no crocheting class. Nada. People were just into knitting and whatnot.

The Real Shliach said...

Ahh, so students were doing something they shouldn't have been doing?

e said...

the light bulb goes on over trs' head

sarabonne said...
This comment has been removed by the author.