Ask Heightsdeals.com

Dear Heightsdeals.com,

I’m looking for a solution to a slight problem I’m having right now. Basically, my pet goldfish died, and I don’t know what to do. It’s really sad, because I loved my pet goldfish like a brother, and now I just don’t know what to do! I remember all the good times, when we used to just sit there and stare at each other. I remember nursing him back to health when he was sick, pouring just a drop of chicken soup into his fishbowl to ensure he’d get better. Unfortunately though, this only lead to his death, as the hot soup scalded him. I immediately pulled him out and put on first aid cream, but I guess it was too late, and I was left bereft of my only friend. What shall I do?

Sincerely,

Johnson

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Dear Johnson,

I’m very sorry to hear about the loss of your fish; I’ve had pets myself, and I know how attached people get to the little critters. Might I suggest you go for a new pet that requires a little less personal love and care? The LG CU920 Vu has this really cool feature that allows you to have a fish on your front screen. You can play with this fish and everything, and it’ll never even get sick! Probably a good thing, because cellphones appreciate chicken soup even less than goldfish.

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Dear Heightsdeals.com

Two weeks ago I got ripped off resigning with one of the big cellphone companies, and now I don’t know what to do. I wanted a cool new phone, so I spent all my money on yet another two year plan, plus I had to pay big bucks for the cellphone. The customer service is terrible, and I feel confused, frustrated, and lonely. Whatever shall I do?

Sincerely,

Carl

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Deal Carl,

Here at Heightsdeals.com we hear many heartbreaking stories like your own. The saddest is when, as in your case, the customer reups with his phone company- fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on who? Don’t worry though, there’s no need to panic. Most of the major carriers have thirty day money back guarantees, and once you’re rid of the waste you can move on to bigger and greater things, like a brand new unlocked cell phone which you can use with many different cell companies. Might I suggest the MotoRoker EM30? You’ll be able to listen to all your favorite music and call your friends to let them know how much you’re enjoying your new phone. Best of all, you’ll be emboldening freedom-seekers around the world and striking a blow for justice and opportunity. Sounds noble and far-fetched? Perhaps, but for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, and with your help we can bring redemption to the world’s repressed cellphone using millions.

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Dear Heightsdeals.com,

I haven’t had a big break in a long time. Everywhere I turn I’m besieged by doubts. Can I do succeed, can I make a way for myself in life, can I truly live up to my great potential? I just don’t know what to do. Please help.

Sincerely,

Eli

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Dear Eli,

You sound a bit depressed, which is understandable, because you obviously haven’t had any reason to be happy lately. It’s been two and a half weeks since New Years, and even longer since you played in a meaningful football game. Whether it was your supporting cast or your leg that let you down, it’s now time for a change. Change is good. Change can help you. All right, a new defensive coordinator probably won’t do much to help your people catch the balls they’re currently dropping, but perhaps we can help them. After all, what’s the real issue here? Communication, or lack thereof. The receivers just aren’t feeling your vibes, and they’re not catching your balls. Or maybe the issue is that your overthrowing. Or that your best receiver is in jail. Maybe. If the issue is the lack of communication, then we have just the thing for you- a brand new Sidekick LX. You can call or text or chat down field and finally start throwing some touchdowns.