Dear TRS: Happy?

That's right folks, it's time for another exciting edition of Dear TRS, the quiz show you get to play along with too! Enjoy.
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Dear TRS: Why have you become all holy lately?

Sincerely,

Karl

Dear Karl,

Censorship is an interesting phenomenon. Some people are censored by the government, others by their own conscience, others by their own lack of restraint. The punishment for trying to avoid censorship varies as well. In some places the attitude is one of benevolent allowance-try us as much as you want, ain't nothing getting through... but ten points for trying! In other places they not only control what you say but punish you for trying to say it. In those places it's, "What? You dare trifle with me? Guards, go break his legs!" Neither of these approaches really accomplishes what it is that the censor is trying to effect-his job is not simply to remove objectionable material, but rather to remove the conditions that allow for the material to ever get to him in the first place. All right, if the censor is just looking for entertainment then he can have plenty of that with the status quo, but then he's not really the ideal censor. No, what you're really looking for is a guy who can convince the producer of the objectionable material that what he's doing is wrong. Not illegal, but wrong. And yeah, I know it's asking a lot of a pencil pusher sitting in some anonymous government highrise somewhere in the middle of the bible belt to radically affect some radical hippy cross-dressing dudes wearing floral print dresses and floppy straw hats with little pins that say "Free Tibet!" on 'em to make much of a difference, but trust me, it is possible. How do they do it, this select band of censors with soul, this prized group of bowdlerizers with the breath of divine life flowing through their parched bones (for how can a person whose whole being is dedicated to the muzzling of their fellows have anything but the driest of Ezekiel valley special?), these suppressionists with a sense of mission, a belief in the ultimate goal that has eluded so many?

The answer is very simple. Guilt.
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Dear TRS: Why do they use phones to call in guys from the bullpen? Wouldn't texting be much easier?

Sincerely,

Snert

Dear Snert,

Even better, they could tweet it! Just imagine, the manager tweets, "@Orlando Mercado Joe Mauer just walked, we need @Darren Oliver in here pronto!" And the tweet back? "@Mike Scioscia the fireman cometh!"
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Dear TRS: Is there any specific reason why the Twins had to blow the game tonight?

Sincerely,

Joe and Jason

Dear Joe and Jason,

Well, you two certainly did everything that could be expected of you. It's been a tough road trip, eh?
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Dear TRS: Why the heck does Iran have twelve vice presidents?

Sincerely,

Karl (again)

Dear Karl,

The president must have a lot of vices.
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Dear TRS: Since when did it become socially acceptable to roll hoops?

Sincerely,

Mackenzi Van Engelenhoven

Dear Mackenzi Van Engelenhoven, let me first tell you that I really appreciate your question. No, really, I do.
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Dear TRS:

I'm very insulted if my name doesn't appear at least twice in every publication in America,

Sincerely,

Barack H. Obama
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Dear Mr. Obama, happy?
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And that folks is the end of the line. Did you enjoy playing the quiz show you get to play along with too?