Just a bit more than thirty

I had a whole inspiring post written about today, the ninth of Adar, that also included some snag bashing. Unfortunately that post was lost for all time, so I think I'll skip the snags and instead bash the most recent edition of "Think Jewish", chabad.org's answer to the competition.

So Aaron Moss has a whole beautiful article explaining why everyone has a god. It's actually a really nice article, and makes some really good points. So maybe I'll just copy whole bunches of it and then bash it at the end. Sounds good? Excellent.

Your god is the thing that you believe to be infallible; you trust in its power despite any evidence to the contrary; you believe it will always be there, is all-powerful and omnipresent. It's the thing you can fall back on no matter what. The bedrock of your life-this is your god.

If you think science has all the answers, then science is your god. And belief in science can be as irrational as any religious conviction. Its adherents blindly accept the most outlandish theory, as long as it was presented by an expert in the field.

Another common god is love. Believers in love make lofty statements about its divine qualities: "Love conquers all", "Love is forever", "All you need is love". Even though experience has shown that love is not all you need, and it certainly doesn't conquer all, their faith is not shaken.

Others worship money. And no matter how many miserable millionaires they meet, their god remains infallible.

A very popular modern god is self. "Believe in yourself. If you put your mind to it there's nothing you can't do." Nothing you can't do? Sounds pretty divine. A pity it's not true. We have limitations. There are things that are simply beyond our capability.

It is such a relief to just let G-d be god. If G-d is god, I can be human. I am not G-d. Nothing about me is infallible-not my feelings, not my intelligence, and certainly not my bank balance. I don't have to be perfect. G-d does a good job of that.

Science, love, money, and self are all very important. But they are also fickle, ever-changing, and unpredictable. The G-d of Israel hasn't changed. If anyone or anything should be god, it's G-d.
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Ok, very nice. Good points he makes. So what's my problem? Very simple. All he's really saying is, everyone has a crutch. The Jewish crutch really works! That's why you should be Jewish. Because we have a working crutch. It's such a non-Chassidic way of looking at things. Heck, it's such a non-Jewish way of looking at things. My G-d can beat up your god? What does that do for anyone? It's like Mr. Moss never learned B'yom ashtei assar '31. We don't serve G-d, we don't believe in G-d, because he does good things for us. We don't in believe in him because he's the only thing in existence with any power. We worship and serve because Anah Nesiv Malkeh!

Drink that Kool-Aid

This is the fourth post I'm writing today. One was published on BB, one might be published in the future, and one is never being published. Anyway, enjoy.

What does the Rebbe want from us? The same thing he wanted from us thirty years ago. To go on shlichus. And yeah, it's hard. Really hard. You'll starve, your wife will starve, your kids will starve. It won't be pretty. So how do you do it? You have nutso mesiras nefesh. Is this really what the Rebbe wanted from us? To have nutso mesiras nefesh? Yup. He did. And don't fool yourself and say that he didn't. You don't want to go and sacrifice everything you got, fine, I understand that. No really, I do. Who wants to suffer? But please don't convince yourself that you're doing the right thing. Ok, fine, everyone has their own shlichus. But I'm really writing to myself here. I know where I'm supposed to be. I'm TRS for heaven's sake! I'm supposed to be bringing Jews closer to their father in heaven (among other shtuff)! I've been in yeshiva for way too long to give it all up now. There's a mashal said by R' Mendel Futerfas, that the army trains its soldiers for twenty years. Most of the people who wear the uniform never fire their weapons. But after twenty years, war breaks out, and suddenly, those soldiers who have been trained for years and years and years to shoot the enemy have to pull the trigger! And what happens if they don't? After all, you might think they're no different than all the soldiers before them. After all, they never shot their guns. But what's the difference? Now it's war! You don't shoot, you take all that education you got, and all the education all those guys before you got, and you throw it in the trash. The analog is obvious.

What happened by Purim? It makes no sense! Esther the Jew was the queen. Mordechai the Jew, due to the incident of Bigsan and Seresh, was one of the highest ministers of the king. And yet somehow the Jews faced the worst threat in their history, before or after then. They were faced with extinction, on one day, in all 127 provinces of the world. There weren't nowhere to go. How the heck did that happen? And there's something else which makes no sense. How is it that Esther, in order to save the Jews, did the craziest things possible? If anyone wasn't called to the king for thirty days then showing up in his presence was automatic grounds for execution. So what did she do? She showed up. And what was her value to the king? She was gorgeous. So of course she had to go fast for three days. Starvation is generally not looked upon as a good aid to beauty. And yet for some reason that's what she did. Crazy.

The answer is very simple. What did the Jews do wrong? They benefited from Achashverosh's meal. Meaning what? They placed their trust in him, in Esther, in Mordechai. They figured no one could touch them, because they had everything worked out.

The Jews are one sheep among seventy wolves. They have a shepherd who takes good care of them. Sometimes though they decide that they can take care of themselves. What do they need the shepherd for? And you know what happens when the shepherd says, "OK, you have free choice, enjoy"? The seventy wolves surround that one sheep and have a nice snack. But just before the wolves can consummate their meal, the sheep cries out to their father in heaven, and he says, "Hey, no worries, I got your back." And the wolves disappear.
So what did the Jews have to do to? They sinned by relying on nature, so they had to circumvent nature. Esther did some completely irrational things, because she had to show that the way to succeed in this world is not by following the dictates of man but rather the dictates of G-d. Mordechai didn't do the natural thing, which would have been to use his high position to try and save his people, but rather he gathered together 22,000 kiddies and taught them all Torah. Does that make sense? No sirree it does not. And yet somehow it worked.
Obviously there has to be keli in nature. G-d put in this world to make it into a better place, not to avoid it totally. And what's that keli? Esther and Mordechai show us that the keli is not nature, but rather it's Torah and Mitzvos. Because at the end of the day, that's all the Jews have.

Turns it does

I wrote a whole post today, had about an hour's worth of phone calls, and realized that the post was absolute garbage. Actually, I knew it was garbage while I was writing it, I just wanted to slip in the phone calls. Be that as it may, I really don't have patience to write anything else, so I guess you'll just have to suffer. With an approbation like that, who wouldn't?
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The following is the type of self-reflective post that comes from listening to too much of MBD's Efshar Letaken. A fine song to be sure, and parts of which I sing in zal at least once a day (ki im atah maamin she'efshar l'kalkel vadai she'efshar letaken) but not necessarily the best inspiration for a post. Anyway, enjoy...

There's something so 1996 about checking your email once a day. Actually, I didn't even have email back then. I think I got my first email address when I was in sixth grade, a hotmail account, but though I could remember the password I couldn't recall my username, so I never actually used it. About a year later AOL changed their policy to allow five email addresses per account, or something like that, and I finally gained access to the world wide web. Of course no one ever actually emailed me, and I really didn't have anyone to email. I never even got any spam!
I used to go around finding interesting-looking email newsletters to join, and so the NY Times, Jewish joke a day, and the Packers weekly email were the highlights of my inbox. Plus about seventeen emails a day from chabad.org. But those I never read.

My web viewing was similarly limited. I never really used any of AOL's many features (except to follow Twins and Brewers games) and-you know what? This seems like a good place to segue a bit. AOL used to have this great little screen, text only, that told you only the most basic information about a ball game. It was a bit like a mini box score. And you could have as many of them open at one time as you wanted. I was really disappointed when they replaced it with a graphic monstrosity which only allowed for one game at a time, and unlike the text variant wasn't in almost-realtime. Oh well, I guess you can't stop progress.

The most interesting site I used to visit was probably As The Apple Turns (you'll have to excuse my lack of hyperlinks, but I'm on an iPod after all...) an Apple computer rumor site that didn't take itself too seriously. I once wrote some poetry for them that was kind of cute, and of course they took care of my Apple fix. You see, back in the day I was positively obsessed with Apple. I pined for an iMac for weeks, and when our shiny bondi blue revision A beauty came on shabbos afternoon I was deliriously joyous. Or joyously delirious. One of the two. Or possibly both. Maybe I'll make a poll about it.
Yeah, I used to love them Apples. In days gone by I vowed that in my house no PC would ever be found, and prostylized (sorry 'bout that) to all the neighboring folks. Now I've grown a bit and realize that although uncle Steve is all kind and beneficient it's not necessarily necessary for me to have one of his products. Sure, it would be great, but if finances do not allow then what's to be done?

Any other sites? Hmm. Boeing.com I visited on a constant basis, because like all good boys I loved airplanes. Not Airbus, chas v'shalom, because I could never stomach the thought of supporting a socialist-produced people mover. No, it was Boeing all the way for me. I used to spend hours working on my Boeing encyclopedia, but I gave up once they merged with MD because that would have meant a lot of
updating.
My favorite airplane? The 757. You look at it while your standing on the ground, in front of the nose, at about a 30 degree angle...gorgeous. I'm not kidding. Such strict lines, such equanimius pose, uch man, my heart beats fast at the thought.

And I think that may have been about it. Most of my news came from NPR, and what else was there for a kid to look at? Oh yeah, I checked the Packers site every day. But otherwise? I mean, I wasn't even using google yet! The big thing was metacrawler. Yup, I feel like Arnold Fine. That is not a good thing.

Oh right, the inspiration for this post is my only being able to check my mail once a day. Unlike in 1996, this isn't it's hard to get away with. Aside from all the urgent emails I daily receive from heads of state (something about a Nigerian prince or something? [who knew they had princes in Nigeria?]) there's also the issue of having to deal with fifty or sixty missives in the extreme cold that is early March 2009. But I guess I'll get over it. Do I have a choice?

Oh yeah, one more thing. Today's the sixth anniversary of my diary. That's pretty crazy, no? My whole life laid bare, accessible to anyone
who can read the writing of my hand (not me). Six years is a long time. Wow. I'm inspired by myself. Imagine if I had pledged to do something worthwhile with all that time! But I suppose it was time well spent. My heirs will have something to support themselves with when I've passed on to the great Pizza Time (or Sprinkles if you prefer icecream) in the sky.

A highly parenthesized Mazel Tov

Chony Milecki walked by and I said, "Hey, long time no see!" He responded with similar salutations, and then mentioned my misspelling of his name in last night's post. I just hope he doesn't think I'm stalking him or something.

Of course you're all wondering, is TRS stalking these music people? And of course the answer is that I'm not. It's not my fault that we keep on running into each other. You see, I had a wedding to go to tonight, and wonder of wonders miracle of miracles I had a ride to it. Robbins to Adler. Let me guess-I spelled something wrong. So sue me. What's my connection to these fine and upstanding people? Well, Mrs. Robbins was my teacher in preschool in Milwaukee, and Rabbi Robbins educated me in first and second grade, also in Milwaukee. That was in the days when the school was called Hillel Academy. Nowadays they call it "The Academy". Now listen here, I love the shmotkins with all my heart and all my soul (even if I do come from Mequon) but I really really really don't like anything with a name like "The Academy". It's so pretentious! Be that as it may, I have heard that Lubavitch of Wisconsin (COW would have been so apropos!) saved the school from certain demise, and for that they must be praised.

Moving right along, I was best friends with the Robbins twins until third grade, and they used to stay by us all the time (or so the TRS memory would have it) so I had ample reason to attend. I haven't even mentioned that I had a most delightful conversation with Yankel (the chassan) about a week and a bit ago, and he is the roommate (was by now) of several friends of mine, so yeah, it was fun.

Oh, you want to know about the actual wedding? No problem. I arrived at 8:30, said a lchaim or two with he who thinks letters, ate a plate (that's weird), and waited for the pictures to end and the dancing to begin. Over an hour later that actually happened, and I got to demonstrate my disregard for social convention and do my own thing in the undulating line. My theory is that if you think you look good while you're busting out dance moves then everyone else will think you do too. I sure hope they're right.

After the first dance I had a nice half hour conversation with Bill and Laura (Zev and, um, Ora?) in which many affairs of state were discussed. We very nearly committed a couple of faux pas (actually, we almost certainly did one but hopefully we escaped another), but all in all our discussion about directions to the ohel went unhindered (in the interests of full disclosure I have no idea how to get there).

It was also nice to see e, who used to complain vociferously about my overuse of parenthetical comments. Whoops. Oh yeah, and Chony played really well. But would you expect anything else from a consummate professional?

Mazel Tov!

But first, a word from our sponsor...or lack thereof. Due to our many sins there was a major snow storm last night. Normally this wouldn't be a problem, but because some cruel, heartless soul decided to put a lock on their wifi the party is now over and night long dreams have gone to bed. What I mean to say is that my sole source of internet is now the wild outdoors that are Morristown, and those wild outdoors are currently filled with the fluff of the gods. Meaning this post, written with love for sunday night, is only being posted Monday. Oh well. Now back to our scheduled programming...

That's right, TRS attends a wedding tonight, and guess who was playing flute? But more on that later. First of all... a friend came over to me as I was in the middle of struggling over the laws of rats in drinks (not to mention kids falling into mead and drowning) and said, "You want to come to a wedding?" I'm always happy to be mesameach a chosson and kallah (and to avoid siman 104) so I of course agreed. Two minutes later, after quickly changing my blue pants for black, I was off for Old Tappan in a limo. Quite the excursion I'm sure you'll agree. Once we arrived in the garden of bliss that is this corner of New Jersey I beheld the flutist of my dreams: Yehuda Piamenta. But first! The chosson tish. A friend of mine lent me his dvar malchus for a quick spot of rambam, which kept me occupied while the assembled throngs prayed the mincha service. This was soon followed by the signing of the positively ginormous kesubah by the witness protection programmers, and then the kallah came in to be bedecked in her veil.

You wonder, no doubt, why TRS was at the wedding. Well, it was a pretty classic case of boy meets girl/fall in love/marry/she converts to Judaism/he becomes frum/they get married again according to the laws and customs of Moses and Israel. Which is where I and my friends come into the story.

At some point in the evening I went over to Mr. Piamenta, who was there with Chony Milecky (did I spell that right?) and introduced myself. Mr. Mikecky remembered my sister's wedding which was what, four years ago?, and also that the hall it was in, while gorgeous to the extreme, was also not ideal for musical expression. Something about brick and glass. My alcohol-flavored memories are of only good things to do with music (thank you shmuelie Friedman for singing!) so I think he managed.

The real story though was with Yehuda, who I complimented most nicely on his excellent playing Motzei shabbos, and mentioned that I had blogged extensively on the subject. He was quite excited at this notion, and made sure to copy down the address of this here humble little blog for perusal, and exclaimed numerous times, "You wrote about me!?" Yes folks, not only does he play like nobody's business, and knows all the words to his father/uncle's songs (no easy task) but he's also a delightfully unassuming and unpretentious guy. Do I sound impressed? That's because I am.

So anyway, the chupah was held outside, under the stars, with a hilarious reading of the kesubah by Rabbi Shain of Tenafly. Seriously, he was pretty funny. Can't think of any specific jokes off the bat. Sorry.

Once the marriage was all official we headed in for the first course, roasted salmon and a nice salad inflected mandarin oranges and craisins. Does that even make sense? A brief phone call (25 minutes is brief, no?) prevented me from being inside when the music started, but I soon got in there and participated in one of the biggest mitzvos available to mankind. A tiring one at that.

The main course was a satmar steak (quite delicious), David elliot chicken with stuffing, roasted veggies, and mashed potatoes in fancy array. Did I mention the open bar? Back in the day I might have availed myself of large amounts of fiery spirits, but at this point in my life
all I really ask for is coca-cola classic, which they were happy to provide.

The chosson made a toast with his wife to everyone, and it was really nice. He got really emotional, and couldn't speak so well, but what he said really touched me. You could tell that this day was the most important of his life.

More dancing after the meal, and this was when Yehuda really shined, singing the hits with joyous abandon. You know why he's so good? Because he really gets into it. He's moving around with abandon, smiling with a billion watts, really enjoying himself. Which is nice to see. Makes everyone else happy too.

And afterwords? The present bochurim did the Sheva brochos (yours truly too) and danced a bit after. I didn't eat any of the dessert (apple tort type creation) because I wasn't too hungry, though I regret that now. Oh well, such is life.
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Oh, and I'm sure you're all wondering what this post is doing here now. After all, I had this whole thing about it only being posted on Monday. Well, after I finished writing it felt like a pity to save until tomorrow, so I decided to have major mesiras nefesh and post it
in the heart of the storm. I hope you appreciate it. I mean, I look ridiculous, standing under a forest with a large target bag over my head and the rest of my body covered in snow.

Yeshiva Darchei Menachem Sparks Hakhel Concert

Here I am at the Darchei Menachem concert. Supposed to start at 8:30. I think. I got here at

9:05. Doors opened five minutes later. Rehearsal going on as I, and the rest of the world, walk in the door. No worries.

9:08: the cool Jew taking pics. We chat for thirty seconds. He recognizes me not. Nu nu.

9:20: are we starting? Could it be? Besides for the fact that I have to use the men's...but did you want to know that?

9:22: Sholom Mendelson emceeing. I didn't know he worked at Darchei Menachem. Maybe he doesn't. Regardless, I spent 11 great days with him this past summer on birthright, and he just had a baby girl. Mazel tov.

9:23: the sparks boys (international?) boys choir takes the stage. Mr. Mendelson announces that the show will begin in two minutes. Btw, he's wearing a nice tie. Oh, the sparks boys walked off and are now (presumably) backstage. I didn't see, I was typing. And no, I don't touch type on an iPod. Have you ever tried touch typing on an iPod? I didn't think so.

9:26: No smoking or fireworks in the concert hall. Dang.

9:28: the crowd is asked to take their seats. The show is about to begin.

9:29: Sholom is out of his mind. That's a good thing.

9:30: Rabbi choni tzucker. Who? But sing he does. Yossi green/MBD's anovim anovim. A great song. Mr. Tzucker, a little loud perhaps (undoubtedly the speakers' fault) does it proud.

9:35: the crowd is asked to sing along. Am I the only one who knows the words?

9:36: the guitarist (not piamenta person) has a MacBook in front of him. Nice. If anyone wants to sponsor one for me...

9:39: after another really cute mendelson speech we're ready for the sparks boys choir. And cute! (I use that word way too much-just ask my roommates) they're all holding sparks. Or something like that. It's a pity I have no idea what song they're singing. Some form of kadsheinu from shabbos. Very techno-ish. The band isn't behind them playing. That's right, the pipes are playing.

9:43: I might have had no idea what song that was, but they certainly have the dance moves down.

9:44: dani finkelman speaks. Ooh, he says the name of the next song-pitchu li kitzipuda shel machat. Or something like that.

9:45: some kid starts singing yedid nefesh. Am I the only one who notices that this song isn't about opening up small spaces? But that's ok. Anyway, it's a rock-ballad. I think. If I was chaim rubin I'd know what that meant. By me there's just two types of songs-fast and slow. There's a lot less dancing in this one. That's probably because it's a slow song. I'm good at figuring things like that out.

9:52: the piamentas! (sholom mendelson was born to address crowds). Ok, it's the kids. Three kids. What's their names? I have no idea. They begin with v'yichazkem. One wears a white hat and sings, one plays flute and gebearded, and the third plays guitar with a red shirt. I mean, he's wearing a red shirt. If anyone could actually play guitar with a red shirt-well, that would be super cool.
The song is played really well.

9:57: ooh, the flute player speaks too! About hakhel. His voice is cute (don't blame me if I think everything is cute). It's a mix of lubavitch and piamenta. As I said, cute.

9:58: yibane mikdash. I love this song. Excuse me while I enjoy it.

10:00: yehuda? Is that flute player piamenta's name? A flute solo. And then "lshanah hazot b'yerushalayim habnuyah". I couldn't agree more.

10:01: yehuda starts to tell a, in his words, "cute story" about the Baal Shem tov.
Ok, the Baal Shem tov goes off with his students on motzei shabbos and they all say lchaim. Then the Baal Shem tells them to pour the rest of the mashke into the ground. Huh? The Baal Shem tells a story. Once a Jewish innkeeper came on hard times and the local priest made friends and eventually convinced him to shmad. His wife leaves him, the priest gives him his own daughter, life is good.
Years later he's inspecting his vast holdings and comes upon a worker crying in a corner. Why? Turns out the guy is a descendant, on his mother's side, of Marranos and it bothers him greatly. Our hero realizes that he's a Jew too, and the next day he runs away. His wife (the priest's daughter) finds out about this and she's so inspired by her husband's return to Judaism that she also runs away and becomes a giyoress.
The old Jew in the field is old and he really has nowhere to go or anything, but he realizes that he's also a Jew, and he too begins to wander. But he has nowhere to go, and he passes away. His neshoma is in limbo until the Baal Shem tov comes and says lchaim with him.
(continues yehuda) I heard today from Mendel morozov a proof that there's mashke in gan Eden. How do we know? Because meir itkin passed away, and if there wasn't any mashke in gan Eden then he'd certainly be back by now.

10:11: azreinu kel chai. Or is this one called keli keli? Recall I can't.

10:14: Asher bora. In honor of yehuda's future brother and sister in law. A piamenta classic. This song is good enough to get banned.

10:17: I notice Shaya Lieberman (Isiah and the prophets) playing bass guitar. Or is that regular guitar? You would think I would know this after spending a year with yoni chanowitz, but I guess not.

10:18: yehuda piamenta (red shirt man) plays a riff behind his back. Even his relatives are impressed. The rest of us just have huge smiles on our faces. That's nuts.

10:23: ayal Bension (my sort of [don't tell CCL this] relative) principal of darchei menachem, takes the stage.

10:27: yeedle! singing ashrecha from his new album. I know it from lipa non-stop. I love this song. I guess I'll have to buy yeedle's new CD. All right, lipa sings it better. But lipa does everything better. You knew that already.

10:30: turns out we've been listening to the freilach orchestra. And yeedle sings gut voch from melave malka's Avraham fried. Or is that the other way round?

10:31: cab-driver in Acapulco heard listening to ananchu maaminim. Mexican guy. Why? Because this music comes from the heart. And it's gonna bring moshiach.

10:33: a fast ilan bama avarechecha. I expose my ignorance by revealing that I've never heard it before. Presumably from the new album.
So you want to know what he's wearing (cheerio I become)? A boring black bekishe, no cufflinks on a white shirt,, but a sparkly silver tie. And a nice watch. At least, I think the tie is silver. It can be hard to tell with all these lights flashing and everything.

10:38: a little moving around of mics.

10:39: emor meat. This song I know. The crowd starting to get into it. And why shouldn't they?

10:45: bizos ani boteach. Another classic from yeedle IV. Say what you want (not in my hearing) but that was a great cd. Got me through yeshivas kayitz Florida. That and slurpees from 7-11. Yum, I could do one of those right now.

10:50: intermission

11:18: a darchai menachem kid (fuchs?) begins to sing a song. What else would he sing? It's an English number. About darchai menachem. And another kid joins him on stage. Shloimy samuels maybe?

11:20: some issues with the mics.

11:21: a third kid onstage. I have no clue.

11:22: oh, the rabbi who just got onstage to sing is shloimy samuels. I think. So the second kid becomes a mystery.

11:23: and the darchai menachem kids go wild! I think my ears are going to fall off.
Oh, meislish was the second kid I think. Horowitz the third? This is really confusing.

11:25: ah, here's something I know. The sparks boys choir. Lead by dani finkelman. Singing kol habotchim bishimcha b'emes.
Another fastish song. A lot of parents are shepping nachas I'm sure. As well they should be.

11:29: ooh, back to the dancing. Mr. Finkelman is really into this part.

11:32: what yeedle concert would be complete without shiru lamelech?

11:39: holy smokes! Another song I love from non-stop lipa! Tzahala I think it's called. Or maybe not. Regardless, I obviously must get this new yeedle cd. Who knew it was so good? Ahh, all the kiddies in the audience, plus some adulties, up to dance. Now I can't see what's happening on stage. I mean, it's not that interesting. Presumably. Band playing, guy singing. At least I can hear.
Oh, cute, teachers dancing with their classes. I forgive my bad sight. I guess there are maalos and chisronos to everything, yeah? You get a great seat (row B, seat 205), you got to make some sacrifices.

11:44: ok, I think the world is going to end. The next song is another of the top three from non-stop lipa. Matamar. This is freaky. Wow. Don't worry, lipa, I still love you, but maybe next time you record songs like this on your own cd?

11:46: yeedle introduced this song by calling up some little (two feet tall?) to tell yeedle the kid's favorite song. Moti greenbaum his name? Kid, in between dancing cutely (what else?) look traumatized.

11:48: the worst niggun of all time. Vayehi bemei achashverosh.

11:49: oh good, we switch to a medley from Abraham fried's avinu malkeinu, with choni tzucker.

11:50: anachnu maaminim. Can moshiach be far off?

11:51: I guess not. Right now it's hu yigal osanu. You know what? Choni looks and acts exactly like shmuelie bortunk. The same looks, voice, mannerisms...scary.

11:52: Someday. Dina Storch's masterpiece.

11:54: Carlebach's "Return Again" for a sec.

11:55: and that's all folks!

Shameless pandering

Am I the first person in the world to write a post solely for the purpose of having something to send into Haveil Havalim? Of course, this does lead me to deliberation over which category it should be put into. Anti-Semitism? Not so much. I don't know if Jewish music will work so well either. Why isn't there just a label for "shtuff"? I think shtuff is good. The real question, of course, is what The Israel Situation is going to write about me. If s/he is like most other bloggers it'll probably just say something boring like "The Real Shliach tells us about (insert whatever title I think up here)". If h/se is interesting then we might get something interesting. Sounds good, no? I'm thinking something like, "TRS is so desperate to have something to contribute that he wrote a whole post saying absolutely nothing for your reading pleasure."

Hmm...would ?/?e like it better if I wrote about Israel? Something about how I had a 1/2 hour fight this afternoon with YYR about Birthright. I said, where better to get free access to the best falafel in the known universe? He brought up something or other about the evils of touring our holy land, which utterly failed to address the falafel issue. You think that'll make this week's HH leader happy? I'm picturing, "TRS tells us why Birthright is the absolutely most fabulous thing in the history of mankind!"

Or perhaps something about Israeli politics would be preferred. I could reference ?/??'s post about the seating of the new Knesset, and add a brilliant statement of my own, along the lines of "TRS blogs most incredibly about the incompetence that is sure to accompany the new Knesset, and he writes most poignantly about his memories of Shimon Peres." Actually, is it possible to put the poignant and peres in the same sentence? The guy is a walking talking-actually, I don't even know what he is. Bad? Yeah, that sounds about right.

Still, maybe I should go for a more cosmopolitan feel? After all, HH types are notorious for their love of the big city and a byline that encourages clicks. If I can just think up a provocative title, something to do with Brooklyn maybe, and then a quick insert about the joys of planting cabbages. Or maybe not. I don't even like cabbage (except in falafel of course).

Before this exercise reaches terminal futility I think I'll make one more humble suggestion: that I blog a lot better the rest of the week so that when it comes time to submit for HH I'm not stuck like a monkey in a tree. Yeah, that and having a little less stress. A little more understanding. Actually, a lot less stress. And a lot more messiah. I could do that.

To Grandma's house we go

You know, jetting around the country can be very tiring. No matter that thank the one above I'm able to sleep on airplanes, it's still tiring. This is especially true when changing timezones like other people flip pancakes for breakfast. Is skiing really worth all that bother? I didn't think so. Yes, falling down a mountain could be seen by some people as entertaining, but as for me? I'd rather be shteiging in yeshiva. Which of course makes the last couple days all the more bewildering. Not only am I exposed to all sorts of winter weather (when I walked into Shul on Shabbos, having braved a massive blizzard, the assembled congregation burst out with "Look! Santa Clause!"), my beard getting caked with snow and my coat turning white from car doors, but now I have to contend with explaining my actions to everyone in Morristown as well? Can't a guy go off for a couple days of rest and relaxation (in this case, hurtling towards me doom on plastic stick-like things) without having the whole world accuse him of doing just that? I knew I should have gone south and just fished for a couple days. Dang. Not that there's anything wrong with Colorado of course. But down south it's warm, and you can fish. Fishing never hurt anyone, right? Besides the fish of course. But look at what skiing can do to people. Last year us shluchim people took them bochurim not so much people yet on a skiing trip and one of the English kids smashed his face into a tree. How inconvenient for us all. Not to mention my complete lack of hachlata keeping vis-a-vis proper paragraph management skills. But what do you expect me to do?

From the mouth of babes

You ever heard of a blogcation? I think I'm going to take a commentcation. For a while. I'll still read every comment, and I'll probably respond to some, but the days of obsessively answering every single one are (hopefully) over. At least for now. Sorry if this is inconvenient.

Also, in concert with the current poll... Yes, I have a mashpia, and yes, I think he's incredible. I mean it. All right, it would be nice if he'd pick up his phone once in a while, but other than that, you know, I'm a big fan.

No details.

Why is it that certain people feel they have the right to run their lives by themselves? That they have the right and ability to decide Halacha for themselves? You can't even argue with them. They just find some rishon who they like to hold by. No matter that they only use his kulos, or that he recommended against whatever it was. No matter that Torah doesn't work like that. You can't just decide what you want and then mold the system to fit your preferences. And yet some people think they can. This attitude annoys me. I understand that you think yourself to be the most smartest thing on two feet since Solomon. You know what? You're a pisher. You don't know anything. And a rabbi ten years older than you is ten years smarter too. And a rabbi who lived a thousand years ago is a thousand years smarter than you. The rabbis didn't do things because they were a bunch of manipulative conniving monsters. They did things because things had to be done. They do things today because things need to be done. So what is the issue? Even more annoying is when out of intense apathy I fail to contradict, and my shtikah is taken for hodaah. What's a guy to do it? Blog it with going into details? I just did that. It didn't make me feel any better.

Continuing on in this blog that we call life, I saw today something so cute, so precious, so luminescent and transcendent, that I have to write about it. The bathroom has two lights on the outside. One is green, and when the room is available for public usage this light shines brightly. There is also a red light, which indicates the presence of humanity in the rest room. Genius, eh?