Thursday, January 22, 2009

It's not polite to belch in my ear

If you're wondering who that was pushing a double stroller around Crown Heights the whole day wearing a long black coat, black pants (thank you very much), a black hat, black shoes, and a very long white scarf, then you've come to the right place for the answer. It was pretty weird too, because some Lubavitcher dude was taking pictures around 770 this morning and it sure seemed like he was taking them of me. But maybe he was capturing Lucky Wolf. I don't know. Or maybe it's just my intense paranoia/egoistic tendencies which would think that someone would ever want to take a picture of me. It's funny in CH, because when you're a little famous they fawn over you like you're the next coming of Michael Jackson, but then when you get big they urinate all over you like you're the next coming of Michael Jackson. So right now I'm not even little famous enough to warrant fawning, but some day soon...
Meanwhile, getting back to that walking of mine. I had just turned from Crown to walk up Kingston (away from 770) and some older guy, normal looking, walks right by me and belches loudly in my ear. I turned to give him a look, he looked right back at me, and continued walking. That was strange. In fact, it was possibly the strangest part of my walk. Running into a bunch of sixth grade girls just coming out of school was also a bit odd, but I had the carriage and two cute nieces to protect me from any harm.

Meanwhile, in other news, it was nice to see Barack Obama get down to shirt sleeves in the Oval Office. Sure, it's classy and all to wear a suit jacket all the time, but doesn't it get hot? And if you want to tell me that they'll turn on the air conditioning, isn't that bad for the environment? And the tax payer's dollars? And if you'll tell me that it's winter, and it's all right if they simply turn down the heat a little, I'll say, "But hey, what about the wee wifie and the wee kiddies?" I mean, are they to suffer because of a sport coat? And if you'll say to me that they can take off their own coats, I'll say to you, "What if they weren't wearing any?"And even if they were, what if they didn't want to take them off? And what about Rahm Emanuel? The poor guy is a Chassidishe dude, obviously, who never takes off his jacket, even when he's eating salami sandwiches. With mustard of course. You understand the mesiras nefesh involved? Here he is, potentially lethal amounts of honey dijon goodness spraying all over, and he's wearing a jacket. And now that the Mr. President has taken off his, it's even more important for Rahm's ego to keep its on. Because Rahm has to show who's boss in this relationship. And to be perfectly frank, it ain't the black man. So yes, it is imperative that certain things be done in an increasingly strange manner as befits the oddness that is TRS.

67 comments:

e said...

As usual, an incomprehensible, pointless post.

The Real Shliach said...

Always glad to be of service.

Dovid said...

Actually, aside from the black man comment towards the end there, I thought this was TRS back in true form, especially after that whole bohemian fiasco. good stuff (shtuff?)

The Real Shliach said...

The black man comment was the classic! Not really. I'm not racist. Oh well.

What was the Bohemian fiasco? The people who were meant to get it got it.

LE7 said...

I thought it was funny but hey.

Anyways, the dude wears white shirt sleeves, the way the messiah should. So why are we complaining? Because he doesn't have a beard? (Yes I totally ripped someone off for that comment, but I'm not giving them credit unless they call me out for it).

LE7 said...

Or a hat?

The Real Shliach said...

Why are we complaining? Because he closed Gitmo.

LE7 said...

Nu? Can't have everything. At least he dresses the part.

The Real Shliach said...

A chassidishe yetzer hora is a bad thing?

LE7 said...

Uhhhh... got me.

The Real Shliach said...

Exactly. This man is the chassidishe YH your parents warned you about. Talks the talk. Walks the walk.

LE7 said...

Ahh. Ahhh. I get I get. So he walks like the messiah and talks like the messiah, but you're telling me no dice?

The Real Shliach said...

All's I'm saying is, the messiah will wear a head covering by his coronation.

LE7 said...

So buy him a hat.

The Real Shliach said...

And the beard?

LE7 said...

Major issue, if the messiah doesn't have a beard... you're right.

The Real Shliach said...

And even if he grew one? I love Jeremiah wright and all (the man can preach!), but without a cut and dip...

LE7 said...

You've made some very valid points this evening Mr. Shliach. Don't know what to say.

The Real Shliach said...

victory is ours!

LE7 said...

Righto.

The Real Shliach said...

Next step: the world!

Crawling Axe said...

This is the kind of FrumSatire posts I like.

Oh wait... Anyway, I liked the post. Including the racist remarque.

Crawling Axe said...

We should definitely buy him a hat.

All the presidents always wore hats. Until the Mr. New York Airport who got shot by Merilyn Monroe.

The Real Shliach said...

Funny how different people like different things. Anyways, I was under a bit of pressure, and this was the blabber that resulted.

Marilyn Monroe shot him? I think you got your history a little off buster. She wouldn't shoot her best *friend*.

The Real Shliach said...

But did you see the fedora Dick Cheney wore to the inaugaration? Classic.

Crawling Axe said...

Dude, that’s like the best alibi ever. Her and Elvis did it. And then the Commies got blamed. I mean, that’s just ridiculous — a lefty shooting a lefty?

Normally I don’t like different things. I like my things constant. But in the current climate of change, hope and abyrvalg, one must flow with the times.

The Real Shliach said...

Brilliant. I can see a best-seller coming up. Remember, I get 79% of the profits.

What was that in reference to?

Crawling Axe said...

The point is, he needs a hat. The other guy wore a hat too.

New Yorker magazine proposed a wig, but I disagree. We can’t have the President looking gay. One minority at a time.

The Real Shliach said...

He's the next coming of FDR? Will he also die in his mistress' arms?

And yeah, a powdered wig would be hip.

Crawling Axe said...

By the way, stop slandering the Supreme Commander. He aint’t gonna close Gitmo. OK, he may close it in a year (as he promised), but what is going to do with the prisoners? Send them to their countries to even worse conditions? Let them go? Send them to regular courts, which will let them go (since they won’t accept the evidence; nor will CIA provide them with it, revealing sources, etc.).

Now, what do you think Obama will see in one year in these people’s dossiers’? That they were goat herders? After a year of being the Supreme Commander and receiving daily CIA reports, do you think Mr. Hope will take upon himself responsibility of releasing people who are literally begging to make themselves into martyrs?

Yeah, I am sure that’s what will happen.

Of all people, Chavez got it right first of all.

The Real Shliach said...

If only liberals were so easily convinced.

Crawling Axe said...

FDR died in his mistress’s arms?

The international consensus has not agreed what he is a next coming of — Woody the Wilson, FDR, JFK or simple Jimmy the Carter. Hopefully it will be the latter (considering the latter’s success in convincing Congress in anything; not so different from Obama’s so far, by the way).

Crawling Axe said...

Lack of thereof, that is.

The Real Shliach said...

Basically.

You gave three options there which could be the latter. Which is it?

Crawling Axe said...

By the way, I am reminded that Australia was the British version of Gitmo. And what we have in return? Goyim have Nicole Kidman. We have, lehavdil, Gutnicks. Not bad, I say.

Crawling Axe said...

The latter meaning the latter. The last one.

The Real Shliach said...

Yeah, but you also got Forsters and terrible accents from Outback Steakhouse. So we'll call it a draw.

The Real Shliach said...

Ahh. Jimmy Carter. Sweater boy. Freak.

Crawling Axe said...

Who had an attempt on his life too, by the way. Probably not without CIA’s help.

But he was what we call in Russia, “болтун”. He would talk, Congress would snore. Recently he became more dangerous because people started listening (and since liberals don’t think for themselves, believing everything he says).

The Real Shliach said...

Who Tried to kill him? Why wasn't my assistance requested?

Crawling Axe said...

See here.

Your assistance was not required, because everybody knows that frum people are bad with animals.

By the way, it’s interesting to compare Bush’s pretzel incident with Carter’s rabbit incident. The former choked on an all-American delicacy. The latter was attacked by a swamp killer rabbit. If ever there was a clear-cut illustration in the difference between two parties...

The Real Shliach said...

I never heard of that rabbit. Hilarious. What a dope.

Modeh B'Miktsas said...

Of course it's polite to belch in peoples' ears. Basic bochur manners.

Pity the rabbit didn't finish the job.

Comeon. WHen are we gonna get down to some serious profundities already?

The Real Shliach said...

Name the topic for profunditization, and we'll get right down to it.

Modeh B'Miktsas said...

Try any one of my book ideas from the last thread. Or I could write one.

The Real Shliach said...

I'll work on it.

Anonymous said...

just want to point out that walking away from 770 is "down" kingston--as opposed to "up." This is not due to the fact that there is inherent holiness in the upper part of the great avenue. rather it is due to the fact that there is a very real incline as kingston slopes down toward empire and beyond.

The Real Shliach said...

Hmm. Good point. Still, when I walk from Crown to 770, I say I'm going "down" to 770.

EndOfWorld said...

what company double stroller?

e said...

From Empire to Eastern Pkwy the hill goes up, but the addresses go down. So you can really say it either way. Unless you're a fundie who thinks that 770-ward is always upward.

The Real Shliach said...

EOW: Graco.
e: Yup.

Cheerio said...

kingston is most definitely up. it took me ages before i figured that out, and once i did, i could actually fiind my way around CH. so don't mess with my sense of direction.
obama as the chassidishe yetzer hara. nieces as protection. awesome post. dude, you've been on a roll, lately.

The Real Shliach said...

I think so too. Pastrami, turkey, lettuce, pickle, chummus, mustard...yup, definitely on a roll.

(Is it a sin to recycle comments that no one responded well to previously?)

Cheerio said...

all together? pastrami and chummus? isnt the turkey overkill?

LE7 said...

Dude, we're green over here. Recycling is not an issue. It's a super-duper-good-deed.

Cheerio said...

unless you're in ny, in which case, they make it really really hard to recycle, so they can pretend they are green, but really aren't.

The Real Shliach said...

Cheerio: All together. Of course. Ever had a falafel? Same concept.

LE7: Phew.

Cheerio said...

there's no meat in falafel. the meat is definitely overkill.

The Real Shliach said...

Yeah, but in falafel you put all sorts of shtuff. Ever eaten by a kosher subway? Again, same thing. Pile it on.

Cheerio said...

nope, they opened the one in la after i left.

The Real Shliach said...

They do have them in New York, you know. And they're really good in fact, even if they are Satmar meat.

Cheerio said...

satmar meat?!? treifus!
dude, i still don't eat mehadrin milchigs cuz they're satmar hashgacha.

LE7 said...

Woah scandalous, you eat meal mart?!

The Real Shliach said...

According to Manis, as long as it's got a good hechsher, he doesn't ask questions until he's finished eating.

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The Real Shliach said...

Correct you are-notice I have noticed.