Thursday, May 15, 2008

A banner day!

This morning I decided to arrange Tikkunei Leil Shavuos for the Bachurim of YSHTC. The following is the banner I made...

Have you sinned recently?
Do you need a Tikkun?


So let's say you're walking down the street, minding your own business, and suddenly you come upon a scion of the Abuchatzeira family who's offering amulets for the low, low price of 400 dollars. Do you open your wallet, or do you tell him that YHSTC, otherwise known as MyYeshiva (Yeshiva done right), is offering you a Tikkun for even cheaper, at just twelve dollars? Huh? What you gonna do, buddy?


Or how about you just listened to the Satanic elements that routinely inhabit buildings like this one and perverted yourself by eating some pork or something? Are you afraid of the wrath of the jealous G-d who will come and strike you down with lightning, used Yugos, and various other punishments too horrific to write explicitly? Will you be calling up that scion of the Abuchatzeira family and begging for his help, and probably paying well over a thousand dollars, or will you rest assured, knowing that YHSTC, otherwise known as MyYeshiva (Yeshiva done right), has got your back covered?


Two more questions, my fine feathered friends: What's gonna be when Pentecost rolls around? And why exactly do you need a Tikkun? To answer the second question first, which will help answer the first question second, let's turn to Rabbi Schneur Zalmen of Liadi, first Rebbe of Chabad-Lubavitch and all-round good guy. Many years ago he wrote a big book, called "Shulchan Oruch HaRav", and it has some pretty wacky shtuff inside. He mentions in Siman 494, Halacha 3, that we (the Jews) have the custom of staying up all night long and learning Torah. The Lubavitcher custom, as well as the custom of the Vilna Gaon, is to read the Tikkun Leil Shavuos on this night. It affects repentance, and it's much cheaper than a Sephardic amulet.


So what are you waiting for? Contact HaShliach [Censored] today (!) to order your copy of the Tikkun Leil Shavuos, and don't be left with nothing to do when the big cheese day rolls around.


The Rules...


You give HaShliach [Censored] twelve (12) dollars, and he orders a Tikkun Leil Hashavuos for you. You don't order, you don't get. Simple. When should you order by? This Sunday afternoon, Erev Pesach Sheni, by 4:30 PM.
Don't come around with excuses after that. You'll just have to suffer the consequences of your own laziness.








8 comments:

Nemo said...

I mean, it doesn't seem threatening or anything, it's just a little long!


(Is it just me, or do the word verifications increase in challenge-level with every comment that you make?)

The Real Shliach said...

It looks long because the formatting came out all wrong, probably because I'm no genius at HTML.
Word verification is the price one pays for instant comment gratification.

Eliezer said...

$12? Are you ordering the deluxe chabad edition? Can't you get your campers a cheaper version? You'll probably increase the total number of bochur tikkun owner? I think mine cost only 4 bucks.

Plus, your punctuation is a tad off. You broke the Cardinal Rule of American Pride in Punctuation: always puts commas and periods inside the quotes.

The Real Shliach said...

Yes, we're getting the deluxe Chabad version, which is the only version that is actually legible. Remember, we're in Minnesota, and we have to pay for shipping.
As for my punctuation, my parents are both South African, and I imbibed their ways with every spoon of mashed sweet potato. I've been doing this ever since the beginning of time (well, the beginning of this blog, which is very nearly the same thing), so I'm not quite sure why you're harping on it now.

Eliezer said...

My four dollar tikkn is very legible. Don't get the ancient tikkun, but don't get the deluxe chabad edition. Just get the re-typeset standard Orthodox edition.
As for your South Africianism, do me favour, bru. You are American. If you did it on roving rabbis, I should have noticed.

The Real Shliach said...

Yes Eliezer, you should have

Nemo said...

Ok, here's another one of my unanswerable questions about ortho-Judaism:

Why is it that the standard hardcover Tikkun Leil Shavuos's always come bound in an elongated rectangular shape that makes them hard to open and nearly impossible to read the words closest to the binding? Certainly the publishers could have thought up something more ergo-dynamical for people to read at two in the morning.

The Real Shliach said...

You should try the Reform-Judaism Tikkun, it's a lot shorter and it has pictures. Alternatively, you could do what I did last year and fall asleep in 770 over your standard Tikkun.