Sunday, September 14, 2008

Clarinets and cabbage, oh my!

Is there anything worse than being one of five people photographing an event which requires maybe a third of a cameraman to be accurately recorded? I refer to events which took place this morning at the S. Paul (semi) Jewish Community Center. After a Sefer Torah was stolen last year from the yeshiva High School of the Twin Cities, it was determined that a new one would have to be written. Today marked the completion of this writing, and once I had filled in the Tuf of the word Et it was already to go. All right, so they had another fifty people fill in letters after me, but we all know whose letter was most important, don't we?
Before this fun and games could occur I helped set up the vast amounts of bagels, lox, salad, cream cheese, and various other accouterments to a successful brunch-style brunch. After the aforementioned picture fiasco I sat down to enjoy a well-deserved three bagels, stuffed with more lox than Teddy Roosevelt could shake a stick at, and a singular cup of Coke. You know how sometimes Coke can be the most delicious elixir known to mankind? When you take that first draft of your cool, cold, and redundantly refreshing can or cup of Coca-Cola, you realize why our brave men, women, and drones are fighting in Afghanistan, Iraq, Korea, and now, for the first time ever, Israel. That's right folks, two members of the US armed forces are going to Israel to help with the missile defense shield thingamajiggie, which is supposed to shoot down the nukes that Iran sends at Israel, because Israel was not allowed to dismember those selfsame nukes due to the US objecting to that destruction. But I digress.
Those army people are fighting to keep our supplies of Coke safe, and I must say that I fully support their efforts. Coke is what keeps this country going, much to the Pepsi people's chagrin, and I certainly intend to keep it that way. That first swallow of Coke is as American as apple pie, and boy, do I like to apple pie. Unfortunately, despite the general excellence of the event at our fair city's JCC, there was no apple pie, and the Coke did not meet the standards to which I had become accustomed. Sure, it was palatable, but the only French which could possibly be used to describe it wasn't appropriate for a family blog like this one.
Regardless, the event itself was quite nice. I was shocked to see many people dancing with yellow flags, and even more shocked to see a complete disregard for the recent ban of R' Elyashiv as the keyboard played a 2-4 beat. I hope that my ears are never again insulted with such daggers as they were today. Imagine, just a couple days after the new bans were promulgated, and already these Lubavitchers are flouting the will of G-d, as communicated to his most humble servant, Rabbi Efraim Luft. Anyway, despite these disgusting goings on, the Torah was joyously completed, and sent on its merry way to the Yeshiva, where it will hopefully enjoy a long and distinguished career.

In other news, yesterday some people came, while we were at Shul, and put up John Mccain and Norm Coleman lawn signs in, where else, our lawn. It's nice to stick a finger at the neighborhood, and even better to know that our signs will surely herald a new era of peace and prosperity for all Americans, even those who are dumb enough to vote for a basketball player. Yes, a new a dawn is just beginning to show over the treetops, and look! Whose face do I see yonder in the blazing ball of fire that is slowly creeping over the horizon? Could it be, is it possible, if only, Al Franken! Or maybe not. Jesse Ventura was fun as governor, and I think that Al would be much better suited for that position. He just wouldn't be very entertaining in the senate, and like we all know, Al's main purpose in life is to provide entertainment for the rest of us. Jesse came through admirably, but I don't think the Senate is the proper place for a man with Al's unique and unenviable talents.

30 comments:

Nemo said...

It's old news that the shlichim from Kot Hayeduah flout daas Torah to trick people into worshiping their manhig by callim it kiruv. This is why gedolei Lita went with mesirus nefesh to inform to the government on their founders, like the Rambam paskens.

Unfortunately, the kot survived and is injecting its kool-aid poison into the minds of Yidden around the world, including golei Lita. We have to overpower the challenges and spread true, uninfected Torah to ignorant young Jews. To outdo the kot's snaring tactics, we'll go to college campuses and pay kids to come to our lectures. Who would go for kool-aid flavored vodka and atomic vomit colored flags when they can get authentic Torah-true learning and receive a stipend, as well as leadership seminars in Israel and organized tours to kivrei tzaddikim in Lita?

Cheerio said...

seems to have been a morning for bagels...
could this (semi) JCC perhaps be what my dear friends fondly referred to as "The Bais Chana Religious Compound"?

The Real Shliach said...

Nemo: How can we combat these vile creatures? BTW, Lubavitch also pays students on campus to come and learn...

Cheerio: No, that's Lubavitch House. This is just our neighborhood JCC.

Nemo said...

I know. It must be a cold day in hell if Lubavitch is copying snags.

Nemo said...

(status: Nemo is bored.)

I'm calling Jihad on Crown Heights Nightlife

S.Z.B. said...

whatever for?

Nemo said...

Because they have secular instructors, show movies and welcome girls that dress like goyim.

The Real Shliach said...

Love the sinner, hate the sin! Be mekarev them Nemo.

S.Z.B. said...

You know who said that...and what end she came to...

Not that i agree with Nemo or anything.

e said...

I know who said what?

The Real Shliach said...

The guy on a stick, of course. Anyway, the same sentiments were expressed by Rabbi-types.

S.Z.B. said...

No, i mean the Rabbinic version. More accurately the Rabbetzinic version.

Anonymous said...

Nemo is jealous he wants to be invited too.

Nemo said...

No doubt.

Cheerio said...

trs, couldna be the stick dude, because szb said "she"...(unless that was an attack of the typos!).
so, nemo, how are you going to act upon this jihad?

Nemo said...

Cancel all activities, at least until after Yom Tov. We'll see from there ...

Cheerio said...

already done. what next?

Anonymous said...

Actumally, talking 'bout Yomtov.. are you gonna lead the services @ your campus?

S.Z.B. said...

S.Z.B. said 'she' because it was a she who said it. Einstein.

Anonymous said...

Einstein was a "she" ?

Cheerio said...

right, but that dude on a stick wasn't a she. i think. THAT would certainly change history. which makes trs wrong. which is not an unusual circumstance.

S.Z.B. said...

Whatever.

e said...

Listen here, you redhead,
Quit insulting people, and say who the bleep she was.

Anonymous said...

Aren't you a redhead yourself?

Cheerio said...

redheads of the world unite!

The Real Shliach said...

In answer to all those of minimal intelligence here...go read my latest post.

Nemo said...

Why is there so much interest in me and my life on this blog?

(Word from the un-wise: don't drink three cans of cherry coke zero right before bed.)

e said...

Anonymous, who are you and why do you think I'm a redehad? Who do you think I am?

Anonymous said...

Confused you with a diff. guy with I think same last name. Sorry.

Nemo said...

E.: you're causing lots of confusion these days; you, your cousins, famous legal authorities ...