That's right folks, incredible as it may seem, there are kind and generous people in the world. Another guest post. My smicha is safe. Also, funnily enough, I agree with much of what's written here. Scary, eh? Still, I accept no responsibility. Sorry SZB.
---------------
So, the dating posts were a little... boring? Meaningless for this crowd? Too serious? Therefore, I had decided that I wanted to ditch that direction in my writing, and that's why this was so late. But then, just today, I was asked to write about marriage. Coincidental? Ironic? Whatever...
In any case, I was asked by a very close friend of mine, "Do you think I'm ready to get married?" I never had before considered myself as sagacious enough to give haskama on the readiness of a marriage candidate, so I had to think and dig into my brain files about what I've learned regarding such a question.
The answer that came to mind, and what I said to my friend went something like this:
Is anyone ever ready to get married? Do we wake up one morning and say "Wow, today's the day I feel I'm ready and mature enough to make a commitment for the rest of eternity!"?!?
Most likely not. If you look at marriage objectively, and put aside the passion and fringe benefits, you might question as to why anyone would possibly want to get married... You have to give so much of your time, energy, love, toil, and talent to someone else. This though, is one of the keys to understanding if you're ready for such an eternal commitment.
If you are ready to give of yourself, your strengths and your very essence to another person, unselfishly and with true care and concern for that individual, then it's time to call the shadchan ;)
Then again, how many of us (even married ones of us) can honestly say that we can, or have, reached that stage?
Perhaps, just putting someone else's needs and desires on par with our own, is a big enough sign to know we are ready. And if we can't, then it's time to work on our good ol' Ahavas Yisroel.
I'm going to finish the marriage info. with a joke that will undoubtedly have you rolling your eyes, but all the same, here goes:
What's black and white and red all over?
A bochur on a first date.
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The Mud Hole Moshul and question list will be coming soon enough, just thought I'd at least type up something quick to start with.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Guest Post #4: Are you ready to rumble?
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143 comments:
As Mirian Lipskier said "The fact that you need to take three more anthropology courses is immaterial to the fact whether you should get married or not."
A wise woman if there ever was one. Not that I would know of course.
How about law school taxation courses?
Or how about calculus and organic chemistry? I don't know.
One would assume that those are no better than anthropology courses.
Sorry Nemo. In this woman's estimation, I highly doubt that law school courses are any different than undergraduate humanities courses.
In fact, they're probably less of an excuse, since graduate programs tend to be more understanding and accomadating to such "issues."
Apparently you never took a look at the Internal Revenue Code. This shit is unforgiving.
And since you mentioned it, we were warned on the first day of school that law school has a habit of destroying relationships and causing divorces. But go on smoking pot, going to parties on Friday nights, and generally hallucinating about things that you couldn't begin to ponder.
Humf.
The IRC is 6 times longer than Tolstoy's War and Peace and is convoluted by references and cross references.
Wait, so everyone in your law school does those things?
No, only the Jews and Asians do Tax.
Good answer nemo.
I meant smoking pot and whatever they need to smoke to hallucinate.
No, that was an admonition for you. You smoke pot, go to parties on friday night, and hallucinate about things.
Sorry if I wasn't clear.
Actually, I woke up one day and said, "Hey I think I'm ready and mature enough to make a commitment that will last for all eternity, etc!"
...good thing too, cause then they yelled that I had better get dressed in my wedding gown, otherwise we'd be late for pictures...
LOL. Is that how it is?
Nemo, you hurt my feelings.
EOW: That is pretty funny.
Woah Farb, I'm having a flashback. I had a total flashback. You told me and my roommate that joke after you sang us the star spangled banner on one of our Jewish holy days.
"issues" As we know in our wonderful liberal culture, marriage is a social problem and pregnancy is a disease.
Yeah, let's throw some money at those problems.
Which would accomplish what?
Maybe I would get some money.
you're gonna solve those problems that we should pay you?
Why not?
You have experience? What are you planning on doing exactly?
Dear President Obama,
I understand given your historic victory (it really is. He's only the second president to shtam from Ireland) you want to address social issues. The most pressing is marriage. It has been proven through countless studies that this terrible institution leads in most cases to pregnancy. Not only that but the overwhelming majority of these pregnancies are incurable because the mother's refuse treatment. Give LE7 a huge wad of cash (and some for me too) and we'll solve your problems. Bail out main street !! [other useless slogan here]
Remember: marriage is a terrible social malady. Repeat it often enough and Murphy's Law will send me a shidduch.
I still don't get it, how will wads of cash accomplish anything? What are you planning on doing?
Not sure, but Murphy's Law works. Or doesn't. Depending on your view.
Not sure yet, but if they give me enough money I'll think of something.
sheva, TRS is actually such an innocent that he doesn't realize how government works and he means this seriously.
TRS: The way government social programs work is azei. A special interest group comes to the government and says "there is an awful terrible problem in society and if it isn't stopped xyz will happen and it will draw away tax revenue or similar excuse(if you buy yourself a senator s/he'll even make up the excuse for you) and we are tzadikkim trying to stop it but we don't have money. Then the government gives them a huge wad of cash which they spend on business trips to places like Las Vegas and St. Martin Island.
LE7, count me in.
Modeh: this is the kind of cynicism that Barack Obama is trying to fight against.
BS"D
Modeh- I love the line about murphy's law... :)
BS"D
TRS, you say that you agree with much of what's written here. So, what is it then that you don't agree with?
well, i hope we all, mature and ready or not, make a commitment for all eternity!
that wasn't very funny.
i'm too tired to be amusing and witty.
but i feel like i should be.
maybe i should challenge nemo's attribution of certain behaviors to LE7 - dude, she gets high on life! no need for weed!
Oh fabulous one: after reading it a second time, I realized that I agree with it all. Except the joke. On my first date, I plan on wearing makeup.
Ok, a poor joke. Sorry.
Cheerio: if you can't laugh at life, what's the point of living? If you're too tired, go to sleep. Or blog about me. My ego is still waiting for that.
BS"D
I'm glad I'm still fabulous...
Whoever suggested otherwise? I'll go bust his chops.
i'm trying to work past the tiredness and get to a place where i can blog. perhaps even humorously. perhaps even about you. (well, maybe not).
You wouldn't have to wear make-up. Your beard seems to cover most of your face no?
are you skilled at applying makeup? you have previous experience?
I had a teacher in high school who liked to dress up like women and wear make-up. Funny enough he is happily married. (And my friend on facebook).
that is interesting.
He's a bit cracked.
The last time I tried putting on face paint was, oh fifteen years ago for purim. I got an allergic reaction or something, and since then I haven't applied anything. As you correctly point out, my beard does cover most of my face, so it's not such an urgent thing anyway.
Correction: Says he is fighting against. Lazy shmendrik can't even find his own loyal flunky/sycophants so he has to hire Clinton's. COme on, all he has to do is take the Q to 42nd and walk around for five minutes.
(I don't really hate Obama but the cult devotion he gets teases the iconoclast in me)
I actually think Obama is kind of cute. He's going to do a terrible job because he's trying to make everybody happy, but still...and he gives great speeches too.
BS"D
Keep in mind; Obama's success is our success. If Obama proves himself as a "good president" who can help this country financially get on its feet, keep this country safe and diplomatic, then ultimately it is us who are the winners.
Once elected as president, it is only to our benefit to hope and pray that Obama do well, whether or not we like him.
LE7- I remember that night like it was yesterday... Oh say can you see-eee (with a drawl...)
This is sick. Once again I agree with you Miss Fab.
BS"D
My goodness, you are in an agreeable mood aren't you? Or maybe I'm on a lucky streak of being right?
If only you would know my other thoughts about our president elect...
Miss Farb tends to be rather right generally speaking.
BS"D
Why thank you LE7! I'm feeling quite loved :)
Once elected as president, it is only to our benefit to hope and pray that Obama do well, whether or not we like him.
You sound so full of it that you should go on shlichus.
ooh, nemo, harshhhh.
I'm just saying that she sounds like a shliach trying to save face with his balebatim in the kiddush club* after six months of telling them why this guy can't possibly win an election.
*Kiddush club: that's where shluchim can say thing that are politically incorrect without fear of reprisal or losing their non-profit status.
LOL.
BS"D
Being able to converse in the Kiddush club lingo is of no help to a girl. It's aka the "men's club", so I don't think I'd be invited.
In any case, I truly believe what I said. I want him to do well for the country's benefit. That's the bottome line. If you heard me saying this in person you would see how down-right honest I am about this.
I'm optomistic, and pray to Hashem that we should see revealed good with all of this.
It's a shame that when someone is genuinely positive and finds the good in a situation they are considered fake or "full of it".
That's life.
BS"D
So, I'll just be the good one like in "12 Angry Men" and eventually you will all fall into my positivity and all will be well.
Now that, is life.
Dream on. Never underestimate the power of negativity.
BS"D
Moshiach is coming. When the game is all over, I win.
We all win. Even Lakewood.
BS"D
True. So ultimately, although negativity seems to be the artificial choice of many, in essence they just want to be like me. In a happy and positive state of being.
You should sell self-help videos.
BS"D
I don't like videos, they're not said with true care and concern to the idividual because you personally interact with them and see how you can help them help themselves. In person contact is much better.
Perhaps I'll look into your other suggestion as a professional motivator...
I get shadchanus gelt of course...
BS"D
Ooooooh, maybe a shadchan would be a better idea! Hmm... so many options so little time!
Multitask.
BS"D
This kind of ties in with what we were discussing, I came across it on Chabad.org. It doesn't really prove any point I was making, but it vaguely connected in my mind, so I thought I'd share.
Today's Daily Dose (R' Tzvi Freeman, who btw I hear is a great Farbrengener- is that a word?)
Fear of Joy
People are afraid of joy. They are afraid they'll get out of hand and lose control.
These people haven't experienced real joy -- the joy that comes from doing something G-dly and beautiful with all your heart. The fact is, there is nothing that will lift you higher. Where there is that joy, the Divine Presence can enter. Where there is that joy, there are no pits to fall into, and all obstacles evaporate into thin air.
Excuse me, I said that you sound full of it, not that you are full of it. I think anyone with their head screwed on straight wants Obama to do well for our country. But the way you said it - "even if we don't like him" - is a little too fluffy apologetic. It's like telling a kid in preschool to play nice even though the other kid is a conniving crybaby brat, just to shut the kids up.
Modeh- I thought you were married.
LE7- trust me, Murphy's law works. I said all of last year that I don't want to get married. No, I'm not married yet. But trust me, don't mess with Murphy.
I think for Purim I should dress up as a chassid in a shtreimel- maybe then some Chabadnik will pull me in to the mens' club.
And don't encourage Obama bin Laden...
How about a shidduch between Modeh and Farbrengen, and between Cheerio and TRS? Shadchanus gelt goes to me...
Oh, and TRS, you can put on makeup in my place. For my first dates, I never wore makeup. Nor for the second or third, and I'm not planning on doing so at the wedding, either. But you can be instead of me....
A: Mazel tov!
2: You only get shadchanus gelt if it works, and this one ain't.
III: really? I can wear makeup? Are you sponsoring? Will you find me someone who'll go out with a guy wearing makeup?
A: Huh?
2: How do you know? Don't reject any shidduch off the bat. And anyways, some shadchanim charge per suggestion. I'm one of them.
111: I'm not sponsoring- makeup is a waste of money. If you like, wear makeup. It'll crack up every girl you date.
A: You implied that you're close to accepting a proposal of marriage.
2: if the suggestion came unwanted, then I don't owe you nothing. And when I say that nothing's happening, nothing's happening. Trust me.
III: they'll think I'm cracked up. And I would think I was cracked up too.
A: Did I? Oops.
2: Nooo! But I want Cheerio married, and you seem as good a guy as any- perhaps even better than some...
111: Perhaps you are cracked up. But better to be cracked up than cracked.
A: Perhaps denying such an accusation is a better move.
A: why is this a bad thing?
2: I'm a great guy, and I'm sure she's a great girl, and never the twain shall meet (for marriage purposes anyway).
III: say what?
A: I never said it was. But I also should not have said what I did.
2: Watch, Murphy's law still works. [evil glint]
III: Someone who is cracked is nuts. Someone who is cracked up is laughing. Better to be cracked up than to be cracked.
A: fine. I understand (I think)
2: (channeling gershon Veroba here...) and those who don't see, are those who refuse to see, and those who don't hear, are those who refuse to hear, the hand of...
III: yeah, I suppose I am cracked up then.
A: Thanks. (Okay, think what you like.) By the way, re the question in the post- no one is ready to get married.
2: Lav davka.
III: You're cracking me up.
A: I will.
No?
2: Davka lav.
III: Woohoo! My life's mission is fulfilled!
A: Good.
No.
2: What?
III: You do know what happens when you fulfill your purpose here, right?
A: I would beg to differ.
2: All's I'm saying is, when I say something ain't happening, then it ain't happening. (Channeling MBD here...) Rifles will have to fall silent, tanks will explode, the victor will then be...at that point, I'll be willing to discuss it.
III: So obviously I was wrong. I still have more to do. Nu nu.
A: Why?
2: We shall see.
III: Nunu..you were obviously wrong, because I'm always right.
A: I can see there's a big issue of trust here (see #2).
2: Yup. Don't hold your breath.
III: Whatever.
A: Issue of trust where?
2: I'm not. I like breathing.
III: Just ask anyone, they'll tell you.
A: In this relationship.
2: Excellent. I knew you'd see the light eventually.
III: I don't discuss girls with other people.
A: In which?
2: Um, no. I don't hold my breath- I just wait for my predictions to take place.
III: Fine. But who says I'm a girl?
A: Ours.
2: Jesus is still waiting for his to come true...
III: With a name like "Chanie"...
A: I didn't know we had one.
2: But I'm not an apostate, B"H.
And we're still waiting for Moshiach...so...
III: How do you know we didn't switch names?
A: What else would you call this?
2: I don't deal with issues of apostasy unless I'm getting paid to do so/worked up/drunk/all three.
2B: Meaning what exactly, my little koferess?
III: Who's we, white girl?
A: A comment exchange.
2: So don't mention him by name, unless you have to. For that matter, don't mention him at all.
2B: You can use my example.
And, no I'm not "your little koferess", nor a koferess at all.
III: We meaning my brother and I. Or perhaps my future chassan and I. Nothing to do with you.
A: Every person you interact with has a relationship with you.
2: Who is this him you refer to?
2B: Example of what?
You're right. A kofer is yodeah borav v'mechaven limrod bo. An am haaretz is not a kofer.
III: I didn't think it had anything to do with me. But the point is, if it writes like a girl, thinks like a girl, and acts like a girl, then something tells me that it's a girl.
A: Okay, fine.
2: J.
2B: Example of something that was promised and prophesied but not yet fulfilled.
And neither would I consider myself any more of an am ha'aretz than you are. If anything, less of one.
III: Okay, good. And if it's a boy, and you're seeing everything backwards?
2: oh yeah. I was being minorly sarcastic when I mentioned him.
2B: ahh, you're making a gezeirah shavah.
2C: I very much doubt it.
III: If I dealt with every possible what-if, I would never deal with anything else again.
2: Fine, but you still shouldn't have mentioned him.
2B: Now you get it....
2C: Shall we test it out?
III: So don't.
2C: Shall we test it out?
Let's.
Go right ahead.
Modeh- I thought you were married.
What!! I'm acting that mature? I've got to start working on myself before I end up a responsible adult.
Still reading the farbrengen section. Pretty amazing. Strikes me the litvaks wouldn't have such a tremendous dropout rate if they did something like this. THen again, if they did they wouldn't be litvaks.
As for the shidduch, before we go further, guess my age.
No, you don't sound married. But it was an impression....
Yeah, start working. Otherwise no one in blogosphere will suggest shidduchim for you.
Which farbrengen section?
23? 26?
If I don't sound married what kind of impression?
Phew: I'm still immature.
The one TRS mentioned when I said that I heard the word "farbreng" meant to chill out.
No, you do sound married. I'm sorry- I meant to say that you don't sound so mature.
Yeah.
Hm...ok...where?
You didn't tell me if any of my guesses were correct.
Thank you.
URL: look at his label column and click farbrengen.
Oh. THat's what the numbers were. Let's just say I'm very flattered and leave it at that. I can't ask you your age because that's one of the ג עבירות חמורות: asking a girl her:
1-age
2-weight
3-annual income
THough given your guesses I'd place you as one year above either of them. That is 24? 27?
Let's keep on backing and forthing. It'll boost TRS's ego that he has so many comments, and ego boosts are good when you're studying. (Not that I would know, I don't study)
Okay, thanks.
Yes, that's what those numbers were. Okay, let's give another guess: 20? 21?
Nah, not assur, but 2 and 3 are personal.
And I'm flattered. I must sound much older than I am.
If you like...I just need permission. :P
I should be working. But instead I'm talking and typing...
I am on intersession which I spent fruitlessly searching for a job, which I will Iy"h get just in time for it to interfere with my school work. THat means I am doing nothing with my life.
I guess 19? If the next comment is a stream of symbols like you slammed your fists on the keyboard then I was right. I must sound older than I am too.
If you are lucky enough to have what to do, I won't keep you. I have just been invited to get mixed up with an Israeli former gang leader's family troubles. If I'm still alive I'll be back to disgrace this blog with my moderne shtusim
Good luck with the job hunt.
No, you guessed too young. I'm not that immature.
I am lucky enough to have what to do, B"H. Unfortunately, I have too much to do, and not enough time to do it in. And my conversation- that which makes doing things hard- is also important. Oh, well.
Far be it from me to intercede in a personal conversation, but if there's any unresolved issues I left hanging then I'd be happy to deal with them now.
What unresolved issues might there be?
I don't know, you tell me.
I don't know either.
21.
I think I interrupted you setting TRS up with Cheerio. Go to it. He can now add "a quarter of a rabbi" to his shidduch resume. Mazal tov.
You did interrupt that. My next project is to go for smicha; luckily for me, I'm not writing a shidduch resume, nor have I ever.
Going for smicha would look awful on your shidduch resume should you ever write one. Nu, TRS, vus zugst ihr? (thereby almost exhausting my yiddish vocabulary)
By the fact that you're ignoring me I assume I guessed right?
I'm sorry for appearing to ignore you. Re: me and cheerio: read my previous comments.
Yep. That's why, luckily, I'm not writing one.
Not you, TRS, Chanie and the age game. Now that you are a Ra (it was your idea after all) expect lots of Egyptian Avoda Zara jokes.
chanie - after reading all these comments, the burning question still remains in my mind: who are you and why do you want me to get married?
part a, you can email me, and part b, please answer here.
modeh - you seem like a cool and funny dude. welcome.
You want to know how old I am? I'm turning 22 in less than a month.
MBM- Ra? And I wasn't ignoring you. I told you that you were wrong- I haven't been 19 for quite a while...
Cheerio- email me that question, we've been through this before.
Cheerio -- Thanks.
TRS -- Not you chanie. Read your own comments.
chanie -- No the last guess. I guessed 21.
Sorry, didn't see that one. Okay, you guessed right this time- approximately. Though it really doesn't matter...
It doesn't but guessing is fun.
This is quite disconcerting, having no freaking clue about a conversation being conversated on my very own blog.
MBM- Yes it is, but my gut is saying that it's not quite appropriate.
TRS- Being disconcerted is good for your bittul.
Oh, the queen of being appropiate, aren't we?
If I want to be, let me be.
If you want to be a hypocrite, well enjoy it.
TRS - It is rather disconcerting. I had this the other day with the blog war on mine.
TRS- I don't mean to be, but sometimes I realize that it all went too far...
Why do you think I'm a hypocrite?
It's okay to link (connect) to people who are other-gendered, and send people over there, but it's not okay to find out how old someone is?
I don't see an issue with linking to a blog. Age is a bit more personal.
Whatever. I have to go start taaruvos, I can't be bothered to explain why you're wrong.
Okay, holy dude. Go learn ta'aruvot.
Go have fun with batalla (bad pun, I know.)
It was so bad I didn't get it.
Nor did I.
The halachos of what is battul and what isn't.
Ah...I read battalia. LOL.
So what was the joke?
Oh. You have mashpi'im not mashgichim. Less fortunate bochurim are aware that in beis medrash battlanim and battala are the subject of many a mussar shmuess because they are the things the average bochur is and spends most of seder doing, respectively.
Ahh. Thing is, in smicha, we know we don't have to be there, so if we're there then we're learning. It's kind of a nice feeling actually.
Ahh. Thing is, in a litvishe yeshiva, they spend a long time telling us about how we don't have to be there but if you decide you want to do something else you have major problems. It's kind of a major turnoff actually. (Why do you think I'm in college?)
Weird. I was going to say something about how Lubavitch is better, but I realized that in truth, Lubavitch is no better. Everyone is always getting mixed messages. That's just the way life works.
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