There’s been a lot of talk lately about health care in these United States. There’s been much debate about public options, death panels, and Nancy Pelosi, but there’s been one issue that seems not to have been addressed. This issue is preventative health, and I have a stunning solution that’ll keep you out of hospital rooms and in the brightest bloom of health for years to come.
First let’s examine what the core issue is: happiness, or lack thereof. You may not know it, but very few people in this world are immortal. In fact, the numbers are so small as to be inconsequential. The vast majority of people will die one day. Scary, but true. What’s the solution to this? I don’t think there is one. People will just go on being born and dying, and there’s nothing you or I can do about it. So what’s the whole issue with health care? After all, if everyone is just going to die anyway, who cares if they do it half an hour earlier or later? Obviously there must be more to do it than that. The answer is, as I wrote earlier, happiness. People want good health care because they’re happy with life, and they want it to continue. Or maybe they want good health care because they have a terrible life and they think it’ll get better if they have good health care. See how complicated it is? If bloggers have a difficult time coming to grips with the issue, imagine how difficult it must be for members of congress, who are too busy wasting the public’s money (actually, at this point it’s China’s money) to ever use their brains, to comprehend it. Especially when the bill is over 1,500 pages long, and most of these people can barely read enough to figure out if the soda they’re getting from the congressional cafeteria is diet or regular.
Be that as it may, the goal of health care is for the person undergoing treatment to be happier coming out than they were coming in. The goal of truly excellent health care is to make the person coming in so happy that they don’t even have to get any health care treatment. How is this to be accomplished? Very simple: make people happy. Obviously.
How to make people happy? Not so easy as all that, because of course there are different sorts of people and they get happy from different sorts of things. Some people become happy from feeling fulfilled, and others think this is a load of codswallop. Some people are happy when they see other people suffer, and some people are happy when these types of people are suffering themselves. Evidently, it’s difficult to make everybody happy all the time. Still, we could try our best, which is all that can really be asked of us. How to make the largest amount of people happy with the least amount of trouble? The answer is…
That’s right. Sure, some people don’t like cellphones, and some other people think that true happiness comes from inner peace, but they’re a minority of people. Most everyone else would be much happier with a new cellphone (or even a cellphone accessory, we’re not picky), and think of the benefits to society- shorter lines in the emergency room, less people crowding our cemeteries, and global peace and glory descending on humanity. All from a simple cellphone. Remarkable? I’ll let you decide that.