Sunday, February 15, 2009

A shocking shulem

Last night I rambled into 770 and immediately spotted Yosef Abramov wearing a new suit. I hadn't expected to see him there, and I walked over and said "Good Shabbos-nice suit." He said, "Mazel Tov-" and I said, "Huh?" He repeated, "Mazel Tov!" and then, "I'm a Chassan!" I of course immediately said my own Mazel Tovs. Yosef's a really good friend of mine, and I'm really happy for him. Turns out he got engaged just before the Shabbos started, and no one knew. This lead to some funny situations that night. Almost everyone who walked over to him said, "Good Shabbos", and he'd respond with "Mazel Tov". Then they'd say, "Thank you," and stop and think for a second. Why was he wishing them Mazel Tov? He would then say, "I'm a chassan!", and they'd say, mechanically, "Mazel Tov." Then it hit them, and they'd scream out ecstatically, "Mazel Tov!" Or something close to that. Anyway, it was really cute.

Tonight by his lchaim I heard a really nice vort that the Sanz-Klausenberger Rebbe said four years ago when he visited the new YOEC zal. I was there at the time, but since I don't understand yiddish too well, and certainly not poilishe yiddish, I had no idea what he said. Gruntig was good enough to write it all down at the time, and it was Big Fan (the video man) who said it tonight.
We find by the splitting of the reed see that when the going got tough the Jews did a whole lot of praying. And what happened by the war with Amalek? They got all feisty and kicked some Amalek rear-end. Funny thing is, the former was a physical problem (the Jews were in danger of being herded back to Egypt-land), while the latter was primarily a spiritual battle. Seems like they should have switched their reactions!
In fact, of course, they did the right thing. By us Jews, when you have a spiritual problem, you have to go out and fight. When you have a physical problem though? Praying's the way to go.

After the Rebbe finished his drasha (and no, it wasn't in these words) he started off the podium, and then appeared to change his mind and walked back up to say a little more. As one of the bochurim commented, you never saw the Lubavitcher Rebbe do that. After that we all lined up and got (or is it gave?) shulem, and then the Rosh and the Rebbe went to take a look at the Mikve. The whole zal was just starting to pile in after them when they both made a beeline for the exit-turns out the Rosh had forgotten that the Mikve was going through a tough time, and it stank to the heavens.

Meanwhile, in other news, this week's Haveil Havalim is up. I'm doing it in three weeks-should be a whole lot of fun.

88 comments:

Crawling Axe said...

Reed. I still don’t understand how it got called Red in other languages, besides English.

On his birthday, my rabbi called his parents and said “Mazel tov”.

Seemingly, the Rebbe would say “just do it” regarding physical problem too, right? (The world cannot be a barrier to doing a mitzva.) Although maybe here it’s fixing the shoiresh of the problem.

The Real Shliach said...

Corrected. You'll have to excuse me, I wrote the whole thing after 5 AM.

Cute.

Remember, this was the Sanz-Klausenberger we're talking about here. My general rule is-call a mashpia.

le7 said...

You guys actually tell when someone has a new suit?

Come on.

Really?

The Real Shliach said...

What's so shocking?

le7 said...

I thought boys didn't notice that sort of thing and don't all of your suits look the same?

The Real Shliach said...

We don't. Happens to be I'm known for my style watching/fashion keeping upping (snort).

His has some major pinstripes going on.

le7 said...

Well we do know which blogs you read.

Pinstripes? Classy.

Crawling Axe said...

In that case tell me, what is up with Dr. Seus socks?

chanie said...

Mazal tov. B'karov etz'lecha.

The Real Shliach said...

LE7: A. Ouch.
B. You said it.

CA: you tell me.

Chanie: humph. No comment.

Cheerio said...

this is the one engaged to rivky braude?
i remember when that guy came to LA....
i like the detail about the stinky Mikva.
And dude - take the blessings when they come. don't be such a sourpuss cynic. in some way, they're helping.

chanie said...

TRS- fine, be that way. No, seriously.
And b'karov etz'lecha, since I know that it's not to me.

Cheerio- it's fine. I was like that too, and still am. B'karov etz'laich.

The Real Shliach said...

Cheerio: yup, he's the one. I'm being serious when I say that there are three of my friend's weddings that I will try very hard to attend-he's one of them.

You sure you remember him and not the Skverer Rebbe? That was a whole story in itself. About 800 skverer chassidim (I'm not kidding) came to use the YOEC mikveh, and some of bochurim felt a bit overwhelmed in there...so we sang matisyahu at the top of our lungs. The looks on their faces were priceless.

Re: brachos: That "humph" was a VD"L humph.

Chanie: you have something against me? But really, I appreciate the berachos. Seriously.

chanie said...

TRS, why would you think I have something against you? And what under the sun is a 'VD"L humph'?

Want more? My birthday is coming up; I can make sure to bestow one on you.

The Real Shliach said...

Because you're convinced that you'd never marry me (stam-I hope you're not taking this part of the conversation here seriously- i'm joking)

Yes, I need all the berachos I can get.

chanie said...

Well, I never will. So there. :P

Okay. :)

The Real Shliach said...

You'll never marry me? I can deal with that.
Btw, I was remiss by not explaining what a "VD"L humph" was. Basically, if you knew what was going on, then you'd understand why I said humph.

Excellent.

chanie said...

Good, you'll have to.
Would you like to explain? Or should I just take an educated guess?

Cheerio said...

ooh, chanie, you're educated in this matter?
and TRS - its possible i'm confused. how am i supposed to keep track of these rebbes? also, that story is awesome. any particular song?

The Real Shliach said...

Chanie: if you have an educated guess then please don't publish it here online, rather email me-therealshliach@gmail.com

Cheerio: I don't think she is.
Re Rebbe: tell me some details of what you remember and I'll tell you if it was either of those two.
Which song? Chop 'em down.

Cheerio said...

you think i remember details?

The Real Shliach said...

Which year was it?

Cheerio said...

ummmmmm....
there are only two options - when i was in eleventh grade (2004-05) or twelfth (05-06)...

The Real Shliach said...

Great. The two years I was there. Whatever.

Cheerio said...

yeah, we already knew that.

The Real Shliach said...

Hmm. The Sanz visit was in the winter, the skverer in the fall. I think the skverer was when you were in 12th.

chanie said...

TRS- Ah, I see. You want me to email you? Fat chance- I don't email bochurim, by policy. No, no one will know that I don't do that, because I do link to them on my blog- but email is מעל ומעבר to what's acceptable.

You have issues linking, but not emailing? I see...

Cheerio- perhaps I do, perhaps I don't.

The Real Shliach said...

You know what the Gemara says? If you have an overpowering urge to sin, go to mechuza with a black cloak and do it there-just don't make a chilul Hashem.

Anyway, I'm not particularly desirous of email, I would just prefer that speculation on the subject be kept private.

chanie said...

I know what the Gemara says. But be careful what you say online, lest you make a chillul Hashem.

The Real Shliach said...

Thankyou, miss pretentious one.

chanie said...

Your welcome, O' Ignorant One.

The Real Shliach said...

Getting feisty, are we?

chanie said...

Feisty? I think not. I just want to shoot you with as many as you shoot others with, plus some.

The Real Shliach said...

wow, you're really sweet. But please, explain, who did I shoot, and why would you want to shoot me?

chanie said...

Thanks, being sweet is what I'm known for [not!].

You just say a lot of controversial stuff, or stuff that I don't like, and therefore I want to prove that you're wrong. Because, of course, you are.

The Real Shliach said...

You know, in America we have something called the first amendment. Just because you think I'm wrong doesn't mean that I'm wrong. And anyway, instead of acting like the Zionist entity and blowing up those who disagree with you, why not come to the bargaining table and negotiate a little? Would it kill you to see my point of view?

chanie said...

No, Zionism negotiates. I wish they'd blow more people up.

Um...what's your point of view?

The Real Shliach said...

Do I have to list all the wars the zionists have fought?

What's my point of view? In your case, l'hachis.

chanie said...

No, you don't.

L'hachis mah?

The Real Shliach said...

L'hachis you.

chanie said...

Err...whatever you mean by that.

The Real Shliach said...

Ask e for details.

e said...

I thought only I was so adept at pissing Chanie off and thought that I was being too tough on the lass. But now I see that she's two for two. I'm beginning to expect that she habitually gets into these kinds of situations.

Well well, little Miss righteous needs to work on her ka'as v'ga'avah.

e said...

I thought only I was so adept at pissing Chanie off and thought that I was being too tough on the lass. But now I see that she's two for two. I'm beginning to expect that she habitually gets into these kinds of situations.

Well well, little Miss righteous needs to work on her ka'as v'ga'avah.

The Real Shliach said...

Can you tell her that great story about l'hachis that you've told me several times? She still doesn't get it.

e said...

From the archives of the TRS-e late-night chats... presenting... the joke about the kofer.

me: you know the joke about the kofer who goes to visit the big kofer in the city?
Chanan: ?
11:06 PM me: little kofer lives in littl shtetel. has small hasagos of kefirah goes to visit veteran kofer in the city. arrives friday afternoon
big kofer: let's go to the mikveh
little kofer: ummm, Ok
Chanan: ...
me: bk: all right, now it's off to the synagogue
11:07 PM anyhow, they have a whole shabbat, kihilchasa
after the beautiful havdla ceremony,
lk: why'd you do that>
Chanan: bk (burger king) says...
11:08 PM me: bk: well, i love going to the mikveh, I get to see all my friends, and enjoy a hot tub
plus the synagogue, with the singing and all, it's really beutiful.
etc.etc.
lk: but couldn't you do just one little aveirahleh just aftzulochis?
bk: aftzulochis vemen?
the end
Chanan: i missed the last part
11:09 PM explain for my bt brain
me: you know what means aftzulochis?
it's a contraction of the words "af tzu l'hachis"
in other words, "just to be obnoxious"
Chanan: so in other words...
11:10 PM me: e.g. the homework was easy, but I didn't do it just aftzulochis my teacher
Chanan: oh
me: so lk says, do just one little aveirah aftzulocuis
Chanan: cute
me: and the bk says aftzulochis whom?
Chanan: lol
brilliant
me: k

e said...

last time i was this mean to someone on trs was sabra. And she never came back.

The Real Shliach said...

Does anyone really want sabra here?

The Real Shliach said...

I meant, did anyone want sabra? and does anyone want chanie?

e said...

yeah, but you should be kind to all ppl.

The Real Shliach said...

People. Certainly. But snag-lovers?

e said...

provoked i shall not allow myself to get provoked.

The Real Shliach said...

Your iskafia is touching,

Crawling Axe said...

aftzulochis

e, that sounds like the other one of you. :) Not doing something bad, chv"sh, bichlal.

e said...

CA, I didn't get that vaabshe

Crawling Axe said...

never mind. it was loshon horah anyway.

The Real Shliach said...

That never stopped anyone here before.

Crawling Axe said...

There are better channels.

The Real Shliach said...

You know my email.

Crawling Axe said...

the channels have been exhausted. besides, it was a joke.

e said...

a joke which no one got.

By the way, have we fully gotten rid of chanie?

Crawling Axe said...

she probably went to sleep instead of wasting time online

e said...

buried her head in her pillow nad cried herself to sleep

The Real Shliach said...

She's in Israel, no?

e said...

galivanted off to tour the holy land with tears in her eyes. prayed at the kotel for god to strike us with lightening

The Real Shliach said...

Actually I think she lives there.

e said...

she ought to meet our other exile, the sabra

The Real Shliach said...

Yes, they could get married.

e said...

what is up with you and jokes about homosexual marriages? Funny it is not.

The Real Shliach said...

It isn't? Well neither are Sabra nor Chanie.

e said...

teacher: timmy, two and four are not seven.
Timmy: well, neither are 3X-5

The Real Shliach said...

Does this mean I'm not getting shadchanus gelt?

Crawling Axe said...

(3x − 5) could be 7.

The Real Shliach said...

Yes?

chanie said...

You're sick, if those kinds of jokes are "funny". Sabra and I get along fine, but we'd never marry for obvious reasons....

No, you didn't get rid of me- I went to sleep, and happily. But if you don't want me commenting, I'll have to make sure I'm the biggest pain ever created towards you.

By the way, Mister Pretentious Ignoramus, can you even spell l'hachis?

The Real Shliach said...

If I don't want you commenting you'll be a big pain to me? What you gonna do?

Sure I can spell l'hachis.

chanie said...

Just be a big pain.

So spell it- in Hebrew letters.

The Real Shliach said...

Well, you're doing it already.

I don't have hebrew on my ipod.

chanie said...

Good.

So don't comment while you're on your ipod, use a real computer.

The Real Shliach said...

You want to buy me one?

chanie said...

No, go find one.

The Real Shliach said...

You're being helpful.

The Real Shliach said...

Stam-What's your problem chanie? l'hachis means the same thing as aftzulochis.

chanie said...

Thanks.

No problem, just that you seem to throw things around without knowing what they mean.

The Real Shliach said...

huh? I say something, you have no idea what I'm talking about, and you accuse me of not knowing what's going on?

chanie said...

Er...it was the opposite, was it not?

The Real Shliach said...

Nope.

chanie said...

Yep.