Monday, March 24, 2008

Not worth reading (no, really)

I've often been told that if I have nothing to write then I shouldn't write it. As you've probably guessed, I haven't really followed this particular piece of advice too much over the past six months. So if I told you that the Maamar "B'yom Ashtei Assar 5731" completely and utterly rocks the house, would you believe me? Of course you would. You believe everything I write with implicit faith, right?
The reason it's such a great Maamar is because it demonstrates conclusively that Lubavitch is the most incredible thing that's happened to the Milky Way since the big bang. In fact, since we now know the big bang never happened, it turns out that Lubavitch is merely the greatest thing known to humanity.
If I haven't lost at least six readers with the previous paragraph then something is wrong. I mean, the chauvinism exuded was so palpably vomit-worthy that it's a wonder that no one is swimming in their own filth. Not that I have anything against people who support one or the other, but it sometimes bothers me when the world is painted in black and white. Is there no room for the green that will save our planet, the pink that will depopulate the world within three generations, the red menace posed by Hugo Chavez and his friends among the elders of Zion, or the expanses of Antarctic wasteland, redeemed only by the promise of untold oil wealth beneath it's vast snowy tundras?
These are the questions that keep me awake at night.
If anything I've written keeps you awake at night, then I'm really sorry, and I apologize in advance. Sometimes though, it's necessary to lie awake pondering the mysteries of the deep, the celestial secrets, the heavenly vistas of opportunity beckoning to us, calling for hope, for love, for something or other. Or of course you could lose sleeping wondering what I was on. At least it would be useful info.

12 comments:

e said...

People who vomit from chauvinism already stopped reading your blog long ago.

MoJo Hoffman said...

Chanan, I think you should go to Antarctica and start digging for that oil. Don't let a little bit of cold stop you, remember its oil, you'll get really rich. Now go on but don't bring a shovel because the gemara (B.M.) says that adam rotzeh b'kav shelo... and you wouldn't want to miss out on any of the pleasure awaiting you when you finally finish digging with your arm stumps and you uncover some oil that actually turns out to be just left over from Exxon-Valdez and you actually have to dig for 9 or 10 more years. Remember Chanan, I have faith in you... call me when you get rich and we'll farbreng the night away, singing old Bon Jovi songs.
Yeah baby!!

The Real Shliach said...

First things first. The Gemara doesn't mind if you use a shovel. How do I know? I asked it myself. Secondly, there's only two ways I'm getting rich: 1. By marrying an even richer father in law, or 2. Having something really strange happen to me. Thirdly, I don't even know any Bon Jovi songs. But I'm always happy to Farbreng, even if I'm not rich

le7 said...

This post makes me want to dream.

The Real Shliach said...

Dream of what?

le7 said...

Oh high falootin' ideas and outerspace, other dimensions, physics, fantasy etc.

e said...

When I study too much (like right now) I dream of math.

The Real Shliach said...

le7: and how'd this happen?

e: does this help your studying?

le7 said...

Go back and re-read your post and you wouldn't need to ask me such questions...

The Real Shliach said...

My lady, you assume too much. I still don't understand. Who is heimie himmelstein?

le7 said...

Not that I have anything against people who support one or the other, but it sometimes bothers me when the world is painted in black and white. Is there no room for the green that will save our planet, the pink that will depopulate the world within three generations, the red menace posed by Hugo Chavez and his friends among the elders of Zion, or the expanses of Antarctic wasteland, redeemed only by the promise of untold oil wealth beneath it's vast snowy tundras?
These are the questions that keep me awake at night.
If anything I've written keeps you awake at night, then I'm really sorry, and I apologize in advance. Sometimes though, it's necessary to lie awake pondering the mysteries of the deep, the celestial secrets, the heavenly vistas of opportunity beckoning to us, calling for hope, for love, for something or other. Or of course you could lose sleeping wondering what I was on. At least it would be useful info.

The Real Shliach said...

Now that you put it that way...