Wednesday, April 1, 2009

The Rhythm of Feet

Despite last night's incredible feedback on the Joshua story (or maybe because of it) I think I'll publish another. That's right, I'm busy as a bee cleaning for Pesach and learning how to drive a manual, so your reading pleasure will have to consist of the following. Enjoy:


G. Mantle

60th Anniversary of American landing on Guam

Joshua 14:

 

The Rhythm of Feet

 

“(Singing) The count came down to sing a song, Doo Da, Doo Da, he threw his gauntlets on a bong, Doo Da, Doo Da, Day, The count did this, the count did that, gonna make my money on the betting tracks, He claims to have done it his way!”

“You’re very happy, Joshua.”

“Who, me?”

“Yes, sort of jolly.”

“No, I’m not, really, haven’t been happy for years.”

“Oh, happy to hear it.”

“My pleasure.”

“So then why were you just singing there?”

“Well, a man’s gotta sing to get through the day, hasn’t he?”

“Shut up.”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“And you heard me.”

“That’s very witty.”

“Oh, it was meant to be.”

“Glad to hear it.”

“Shut up.”

“You’ve said that already.”

“And I’ll say it again if you don’t follow it.”

“And why should I?”

“Because I said so.”

“And why should I listen to you?”

“Because of this.”

“Oh. Interesting. Well then, mums the word and all that.”

“Good. Now listen to me, and listen close.”

“This is all rather pretentious, isn’t it?”

“Did I or did I not hear you say that you had finished speaking?”

“Carry on.”

“Whether this is pretentious or not is not the question. The point is that,”

“Actually, I find this to be quite ridiculous.”

“Do you want me to use this?”

“Quite.”

“I am prepared to let you live your wonderful little life with your wonderful little worries and your wonderful little cares and your wonderful little joys and your wonderful little sorrows and all the wonderful little things that make up a wonderful little life like yours.”

“Many thanks.”

“So glad that I could be of service.”

“And how exactly do you want me to help you?”

“Well Joshua, if you would just do me one slight favor.”

“What’s that?”

“Oh, it’s very simple. What I want you to do is to take this and run with it.”

“And will that benefit my wonderful little life.”

“Definitely. If you don’t take this then your wonderful little life might very possibly end prematurely. Most prematurely I might say.”

“And if I do take this the same might happen?”

“Very true, it could. But wouldn’t you rather have two birds around the bush than one in the coop?”

“I’m not sure if the saying goes quite like that;”

“I’m sure you get the point though.”

“Oh, of course.”

“So what’ll it be?”

“Doesn’t look like I have much choice, huh?”

“No, it doesn’t look like you do.”

“All right, I’ll do it.”

“Good, here it is.”

“You’ll take care of my family, won’t you?”
“Of course I will, don’t you worry about that. Uncle Sam’s got you covered there.”

“I’m sure it’s a great comfort.”

“Well, off you go, and if you do meet up with trouble, just remember that you’ve always got a friend in me.”

(1959)

“Had a good trip Joshua?”

“Yes thank you, I did. Most enjoyable.”

“And how’s your sister doing?”

“What sister?”

“You know, your sister.”

“My sister? I haven’t got a sister.”

“Sure you do. What’s come over you all of a sudden?”

“Oh, my sister. Yes, he’s doing fine.”

“Oh he is? That’s good.”

“And how’s Uncle Sam?”

“Dead.”

“Too bad.”

“Yes, it is, isn’t it?”

“Did he ever say anything about me before he died?”

“Only that you were to visit his grave once you came in.”

“Did he say why?”

“I couldn’t quite say.”

“All right, I’ll do it.”

Joshua does it.

“So how did it go, Joshua?”

“Oh, all right, I guess.”

“You going to return it now?”

“Sure, here it is.”

“Thank you. You’re going to do some exercise now?”

“No, I’ve done enough running for one lifetime.”

“All right, bye.”

Joshua walks home.

“When I wake up in the morning, and I’m sitting in my bed, do I cry out for the world to hear, that really I’m not dead?

Do I come out in the evening all dressed up to the nines, do I walk into the forest, amongst the greenery of the Pines?

Oh no, of course not, that’s just not what I do, because I know the truth, about me, about you; everybody sing it, to the left and to the right, for the whole world knows the truth, that I’m in it for the fight!”

“Singing again, Joshua?”

“Hey, I thought you were dead?”

“Appearances can be deceiving.”

“Yes, that can be, can’t they.”

“So you enjoyed your, um, running?”

“Oh yes, very much, Uncle Sam.”

“I’m your Uncle now?”

“If I have a sister, then you sure are.”

“Oh, how convenient. Well, never let it be said that I’m not a good uncle.”

“Of course not. Such an idea never crossed my mind. In fact, I would hurt anyone who could possibly consider letting the slightest doubt pass into their obviously deficient psyche that you were not in every sense of the word the greatest uncle that this great country had, has, or will ever produce. I would slug them for such an occurrence, don’t you worry about it.”

“Glad to hear that you’re so eager to please.”

“You know me, always at your service.”

“Feel like doing some more running?”

 

 

The End

12 comments:

sarabonne said...

gosh, I could've used these for my Purim plays....

The Real Shliach said...

Hey! That reminds me! wasn't I supposed to help someone write Machon Chana's Purim play?

sarabonne said...

Yes, gosh, whatever happened to that? hmmm.

The Real Shliach said...

oh well, there's always next year

sarabonne said...

Hopefully by then my repute as a playwrite will be long forgotten.

The Real Shliach said...

What?! You shirk a challenge? For shame!
(like I always say, don't burn your bridges until you come to them)

le7 said...

How'd you get the fancy font? That didn't show up on my phone.

The Real Shliach said...

Huh? which font?

le7 said...

"The End"

The Real Shliach said...

Actually, I just copied and pasted from MS Word into the "compose" mode in blogger and it took care of all the fancy HTML.

e said...

what's "it"?

The Real Shliach said...

How should I know what I was thinking in '04?