The Beis Miriam Yerushalayim Seminary and Indoctrination Center

This morning I was perusing Shmais.com and I noticed an advertisement for a brand new seminary called Beis Miriam Yerushalayim Seminary. My first thought was that these people must be really desperate, because as everyone knows, people kill their best friends to get into seminary, and here this place is spending money to beg people to attend? Crazy. I clicked on their ad because it offered some reasons to attend the seminary, and since as everyone knows I'm looking to attend.... So the first item on the list of reasons to attend was that they are going to teach girls how to teach JLI courses. This sounds like a look good thing, because if a shliach can get his wife to teach his courses for him, then he can do more important shtuff, like lekk his baalebaatim.
The next item on the list is about farbrengens. Now, everyone knows that I'm a massive fan of farbrengens. What would I write without them? Where else would I get supper from? Regardless, it's a great pity that there's no copy and paste on the iPod, because I would dearly love to tear their description apart line by line.
They start off by saying that "The art of Farbrengen requires apprenticeship", and this is taught by the Rebbeim in their Sichos. Can someone please explain to me what this line means? Are they referring to the art of talking or the art of listening? As far as I know, it's not that difficult to listen. Just shut up and eat something that isn't crunchy. And giving over a farbrengen? Again, you sit down and start talking. Hopefully you've prepared something to say. But it's not like your a plumber; they throw you off into the deep end and hope you swim. Because it's not something you can teach; either you got it or you don't.
It then says that back in the day, older mashpiim would sit down with teenage students and tell them lessons and tales of the past. Please tell me, is that what we're teaching our students? Lessons and tales of the past? Is Judaism a religion of the past? I sure don't want my daughters to think that. The lessons must be for today; the tales must speak for all time. Otherwise the whole thing is a waste of time.
The administration then informs us that, in addition to having a bunch of people who will come and speak, they will also have traditional farbrengens at which they will teach lubavitch dveikus niggunim and create an atmosphere of warmth and kedusha that will be difficult to leave. But wait, there's more! Except there's not. When I first saw this paragraph it promised to teach girls how to say lchaim responsibly and in a chassidish manner. But it doesn't say that anymore. Why not? Did they hear my lambasting hear in Morristown, even before I had a chance to put it down in writing on this here blog?
We had this argument a couple of weeks ago, and I guess the hanhala of Beis Miriam was thinking the same thing: it's not a good thing to advertise that girls are drinking. Does it happen? Of course. Is it an attractive thing? Is a woman smoking, a chassidishe woman smoking, an attractive thing? I think not.
Moving right along, we come to the part of the description of the seminary which really made my blood boil. It seems that nowadays women are not happy with merely being adjuncts to their husbands on shlichus, but must now be CEO Shluchas! Whatever that means. Oh, they're going to get a certificate proclaiming to the world that they're a professional shlucha, which will enable them to get future shlichus employment. Now please explain to me how the 4000 shluchos out there are managing? They don't have a certificate! Besides, what are these girls going to do, hang their certificate up next to their husband's smicha document? This is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever read.
I know that every seminary pushes shlichus like the only alternative is garbage collection, and I know that snag seminarys push marrying a ben Torah and slaving to the bone while he goofs off in kollel as the only valid lifestyle, but to make a certificate? That's just crazy. Are girls really coming out of school knowing so little that now they have to have a certificate to prove that they know something? And anyways, what exactly will they be teaching these girls? How to cook, clean, and have kids? All right, that's a little unfair, but what are you supposed to teach our future shluchos? And are the qualities that make a good shlucha really tangible enough to merit a document attesting to their having gotten those skills?
The only reason I would ever consider this school is because they offer trips every week to tour the holy land. That is cool. Every school should do that. I have friends who went to Yeshiva in Israel for three years who saw less than I did in ten days. So kudos to Beis Miriam for this aspect of their program.