Sunday, March 23, 2008

Truth over consequences (the enigmatic returns)

A couple weeks ago the request went out from Levi Hodakov over at "Send me your hungry, your tired, your bored, waiting to read something funny for this year's Purim edition." Menachem Krinsky, and you should google him, suggested that he'd make a picture of a Rudy Guiliani statue at the WTC site, and I should write the copy. I did. He did. Unfortunately, has the sense of humor of a dead tortoise, so my shtuff wasn't printed. But you can enjoy it here, free of charge. Nice of me, eh?

The Lower Manhattan Development Corporation announced today that a giant statue of former New York Mayor Rudolf Guiliani would be placed at the site of the former World Trade Center, which was destroyed on 9/11. Many have welcomed the news, including Osama Bin Laden, considered by many to be the architect of the attack. "This will be a wonderful addition to the site, and will give us an additional target for 9/11 Part 2: The Taliban Strikes Back," said Bin Laden as he received dialysis from one of his 26 wives in a cave somewhere in Afganistan. President George W. Bush echoed the sentiments, adding that he hoped he would soon get a statue at Yankee Stadium of him saving the country by throwing out the first pitch of a World Series game in 2001 . Some opposition to the planned monument has come from Guiliani's second wife, who said that, "New Yorkers the world over deserve to have a statue that isn't bald and unfaithful." The plan is for the statue to be placed on the exact spot where the Mayor single-handedly saved 39 children, directed firefighters into the building, and posed for a picture with a voter from Florida.
The move to put up the statue came after plans to replace the Statue of Liberty with a similar monument to Guiliani were curtailed following suggestions that the hot air filling the statue would cause it to explode within five months. Though the Freedom Tower, the building designed to replace the Twin Towers, will not be complete before 2037 at the earliest, the statue, and an accompanying visitor center describing the Mayor's genius, vision, and expertise, will be completed as soon as possible, due to the great importance attached to it by the public. When notified of the decision by the Corporation, the Mayor said that he "Would be very proud indeed to represent New York to the world with this statue, which will symbolize that as Mayor of 9/11 I fought to keep Democracy alive in the world and am responsible for anything good which has happened to the world since 2001." Guiliani made his remarks at a press conference where he also announced that he would keep campaigning despite John Mccain's already tying up the nomination. The Mayor's spokesman said that no further comment would be forthcoming, though he did promise that the Mayor would be happy to have statues of him placed in other cities, in order that he should be an inspiration to "People of all ages who should know that ordering 5000 body bags is all it takes to achieve greatness."


Anonymous said...

Dear Mr. R. Shaliach:
I have to congratulate you on a brilliant piece of journalistic satire. However, I am not surprised that is was not printed. First, the 9/11 events are still too raw for many New Yorkers and second, and probably more important, this level of satire is quite unappreciated by Americans whose political humor rises no higher than mocking the President on SNL or Bill Mayer making snide comments about conservatives. Submit your piece to a U.K. publication and it would be printed immediately. The English tend to be far more appreciative of good writing and good satire regardless of topic. For those of us with an education from "over the pond" we appreciate your work. Keep it up. Leo d. Toot.