Monday, January 5, 2009

One dead Palestinian=one vote for Livni

Right now I'm in a pretty serious mood, and my blogging will certainly be affected. Either it will also be serious, or it will be extra silly. I'm not sure. So we're at a bit of a crossroads. The advantage of a serious post is that I'll get lots of comments; the disadvantages is that I'll probably come out looking pretty dumb. If I write a silly post it probably won't garner too many comments but at least I won't look like a fool.

All right, I've made my decision-I'll blog about Gaza. Many people have asked me why I don't blog about that exciting strip of land, and I've answered them by saying that I'm not particularly interested in what is going on over there. I mean sure, I'm following the news and everything, but it doesn't thrill me enough to blog about. Until today. The reason I chose to break radio silence and inform my readers is not, as they might suspect, because of the efforts of the Morristown Zionists, but rather because a friend of mine called me up from Israel and asked me to blog about it. That friend, Yoni Chanowitz of Flatbush who was with me in Minnesota on Shlichus, is currently visiting the holy land. I assume that he's on birthright, and is currently being pumped full of Zionist propaganda. I can't think of any other reason that would make him call out of the country and leave a lengthy message asking me to tell the Zionist side of the story. Since I'm A. A nice guy, and B. Have nothing else to write I'll be doing just that. Or something approximating it anyway.

Israel. Land of our fathers. Land of really good chalav yisrael ice cream. Land of deranged politicians who will say anything for a vote. A bunch of mamzerim. So now they go attack Gaza. Why? Not because they want to protect their citizens. Because Tzipi Livni and Ehud Barak think it a pretty slick election maneuver. Meanwhile Ehud Olmert tries to salvage his legacy, and Bibi Netanyahu looks like a fool, because there's nothing he can do about his slipping poll numbers. Ha!

Some will argue that the end justifies the means. That as long as Israel is busy massacring women and children it's ok. And don't get me started on human shields. I'm bored of human shields. And it's not like I'm criticizing Israel either. Let them kill. Just they shouldn't feel so self-righteous about it. So what was I saying? Oh yeah, the ends and the means. The problem is that if the ends matched the means here then Israel would have done something about this a lot time ago. But they didn't. Because the means aren't particularly good ones. And when the means aren't too good then the ends aren't either. Because believe you me, as soon as there's elections everything will go back to the way it was. And the way it wasn't too great.

Why am I so cynical? Why don't I believe Tzipi Livni when she says that everything has changed now, or Ehud Barak when he says anything? Because I've heard these people say anything and everything for a long time, and they've proven time and time again that their words are worth nothing.
So what's my solution to this? I don't have a solution. I don't know what to do. I don't think that wiping out all the infidels in the West Bank and Gaza is the right thing to do, but I also don't think that letting the status remain quo will be particularly efficacious. Maybe the Messiah should just come. Yeah, that would be convenient. And I wouldn't have to take my smicha test. Woohoo!

Enough serious stupidity. Now it's time for a light-hearted look at life.
Today a bochur from zal, a real know-it-all, approached our medicine man (the incomparable Rabbi Chaim Schapiro) and told him that his smicha pogrom was filled with morons, because they didn't know something or other, which even he, a lowly tomchei bochur, knew. First our Rabbi turned to this boy and showed that he knew not what he was asking of the smicha bochurim to know. This boy, trying to save face, then said that maybe he didn't have a clue, but the smicha bochurim should, because it's part of smicha. Our lord and protector asked him which section of smicha this concept came from. The answer was that it came from taaruvos. "And what are bochurim of the machon smicha learning now?" We're learning bassar b'challav. All right, very good.
But wait, there's more! The Rabbi then asked the bochur a question from the daf he's learning in kesubos. The answer was unsatisfactory in the extreme. Why? Because he hadn't learned it so well. So why was he coming to Rabbi Schapiro to complain about what other people are not yet supposed to know when he didn't know when he didn't know what he was supposed to know himself? Thank you very much. That's what Rabbis are for. To knock the shtuffing out of precocious brats. Oh yes, and to help us learn smicha. But the former was by far the more entertaining of the two.

23 comments:

Dovid said...

Small world, I know Yoni Chanowitz. Or maybe everyone knows Yoni.

"I don't think that wiping out all the infidels in the West Bank and Gaza is the right thing to do"- common TRS, common

The Real Shliach said...

What do you mean "common"?

webjem said...

Medecine man. Love it.

Are you aware that native populations (can you figure out what that's code for) find the term simplistic and inaccurate? Bah. Humbug. The ikkar is, can he make big medicine?

The Real Shliach said...

Are today's results not proof enough of his great powers?

Dovid said...

Common as in "common TRS first secret santa and now this?"

The Real Shliach said...

So you think we should slaughter millions of people? Sorry to break it to you, but that wasn't the shitah of your Rebbe.

Dovid said...

No of course I don't think we should slaughter anyone!
But what is going on right now is self-defense, they are not indiscriminately killing people. Your absolutely right, they are doing it only for their own political gain, but they should have done this long ago.

LE7 said...

Common as in "come on"?

Crawling Axe said...

This is why the Rebbe supported EY. Did he care about the Zionist agenda? Ch"vsh. Did he not see through politicians’ agendas? Of course he did. But he also saw this as a keili for Hashgacha Protis (for whatever it may be).

And now especially, bedieved — now that we have Jews living there etc. — who cares what the actual agenda of the politicians’ is? As long as the horses are moving in the same direction… We should daven that the keili holds and whatever motivation Livni, Barak or whoever else have doesn’t runt out until the army gets as much job done as possible.

From the point of view of us, living in golus, or at least away from the front line, there is no Gaza, no Livni and Barak, no muslim mamzeirim — there is only Eibeshter in charge of his Universe and we, Jews, with our job that we need to be doing and focusing on.

Leo de Toot said...

Dear Mr. R.S.
It appears to me that you might be confusing issues. While certainly the actions of politicians (especially Israeli politicians) are clearly not above reproach, the survival of Israel is essential. (Regarding Israeli politicians, remember that they are basically the same people on various shul and school boards,who run Jewish organizations, give themselves "community" awards, sponsor dinners to celebrate their donations to various Jewish causes, etc. Actually I'm being too cynical - communities need the funds and if the price of receiving a large check towards the building fund is a pat-on-the-back dinner, then its cheap. So Israeli politicians are not the most altruistic - seems like the Prophets complained about similar "Kings" and leaders endlessly.) Regardless, Israel's survival remains paramount... Would it be too much to say that while Tzivos Hashem is the spiritual army of Israel, the IDF is the physical army? And, as both are essential to our continued existence, both deserve our most passionate support.
Doing thus (with enthusiasm)
Leo de T.

The Real Shliach said...

LE7: I think that's what he meant to, because otherwise it would have made much more sense to write "typical".

Everybody else: I'm sure I agree with everything you said. As I prefaced this with, I was in a serious mood, and what I think when I'm serious is not necessarily in concert with the orthodox viewpoint.

David said...

Yep,"come on".

The Real Shliach said...

In general dovid, you should know by now that I'm a bit of a contrarian. I don't like it whenever everyone thinks the same way, even if I really agree with them.

Dovid said...

Ich farshtey

The Real Shliach said...

I'm glad to hear it.

Cheerio said...

it's late, i'm tired, i can't believe i'm doing this, but... subscribing...

The Real Shliach said...

Ach, you missed the fun? Where have you been? And no comment on the seminary post, my best this week?

Cheerio said...

first, i was flying. then, i was sleeping. since then, i've been editing my sister's rohr report, which deserves a post unto itself. which i shall write. tomorrow. a shabbos treat.

The Real Shliach said...

She's applying for a Rohr grant? Cool. And now I'd like some comments on today's post please...pretty please?

Cheerio said...

i was getting around to it. you really needn't have begged. now i will never be able to respect you.
Re: Rohr: she has one, she has to report on what she's been doing with his 40,000 dollars or whatever.

The Real Shliach said...

You used to respect me? Really? I find that hard to believe.

Cheerio said...

not saying i did... just saying that now i will never be able to. you have removed the possibilty.

The Real Shliach said...

Nu nu, we all have to make sacrifices in life.