Summer: Hot-4 Miserable-2 Cold-1 Bold-1 __________________________________ Israel+Iran: Dark skin-6 War inevitable-6 Ruled by dictators-4 Separated at birth-3 ___________________________________ Macaroni and Cheese Good move-21 Bad move-3 ___________________________________ Should TRS stop the ad hominem attacks? Which attacks? -9 Yes-5 No-4 ___________________________________ Trains are to males as... hotdogs are to BBQ-10 crochet is to females-7 tennis balls are to dogs-6 robes are to HP-5 __________________________________ Shall we go healthy? Yes-10 Yumm...arugula... -8 Are you crazy? -8 No-1 __________________________________ Last album before Sefirah? Avraham Fried's Live in Israel-7 Benny Friedman's Taamu-4 Shloime Gertner's Say Asay-4 Beri Weber's Vehaarev-2 ___________________________________ Some day we will all be...? Expressing fear-10 Together-8 Warm-8 Sheltered-2 ____________________________________ Yossi and TRS are...? Evil-14 Brilliant-8 Hilarious-7 Awesome-5 ____________________________________ Brush teeth in the shower? Certainly-16 No way! 11 Brush teeth? 6 Shower? 5 __________________________________ America needs...? More bagel stores-9 Legalized marijuana-7 Universal health care-4 Less reliance on foreign oil-4 _________________________________ America is indebted to...? Charlie Chaplin-5 George W. Bush-4 Doug Mientkiewicz-3 Barack Obama-1 _________________________________ What should have been his reason? Bored-1 Urgent appointment with hairdresser-0 Phone needed sanitization-3 He was going on an actual date-11 _________________________________ Is Over-Capitalization A Uniquely American Problem? YES-2 no-8 Who said it's a problem?-2 Do they even have capitals in Crylic?-11 __________________________________ The winter has come... Down the hatches!-2 Up the hatches-0 Who said anything about hatches?-6 I was going to say alcohol...-14 __________________________________ Should TRS be invited to the Kinnus? Of course! He's TRS!-10 I hate to break it to you... -10 You really want rubber chicken?-3 I'll call Moshe right now-2 __________________________________ Craigslist: Drawers, Bookcase, Couch...-10 Rocks-3 Cheap-2 Awesome-2 ____________________________________ Crown Heights? Crazy-20 You couldn't think of a better poll?-16 Expensive-13 Boring-3 _____________________________________ TRS? Daily-17 Weekly-9 Every moment of your life!-7 Never-3 Monthly-1 ___________________________________ TRS+le7: No presence=Presents-11 I'm there!-7 I'm there+Presents-1 __________________________________ Breadsmith's Best? Everything!-9 Greek Olive Ciabatta-5 Blueberry Cornbread, Rustic Italian-4 French Roll-2 Lemon Poppyseed-1 __________________________________ The future is...? Now-9 Happened-2 In ten minutes-2 After supper-10 ______________________________________ Music by the wedding: Only Lubavitch-12 Lubavitch+Lipa-7 Only Lipa-5 Lubavitch=Lipa-4 ____________________________________ What's for dinner? Beef-6 Potatoes-3 Dan Quayle-10 The spelling bee-6 ___________________________________ The Nine Days: More mourning-7 More introspection: 3 More no music-7 More almost over!-8 ___________________________________ The Three Weeks: No music-6 Mourning-5 Introspection-5 Nearly Over!-5 ___________________________________ Have you ever seen your father... Cry-5 Fly-9 Tie-5 Sigh-5 ___________________________________ The summer: Hot-4 Sticky-7 Noisy-4 Enjoyable-12 ___________________________________ Do you believe in...? Unicorns-6 Taxes-3 The Great Pumpkin-7 Universal Health care-12 ___________________________________ Peanut Butter and...? Jelly-11 Jam-5 Plain-8 Who eats peanut butter?-6 ____________________________________ Is there any specific reason...? Yes-9 No-7 Depends who's asking-14 ____________________________________ I prefer... Lchaims-4 Shabbos Kallahs-1 Aufrufs-2 Weddings-7 Life-21 ___________________________________ To be or not to be? Be-10 Not to be-3 That is the question-5 Who cares about Denmark?-14 ___________________________________ Pease Pudding Hot-3 Cold-2 In the pot nine days old-14 ___________________________________ Lag B'Omer means to me... Bad Guitar Strumming-7 BBQ-5 Real Music-3 Parade-2 ___________________________________ What is an appropriate response to terror? Wringing of necks-21 Wringing of handkerchiefs-4 Wringing of hands-1 ___________________________________ Who is your favorite Sefirah artist? the Friedman Clan-9 Yosef Karduner-3 Lev Tahor-2 Kol Zimra, Six13-1 ___________________________________ If one finds Chametz in a matza box while setting up the Seder plate, does one burn your mashpia-31 burn your chametz+burn the entire box of matza-5 each call your mashpia-1 __________________________________ When the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza pie, 13-that's amore 8-that's a matzah, that's a bore 1-that's a law _________________________________________ What's your favorite aspect of Pesach?
14-4 cups of wine
5-Matza
2-Tahalucha
1-Elijah's Cup
_________________________________________
Does the RCA Hanhala need a backbone? 27-They have hanhala? 6-Yes. 3-No. _____________________________________ Does your mashpia approve of your actions? 14-I hope so. 12-Who has a mashpia? 4 each-Sometimes, No. 3-Yes. 2-Not sure. ___________________________________ How often do you listen to your mashpia? 21-Who has a mashpia? 14-100% of the time. 5->50% of the time. __________________________________ Do you have a mashpia? (courtesy of YYR) 12-Yes. 9-The truth? 7-No. 4-That's none of your business. ________________________________________ Should the Taaruvos test be before Pesach? 20 -Yes. 4-No. _____________________________________ Can it happen (VD"L)? 22-Yes. 4-No. _____________________________________ Which is Lipa's best CD so far? 5 each-Lipa Baderech, A Poshite Yid. 4-Keinehora. 3-Likro Et Hahalell 2-Non Stop Lipa _________________________________________ Should TRS spend more time in Yeshiva? 13-Yes. 7-He has no chance anyway... 5-No. 3-He's so smart anyway... ______________________________________ Will Taaruvos be harder than Bassar B'Challav? 13-How should I know? 8-Yes. 6-Depends. 3-No ____________________________________ Does Rabbi Chaim Schapiro read TRS? 8-Yes. 6-Go pack your bags TRS. 5-No. _______________________________________ Do you like TRS' hat? (Jan '4. 09) 7-Wear it on first date 6-Yes. 3-Wear it to wedding. 2-No. 1-I'll buy TRS a new one. __________________________________ Have you ever been inspired by TRS? 11-Define Inspired 8-Yes 4-No ___________________________________ Vus Meint Chassidish? 19-Group Think 6 Each-Smashed Hat, Lots of Alcohol, Ego___________________________________ Cheshvan-What do you think? 35-It is what it is 7-Unpack your bags 4-Depressing 3-Boring _____________________________________ What's the best thing about Sukkos? 10-Eating in the Sukkah 6-Eating in the rain, 4 each-Simchas Beis Hashoevah, Not sleeping in the Sukkah 2-The High Holy days are over. ___________________________________ Did you do Teshuva yet (prior to Yom Kippur '68)? 13-Working on it, 5-"Is Moshiach here yet?" 3-No 3-Have I sinned? 2-It's none of your business 1-Yes ___________________________________ Is reality broken? 12-"What kind of fool question is that?" 7-"Whose reality?" 4-Yes 1-No ___________________________________ Elul: By you what is it? 10-Beginning of school 7-A good time to repent 5- "Shofar, Sho Good." 3-"By David, Hashem is my light" 2-"Trembling Lubavitch Fish," 1-Sad to see that school is starting. ___________________________________ 15 Av: By you what is it? 6-Marriage 4 each-No Tachanun, On Shabbos this year-who cares, "Ma Zeh 15 Av?" 1-Heralds shorter days ____________________________________ Which CD did you miss most in the 3 weeks? (111 votes!) 42-Lipa's A Poshite Yid 16-Avraham Fried's No Jew will be left behind 12-Lipa's Likro Et Hahallel 10 each-8th Day's Brooklyn, MBD's Efshar Letaken 9-Abie Rottenberg and Shlomo Simcha's Aish 7-Yehudah Gilden's Harei Yehudah 4-Yossi Green's The 8th Note ____________________________________ What is the coolest place to go on Merkos Shlichus? 8-Perth 7-each Bulgaria and Namibia 5-Argentina 4-Kazakhstan 2 each-Canada and New Mexico ____________________________________ Can you think of a better poll than this one? 13-No 5-Yes ____________________________________ What's your favorite Shavuos food? 12-Cheesecake 1 each-Blintzes, Cheese Danishes, Sushi, and Fleishiks 0 each-Penne a la Vodka, pizza. ____________________________________ What CD will you listen to when Lag B'omer rolls around? 5-Yossi Green's 8th Note 2-Avraham Fried's Forever One 1 each-Lipa's Keinehora, Yosef Karduner's Road Marks the Whole, Avraham Fried's Chazak ____________________________________ What's the best thing about Pesach Sheni? 5-Matza 2-Only have to eat a little 0-Rosh's Farbrengens ____________________________________ Do you listen to music during Sefira? 13-No 6-Those who do are sinners and will burn 6-Yes 2-Why not? 2-I'd get depressed if I couldn't 1-Not stringent when it comes to mourning. ____________________________________ Is this the end of the world as we know it? 3-Could care less 2-Yes 2-No 1-I don't know ____________________________________ Which is the best Matza? 6-Crown Heights Matza 3 each-Boro Park, Your basement 1-Montreal 0 each-Kfar Chabad, Chicago, Russian ____________________________________ Which is the hardest to clean for Pesach? 7-Kitchen 6-Going to Florida 4-Children's bedrooms 2-Own bedroom 1-Car 0-Basement ____________________________________ What's your favorite Hamantaschen filling? 5-Poppyseed 1 each-Apricot, Chocolate, Raspberry, and Strawberry ____________________________________ What will you be drinking this Purim? 7-Benedictine 1 Each-Dry red wine, Sweet bubbly wine, Absolut, Glenlivet, and Full Throttle 0 Each-Smirnoff, Glenfiddich, Makers Mark, Bottled Water ____________________________________ Who won't win this year's (2008) Presidential Election? 5-President George W. Bush 3 Each-TRS, The Almighty Editor 2 Each-Hilary Clinton, Dick Cheney 1-Bill Clinton 0 Each-Barack Obama, John Mccain, Our Gallant Leader ____________________________________ Which is the more exciting Shechita? 6-Cows 2-Goats 1 each-Chickens, Turkeys ____________________________________ Which is worse? 8-Wicca 5-Communism ____________________________________ If a man speaks in a forest, and there is no woman present, is he still wrong? 7-Men are ever wrong? 3-Men are ever right? 4-Yes 1-No ____________________________________ How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck would chuck wood? 2 Each-Funny, Makes no sense, EP get a life, TRS get a life 0-Not funny ____________________________________ Are the recent polls Chassidish? 9-Yes 7-No ____________________________________ Your favorite condiment? 1o-A1 Steak Sauce 9-Honey Dijon Mustard 8 each-Wasabi, Tachina 5 each-BBQ Sauce, Olive Dip 4 each-American Mustard, Ketchup, Chrein, Soy Sauce, Chummus, Matbucha, Turkish Salad 3 each-Mayo, Chatzilim 2-Relish, Ginger, Lox (Yoni) ________________________________________ Your favorite cold cut? 6 each-Pastrami, Corned Beef, Tongue, Smoked Turkey 3 each-Salami, Bologna, Roast Beef 2 each-Turkey Roll, Turkey Pastrami
21 comments:
I don't watch videos. sorry.
No shikurim in their house of worship. Weird
Well, I certainly feel closer to G-d having watched a bit of those videos.
The first one is very cute though...
e: your loss.
Anon: why is that weird?
Sara: isn't it.
Let's not forget where clay aiken is from!
Are you trying to say that there's a Gezeirah Shavah here?
Yadmurmhml"v
A smile on my face, with a toothy grin
Speak of a far-off place, the Rebbe in Berlin
Chabad tries to save face, Snaggs call it a sin
Makes all irate, this thing called Mivtzyoim
Chabad calls it hate, Snaggs think it’s a bizoyen
...and people who call themselves anon are either too scared to put their name, too yellow to stand up for what they believe in or too tznius.
I hope everyone is having a good day.
TRS: I hope you know what these people would say about your rebbe.
That's not the point.
Why is it necessary for the comedians to go in pairs.
You mean Penn and Teller?
Also, that's a wicked mustache.
Hard work leads to great results.
They have to defecate in front of each other?
The phrase "holy crap" takes a new, disturbingly literal meaning.
Man, religious people are messed up.
I mean so many comedians. They go in pairs.
A: Religion is evil.
B. It's like nature.
What’s like nature?
Things come in pairs.
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