Where Achdus fears to tread...

Crown Heights is a really cool place. For starters, it's where the Rebbe's at. Though we might disagree on what exactly that statement means, I think we all feel it, whether it's the Rebbe's room, the upstairs Zal, or downstairs 770. Crown Heights is great because it's packed with Lubavitchers, and it looks really nice in the spring. Basically, Crown Heights has a lot of selling points, even if I can't think of any right now. I'm sure that I'll get several other reasons in the comments, so just check there.
Crown Heights also has a major problem. The local non-Caucasian population is not the problem, just like Charles Hynes and the police are not the problem. Crown Height's major issue is the Jews who inhabit it. Yes, those Jews have many problems, but it's all due to a single issue. That issue is, you guessed it, the lack of unity! Yay! The great thing about this problem is that everyone knows what it is, and everyone knows how to solve it. The problem with this problem is that everyones' solutions are different. Why is that? It's because everyones' solution is, "Do as I say". Now when there's a leader in the community, that's fine, but CH has no leader. At least, there's no leader who's accepted by Crown Heighters. I originally wrote that there is no leader, but I realized that such is a statement is not strictly true. The Rebbe is the leader, but as I already wrote, nobody listens to him.
This brings to mind the famous story which I believe I've already written up, but it certainly deserves another go. Basically, the Rebbe declared by a Farbrengen that he's not going to that year's Lag B'Omer parade because two of the Chassidim are fighting. The Rebbe continued on to say that the two Chassidim are listening to the Sicha, and they're both planning on going over to the other one after it's over and saying, "See, it's all your fault." The Rebbe said, "Don't do that! You're both at fault!" And guess what? When the Sicha was over they still did it.
I was thinking that everyone who's interested in fighting should move to North Dakota and just fight there; that way they could have a lot of fun without causing anyone any harm. Sure, they'd get into trouble, but remember, it's North Dakota, how much harm can they do already?
I don't understand all the politics in Crown Heights, and frankly, I don't particularly care. I enjoy fighting as much as the next guy, actually, I probably enjoy it more, but sometimes...As President George W. Bush said over last week about terrorist-types, "Some seem to believe that we should negotiate with the terrorists and radicals, as if some ingenious argument will persuade them they have been wrong all along." See, Lubavitchers, despite what certain "Gedolim" might believe, are Jewish, and therefore we're a bunch of stiff-necked people. This anatomical feature of ours has many advantages, but at the same time it has many disadvantages. For example, we're incapable of admitting that we're wrong, and even worse, of admitting that the other guy is right. Yes, they're not quite the same thing. Even when we do admit that we're wrong we still think that the other guy is wrong too.
The solution? I'm partial to the North Dakota idea, but it doesn't seem like that's going to happen anytime soon. Any other suggestions?

By the way, I tried as hard as I could to not be a pretentious snotface while I was writing this. Sure, it was hard, and I probably failed, but at least I pretended to try, and that's what really counts, right?