Friday, February 1, 2008


After several days of struggle I have arrived in the golden land, with three (that's right, count 'em: 1 2 3) things to blog about. I hope you're as excited as I am. Ahh, you say, why doesn't TRS write these three topics up over three days, and thereby spare himself, and his readership, the agony of potential drivel? Well, what if Moshiach comes or something, and I never get the chance to write all that I have to say? That would be tragic. Better to feed it all now, and you can digest it later if you please.
All right then, topic number one: I watched a video of a Rabbi Manis Friedman lecture, and he mentioned that once he was asked by an obviously hostile woman, "Which do you consider yourself first, an American or a Jew?" The Rabbi answered, "I'm a Jew first." The woman looked at him with hatred in her eyes, and was about to pull a shotgun on him when he continued, "Because if I was an American first, then I might as well have stayed Russian (his country of choice, I guess). The greatness of America is the freedom to be a Jew first."
I have no idea what the woman then did-perhaps she flapped her wings and flew to the moon, though I somehow doubt it. Anyway, onto the second part of today's blog, we have an exclusive report of last night's Farbrengen with our gallant leader, a man who is unafraid to ski down mountains in Canada, Rabbi Manis Friedman's favorite ("every kid's my favorite") son, R. Chayim Friedman.
There was once a Chossid who moved to Israel. He decided that he would leave his Yetzer Hora, his evil inclination, behind, because why should he bring his evil passions to the holy land? His YH agreed to stay behind in Russia, where it could catch up on some vodka drinking or something like that. The Chossid traveled to Israel, and lo and behold, his YH was standing there on the pier, waiting to greet him with open hands! The Chossid didn't even want to get off, but the YH came aboard and started to tempt him. The Chossid asked, "I thought we made a deal, that you'd stay in Russia? What are you doing here in Israel?" The YH answered, "What's your problem? Your Russian YH stayed in Russia! I'm your new Israeli YH."
The Chossid realized that wherever you are, you have passions for shtuff.
In additional news, there was once a convention of YH's, who gathered from all over the world in order to get chizzuk and inspiration for their careers. The YH from Argentina was the first to speak, and though he was quite eloquent, he unfortunately spoke in Spanish, which I of course don't understand, so I can't tell you what he said. Next up was Zimbabwe, and the same problem (for me) occurred. The Lakewood YH's turn came up, and joyously reported his incredible success, "I have over 5000 people all learning Torah, just for me!" In similar fashion the Yetzer Horas of the world gave their reports, and everyone was having a great time. At the end a pathetic looking figure stood up, dressed in tattered clothes and sporting thirty or so broken femurs (YH's have odd anatomies). All the other YH's gathered around him and asked what the problem was? He explained, "I'm the Yetzer Hora for Tomchei Tmimim, and I'm failing miserably. These guys never listen to me. It's terrible!"
Suddenly the head honcho, the chief YH himself, walked in, and he cackled ominously as purple and gold smoke billowed from beneath his emerald green cloak. He said, "Do you want to know how to seduce the Tmimim, the students of Lubavitcher Yeshivos? The way to do it is not to offer them big sins, or even medium sins, or really, even small sins at all. They're so good that you'll never get them to fall for something like that. The way to do it is to start them off with something so benign, so pathetic, that they'll never realize that they've been tricked. Make them not bother to put on their hats and jackets before saying Kerias Shema al Hamitah, or forget to eat Mezonos before Davening. You'll have them in no time."
You know what they say, the devil's in the details.
And finally, for the third thing, I'd just like to point out something that the Rebbe said in 1954: If Esther, queen of Persia, had been a Misnaged, then all the Jews would've been wiped out. Because the Shulchan Oruch says that a person isn't allowed to have Mesiras Nefesh, to risk their life, for another person, and since Esther herself was not threatened, she was obligated by the Shulchan Oruch to not risk her life. And if she had asked a snag Rabbi, then he would have told her this. But she wasn't a snag, she was a Lubavitcher, and a Lubavitcher gets things done, without consulting people who have no brains.
The Rebbe also said that obviously Mordechai was also a Chossid, because only a Chossid would make up the rule that a Jew has to get so plastered on Purim that they don't know the difference between good and evil. But that's for a different post. Until next time then, have a great Shabbos, and don't forget the Alamo. Or Enterprise for that matter.


Mottel said...

too long

Anonymous said...

hmmm... a lot to digest. but i agree with your point about moshiach coming!
and the one about the yh convention - that i'm gonna think about.