Friday, May 2, 2008

Friday Afternoon

As you can see from the blog title, it's a Friday afternoon. I'm sitting now in the office of the Shluchim of the Yeshiva High School of the Twin Cities, contemplating the mysteries of life.
What do the mysteries of life have to do with this week's Parsha? A lot, actually. See, this week is Parshas Kedoshim, wherein G-d tells the Jewish nation to be holy. What kind of holy? The kind of holy that tells you not to indulge in worldly pleasures. What kind of worldly pleasures are we talking about here? For example, some people like eating steak. Other people like reading websites that bash Chabad. To these people I say, "Look in this week's Torah portion! Absorb its light! Feel the Love!" Once these people have stopped running I stop chasing.
That puts me in mind of a desire that I've always had. I always wanted to be a black preacher. Not an African-American preacher, because I already am African-American. No, I've always wanted to stand in front of a crowd of four thousand and scream, "Praise the L-rd! Hallelujah!" They'd all respond with their own "Hallelujah!" and everyone would be all fired up. I can see it now.
Unfortunately, as you've probably guessed by now there isn't much calling for a black Christian preacher in Chabad, so my dream will never be fulfilled.
Speaking of dreams, tomorrow is the 17 anniversary of the Rebbe's telling us that we are responsible for bringing the Messiah. The other Chabad websites have written enough about this, and I'm sure everyone feels really stupid for wanting steak instead of eternal salvation. I know I certainly do. So what to do? Try. Or die trying. Or something like that.
Oh, the thought occurred to me a little while ago that some people might feel the need to fulfill the command of "Kedoshim Tehiyu" by not reading this blog anymore. I'd just like to say committing a rash act like act would not only be counter-productive but would be bad for my ratings. The Torah does not want people to do things which would hurt other people. So I want everyone to take the money they just got from the Feds and spend it on things which will make other people happy. Like me for instance.


e said...

Second best thing to being a black preacher: to mivtzoim in prison, make the non-Jews feel welcome, and they'll start pouring in. The have them open up their Siddur Tehillat Hashem, provided by the Aleph institute, and Hallelujah away!

Just like a guy said...

sounds like a plan...