Monday, October 6, 2008

Murder in the streets!

So I just got back from another exciting episode of Kapores at Lubavitch House. It was scheduled for 8:00. Then for 10:00. We got there at 10:00 and they told us, "half an hour." At 11:05 the truck pulled up. At 11:15 it began to rain. At 11:25 we left.
While the whole situation was a bit annoying, the cloud did have a magenta lining. For example, I got to argue with someone about Lubavitch, Breslav, and Rav Kook, which was quite exciting. It was also nice to see everyone all gathered together. Normally, people come, stay for ten minutes, and scram; this time however, people came and had to stay. This meant that we were joined by a (relatively) vast multitude from S. Louis Park. I felt like I was in Lakewood! Still, it was rather shocking that they came to an event which featured Rubashkin chickens. Have these people no morals?
That was another disappointment. I hoped that PETA would come. What fun is it to do Kapores if there aren't any crazed PETA activists around, video-taping abuse and making trouble? I mean, do they not like us? Do they think that we're any less worthy than Crown Heights? Heck, somehow my chicken's leg got broken, but no one came over and compared ME to a Nazi. What is this world coming to?

Meanwhile, in other news, I just finished a very disappointing story in Binah Bunch. The first part was great. The second? Stank. Basically, some kid finds an old piece of jewelry, with a letter dated Friday, 28 Tishrei. Kid says, "Hey, something's fishy." In the next issue, they continue the story. They sit around contemplating the piece of jewelry and discover that it has some sort of secret compartment with pictures of old family members. And the letter? Was intentionally written by grandpa so that whoever found the bracelet would puzzle over it.
I mean, come on! Couldn't they think of a better solution? The premise is tremendous, if a little obvious, but that's ok, because this is a kiddie magazine. But to have such a pathetic solution? I guess the writer just couldn't come up with anything better, which is a pity, because I waited a whole week to read the next installment. Oh well, what are you going to do?

And in other other news, this whole financial markets thing is getting tough, eh? You go to sleep at night and wonder what more bad news there'll be in the morning. See, if you just do what I do and go to sleep in the morning, then this won't be a problem, though I understand if some people aren't able to implement this plan of mine. No, I'm not like Nancy Pelosi, the wicked witch of the west, who throws a tantrum every time something doesn't go her away. I'm more like Strom Thurmond or Ronald Reagan, who didn't have a clue, regardless of what was going on. That's correct folks, the best way to the weather the current storm is to ignore it. And what if you're like 99 percent of the world and you can't?
Hey buddy, this is a blog, not an advice column. Still, I understand that in treacherous times like these people look for proven leaders, and I'm happy to represent myself as one. So. Where was I? Oh yes. If you can't ignore the issues, and it's giving you ulcers?

As Ohad would say, "Just think positive and problems melt away." Oh, the Dow is below 10,000? You know, I remember the first time it went above 10,000. People were pretty excited. And now it dips a little, and they're not excited? Just because the government just stole another 700 billion out of your pocket, you have to be all peevish? Where's the love?

17 comments:

nemo said...

Hey, did your buddy Rabbi Morris Allen show for Kappores?

I guess the advantage of sleeping through the day is that you're spared watching the markets somersaulting. When you wake up you didn't even know the heart attack that you could've had watching the Dow drop 800 points. As a matter of fact, life isn't so bad when you sleep all day, because when you wake up you can delude yourself that we're on the way to recovery and because it actually rose 430 points in one day.

The Real Shliach said...

No, I suppose he was too busy Kashering Hormel.

Do you spend your days following the markets? Poor, poor boy.

Nemo said...

As I arrived home from a successful night of kosher food shopping tonight (where I learned that every town has at least one Yenteh), I came up with an apt Moshul, comparing two of the most dramatic events in my day today:

Playing the stock markets these days is like trying to park in West Philly*:

There's no parking available on your block and you'll never reach your financial goal. Circling the block for parking anywhere near your apartment is a guaranteed waste and the more you delay, the more money you lose. You may as well pull into the first parking space available so that you at least have somewhere to park and you might as well pull out of the market so you'll at least have something left ...

The flip side of the Moshul is that once you walk the three blocks to get home with all of your groceries, the spot right in front of your place opens up. And then as soon as you pull out, the market shoots up the next day.

I pulled out today, and something gives me the feeling that morgen vet zein gar andersh.


*Substitute CH during Tishrei, if you please.

The Real Shliach said...

Why did you sell!? Don't you know the old maxim, "Buy low, sell high"? You bought high and sold low!

BTW, nice Mashal. And BTW, what's with the Yenteh?

Nemo said...

Behind me in line at the Jew-permarket! She got my name, where I'm from and what I'm doing in Philly ... I got nothing out of her ...

The Real Shliach said...

Next time carry a Beretta.

cee said...

Why am I under the impression that the Rebbe was not so encouraging when it came to us being involved in that market?

unremorseful sinner said...

CEE, go jump in a lake of the piss of your self-righteous "innocent questions." This is an amoral blog. Not immoral; amoral. If you can't differentiate between the two, then go boil your OT-educated head until it get a little softer and then go swallow another sicha for you to regurgitate on movtzoim tomorrow.

The Real Shliach said...

Holy smokes Mr. Sinner! While I understand you're obvious concern at the rapid approach of Yom Kippur, that is still no excuse for the abuse you've put Cee through. He asks a valid question, and instead of answering intelligently all you can do is bash him.

nemo said...

It's not a valid question:

1. He asks us about his impressions. How are we supposed to know how or why he has an impression?

2. It's thusfar unsubstantiated, and unlikely in all probability.

3. Why would the Rebbe be opposed to the Dow Jones? Why specifically the Dow? Most stocks are traded on the Dow.

nemo said...

* I'm sorry, that was a factual inaccuracy. Most stocks are not traded on the Dow. Just some of the larger ones ...

The Real Shliach said...

In fact, Nemo, no stocks are traded on the Dow, nor the NASDAQ, nor the S&P 500, et all. These are simply stock indices. The vast majority of stocks which these indices track are traded on the New York Stock Exchange.

Anonymous said...

"Master of the Universe! Look how special your people are. Here is a guy who is so bitter and cannot forgive himself for not being a ot'nick and going on Mivtzoim today."

Poor guy.
May G-d help him return to his source. Hopefully very soon. Amen!

Torah is not in favor of gambling...

The Real Shliach said...

We have a R' Levik in our midst!

nemo said...

TRS- Taakeh, you're right.

Anonymous- What does gambling have to do with the stock market?

The Real Shliach said...

A lot.

Cheerio said...

its not just during tishrei that you can't find parking in ch; it's a year-round thing. how do i know this even though i don't have a car (or for that matter, a license)? it shall remain a mystery...
and getting to know the town yenteh can be useful...