Sunday, November 2, 2008

Pithy votes

As you have all probably guessed by now, I'm bored sick of this election. I've been arguing about it for over two years now, and I don't even enjoy supporting Obama anymore. Or pretending to support. Same difference. I'll be quite happy when it's all over, and we can be free of presidential politics for six months at least. Because believe you me, the break ain't lasting any longer than that. More's the pity.And did I vote? Of course I voted! What kind of American doesn't vote? In fact, I voted before Sukkos even started. As I stood there, ready to mark off my ballot, I was trying to figure which choice would annoy more people. Bob Barr and Ralph Nader, among others, though they would be fun, would not quite answer. After all, each side would be able to claim victory. No, for this lifelong contrarian, there were only two possible candidates: Mickey Mouse and Brett Favre.So there I was, trying to choose between a fictional character and a gunslinger with more interceptions than some HOF QBs have TDs. The analogy, at least to my conservative friends, is perfectly clear. If you happen to be of the liberal bent, then perhaps you'd rather imagine the two possibilities to be the good lord himself, and his opponent to be Satan, surrounded of course by many myriads of evil warmongering neocons. So who could I vote for?Unfortunately, I haven't yet figured out a hack that will allow me to show you the picture which shows my marked ballot, so you'll have to trust me when I say that it does exist. If you don't believe me, ask SZB.
As for the suggestion of voting for myself; what exactly would that accomplish? It's not like anyone would ever know, and it would be a bit of a waste. Obviously, there is a bit if a thrill involved, but once you've gotten past that infantile emotion, what exactly would be the point? As E would say, the point is that there is no point, but I would rejoinder that that is not the point. And so.

15 comments:

Nemo said...

I'm picturing myself at the polling booth right now ... it'll be a lot like chosing a soda at a soda machine. Somehow, all calculations that you've made coming up to the machine mean very little, and ultimately you look the other way and let your finger do the deciding. Coke ... Sprite ... Coke ... Sprite ... Sprite ... Sprite ... Coke!

(By using a Coke and Sprite analogy, I am not cryptically referring to the races of the candidates in this year's election. The colors are only incidental.)

The Real Shliach said...

that sounds about right. By me, even if the democrat was absolutely incredible, and the republican was absolutely terrible, I don't think I could vote for the liberal. But who knows? General statements were made to be proven wrong, and I'm sure I could think of a situation which would see me voting liberal.

Elisheva said...

This is old news but I was really torn between Barr '08 and Moses/Jono '08.

Also really old news and out of place: my sister ran the polls and she got to record all of the write ins. Many Milwaukeeans did in fact vote for Brett Farve, JC, and Santa.

The Real Shliach said...

Hey, Barr has that whole mustache thing going.

And yeah, my Mom is also an election judge, but I guess Minnesotans aren't so funny. I have yet to hear any really good write-ins.

Elisheva said...

Barr, ah yes. He does have a fabulous mustache. The presidents for how many years now haven't been sporting any facial hair. A good forty is it?

My friend got three votes actually. At least he used to be military police...

The Real Shliach said...

None have had since Dewey famously didn't defeat Truman.

Who's your friend? JC?

Elisheva said...

It appears that the last president to sport facial hair was William Howard Taft.

Ninety-five years?!? What has happened to this country?

No. Just a nice kid named Sean. One of the few moral, married, child owning(?) people at my school.

The Real Shliach said...

Dewey was the last major part candidate to run with facial hair. This could be because, as has been proven in several studies, people tend to trust those who are clean-shaven more than those who have beards.

He owns children? That doesn't sound very moral to me.

Elisheva said...

Where is this study? I would like to read it.

Has babies while being married. Close enough to moral for a college student.

The Real Shliach said...

http://thehill.com/cover-stories/voters-want-their-pols-clean-shaven-2006-09-20.html

That was just a quick Google.

Having babies while being married can hardly be acquisition.

Elisheva said...

Oh. I was expecting a scholarly journal. I have high standards. Thanks though. Maybe I'll do a search in the databases here... anyways.

Granted that is true, but I couldn't think of the proper term when originally writing that comment. I still can't. Although, back in the good old days when the water wasn't chlorinated and we still used outhouses, weren't children considered property?

The Real Shliach said...

Children considered property? Civilly yes, Torah no.

Elisheva said...

I know.

Elisheva said...

The guy isn't Jewish. He can own his kids.

The Real Shliach said...

Bully for him.