Dear The future,
What is going on? How are you faring? Are things particularly better now then they were then if things then were any better now than they have been? You know what I mean? I thought you did. We (whoever we is/were/have been) for some reason have this perverse relationship with The Future. On the one hand, we do all this shtuff to The Future, and assume it'll fix whatever our mistakes are. On the other hand, we don't do all this shtuff because we scared of damaging its fragile psyche. Which is totally not fair. The present doesn't even have a psyche. It just has a couple of pounds of dried peas. Which doesn't even make sense. Which is exactly what makes it the present.
So, The Future, what else is going on? Have you gotten over the hangover we gave you a few days ago? I mean, not all of us have a virtually infinite amount of time to do things like that. Most of us get maybe an hour. But you have all day. Or even more. Crazy.
Moving right along, The Future, how's the music? Is it still terrible? Was it still better forty years ago? And are the kids still blasting it, destroying their ears and providing plastic surgeons with finely accrued earning potential? Did that even make sense? Did it have to? What does make sense about the future? It's just this big amorphous blob thing where everyone rides around on light rail transport and there's no more mosquitoes. Because the mosquitoes are all dead. You know why? Because the future is all about typing. And it's very difficult to type when you're scratching. Much easier to just kill all the PETA people. I mean the mosquitoes.
And maybe the fruitcakes will be gone? That would be nice. I can't stand people who take themselves seriously and leave ridiculous comments at four AM to prove it. It's like, either go to sleep or go some brain cells or visit Chabad of Champs Elysées. They can help you there. Because you need it. And the French, surprising as it may seem, can help you. Will they still be around in The Future? I would sure hope so. Because if there's anything we all need, it's frog legs. Yum.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Dear The future,