Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Dear TRS: More advice for the massively massed masses

That's right folks, it's time for another exciting adventure with the TRS mailbag-and this time we actually have mail! Woohoo! Anyway, here goes:

Dear Sir:

I know that I'm not allowed to listen to non-Jewish music, so can I sing niggunim while I'm in the shower?

Sincerely,
Piously Pondering
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Dear Piously Pondering,

What are you talking about? Do you mean to say that all Jewish songs are niggunim? Or else only niggunim are Jewish music? Either way, I think that any holy music should be avoided whilst in the lavatory or its attendant functionaries. If you feel the need to sing, why not hum sung Avraham Fried tunes? Of course, if you feel the need for niggunim, there's always Breslov...
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Dear Sir:

There's a female friend of mine who rides the bus late at night in dangerous neighborhoods. What should I do to persuade her to cease this dangerous activity?

Sincerely,
No really, it's not me, it's my friend
--
Dear No really, it's not me, it's my friend,

Tell your friend to get married and have her husband drive her around.
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Dear Sir:

I'm wondering which is more chassidish: to have your last chametz before Pesach be a hot cross bun from Breadsmith, or perhaps sushi from Byerlys?

Sincerely,
Insincere
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Dear Insincere,

Seeing as Byerlys hasn't made Kosher sushi the whole week it would appear that the better option would be the hot cross bun.
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Dear Sir:

Are you going to make another cheap joke at our glorious president's expense in order to wring some humor from this heretofore humorless exercise, or will you manage to restrain yourself?

Sincerely,
Avremel Shemtov
--
Dear Avremel Shemtov,

Why was Barack Obama so desperate to become the President? So he could get free public housing!
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And a Kosher and most happy Pesach to you and yours.

27 comments:

sarabonne said...

lol, I forgot about this. I suppose I'll have to send my dozens of questions in for next time.

The Real Shliach said...

Oh, please do.

Nemo said...

Sushi isn't chometz, fool.

e said...

Which of the questions were real?

e said...

A lot of people sin by singing words of Scripture in the lauratory and associated functions. hence, i say wordless niggunim are you're best bet. of course i personally prefer to sing eighth day in the shower.

Anonymous said...

I should really send in a question. I always get around it by singing songs BY jews (talking heads, Bob dylan) but that may just be cheating.

J

Modeh B'Miktsas said...

I bet all the questions were real.

Nemo: No, it's kitniyos. Sfardim are in luck

Gotta send in my questions too.

le7 said...

A lot of Sefardim don't eat rice... Morroccans don't eat rice...

Anyways, the official Rabbi Turkey answer to the question about niggunim is "Chassidim don't take showers longer than 3 minutes... what do you need to sing for already?"

sarabonne said...

Rabbi Turkey....oh we had fun with him as our teacher.When we were awake that is...

The Real Shliach said...

Nemo: idiot, you eat rice on pesach?

Re: reality of questions: Some were, some weren't. I expect a full mailbox for next week's edition!

le7 said...

I wish I could post the pictures of you teaching his class...

The Real Shliach said...

You=Sara?

sarabonne said...

yup, I did illustrations on the board.
They were the only confirmation that I payed attention-which I did, mind you.

The Real Shliach said...

And what did the dear Rabbi teach which warranted illustration?

sarabonne said...

halacha, I made the diagrams.

Nemo said...

Dude, I'm 1/4 sfardi tahor on my father's side. I'm sure I would be forgiven for eating rice on Pesach. Especially with this latest article being promulgated in the name of Rabbi Heller ...

The Real Shliach said...

Sara: And you undoubtedly took pictures of your efforts, yes?

Nemo: Forgiven by whom? Besides, I hardly think Rabbi Heller would countenance such gross abuse of his words.

sarabonne said...

pictures were taken, yes, to this I can verify, but I did not take them.

The Real Shliach said...

And what are our chances of a viewing?

sarabonne said...

Mmmmm, nada. Sorry. :)

The Real Shliach said...

Not even as an afikomen present?

sarabonne said...

Perhaps when I'm old and feeling generous. Till then, nope.

The Real Shliach said...

The former condition should be satisfied rather sooner than expected. The latter though, I fear, may be somewhat longer in coming.

sarabonne said...

You call me selfish? In this circumstance, perhaps.
Besides...I don't actually know where the pictures are.

The Real Shliach said...

Hmm. Actually, I know where the pictures are.

sarabonne said...

Oh? Where would that be?

The Real Shliach said...

On a mutual acquaintance's MacBook.