Thursday, January 10, 2008

Coconut Gods

Since yesterday's blogging seemed to have been well received by the proletariat, I figured I'd write some more caustic remarks which would be sure to draw a chuckle or two. Then I realized that there'd be a problem with this approach. See, it would be almost impossible to recapture the moment which lead to the original descriptions- I was under pressure to produce the copy correctly, to make it as pareve as possible, and I had been doing it for two hours and was in a mean mood. This is why most funny people are not happy; most humor comes out of bitterness. Is that true? Did I just make it up on the spot?
I could of course savage someone or something for this post, but I'm just not in a foul mood. There's no fire burning in my belly. How about a little Torah? People always like a little Torah. It makes them feel good about wasting their time reading blogs.
This is Parshas Bo, which includes the final three plagues that the Egyptians went through. Rabbi Nachman Wilhelm asked a simple question. What was so bad about the plague of darkness? It was just night for a week. All right, so the second half was a bit rough, much like a traditional Vikings season, but otherwise, what was so bad? This is especially true when one considers that the plagues went from bad to worse, starting with the blood and ending with the death of the firstborn. Shouldn't darkness, if it needed to happen, have come earlier? Isn't fiery hail at least slightly worse?
One of the primary components of the plague was that the Egyptians couldn't see each other, as the verse states. This is a terrible thing indeed, when a person feels that he's all alone. Man can withstand suffering with the help of others, but when there are no others, with whom shall man commiserate? Think about it. If you were stuck, alone on a desert island, with only coconuts to eat, wouldn't that be terrible? Even I, a big coconut sorbet fan, would get sick of it after a couple days. Within a week I'd probably make an idol out of the coconuts, and two weeks later have started my very own world religion. Muhammad must have been Jewish somehow, because only a Jew could possibly make as successful a religion as he has. What will my religion feature? Besides the coconuts? Probably some sort of palm tree ritual. Sand worship will also probably feature prominently. So, does anyone want to join?
Oh yeah, back to the Torah. One of the problems that many of us have today is that we're suffering from the same plague as the ancient Egyptians were. We just can't seem to understand that not only are we not the only creatures out there, but that we aren't even the most important creatures! Hey, I can think of at least two more important creatures than you, and probably more, if I really think hard about it. But I'm too lazy, so we'll just stick with these two.