Sunday, December 27, 2009

Inyanim

I had thought to continue my recent practice of commenting on the day's Torah portion, but though I had many questions while learning it I didn't encounter anything that was bloggable. Instead I'll relate a few matters which have been percolating in my mind over the last few days.

1. I spoke to a shadchan regarding a friend of mine a few days ago, and at the end of our comversation she said something along the lines of, "I give you a brocha that when it's time for you to go through this you should have-" At this point I interupted her and said, "Actually, I already-", at which point she interupted me, saying, "What? You're ready?" in an extremely excited voice. I hated to disillusion her, but these these things must be done, so I said, "Oh, no sorry, I was saying that I'm already married." She gave a very disappointed "Oh." to that one.

2. Today, after much annoyance and heartache, not to mention schlepping, I managed to get the rest of our shtuff toiveled. le7 is quite happy.

3. I would just like to point out to all the Lubavitch drivers of fancy SUVs that when the pedestrian has the right of way, and you come screaming through your turn, looking for all the world as if your going to cross paths with him, he will stop. Just because the pedestrian has the right of way doesn't mean he's suicidal. Now, if you stop, the pedestrian will begin to excercise his rights once again and cross the street. This is not, repeat not, a good time to honk at him and gesture rudely through your window. Just saying.

98 comments:

e said...

1. lol. as in "laughing out loud," not the punctuation mark.

2. good boy

3. true that.

The Real Shliach said...

1. I thought so too.

2. Thank you.

3. Yes. I wonder if FB drivers are any better?

sarabonne said...

As I already mentioned earlier this evening, one of my aspirations is to be a shadchan. You can say whatever you want because people will still fear you and try to be on your good side in hopes that you'll find their match.
This is my dream, as long as I can keep a straight face...which is not likely.

e said...

3. facebook drivers?

The Real Shliach said...

Sara: And yet I ruined this poor shadchan's night. Ha!

e: Flatbush.

sarabonne said...

Ah, but see, I don't plan to set up people who are already married.

e said...

when you find out that someone's married, you'll feel disappointed, because that'll be one less person over whom you can hold sway.

sarabonne said...

True, I suppose I'll have to find other means of instilling fear in people. Maybe I'll get a rabid squirrel and keep him in my skirt pocket. (With a muzzle of course.)

Crawling Axe said...

1. Find a pick-up truck. It's a nice table. Mrs. would like it.

2. Did you have to break ice? A friend of mine in Virginia went to a lake to toivel dishes with a father and had to break ice to do it. I didn't even know they had ice in Virginia. Although I did think they had mikvos.

3. Unlike snow blizzards, drivers in my current locale are actually much more eidel (e, how do you translate интеллигентные?) than in NYC.

Crawling Axe said...

(which is probably why we are allowed to make a right turn on red)

The Real Shliach said...

Sara: That's one option.

CA: 1. I'll see what I can do.

2. No ice, but it was rather smelly and frigid and whatnot.

3. You see? Boston is not all bad!

Crawling Axe said...

1. You have the said part's coordinates.

2. Did you find any mutated live forms?

3. Break of privacy!

Both Shabbosim I stayed in Brooklyn I was almost ran over and then flipped out by someone while crossing the zebra (do you call it zebra in the US?).

As a driver, though, I like NY drivers more. I am an aggressive driver and feel more at home in NY. In here people are so sluggish, I sometimes want to ram someone with my car.

The Real Shliach said...

1. Very vaguely.

2. Yes, some Lubavitchers came by to toivel their things.

3. Oh. Right. My bad. Please forgive me my trespass.

I believe it's known as the "crossing median".

Crawling Axe said...

2. So, was this a mutation leading to evolution or a mutation leading to degradation?

3. I like "zebra" more.

The Real Shliach said...

2. Both.

3. Yes, it's more scenic.

Crawling Axe said...

Aliyah and yerida in one package? Is this something unique to Lubavitchers or can anyone accomplish that?

Dowy said...

In new york, new yorkers have right of way. One of the only things i really hate about new york.

The Real Shliach said...

I think it's something we excel at, but anyone, with a little time and patience, could get there.

The Real Shliach said...

Dowy: You could always become a New Yorker.

Dowy said...

side affects are not worth it

The Real Shliach said...

What are the side effects?

Dowy said...

oh other side affects include not having time for ANYONE, not being impressed by ANYTHING, generally being a boring old sod...

Anonymous said...

Brim over I agree but I dream the list inform should acquire more info then it has.

The Real Shliach said...

Dowy: a harsh indictment. You're saying you don't want to be set up with any Beis Rivkah Princesses?

Anon: you know what I don't get? If you're going to leave spam, why don't you at least put a link or something?

Crawling Axe said...

Dowy, what makes you think it’s only New Yorkers? You just described an average American. A New Yorker is that plus rude (or, if you want the glass half-full, not sleazily polite).

Crawling Axe said...

TRS, what makes you think he is a spammer? Maybe he is just stam crazy.

Modeh B'Miktsas said...

1-Reason 657 that ARRANGED MARRIAGE IS BAD
2-mazal tov
3- yes

Sarabonne: Go with the squirrel. Some things are so inherently evil that even an evil overlord (overlady?) should stay away from them.

The Real Shliach said...

CA: Maybe.

Modeh: 1. Why is that a reason that arranged marriage is bad?

Dowy said...

trs - wats her name?
ca - thats true i did omit rude, but i dont think all americans are like that, in fact not even all new yorkers, just most of them.

The Real Shliach said...

Chaya Mushka, of course.

sarabonne said...

Dowy, you want I should set you up? Nu, nu?
(all this is said while scratching the ears of my evil squirrel.)

Crawling Axe said...

Of course not all Americans are the same. Some Americans are not even Americans. I meant that the traits you mentioned are pan-American traits.

The Real Shliach said...

Sara: Is there such a thing as a non-evil squirrel?

CA: Are American bloggers included in that?

Crawling Axe said...

Depends whether they are Chassidish, Chassidic or appikorsim.

The Real Shliach said...

Nu, how does it match up?

e said...

regarding zebras:
Isn't it called a "crosswalk"? Who says "crossing median"?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zebra_crossing#Regional_variations

The problem with New York drivers is that they don't blink! Drivers don't realize how much pedestrians are affected by their blinking or lack thereof.

Crawling Axe said...

"In the United Kingdom, lollipop men or women (crossing guards) frequently attend zebra crossings in school hours."

That's incredible. Only English could call their crossing guards "lollipop men".

e said...

I would think that sounds American. We like making everything nice, smiley, and candy-like, even when it's inappropriate.

Crawling Axe said...

Americans tend to create a shiny bubble. English tend to gay things up.

Dowy said...

squirrels are not evil, theyr actually quite cute. i wouldnt mind at all if a shadchan came to me with a squirrel.
they are usually lollipop ladies, but crossing gaurds, that sounds sinister.

Dowy said...

could you revise that, im not sure what it means in russian but in english translation...

The Real Shliach said...

CA: "Gay things up"?

Dowy: Squirrels are evil. They're rats with long tails.

Dowy said...

yah people in america tend to think that...in england theyr very cute.

Crawling Axe said...

I rest my case.

The Real Shliach said...

People in England are gay because they like squirrels? How can I argue?

Crawling Axe said...

Because they find them cute.

I used to find armadillos cute. Until I lived in the South, where they are the most frequent road kill.

Dowy said...

ya i used to feed squirels in a park near my house. wats wrong with them? wats wrong with rats? theyr just basically hamsters with a new york attitude

The Real Shliach said...

I don't think I've even ever seen an armadillo.

The Real Shliach said...

Hamsters don't eat babies.

Dowy said...

nor do people outside new york

sarabonne said...

Want to know an absolutely charming creature? Piranhas. Absolutely adorable.

Dowy said...

oh i sense a hint of sarcasm, i pick these things up u know

Crawling Axe said...

I used to feed squirrels in the park too. Actually I used to feed rats too (as a part of an undergrad project).

For me, seeing a skunk was a new thing. Or a racoon. Now I have a family living under my windows. Plus, there is a skunk that I know who lives on campus. My mom's friends have a family of hares living under their garage. My friend in California feed deers all the time.

This is the aspect of the US I like a lot. You can see animals very close to civilization. Somehow in Russian that was never the case -- one had to go to a forest, a zoo or a park to see a wild animal.

Crawling Axe said...

TRS, have I never told you the story of my 22 hamsters? I think I told it while I was at your place...

The Real Shliach said...

Dowy: http://www.news24.com/Content/SouthAfrica/News/1059/85953d9b119e4ee087ba7a609a709a22/24-04-2009-08-29/Rats_eat_toddlers_face

Sara: you should carry one around with you when you make house calls.

Dowy: no, really?

The Real Shliach said...

CA: 22 hamsters? Elaborate!

Dowy said...

omg that is just horendous, but you...
well i wanted to make a joke but i find that i cant joke about such things.

Crawling Axe said...

TRS, there is no evidence it was rats. They are only suspects.

I bet nothing like this ever happened with ferrets. Just sayin'...

sarabonne said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lS9odVqyC2g

Dowy said...

that is trully horific - are those pirahnas?

The Real Shliach said...

CA: http://www.yelp.com/topic/san-francisco-mom-says-ferret-not-dog-gnawed-off-baby-toes

Dowy: Is there anything that is merely horrific, not truly horrific?

sarabonne said...

No, those are aliens.
Piranhas are fish.

Crawling Axe said...

Well, I thought you meant hamsters not eating their own babies.

When I was in college, I bought a hamster. I am not sure why, actually. I was working on rodents' navigation at the time. And there was something to do with pipes.

Anyway, then for some reason I thought it was lonely. And I read somewhere that male Siberian hamsters do well in a company of other male Siberian hamsters. So, I went to the store and asked specifically for another male hamster. They seemed to get along just fine, but then started fighting a lot. Just when I began thinking I may have made a bad decision about putting them together, one morning I discovered a lot of hamsters in my cage. A lot more than 2. While I was looking for people whom to give them to, there were more hamsters, some of which the mother ate. And so on. After that I had no pets.

Dowy said...

oh...cos someone was giving away one for free on craigslist...

Crawling Axe said...

That's very convenient. Blame the ferret.

The Real Shliach said...

CA: that's quite the story.

Dowy: that could be your next roommate!

CA: wouldn't you blame the ferret?

Crawling Axe said...

I blame the parents.

The Real Shliach said...

How convenient.

Crawling Axe said...

One could also blame the baby.

Dowy said...

look lets not throw around blame here, im sure not all ferrets are like that. or babies for that matter.

Dowy said...

thats true im sure the it was with the babys consent, then afterwrds they try and sue

Crawling Axe said...

A friend of mine works with babies and ferrets (separately). Let's just say there is no question which are more dangerous.

The Real Shliach said...

Yes, but at least babies have potential.

Crawling Axe said...

Potential for what? Surely not as subjects of extracellular recordings. Unless a different party comes to power in this country.

The Real Shliach said...

I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who, for a mere pittance, would be willing to be subjects of extracellular recordings.

Crawling Axe said...

Aye, but we are not allowed to do this by law. Or at least use money robbed from people for it.

Unless someone already has epilepsy.

The Real Shliach said...

Theft is property, therefore property is theft, therefore (fill in your own conclusion here). On the bright side, (fill in your own conclusion here).

e said...

Truly, the word truly often doesn't mean very much of anything.

In a similar vein, the almighty editor of the N'shei Chabad Newsletter, Rishe Deitsch, once wrote that words have specific meanings and shouldn't be used for vague generalities. The only words whose meaning is vague generalities are "vague generalities."

Crawling Axe said...

Dowy, I think you might like this scene, at 1:20 -- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MA3E1G6qKFQ

The Real Shliach said...

e: Does she know that she's the almighty editor? And is it a hereditary position? Because if it is, well, you've already broken so many boundaries before, perhaps you could become the first male editor of the magazine as well!

Crawling Axe said...

e, do you avoid using "hopefully" in its colloquial form? As in "hopefully, I will get there in time" (vs. "I am hopeful that I will get there in time").

e said...

I don't avoid it, although I appreciate those who do. (Don't I sound like those people you meet on mivtzoim who say, "I don't want to put on tefillin, but I appreciate what you're doing"?)

Crawling Axe said...

I usually say that to people who offer me to go on mivtzoim.

Dowy said...

ha that was funny, i also this vid i was looking for, and at the same time noticed the diference between german and english humour -
english:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27gNSrmBCNg&NR=1&feature=fvwp
German: watch the last 2 minutes, its quite freeky
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFltd2838gc&feature=related

e said...

omg! That is so not chassidish! you can't drive your car in two directions.

The Real Shliach said...

Driving your car in two directions is not chassidish?

e said...

it's an analogy CA used on my blog in an argument with Altie.

The Real Shliach said...

Refresh please?

Crawling Axe said...

Would you say Igudesman is German, not Russian?

e, if you want really not chassidish, watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihW2j17esZc

Crawling Axe said...

(to really get it, one has to know who Vanessa May is)

C said...

CA-you've gone through quite a few profile pictures here; it's confusing.

Crawling Axe said...

Same person. I was going to change only once, but the last picture was prompted by something specific.

Crawling Axe said...

Hamsters, ferrets, rats, piranhas? How about stepfathers?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/8434291.stm

Crawling Axe said...

Ugh, split infinitive...

The Real Shliach said...

It's hardly the stepfather's fault. His mistress made him do it.

e said...

split infinite? How about lack of infinitive?

hey babbes said...

i wonder who that freind was lol

The Real Shliach said...

lol