Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Thrice original

They say that a wise person perceives the future and acts accordingly. Here's part of a (originally comment-less) post, originally entitled So much shtuff, originally published on February 14, 2008. Enjoy.

In other news, I have a cute story for you from Laibl Wolf which I trust you will find to be as entertaining as I thought, followed by a similar story, told over by LDT, which provoked much the same reaction. Here goes:

Once a guy sold his house and bought a horse. The whole town told him that he was crazy, but all he said was, "You don't know, wait and see." The next day the horse ran away into the forest, and again the whole town told him he was crazy and called up the local institution to find out if they had any space for a new patient. All he answered them was, "You don't know, wait and see." The next day the horse came back with ten horses in tow, and all the town's people proclaimed the man a genius and canceled his psychiatric evaluation. All he told them was, "You don't know, wait and see." The next day one of his children was walking by the horse and it lashed out at him and broke the poor kids leg. All the people in the town called up to say that he was obviously still very crazy and that the evaluation was now rescheduled for Friday. All the man replied was, "You don't know, wait and see." The next day a children's crusade broke out and all the children of the village were gathered together to die at the hands of the Muslim infidels, except of course for the horse buyer's kiddie, whose leg was in shambles. All the people in the town said, "Wow, what a genius," while he said, "You don't know, wait and see."

The moral of the story is obvious. At least, the moral according to Laibl is obvious. Personally, I would shoot the guy. Anyone who was told me, "You don't know, wait and see" that many times deserves to have some steel implanted in his head.

Ah yes, onto our next victim, oh, I mean story. Again, this is courtesy of LDT.

Once there was a Moroccan King who had a Prime Minister who responded to every event with, "Don't worry, it's all good." He said this so often that people called him "It's all good". The King, rightfully enough, got pretty annoyed with all this self-righteous nonsense, but the Prime Minister did a good job, so the King figured that he could live with this little issue.
One day the King was being interviewed by the local press, and he took them into the Royal Grounds for a little demonstration of the King's horticultural prowess. Unfortunately, the King cut off the tip of his thumb while trying to trim some bamboo, and all the King's horses and all the King's men couldn't put the King's finger back together again. The press were of course all thrown into prison, to suppress the story, and the Prime Minister was sent for in order to give his expert opinion. When he was appraised of the situation all he said was, "Don't worry, it's all good." The King was incensed, and he threw his Prime Minister into prison with all the journalists, vowing that none of them would ever see the light of the day again.
Three weeks later the King, along with 93 members of the Royal Retinue, went on a trade mission to Kenya, but once again fortune turned on him and his ship was waylaid by a passing storm and washed up on a cannibal island. Immediately thirteen thousand cannibals surrounded the Royal Retinue and demanded to know who their leader was. "It is I!" proclaimed the courageous King, and he was immediately taken off to be eaten. As the cannibals were undressing him they noticed that the tip of his finger was missing, and fearing that they might contract some dangerous and deadly disease they let him go and instead ate the new Prime Minister, allowing all the other people to leave the island in peace.

A historical note: As per the poll on the Real Shliach, they ate him with A1 steak sauce, and he was quite delicious.

Anyway, the King returned from Kenya, and realizing that his chopped off finger was the reason he was alive, and that his Prime Minister had been correct in telling him not to worry, the King took him out of jail and gave him back his old position. The King asked forgiveness from his Prime Minister for incarcerating him together with a bunch of journalists, and the Prime Minister answered, "Don't worry, it's all good." The King was astounded. "What do you mean, 'It's all good?' You were in a cell with a bunch of journalists for three months. It must have been a living hell!" The Prime Minister answered the King, "If I had accompanied your majesty on his trip, I would have been the one served with the A1 steak sauce."

Nice story, eh? The Prime Minister is slightly less annoying than the horse guy for the simple reason that he's rather less insulting, but I think that the moral of the two stories is that while it's fine, and even commendable, to have this attitude for yourself, as we see in the Talmud and various Lipa Schmeltzer songs, it's quite another thing to have this attitude when it comes to other people. Actually, I think I blogged about this a couple months ago. Basically, for yourself, accept the suffering with equanimity, but when it comes to other people, you should storm the very heavens (as opposed to what?) in order to bring about an end to their pain, sadness, grief, and the various other things that afflict people locked up together with journalists.


sarabonne said...

Um, So those stories were a bit disturbing, nice, but just...very disturbing.

I'm going to start counting how many times you mention Lipa Schmeltzer, by the way.

le7 said...

Cutie stories.

Dovid said...

Like aged wine

e said...


e said...

I don't know why I wrote Dovid. I meant to write "subscribing." I was distracted.

The Real Shliach said...

Sara: How did they disturb you?

le7: I thought so

Dovid: they're better now than ever?

e: by Dovid?

Cheerio said...

i actually missed this one first time around. it's kinda awesome.

The Real Shliach said...

Glad you like it

sarabonne said...

Well they're really good stories...just a lot of dead people, that's all.

Leo de Toot said...

Dear Mr. R.S.:
When an "oldie" is a "goodie" its always worth reading again. Many thanks from one of your far-flung readers.
Leo de T.

Modeh B'Miktsas said...

Locked up with journalists? Oh you mean like bloggers.

The Real Shliach said...

Sara: isn't that my specialty?

LtD: so good to hear from you!

Modeh: quite.

Crawling Axe said...

Baal Shem Tov said that we can learn even from an appikoires. What? When a chossid sees something terrible happen to another person, he says “It’s OK. It comes from G-d.” But an appikores (i.e., a humanist) says, “It’s terrible.”

The question is: why does greater good have to happen through immediate evil? What, G-d cannot save the king without chopping his finger off? G-d cannot design a computer that doesn’t crash and has intuitive little design thingies, but at the same time is not expensive and allows things to be modified and custom software to be written for? What’s the deal?

Modeh B'Miktsas said...

God can. Programmers can't

The Real Shliach said...

CA: there is no perection in this world of golus.

Crawling Axe said...

MBM — so why doesn’t he?

TRS — why not?

The Real Shliach said...

Re: modeh: CA, make a perfect computer?

Re: TRS: CA, so why don't pigs have wings?

Crawling Axe said...


So der Eibeshter desires.

Crawling Axe said...

Mainly because wings are not really applicable to their habitat and ecological niche.

Anonymous said...

You just reminded me of something, with that Moroccan anecdote --

One of the Fogelman's sons (Worcester) about 25 years ago, built up a companionship with the (Jewish) Ambassador to Morocco.

Eating out together in a restaurant, Fogelman asked him, if he could pull some strings to arrange for the King to visit the Rebbe at "Dollars", as he was in NY at the time. He agreed, and upon asking the Rebbe - the Rebbe asked R' Shlomo Matusof z"l (from the Moroccan Shluchim) re what would such a visit entail.

R' Shlomo answer was that, it would probably necessiate a whole "red-carpet" event. The Rebbe said, if so, m'darf dos nisht..

(obviously, the story should be heard from those directly involved, for more accuracy. The Rebbe's words are not exact either).

A fellow shliach of Rabbi Fogelman, told me the above, while bringing out the Rebbe's "malchus" seen AT FEW TIMES; that we don't have to "bow low" before goyim, so a visit's not needed..

(There's a similar point with the Rebbe's yachas to some rich gvirim in Canada.. V'da"L.)

What do you see from it?

Dovid said...

TRS your up on bb

The Real Shliach said...

Anon: hmm. Very interesting.