Monday, May 3, 2010

10-4

As I was leaving the Lchaim tonight the chosson called out to me, "Make sure I'm on the blog tonight!" I responded that of course he'd be featured, at which point the chosson's brother said (a bit derisively) something along the lines of, "What's your blog, '(the official TRS+le7 last name)'. blogspot.com?" When I told him the actual address he gasped, "You're the real shliach!" I informed him that this was indeed the case. He said that he had just found my blog a day or two before, attempting to figure out if there was a specific maamar to be said at a lchaim. He said that the picture on the top left looked familiar, but he couldn't quite place it. Anyway, I'm glad we cleared that up for him.

Meanwhile, a big Mazal Tov to Binyomin Kulek, engaged to Mushky Karp of Cincinnati, Ohio, which means that I won't be able to reciprocate Binyomin's coming to my wedding. Oh well. At least I was able to attend tonight's Lchaim, which was quite nice, featuring as it did many friends and plenty of rum balls. It's a little known fact that one of the best Bar Mitzvah presents I received was five pounds of rum balls (thanks Dr. W).

In other news, tonight I experienced "A Tale of Two Targets". The first, at Atlantic Terminal, was crowded and ill-stocked. The items we (TRS+le7) wanted to buy were nowhere to be found, and eventually we decided to leave. At that point I mentioned that for a small fee we could relocate to the Flatbush Target, just a subway ride away, where we might, if lucky, locate our desired goods. We made our way to our second Target of the night, and lo and behold, it was far superior to the first. We quickly located one of the desired items, and turned to look for the others. There was only one on the shelf, but a helpful salesman quickly found another two for us, explaining that the one off the shelf looked a bit ragged (which it did) and he'd switch it out for us.

Suffice it to say that I was very impressed, especially when compared with the other Target. The selection was far superior, there were much fewer customers, and it seemed like the staff were more interested in being helpful. Not, of course, that I generally like to talk to staff, but that's a different post.

80 comments:

e said...

You guys were right in my neighborhood!

The Real Shliach said...

So we were! We should have called and visited.

Yossi said...

I'm glad everything worked out okay. What would you have done if the second target was also empty?

The Real Shliach said...

Thrown a temper tantrum, obviously.

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

You dislike talking to staff? How bourgeois of you.

The Real Shliach said...

Actually, I just hate to trouble them.

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

Oh. I thought at first that you dislike talking to common, uneducated, unenlightened, vulgar, proletariat rednecks.

The Real Shliach said...

I have as much dislike for talking to the proletariat as I do for talking to the bourgeois.

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

What about intelligentsia or aristocracy?

The Real Shliach said...

Ditto. Unless I know you already, I don't want to talk to you.

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

Does this mean you’re reluctant to meet new people?

The Real Shliach said...

Bingo!

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

But does this not make your job as a real shliach difficult?

(Btw, I thought of a way for you to reciprocate and embarrass TRP. You should make a party, to which you would invite some famous pianists, as well as TRP. Then, introduce him to them as “the real pianist”.)

The Real Shliach said...

This is why I was considering changing my nom de plume.

(Yes, but I don't know any famous pianists! But it would be funny.)

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

What would you change it to?

Why don’t you come to his concert and meet some?

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

How about A Pseudo-Shliach?

The Real Shliach said...

That's one possibility.

This is a distinct possibility.

sarabonne said...

A superior Target is worth checking out. So far I still prefer the one back home.

The Real Shliach said...

Well yes, but it is a pain to schlep groceries from Oregon to NY, eh?

sarabonne said...

I try to limit it to only a few times per week.

The Real Shliach said...

Yes well, that sounds quite reasonable.

Dowy said...

i hate over zealous staff. btw its an american thing, in england you can walk into a shop look around find nothing and walk out. not so in usa, as soon as i step into a store someone introduces themselves to me asks personal quistions about how my day has been so far, and announces that he is available to help me whenever i need him. this is an invasion into my private space!

The Real Shliach said...

These darned capitalists, eh, always trying to make a sale.

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

In America they try to sell you things. In UK they pretend you’re not there. In France they actively try to make you leave by being rude. In Russia they have nothing to sell or have no idea what they are selling. In Ukraine they pretend they don’t understand you unless you speak perfect Western Ukrainian.

Dowy said...

very wise words. i can only speak for the uk, but thats the way we prefer it.

The Real Shliach said...

You're forgetting Wall Street, where they try to sell you what they don't have.

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

That’s any bank.

e said...

A joke which works much better in Russian:

Man to soviet-era shopkeeper: Don't you have meat in this store?

Shopkeeper to man: No. Here we don't have fish. Accross the street is where they don't have meat.

Modeh B'Miktsas said...

trs: i know a somewhat famous pianist who played carnegie hall. How many more do you need to suitably embarrass this guy?

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

This guy also played at Carnegie Hall.

e said...

ah, but is he somewhat famous?

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

In certain circles.

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

How famous is somewhat famous? How many famous pianists have you heard of?

The Real Shliach said...

trp played at Carnegie Hall?

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

He has had the pleasure, yes.

The Real Shliach said...

How did he manage that?

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

Well, I wasn’t there at the time, but I believe there was a bit of walking out on stage involved, combined with sitting down on a plush taburete, and producing harmonizing sounds from a pianofortical instrument standing nearby through the means of pushing on the instrument’s black and white keys in the right combination, sequence and rhythm. At least, that is how, I believe, such things are done.

There are videos of such activities on Youtube.

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

That is, unless he was playing viola (his second instrument of choice). In that case, scratch everything I said.

The Real Shliach said...

Did anyone ever tell you that you have a great knack for answering questions?

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

On occasion. Were they wrong?

The Real Shliach said...

Not at all, not at all.

theRealPianist said...

bwuakha-kha. hrm.

e said...

You know the joke about the mathematician stuck in the hot-air balloon?

The Real Shliach said...

Pray tell.

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

Apparently nobody here has seen certain past nisht movies.

The Real Shliach said...

Apparently.

e said...

This isn't the one i was looking for, but it's good

Several scientists were all posed the following question: "What is 2 * 2 ?"
The engineer whips out his slide rule (so it's old) and shuffles it back and forth, and finally announces "3.99".
The physicist consults his technical references, sets up the problem on his computer, and announces "it lies between 3.98 and 4.02".
The mathematician cogitates for a while, then announces: "I don't know what the answer is, but I can tell you, an answer exists!".
Philosopher smiles: "But what do you mean by 2 * 2 ?"
Logician replies: "Please define 2 * 2 more precisely."
The sociologist: "I don't know, but is was nice talking about it".
Behavioral Ecologist: "A polygamous mating system".
Medical Student : "4" All others looking astonished : "How did you know ??" Medical Student : :I memorized it."

e said...

The physicist and the engineer are in a hot-air balloon. Soon, they find themselves lost in a canyon somewhere. They yell out for help: "Helllloooooo! Where are we?"
15 minutes later, they hear an echoing voice: "Helllloooooo! You're in a hot-air balloon!!"
The physicist says, "That must have been a mathematician."
The engineer asks, "Why do you say that?"
The physicist replied: "The answer was absolutely correct, and it was utterly useless."

e said...

another beauty:

Dean, to the physics department. "Why do I always have to give you guys so much money, for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff. Why couldn't you be like the math. department - all they need is money for pencils, paper and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All they need are pencils and paper."

The Real Shliach said...

I have now laughed out loud thrice today.

e said...

http://www.math.utah.edu/~cherk/mathjokes.html

now you can lol many more times, although I'm warning you than many fo the jokes there aren't this good.

e said...

An engineer and a topologist were locked in the rooms for a day with a can of food but without an opener. At the end of the day, the engineer is sitting on the floor of his room and eating from the open can: He threw it against the walls until it cracked open. In the mathematician's room, the can is still closed but the mathematician has disappeared. There are strange noises coming from inside the can... When it is opened and the mathematician crawls out. "Damn! I got a sign wrong..."

Yossi said...

I like this last joke

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

I liked these two:

Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them, they translate it into their own language, and forthwith it means something entirely different. -- Goethe

One evening Rene Descartes went to relax at a local tavern. The tender approached and said, "Ah, good evening Monsieur Descartes! Shall I serve you the usual drink?" Descartes replied, "I think not", and promptly vanished.

e said...

The world is divided into two classes:

people who say "The world is divided into two classes",
and people who say: The world is divided into two classes:

people who say: "The world is divided into two classes",
and people who say: The world is divided into two classes:

people who say ...

The Real Shliach said...

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are staying in a hotel.
The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so he fills a trash can from his room with water and douses the fire. He goes back to bed.
Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a fire in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire hose and after calculating the flame velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc. extinguishes the fire with the minimum amount of water and energy needed.
Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He goes to the hall, sees the fire and then the fire hose. He thinks for a moment and then exclaims, "Ah, a solution exists!" and then goes back to bed.

The Real Shliach said...

A physicist and a mathematician are sitting in a faculty lounge. Suddenly, the coffee machine catches on fire. The physicist grabs a bucket and leap towards the sink, filled the bucket with water and puts out the fire. Second day, the same two sit in the same lounge. Again, the coffee machine catches on fire. This time, the mathematician stands up, got a bucket, hands the bucket to the physicist, thus reducing the problem to a previously solved one.

e said...

The combination of the Einstein and Pythagoras discoveries:
E= m c^2= m ( a^2 + b^2)

The limit as n goes to infinity of sin(x)/n is 6.
Proof: cancel the n in the numerator and denominator.

The Real Shliach said...

Now I feel like a fool- I totally didn't get that one.

e said...

Q: What is the world's longest song?
A: "Aleph-nought Bottles of Beer on the Wall."

Q: Why do Computer Scientists get Halloween and Christmas mixed up?
A: Because Oct. 31 = Dec. 25.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip?
A: To get to the other ... er, um ...

The Real Shliach said...

An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore. The chemist and the physicist comes up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener ..."

e said...

One day, Jesus said to his disciples: "The Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x squared plus 8x minus 9." St. Thomas looked very confused and asked St. Peter: "What does the teacher mean?" St.Peter replied: "Don't worry - it's just another one of his parabolas."

The Real Shliach said...

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician find themselves in an anecdote, indeed an anecdote quite similar to many that you have no doubt already heard. After some observations and rough calculations the engineer realizes the situation and starts laughing. A few minutes later the physicist understands too and chuckles to himself happily as he now has enough experimental evidence to publish a paper.

This leaves the mathematician somewhat perplexed, as he had observed right away that he was the subject of an anecdote, and deduced quite rapidly the presence of humor from similar anecdotes, but considers this anecdote to be too trivial a corollary to be significant, let alone funny.

e said...

I'm am the bordest of all, cuz I almost made it to the bottom of the page. I should be ashamed of posting this publicly!

The Real Shliach said...

That's pretty impressive, I must say.

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

Pinocchio drowned.

The Real Shliach said...

?

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

It’s a joke.

The Real Shliach said...

Explain please?

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

He is made of wood.

The Real Shliach said...

You learn new things every day.

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

It’s from the repertoire of Russian short jokes.

Actually, I once contributed to a Wiki-article on Russian jokes.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russian_jokes
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russian_political_jokes

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

The Soviet Union has launched the first man into space. A Ukrainian shepherd, standing on top of a hill, shouts over to another Ukrainian on another hill to tell the news. "Mykola!" / "Yes!" / "The Russians have flown to space!" / "All of them?" / "No, just one." / "So why are you bothering me?"

e said...

trs: nice meta-anecdote.

The Real Shliach said...

CA: Is your IP on there?

e: I thought you'd like it.

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

Well, I did it while living in New Orleans.

"During the Damansky Island incident the Chinese military developed three main strategies: The Great Offensive, The Small Retreat, and Infiltration by Small Groups of One to Two Million Across the Border."


A missile silo officer falls asleep during his watch, with his face on the control board and "red button"/ As the colonel comes in, the officer snaps up and proudly reports: "Nothing to report during my watch, comrade Colonel"/ "Nothing to report, you say? Nothing to report?! Then where the hell is Belgium?!!"

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

Three men sit in a jail in (KGB headquarters) Dzerzhinsky Square. The first asks the second why he has been imprisoned, and he says, "Because I criticized Karl Radek." The first man responds, "But I am here because I spoke out in favor of Radek!" They turn to the third man who has been sitting quietly in the back, and ask him why he is in jail too. He responds, "I'm Karl Radek."

The Real Shliach said...

All three of those are your contribution?

A Pseudo-Chossid said...

Lav davka.

The Real Shliach said...

That situation did not call for an LD- it merely warranted a "yes" or "no".