Monday, August 6, 2007

Special Edition

I hope you're as excited as I am about this special edition of the Inviolable Redundant Tautology, brought to you courtesy of, playing some Lipa. This post will be a response to all the comments that I've received over the last several weeks, a topic which was actually suggested by a commenter last night. So, without further ado, here goes.

OK, not so fast. First a little caveat: I will digress, obfuscate, and generally wander around, touching on main points at oddly-spaced intervals. So reader beware. Oh, and I won't necessarily bring down the comment, but it shouldn't be too hard to figure out what I'm talking about.

We started off with my first post, about my excitement with the whole Shlichus thing. Glenn correctly pointed out that I've been doing the Rebbe's work all this time. My response? True, but not in such an obvious manner. I could never before claim to represent Lubavitch with any authority. But now I'm a bona fide spokesman. Another comment was really just a shoutout, so I'll leave it at that.

Excuse me, I have to turn off the music, they've put on some horrible boyband techno garbage.

Right, onto the next post, we have Raiza pointing out that it was a good thing that the cops didn't arrest us. One of the beautiful things about America is that we're innocent until proven guilty. And since we really weren't guilty, no harm befell us. Still, I appreciate the point, that suspicious characters inquiring at police stations do have reason to be wary of the law.

I just dealt very seriously with a comment that was never meant to be dealt with in that manner. Go me.

Baruch asked if I'd be traveling to Harrisonville, MO. I emailed him back, no response. Perhaps it was a prank. Perhaps he simply was scared off by me. Highly unlikely, I agree, that anyone would be scared by a couple of smiling rabbis, but you just never know.

Some sarcasm from my next earnest inquirer. He identifies himself as "the fake rabbi," so I didn't take him too seriously. Truth is, and I'm not saying this is a good thing, I take very few things seriously. It just is what it is. Brilliant.

50%gordonblood wrote...

My great uncle was a young bearded man named gordon growing up in New York in the forties. I don't think my grandfather had a beard yet in the forties. Anyways, I don't think grandpa made any tapes.

This is what it is. What am I supposed to do, call the guy a liar? I know what I know, and that's that. But still, of course, I'm happy that we got some personal history to spice up the blog. Following the descendant was someone suggesting I use the word "shtuff" instead of "stuff". It's cute, but now my style. Yinglish, to me, is not the most desired of languages.

Some of the comments were questions that I answered in the blog, so I won't bother going into them. Glenn asked if we packed Shabbos candles, and we did; not for us, for the people who needed them to light. To Curious George my only response is that curiosity killed the cat, or in this case, the monkey.

And now we get a new record. Three people commenting. Isn't that incredible? Three people took their time, their own precious time, and donated it to Chabad. How absolutely wonderful. Oh, their comments? Let's see...

My Number One Fan said that he thought my comment about the tuneup was so funny he literally gave vent to his feelings with a series of laughing sounds. You know, I've been saying that line, or some variation of it, for years now, and this is the first time anyone's acknowledged getting it. Take this as a compliment, my number one fan, on your highly developed sense of humor. The other two comments were once again shoutouts, which again I appreciate, because it shows that someone cares. In the case of these two people, I can vouch that they really do.

("ha'orech wrote... I think it came out great" This one's a bit private, so I don't think I'll elaborate.)

Almost done now, don't fret. It seems that I haven't lived up to my promise to wander. Sorry.

Ah, the infamous shower comment. True, It's not infamous yet, but, at least for anyone reading this, it soon will be. Deepest, darkest, America? Listen, it's not like I'm in Mississippi or something. We have running water here once a week, and then we have a communal shower. Just kidding. About the communal shower part. In reality we each get thirty-six seconds to take care of our weekly ablutions.

All cities are beautiful in my book? I wouldn't say all. Most, perhaps. I wouldn't want anyone reading the blog from somewhere I had been to be insulted. But in truth, some cities are less beautiful than others. For example, downtown Detroit, from what I've heard, isn't the world's hottest place. Except during the gang wars, then it gets pretty exciting.

Hand soap. It's just one of those things that so many people take for granted. But not me. Not anymore. And as for bodywash? If they don't have any, then what? Some people still use bars to wash their hands, but that's so 1967. And as to the straightness of the I-70, well, yes, it is pretty straight. And yes, thank the one above for Lipa. Or, as I type, Dudu Fisher, who isn't bad, in is own way. Actually, in my long-ago childhood I sang with the dear man at a concert put on by my school in Milwaukee. What fun that was! I wish I remembered something of the experience.

And the final comment, until now, we have the high priest. Not the actual one, of course. No one knows where he is. Been missing for over two thousand years. But the one in the parking lot was dressed in a reasonable-enough representation. Except for his white tights and sandals. The priests didn't wear shoes. They walked barefoot on the cold stone floors of the holy temple in Jerusalem. But again, this wasn't Jerusalem, this was Sedalia, and I'm not about to tell a non-Jewish guy to take his shoes off and walk barefoot on wet concrete. There are laws against that kind of thing. I assume. Perhaps we could have been arrested, which ties in nicely to the beginning of this column. And with that, for today, I bid you adeiu.

Next time...however the spirit strikes me