Monday, July 20, 2009

Chossanim versus drivers

Today I started Chosson classes. Exciting, eh? Anyway, it got me thinking about the last time I paid a lot of money for a small amount of classes-driver's ed. And wouldn't you know it, but they're not quite the same! Here's a few examples...

In chosson class you don't spend a third of the time watching Monty Python skits.

There are no seventeen year old girls wearing nothing in chosson class.

In drivers ed the instructor doesn't have a massive beard.

There's no learner's permit to get after taking chosson classes.

In drivers ed, the diagrams are there to tell you what to do.

In chosson classes, there are no videos.

No one leaves drivers ed thinking, "OMG, this is nuts!"

No one leaves chosson classes thinking, "Just a couple of hours of practice and I'll be good to go."

During the breaks in drivers ed people discuss what they just learned.

In drivers ed they also talk about you, the driver.

No one leaves driver's ed thinking, "Way too much detail there thank you very much."
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Have some of your own? Post 'em in the comments!

51 comments:

sarabonne said...

Hm.

Sebastion said...

Yep, hard fact of life, girls are more complicated than cars. Sarcasm.

le7 said...

Thanks for these brilliant insights. Too bad I never took driver's ed - and I'll never take chosson classes either!

Nemo said...

Le7: I'm sure you'll pick up on the main points.

le7 said...

True, because I already have my license and I will be taking related courses.

The Real Shliach said...

Sebastion: Really? I would never have guessed.

Nemo: One would hope.

e said...

what kind of monty python skits did you watch in driver's ed?

The Real Shliach said...

Among others, www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSqkdcT25ss

Mottel said...

TRS where you learning choson classes?
People, let's not excited . . . aint to much going on there . . .

The Real Shliach said...

Rabbi Schmerling.

Au contraire, it's quite the entertainment!

Yossi said...

i'll admit i was chuckling...

Zvi said...

I went to Rabbi Chaikin in Cleveland.

It was awesome. Not the program in particular, but the fact that 6 young Chassanim were all stranded in Cleveland, and because no one else opted to, I had to be the one asking all the 'uncomfortable' questions which the rest of the guys would pester me to ask.

Rabbi Chaikin had me teach the class on basically sex ed.

The man himself is a cute, emesdiker Chassidish guy. He took us all to a mall to buy our Kallahs gifts from Cleveland. It was the cutest thing. And one Chosson didn't want to get anything, so rabbi Chaikin gave him a lesson in how to be a husband.

Fun times they were.

So here are some of my own:

You don't come home from drivers ed with little gifts for everyone.

You can fail Chosson classes and still get through (married) life, but you CANNOT fail drivers ed.

Adding to your one about the barely dressed girls: in drivers ed you sit next to barely dressed girls, but in chosson classes you get to talk about them. (sorry, that was a low one).

When you finish drivers Ed you dump the manual in the nearest waste basket. But when you finish Chosson classes, you return home with a luggage full of books and several new calendars.

Anonymous said...

Omg

The Real Shliach said...

Yossi: Finally someone!

Zvi: Nice, nice.

Anon: ?

le7 said...

Hey! It made me giggle but I figured that was a given...

The Real Shliach said...

Sometimes your ego just needs to hear certain things...

Altie said...

interesting comparison. cant say i can relate, cuz i havnt taken either of them. but sounds like the chosson classes are going well.

The Real Shliach said...

BH.

Nemo said...

Hey, what sort of kallah gifts are we talking about?

The Real Shliach said...

I was wondering the same thing myself.

le7 said...

Oh I dunno reading material or food. (I just made that up).

The Real Shliach said...

Hmm, now I know what A GIRL REALLY WANTS!!

le7 said...

Or expensive jewelry and clothing and cleaning supplies?

I don't know what real girls want I was just guessing for Nemo's benefit.

The Real Shliach said...

Chosson to kallah: "Here darling, look what I got you in Cleveland-cleaning supplies!"

Kallah to chosson: "Oh, baby, you are just too wonderful!"

Kallah to mother: "Oh, momma, he's the nicest guy! He knew exactly what to buy me as a present!"

Chosson to camera: (wink) "Don't tell her everyone got their kallah's cleaning supplies-Rabbi Chaikin, you're the best!"

le7 said...

It's not tznius to use such terms of endearment.

The Real Shliach said...

I guess the chassanim were so busy thinking about what present to buy their intendeds that they forgot to listen to class!

Crawling Axe said...

My driving teacher was very redneck, very gay and very Catholic. All of which would be bad choices for a chosson class teacher, I suppose.

Funny post.

The Real Shliach said...

I don't know if the Catholic part would be so terrible...

Crawling Axe said...

For a chosson class? Stay as far away from Catholic philosophy in marriage as possible.

The Real Shliach said...

Is it real that different from ours?

Crawling Axe said...

I’d say the opposite.

Crawling Axe said...

B’pnimiyus the opposite. B’chitzoinius it may be the same, but that doesn’t mean anything. As they say, two groups of people like spending time with kids: babysitters and pedophiles. But their intentions are different.

The Real Shliach said...

Good point.

Nemo said...

Silly me, cleaning supplies ... And here I was thinking that Rabbi and the boys were making a trip together to Victoria Secret to pick out cute little numbers for the chassunah night.

le7 said...

How do you know about such a place?

The Real Shliach said...

He's not friends with Nameless Faceless for nothing...

Nemo said...

I pass it on my mivtzoim route.

The Real Shliach said...

Better yet-you teach the models taharas hamishpacha!

le7 said...

Dude. The models don't hang out in the stores.

le7 said...

I mean he could teach it to the mannequins, but that would just be ridiculous.

The Real Shliach said...

Maybe they have like a special day when the models stop by for demonstrations?

le7 said...

You boys are disgusting.

The Real Shliach said...

We're just trying to bring our sister Jews closer to their father in heaven!

Altie said...

(snort) or closer to somewhere else

sarabonne said...

Yeah but they would have to eat challa on shabbos and models don't eat...bread.

Modeh B'Miktsas said...

No, models don't eat bichlal.


So, this is the purity of a chassidishe lifestyle, is it?

Cheerio said...

this - post and comments - is hysterical.

The Real Shliach said...

We try.

Anonymous said...

You guys are pervs. stop!
I am discusted by all this.
There is going to be a married couple here, this not a way to talk.

Sebastion said...

Wow. Im trying not to die laughing. In victoria secret stores all there is are langerie and men awkwardly holding purses. With the occasional "well... Shes about your size."

Sebastion said...

Its too late at night for grammer. Sorry.