Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Some important questions

What is it to die?

What is it to be Italian?

Do they have decent pizza in the next world?

Do they have decent pizza in Italy?

Can Jews get sausage on their pizza in the next world?

Can Jews get sausage on their pizza in Italy?

Do the Jewish pizza parlors in the mountains in the next world close early on Saturday nights?

Do the Jewish pizza parlors in the mountains in Italy close early on Saturday nights?

Does death hurt?

Does being Italian hurt?

Are there angels and demons in the next world?

Are there angels and demons in Italy?

Do the angels and demons ride Vespas in the next world?

Do the angels and demons ride Vespas in Italy?

Do the angels and demons eat pizza on their Vespas in the next world?

Do the angels and demons eat pizza on their Vespas in Italy?

Does pizza taste better when it's eaten while riding on a Vespa in the next world?

Does pizza taste better when it's eaten while riding on a Vespa in Italy?

Do you get more pizza if you rant well in the next world?

Do you get more pizza if you rant well in Italy?

Do the angels and demons in the next world look kindly upon those who rant in order to increase their pizza?

Do the angels and demons in Italy look kindly upon those who rant in order to increase their pizza?

Do the mafia coordinate with the angels and demons in the next world?

Do the mafia coordinate with the angels and demons in Italy?

Does Silvio Berlusconi have a place in the next world?

Does Silvio Berlusconi have a place in Italy?

Is Garibaldi beloved in the next world?

Is Garibaldi beloved in Italy?

Does Garibaldi enjoy eating pizza on a Vespa while ranting after death?

Does Garibaldi enjoy eating pizza on a Vespa while ranting in Italy?

Does the moon hit your eye like a big pizza pie in the next world?

Does the moon hit your eye like a big pizza pie in Italy?

Is the next world at all comparable to Italy?

Is Italy at all comparable to the next world?

(and so on and so forth)

51 comments:

le7 said...

Wow...

Cheerio said...

WOW!!!!!

a post that is ALL questions.
Freakin. Brilliant.

The Real Shliach said...

le7: yup.

Cheerio: I try.

Qtap said...

What brought on all the Italian thoughts?

Sebastion said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sebastion said...

Nice job! whats with the whole death and italians thing?

Sebastion said...

Nice job! whats with the whole death and italians thing?

Mottel said...

I think this is one of TRS's most brilliant posts in a long time! I love it.

The Real Shliach said...

Qtap: good question.

Sebastion: you tell me.

The Real Shliach said...

Mottel: glad to hear that.

Crawling Axe said...

La bene.

Crawling Axe said...

I mean, va bene.

The Real Shliach said...

 


The Roman Jewish community in Italy is the oldest in the world outside Israel. Until 1870 the Roman Jews were confined to the ghetto, where they held on firmly to their traditions.

Because they were poor people, their traditional simple style of cooking endured. It could be that the traditional plain cooking of the pagans and Christians of ancient Rome is an imitation of their Jewish neighbors.
I am pleased to offer today, exclusively in Manhattan, the novelty of a traditional, authentic and delicate Kosher Cuisine of Rome to all those who are in search of tastes that are out of the ordinary.

              - Giuseppe & Paolo Lattanzi

 
Hmm, I'll have to try that out. Looks good.

sarabonne said...

In the next world we'll all be on Atkins and won't eat pizza.

The Real Shliach said...

Hey Sara, not all of us are going to hell.

sarabonne said...

I was thinking of sacrifices so boohoo on you sir.

The Real Shliach said...

They offered Matzos with all those sacrifices. Can anybody say "mizza"?

Altie said...

i guess you shall have to wait to find all this out. unless of course you are planning a trip to heaven any time soon. then be sure to tell us all about it. and bring us back a souvenire.

le7 said...

Not us a souvenir, le7 a souvenir.

e said...

This looks like sample output of a question-generating algorithm.

Jesse said...

cant you eat sausage on ur pizza as long as its glatt, and the cheese is cholov israel?

le7 said...

Jesse - that's the only way to be (dang I want so bad to use Jewish words) violating the commandment of not eating meat and dairy together!

everyone's favorite heretic said...

good point, le7. That's why I technically never had milk and meat together. And don't be scared of Jewish words. We can't hear your accent over the internet.

Anonymous said...

in partially related news, it's really cute how sarabonne says "refined," which is clearly a translation of "eidel."

Point is, jewish words don't bite. They're your friends!

le7 said...

E. (FH) - Yeah you'd really have to work hard to have meat and milk together... why don't you do that next? Actually cook a kid in it's mother's milk!

Aren't you sweet.

everyone's favorite heretic said...

s'iz shever tzu zain a goy. (See what you can do with Jewish words?)

le7 said...

I dunno what you said man.

e said...

"It's hard to be a Goy." It's a parody of the usual, "S'iz shver tzu zain a yid." ("It's hard to be a Jew.")

le7 said...

Ahhh well then.

e said...

well then what?

le7 said...

Or do you mean it's hard to become a goy? (I mean I don't know much about this subject but...)

everyone's favorite heretic said...

I meant it's hard to be a goy. "It's hard to become a goy" would be 'S'iz shver to vern a goy

le7 said...

I know, I was just trying to change stream. Thanks for ruining that.

e said...

oh. whatever.

Mottel said...

It's easy to be a goy - just steal an apple and you get the death penalty.
But to be a Jew . . . Now that's some hard capital punishment to pull off!

e said...

wtf are you saying? nobody's trying to get executed over here.

Modeh B'Miktsas said...

E: bull. S'iz grin tzu zahn ah goy. S'iz shver tzu zahn ah mumar.

TRS: BRILLIANT

Modeh B'Miktsas said...

But you left out the obvious question3: What is it to be a dead Italian?

The Real Shliach said...

Modeh: but what would the parallel be?

Dowy said...

Is it to be italian is a dead what?

Sebastion said...

What is it to be a dead pizza in an italian guys stomach?

Sebastion said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
le7 said...

What is it to be live pizza in a dead Italian's stomach in this world?

The Real Shliach said...

I hope you all realize that these aren't parallels, right?

le7 said...

I know, I was just joining the fun.

The Real Shliach said...

Ahh. Maybe I'll make a "best-of" of the best questions...

Anonymous said...

Hey, whatever happened to "Dear TRS"?
sarabonne

The Real Shliach said...

Like you, I can only write when the spirit is upon me.

So maybe tomorrow night?

sarabonne said...

Sounds like a plan.

Jack said...

Hmmm, pizza sounds good right about now.

The Real Shliach said...

Sara: sorry, you got a sappy poem instead...

Jack: Doesn't it?