Tuesday, March 31, 2009

The return of Joshua! (again)

I spent a lot of time today writing a very nice continuation of my impersonator series, and I'm not particularly interested in writing a whole 'nother post, particularly because I still have three kitchen drawers to clean for pesach before I go to sleep. So maybe I just take another Joshua out of the archives? Enjoy.

G. Mantle
August 6, 04
Joshua XIIIX

Of People and Golf Tees

“The connection between the two is virtually non-existent.”

“On the contrary, there is a large and ever-growing connection between the two.”

“Would you mind pointing that out?”

“Of course, I would love to.”

“Go ahead.”

“Well, first of all, they are both organic.”

“Not necessarily.”

“Look, what do you make golf tees out of? Plastic, which is oil, which is a hydrocarbon, and then they make some that are biodegradable, and those are obviously carbonated.”

“I’ve seen gold golf tees.”

“It’s the exception that proves the rule.”

“All right, name me another similarity.”

“Well, both are needed to play golf.”

“That is slightly obvious, isn’t it?”

“Only to the untrained eye it is.”

“And to the trained eye?”

“Then it’s definitely not obvious.”

“Are you suggesting that training takes away from perception?”

“My, you’re quick on the uptake.”

“How does experience in a subject reduce one’s knowledge in it?”

“That’s not what I said.”

“Stop nitpicking.”

“No, it does matter. I never said anything about knowledge; I said that perception was lessened through training.”

“And how is that?”

“Quite simple. They stop seeing the forest for the trees.”

“Has this whole conversation been in an exercise in cliche using?”

“Not exactly.”

“Well I’m glad to hear it. Now would you kindly explain, in your own words, what you meant?”

“I can try.”

“Well, get on with it.”

“What I’m trying to say is that training builds up preconceptions which can be hard to dislodge. For example, when you train a bird to eat computer mice, it loses all its ability to kill dogs with shotguns.”

“I wasn’t aware that birds could kill dogs with shotguns.”

“But you accept that they can eat computer mice?”

“I never said that.”

“So why didn’t you mention it?”

“This is stupid. You’re just trying to trick me so that you don’t have to explain your own 
stupidity.”

“That’s impossible.”

“What is?”

“To explain your own stupidity.”

“Why?”

“Because once you can explain the stupidity it ceases to be stupid.”

“That’s very deep, but I’m not sure if I understand it.”

“Oh, it’s really quite simple. To do something that is truly stupid means that it defies explanation. Once you can explain why you did it, even if it’s a stupid reason, the act ceases to be stupid. Instead it’s merely a boneheaded maneuver.”

“But the explanation can be stupid.”

“That is correct. Once you explain the explanation, of course, then that too stops being stupid.”

“This conversation could go on however.”

“I would enjoy that.”

“Why?”

“Because then I would continue getting disability insurance.”

“How would you get disability insurance from talking. I mean, what exactly is this disability.”

“As long as I keep on talking I have a disability.”

“And what’s that?”

“My stupidity.”

“Why’s that?”

“My stupidity?”

“Yes.”

"I have no idea.”

“Ah ha, it has ceased to be stupidity.”

“How?”

“Because you explained it.”

“No I didn’t.”

“Sure you did.”

“No, I said that I had no idea.”

“That’s an explanation.”

“Not a very good one.”

“That doesn’t matter. All that matters is that it exists.”

“So once it exists it has validity.”

“Yes.”

“Good, you’ve proved my point.”

“What’s that?”

“Another connection between golf tees and humans.”

“What’s that?”

“You sound like a parrot?”

“Get to the point.”

“The point is that both tees and humans exist.”

“That’s like saying that Beethoven and peanut butter are one and the same.”

The End

24 comments:

Anonymous said...

Doesnt flow easily.

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQFKtI6gn9Y

yossi said...

Anon: what does that video have to do with anything?

Anonymous said...

haha

Anonymous said...

all us anons should get together and make a blog of our own.

Modeh B'Miktsas said...

Ha, you should be a philosopher. Problem is then you'd have to mean it.

The Real Shliach said...

Yossi: Hey, nice to see you on here.

Modeh: You're correct, I should be. Problem is, then i'd have to mean what?

yossi said...

oi, i come on here often.

The Real Shliach said...

Well, it's nice to see you comment.

Modeh B'Miktsas said...

I mean make your arguments seriously.

The Real Shliach said...

Which arguments would those be?

Modeh B'Miktsas said...

To be a philosopher you have to believe in all seriousness that the more you are trained the less it is obvious.

yossi said...

hey, i comment... occasionally.

The Real Shliach said...

Modeh: Oh. In that case, count me out. I try to take the greatest amount of things the least seriously that I can.

Yossi: well, the more the merrier!

le7 said...

Peanut butter and Beethoven... wow.

The Real Shliach said...

It took you how long for that?

Sef said...

wow. I'm overwhelmed.

The Real Shliach said...

is this a good thing?

sarabonne said...

killer birds with shotguns, holy smokes...(flock of crows is called a murder afterall)

The Real Shliach said...

To what are you referring?

sarabonne said...

I'm referring to the birds with shotguns...you did write this post, right?

The Real Shliach said...

Ahh yes. As you may have noticed, I wrote this nearly five years ago, and I hadn't read it since. But now I just did.

Sef said...

I'm not sure...

The Real Shliach said...

And what would be the deciding factor?