Friday, November 30, 2007

Heads up

Yes Zalman, you are one famous dude. Actually, he mentioned that he'd like to post some articles and other shtuff on the blog, so perhaps he'll be even more famous. Anyway, today is Chuf (20) Kislev, the second day of Rosh Hashanah. Last night we had another Farbrenegen, which was (but of course) very nice. A thought occurred to me as I was writing some notes to post on here. Is it better to fully immerse ones self in the words and songs of the Farbrenegen, and forget about transcribing it, or should I record for future reference. Yes, I know, I should just a sound recorder thingie. Anyone want to sponsor?
Last night Rabbi Chayim Friedman, fearless leader of the YHSTC, Farbreneged with us. He told over a story from Rabbi Aaron Karliner, a holy guy. Problem is, I can't remember the story, just the Mashal (parable), which is a good one, but hardly worth the bother of writing down if I can't remember the analog. So instead I'll write the famous Mashal of the Russian peasant. A journalist for Pravda, the Communist paper, heard that there was a really wonderful peasant who was completely dedicated to the cause. So he traveled to go visit him. Isn't that a great sentence? Two pronouns! So vague! Yippee!
Yeah, so the journalist comes to interview the peasant, who we will, in the interests of sanity, both mine and yours, call Ivan, and sees that the guy is dirt poor. The journalist, who we will also name (why not?) shall henceforth be called Boris. Two nice Russian names, no? Anyway, Boris asks Ivan, "I've heard that your incredibly dedicated to the Party, Mother Russia, Lenin, vodka, etc. How dedicated are you?" And Ivan answers, in the way that only a Russian peasant with more alcohol in his body than blood can answer, "I'm very dedicated". Oh yes, in case you didn't realize, this conversation is obviously all taking place in Russian. So Boris was very impressed with this answer, because he had brains the size of a peanut, and asked Ivan, "If you had one thousand cows, and the party needed them, would you give them up?" Ivan said simply, "Yes". Boris said, "And if you had five hundred goats?" Once again, Ivan came through with a simple, "Yes", though this time it wasn't quite so simple, because after all, who can simple for too long? Boris tried again, "ninety sheep?" and Ivan passed the test." Boris asked, "If the party needs six chickens, to feed the starving soldiers in Smolensk, would you give them up?" This time Ivan begins to hem and haw. Boris is shocked out of his boxers (!). "What do you mean," Boris sincerely questioned, "a thousand cows, no problem. Sheep, goats, no issue whatsoever. But six chickens you can't give to Lenin?" And Ivan answers, all simplicity out of his voice now, "But you see, I actually have six chickens."
Here the Mashal ends. If you must know, Ivan was taken behind the woodshed and shot by twenty select guardsmen, while Boris was promoted to editor of Pravda and eventually died of a broken heart. The point of the Mashal is that we are all ready to do whatever is needed, as long as we can't actually do the deed. We're all ready to go jump in a boiling lake of fiery cow blood for G-d, but we aren't willing to take twenty seconds to thank him for the food we're about to eat.
Just something to think about. And remember, the only tree worth saving is one with a hammock attached to it.


e said...

Russian doctor: "If you quit smoking, drinking and messing with women, you'll live till ninety.

Russian patient: "Without smoking, drinking and fooling around, that's called living?

This joke was heard in the evreiski obshina (Jewish congregation)of Konotop, Ukraine.

e said...

My little cousin, following in Zalman's footsteps also wants to be famous, so allow me to post his information.

Moshe Chaim Hermener
541 Carrol St.
Boorlyn, NY

Anonymous said...

well i dont usaully speek but you convinced me so here we go:

in the olden days the shochet of the town would walk around the town and shecht for his costumers. of course his big day was erev yom kipper.

the rule of the town was that when the people of the town paid the shochet he would have to pay a tax to the rosh hakihila.
acording to law one person cant be trusted with momon tzibber.
so, erev yom kipper the shochet would walk around from house to house doing his thing.some one else ocomponeid him in for the shochet to collect the momon tzibbur. after the job was over the shochet had now a sack of money wich was to be delivered to the rosh hakehila.
on the way a police officer stopped them. hes was shocked to see a two men one of them holding a big knife with blood all over his clothing holding a big sack of money "what's this?" he asked the shochet started to explain:
tomorrow is the holiest day of the jewish calander and to prepair for that we take holy chickens and we kill them.

but why do you kill them they could themselves?

because they need a holy rabbi

but they have their own knives why are you walking with a knife ain the middle of the night?

inorder to kill these holy chickens you need a holy rabbi with a holy knife

if so i know why you're here but why are you here?

because jewish law dsnt allow me alone because they dont trust me
thats interesting on the holiest day and a holy chicken with a holy knife and a holy rabbi yet they wont trust you with a couple af bucks
good shabbos

Anonymous said...

Very moving.....I once had a chicken......called it spud...died a week later...poor bugger.