Sunday, May 24, 2009

Stirring

The poem before music. By TRS:

'Twas the night before the sheloshes yemei hagbala, when all through the house

not a speaker was playing, nor singing a spouse;

iTunes was prepped on the computer with care

with expectation that MBD or Lipa would soon be there;

The children weren't nestled, nor snug in their beds

while crying for mommy, screaming off their heads;

And mamma and tatupapu, out for a walk

and I wishing I was willing to go take a nap;

When out on the sidewalk there arose such a clatter

I sprang up from the computer to see what was the matter;

Away to the door I flew like a rock

tore open the blinds and threw open the child-lock;

the moon was not visible, it was a cloudy night

but everything outside was still visible (thank heaven for Crown Heights);

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

a miniature Lipa Schmeltzer distributing good cheer;

he was singing a song, so wondrous and fit

hut bitachon un aleh zan git;

more rapid than eagles his band yes they came

and he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

Now Rick Cutler, now Yaron Gershovsky, now Yossi Green!

On to your drums, your piano, your tambourine!

play your songs, feel the melody, experience the joy within,

Suddenly...

Mivtzoyim is like what? Like crack? You mean like the shtuff that [crack cocaine] is a substance that affects the brain chemistry of the user: causing euphoria, supreme confidence, loss of appetite, insomnia, alertness, and increased energy? (wikipedia)

Sure it is, sure, sure. I mean hey, if arguing with old Russian ladies about lighting shabbos candles is what turns you on, then by all means, indulge, but really? Crack?

Now that I think about it though, I suppose you could be right about this one. I mean, standing on a street corner arguing exactly this point, and that point actually making sense... seems crazy to me, but I suppose it can't be helped. And how about the time you tried to prove how normal frum Jews are so you say to some hipster 28 year old girl, "Oh, we're normal, not like the French, our women shave their arm pits," and then she tells you, "Oh-I don't." It's moments like that where you want to disappear forever/hit yourself really hard five seconds ago/realize that hipsters in Willy are crazy; what's a guy to do? Here you are, representing worldwide religious Jewry, and your crazy mouth has gotten you into trouble again.

But hey, that's what it's all about, right?

34 comments:

sarabonne said...

Oh this was a good one. Nice, nice, very nice.
One suggestion though, I would insert the italics section as part of the previous sentence; "you mean like the shtuff that affects the brain chemistry of the user..."

The Real Shliach said...

Thanks.

Well, I stole it from wiki, and I feel a little guilty...

sarabonne said...

Keep it in italics and add (wiki) at the end. Okilie dokilie though.

The Real Shliach said...

What are you, the almighty editor?

sarabonne said...

My english teacher was pretty neurotic.

The Real Shliach said...

After spending all one's days trying to pin down what should essentially be free, you're bound to become neurotic. Just look at Israelis!

sarabonne said...

Fine, fine.

The Real Shliach said...

But I appreciate your suggestion. To that end I've (look above)...

Happy?

sarabonne said...

Well, close enough I suppose.

The Real Shliach said...

Huh? What did I do wrong?

sarabonne said...

So yes, now I can be happy.

sarabonne said...

You didnt add the italics as part of the previous sentence, it's a bit choppy still.

The Real Shliach said...

Well, it was a compromise.

sarabonne said...

If you put it like this; Mivtzoyim is like what? Like crack? You mean like the shtuff that (italics start here) affects the brain chemistry of the user: causing euphoria, supreme confidence, loss of appetite, insomnia, alertness, and increased energy? (wikipedia)

That way it's a smooth sentence.

The Real Shliach said...

I'm so nice, it's crazy.

sarabonne said...

But anyways, fine. Good luck with the hipsters.

sarabonne said...

Oh you're changing it? Excellent....

The Real Shliach said...

Hmm, maybe I should move out to Willy?

sarabonne said...

Yup, it's all pretty now.

The Real Shliach said...

Always a pleasure.

Cheerio said...

the song is pure genius!!

but i was a little confused - all of sudden we go from the musical interlude to comparisons of mivtzoyim to hard drugs?
plus, i totally don't agree.
and that story is HYSTERICAL.

Cheerio said...

sorry, just had to ask - WHY did you think bringing up body hair was a good idea?

C said...

Love the poem... so moving :)

And I'm with Cheerio: Why is discussing underarm hair, or lack thereof a good mivtzoyim ploy? And how do YOU know all Lubavitch women shave their underarms?

Cheerio said...

yeah, some of them wax!

C said...

And some even go natural.

The Real Shliach said...

Cheerio: it's a poem, but thanks.

confusion is good.

with what do you not agree?

re: body hair: whyever not?

C: I have no clue. As I wrote, my mouth often runs ahead leaving my brain behind to clean up after.

Cheerio said...

mivtzoyim is NOT like crack.

Modeh B'Miktsas said...

Mivtzoyim SO like crack. You push mind-altering shtuff on innocent souls who have no clue what it will do to them.

The Real Shliach said...

Cheerio: You ever done crack? Or mivtzoyim?

Modeh: Not at all. Doing mivtzoyim properly is like taking crack.

Cheerio said...

MBM -that would be chassidus, not mivztoyim
TRS - no, and yes, but maybe not the bochur version.

The Real Shliach said...

Listen, I've been miserable on mivtzoyim plenty of times, but that's really not the point. When it's good it's the most amazing feeling in the world-the whole world is eating out of your hand and watching the show and coming closer to their father in heaven. It's positively addictive.

Modeh B'Miktsas said...

TRS: Won't argue. From the three or four times in my life I ever put tfillin on somebody I can agree. But it's like pushing crack too.
Cheerio: And real mitzvos aren't mind-altering?

le7 said...

Wow I've had this screen up on my computer since yesterday morning to comment and I didn't find it until now...

The Real Shliach said...

le7: Crazy!