Friday, March 6, 2009

Haveil Havalim 207: A very TRS HH




Wowee folks, it's time for another wacky and wonderful HH! Every week I read that week's HH and think, "You know what? I could make this thing a lot more interesting." Is this assertion correct? If it is, is that a good thing? How the heck should I know? The important thing is that we're all in for a wild ride. You see, I figure that if I can't offer even a semi-intelligent (half-witted) comment on each and every post here then I've somehow failed miserably. Of course, when it's four in the morning and I'm still not done, then.... Anyway, first a word from our sponsors:

Founded by Soccer Dad, Haveil Havalim is a carnival of Jewish blogs — a weekly collection of Jewish & Israeli blog highlights, tidbits and points of interest collected from blogs all around the world. It’s hosted by different bloggers each week and coordinated by Jack. The term ‘Haveil Havalim,’ which means “Vanity of Vanities,” is from Qoheleth, (Ecclesiastes) which was written by King Solomon. King Solomon built the Holy Temple in Jerusalem and later on got all bogged down in materialism and other ‘excesses’ and realized that it was nothing but ‘hevel,’ or in English, ‘vanity.’

And maybe a few ground rules. I'm sorry if I didn't post all five posts you sent in. I'm sorry if I offended you or reduced your post (which you no doubt spent many hours crafting like a fine wine) to a single quivering misrepresentational sentence. I'm sorry for ever starting blogging. All right then, on with the show:

Would a little Purim be in order? I certainly think so. le7 gives us a graphical reason to stay off the roads this holiday season in A word from our sponsors. If this doesn't sober you up then I don't know what will. If you're depressed about not having any benedictine this Purim (and I'd understand your concerns if you were), then maybe My Non-Alcoholic Purim from the Jewish Recovery Blog can help. Now now, don't get down, Rabbi Leigh Ann Kopans will show you the true Purim spirit with Mishenichnas Adar/When Adar Begins. Or else maybe you prefer my own take on the matter with Mishenichnas Adar marbeh headaches? Or even Mordechai Torczyner presenting Drinking on Purim - adults, children, and adults in the presence of children posted at The Rebbetzin's Husband? The choices are endless! Listen, personally, I'm only a kid (figuratively speaking) myself, what do I know, but still, you know, here in Lubavitchland, you know, we don't settle with, you know, taking naps. Or with skimping on commas. Or with the word "know". But hey, whatever floats your boat. Take diets for instance. I never intend to go near one. Nevertheless, there are people who do, and for them there's muse, who wrote, on me-ander that Purim's a tough holiday for dieters which I suppose is true. It's one of the reasons I'm not on a diet.

All righty then, moving right along, it's time for...Anti-Semitism! Seeing as we're right before Purim, it seems apropos to include a nice little Dvar Torah from yours truly that vaguely deals with the phenomenon (hey, it's my HH, I can do what I want) over at Drink that Kool-Aid. Friar Yid explains that the Society of St. Pius has issues beyond Bishop Williamson in Apologies to some, face smacks to others, while Karen commands us all to wear a blue star. And if you're looking for a hilarious dramatization of a Biblical Psychotherapist, then today is your lucky day. Just click on Zachor Ess Asher Assah Amalek -The Root of All Hatred where Yechezkel explains the causes of social hatred. Before reading this post I would have guessed bad breath, but now....
Is that it for antisemitism? Good, I've never particularly liked anti-semitism.

So how about we try something else? Something like Culture? I suppose Ralph Kaplowitz, Played in NBA's First Game, Dies, posted by Mark, would be a good start, though for the life of me I can't figure out what this has to do with culture. Maya with Lesson #8: Put Osem Soup Powder in EVERYTHING might be a better fit, though as she aptly says, this post might also work in Israel, humor, or Kashrut. Whatever. Anyway, welcome to the blogosphere, and don't become totally obsessed like me, or like RAW, who wrote Ode to Ties which happens to feature some shtuff about moi, so you know it must be good. Then we have Robert J. Avrech writing about 10,000 Violent Women and One Screenwriter, Final Chapter, which also completes our section on culture. Shocking, I know, only four posts on culture. What are we Jews, a bunch of hedonistic brutes?

Moving right along from the shocking images undoubtedly engendered by that graphic language (sorry mother!) we come up to Ari Kinsberg blogging about Women Scribes in Jewish History which is very interesting, because it's certain proof that labor can't be that bad, because why would a woman be scribing if she was having contractions if it was? (I just wrote that to get rocks thrown at my blog by women [breaking their computer screens in the process]-of course, maybe she got an epidural).

I know I said I would make things interesting, but this was too good to pass up:
Ben-Yehudah presents Jameel's Reality Television Show posted at The Muqata جميل في المقاطعة, saying, "This is what happens when bloggers have too much time on their hands. Read the comments."
I'm not sure why I thought that funny. But I did. Oh, did I forget to mention that it's time for HUMOR? Whoops. Anyway, we also have Toby Curwin showing us all why Israelis shouldn't be allowed near the English language with Clobbered. Then there's Yechezkel and what appears to be a Purim Torah with On Chachmas Nashim and Offshore Bank Accounts. Oh yeah, and Mazel Tov on your daughter. IY"H by the rest of us single people.
I was just beginning to think that I might run out of snarky things to write about (it is 2:30 AM after all), but then Paul Kipneswrote I friended G-d on Facebook! and I said, "Yes!" Now I can explain to all y'all people who were really inspired by my post here and wanted to friend me on facebook and couldn't. You know why? Because I'm not on facebook! Who woulda thunked? You know why I'm not on facebook? My answer used to be that lots of perverted things happen on facebook, and I didn't want to expose myself to that nisayon, but then I realized that lots of perverted things happen on blogger too, so my new excuse is that I just don't have the time. Which is true. I waste way too much time blogging as it is, and facebook would only increase the horror. Oh yeah, and Paul, do you know my close friend Eli Friedman who lives in Calabasas too? Just wondering.
You know, I'm getting the feeling that either a lot of people are going to love this HH or a lot are going to hate it. Hmm.
But enough negativity. SnoopyTheGoon sent in Just a cat in a bong or a recipe for world piece? which features an innovative method of animal cruelty. Benji Lovitt brings us back to facebook, if only briefly, with Back to Israel (and Ulpan) but don't worry, I won't go into my whole shpiel again.
Last but certainly not least is Hesh who tells us What frum lingerie shops look like, which is not something I was particularly interested in knowing. But now I know, thanks to Hesh, who I met tonight at a sold-out (the pizza, at any rate, was all eaten) performance at a breakaway from Beis Shmuel. Now I get to go on his 'Bloggers I have met' label! Woohoo!

And that seems to be it for humor. Now it's time to get serious again (ha!) with Israel. Joel Katz leads off with Religion and State in Israel - March 2, 2009 (Section 1), which he describes as: Articles include: Lieberman, religious parties optimistic 'Elyashiv digging in over civil unions' Religious women's groups ask Netanyahu to limit power of country's rabbinical courts Civil marriage for all IDF Intelligence and Navy Look to Hareidi-Religious After Haaretz probe, IDF limits rabbinate activities Rabbi Ovadia rules women may chant Scroll of Esther for men. I am not making this up. Joel Katz also gave us part two of that, which he described as
Articles include: Fresh Rift Seen Over New Conversion Rules Rabbinic court slammed for nixing conversion of Emil Fackenheim's son Panel in charge of reviewing Law of Return 'too homogeneous' 14-year-old girl becomes Israel's youngest-ever divorcee Rabbinical judges have once again turned the Torah into a laughing stock Women worshippers stir row at Western Wall Fostering Jewish pluralism in Israel Should Christianity be taught in schools? Pope’s visit to Israel. Once again, I didn't make this up.
muse said something about laundry in Pass the clothes pins, and I think this might be an appropriate time to thank my sister for allowing me to use her washer and dryer gratis whenever I want. Of course, it would be sacrilege to mention my sister without mentioning her delicious daughters (my supercute nieces)so there you go. ALN exposes the PA as a bunch of scum (but you knew that already) who won't take care of their own people in Scales are Tipped Down, Way Down, by the PA, while Eric reveals that Charedim are a bunch of scum (is that a but harsh?) in New Metal Trash Can for Haredi Neighborhoods. Yeah, that probably was a bit mean, coming from the guy who fought his Birthright leader over the rights of charedim to throw rocks at cars on Shabbos. muse gave us a guest post at Shiloh Musings entitled Incomplete. You want to know what the post is talking about? Go read it yourself. It's 3:30 AM now and I'm entitled to be lazy. Soccer Dad tells us prisoner releases are bad in Another reason why prisoner releases are bad, which you probably guessed from the title. I mean, you probably guessed what the post was about from the title. Which is what I did. As you probably guessed.

Judaism! (Our mutually cherished and sometimes overburdened religion)

Shvach Yid presented Gallows Humor from Mr. Mark, and I'm sorry, I totally didn't get that. I did get Chabad.org learning us to control our instincts, which is something we could all use a bit of. At least, I could. You know what? Chabad.org sent me seven or eight blog posts to put up this week. Now listen, I'm a good Lubavitcher and all, and I even blogged for them the last couple of summers, but there is no way in heck I'm putting up that many posts. Sorry folks. Man, now I feel guilty. You non-Lubavs out there think Jewish guilt is bad? It's nothing compared to Lubavitch Guilt. So go read Wants to Be Religious and Wife Doesn't and donate a lot of money to them or something and then I won't feel so bad anymore. A Simple Jew tells us What's NOT Going To Work Is.... Obadiah Shoher reveals that Satmar, Neturei Karta, other anti-Zionist ultra-Orthodox Jews have many valid points
which might get him stoned instead of me.

And now it's time to get all touchy-feely with Personal! Are you excited? Because I can, we'll commence with a little nostalgia from TRS, Turns it does, and then quickly move to Diary of a Rabbi Blogger, by Paul Kipnes which is something I'll hopefully be able to say in a few months (once I finish up smicha). e embellishes his very own quitting story in A (slightly) dramatized version of how I joined the ranks of the unemployed , and Ben Yehudah tells us that he was Banned from the JTF Forum! Horrors!

Luckily for you, we got some Politics. Excited, aren't we?

muse leads off with More Democracy in Action and SnoopyTheGoon ends off with Iran, the Jews and Roger Cohen . My, that was quick.

You know what is the best schora? Torah!

Yehuda Berlinger over at racheladelman.com/ (is there something I'm missing here?) gives us The Dance around the Center the Sanctuary Can Hold which looked really interesting, but now it's 3:48 PM, and there's a reason I did Chitas and Rambam this afternoon.

Do you know what time it is? It's people who couldn't think of a good label for their post time!

rickismom (who I assume is Ricki's Mom) tells us about someone who I assume is Ricki in my-son-soldier-trainee. Yisrael Medad explains to our former first lady and current chief socialist at the state department that The Children, Hillary, It's For The Children, and then a letter from him printed in the New York Slimes. Yitzchak Goodman should probably have labeled this under Israel, but he didn't, and I'm not going back and changing my masterpiece now, so PressTV (Iran): "Zion elders wanted Muslims 'under thumb'"---that's a real headline will have to stay right were it is.

And does that do it for this issue of HH? No sirree! In fact, this is the most important part of the whole thing. It's time to present TRS' friends! Sure, kol yisroel chaverim and all that, but these people are good people, and they deserve your hits. So give it to them people.

We'll start off with Yossi, a shliach at my beloved YOEC, who wrote M'Talmidy Yoser MeKulam, which was a bit disturbing, to tell you the truth. Crawling Axe had a video of the greatest human being of all time and space (all right, I exaggerate in a miniscule manner), and Sebastion (aka j [hey it rhymes!]) told us about his week. Chetta mentioned the incomparable Rabbi Manis Friedman (if only his kids would pick up their phones) in fascinating, and Sarabonne reminded me why I say the brocha "shelo asani isha" once a day with Because I said I would.... and Tangents on Heels. So maybe I should say it twice a day? Cheerio Welton told us that Neil Gaiman is a Friggin' Genius. It's a pity that I've never even heard of Neil Gaiman. Her brother (Cheerio's, that is) is rather talented, as he reveals with his comic representation of the Haftorah of Parshas Tetzaveh. Short plug for me here: I was at a Chabad House for Shabbos and the Shliach called me over right before Maftir and said, "Hey TRS, want to do Maftir?" I replied that I had nothing better to do, so not only did I fulfill the biblical command of Parshas Zachor in the best possible manner, but I also got to do the Haftora off the cuff. And I think I did a darned good job. Thank you.
All right, enough self-congratulation. Oh, all right, just a tiny bit more. Here's a post from Mottel which features several pictures of me, An Amazing Wedding for an Amazing Yankel - Photo Essay. Here's my report of that very wedding. JEMnation wrote about Birkas Hachama - What’s up with it?, and RAW gave us The Usual Chassidish which in my opinion isn't usual at all, and in concluding this nice run-on sentence Elishevers opens up our minds with Chemistry Is Art. Once again, I didn't get it, which I suppose means I must be a philistine.

And acharon acharon chaviv, Basement Blogging: The Crown Heights Underground is the site of some unusual writing experimentation, with a continuation of the inspirational writing exercise (scroll down for the latest), and my very own continuing story, the latest chapter of which is Kings cry too.

And thus we conclude this week's edition of Haveil Havalim. Holy smokes folks, that took me six hours. I kid you not. But it was worth every second. Submit your article or post or whatever it is you have to the next edition of HH, and you should know that past posts and future hosts (and vice-versa) can be found at the blog carnival index page. Well, it's been a pleasure, and if anyone actually read this far then I am quite impressed. Have a spiritually uplifting Purim and don't drive drunk!

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19 comments:

Mottel said...

All the content on my post, and all you can write about it is that there pictures of you? Thanks . . .

SnoopyTheGoon said...

Good job!

Thanks for the inclusion and cheers.

toby said...

Thanks for the link - that sure was thorough!

Jack said...

Thanks.

Yehuda said...

I provided the link, but the content at RachelAdelman.com is from my wife Rachel Adelman, not me!

Thanks,
Yehuda

Ben-Yehudah said...

B"H

Thanks for the link, and for hosting.

The widget/rater was a good idea, too.

Haveil Havalim #207 Is Up!

le7 said...

This I found quite hilarious.

Eric said...

Thanks for the link. I would not go as far as to say Haredim are scum, but I guess that is open to interpretation. Nice HH.

The Real Shliach said...

Mottel: would you expect any less from me?

Snoopy: thanks.

Toby: I do what I can

Jack: my pleasure

Yehuda: I know, that's why I made a joke about it.

Ben-Yehudah: I would love to take credit but honestly, I just copied and pasted from the blog carnival site.

le7: I'm glad someone did.

Eric: something like that.

muse said...

You did a really great job
, thanks.

sarabonne said...

Haha! We're all famous! Fabulous.
I can understand why this took you 6 hours, guess how long it took to read it...(comprehension took second read).
But thanks for the mention, I feel awfully girly now. (And proud of it, gosh.)

Anonymous said...

TRS - I’m very impressed with this magnum opus of yours.
You definitely need to market your talents.
Thanks for a great Sunday read.
CT fan.

Yitzchak Goodman said...

Yitzchak Goodman should probably have labeled this under Israel

Well, the "giant empire of news media and networks" controlled by the Elders goes beyond Israel . . .

A freilechen Purim

The Real Shliach said...

Muse: thanks!

Sara: this made you feel female why?

CT Fan: you offering your managerial services?

Yitzchak Goodman: LOL. You too.

sarabonne said...

duh-if my posts make you say "shelo asani isha," they must be of a more feminine nature.

Modeh B'Miktsas said...

*nasty comment*

Nuch Epes Ah Chosid said...

wow! HEVEAL HAVALIM is STILL going on, ohh i have good memories when i used to blog once upon a time,

HI to all my friends who still remember me!!!

and hatzlocha to all of you.

food-cook said...

amazing how active this blog is. im so happy! so much info and love in this site

The Real Shliach said...

Um... Thanks.