Monday, May 18, 2009

Kindly thoughts are appreciated

Tonight is the fortieth night of the omer. That's a lot of nights. Moses was on top of a mountain three times for this many days and nights. Not a blintz passed through his lips, nor the slightest draught of Appletizer. One can assume that he was a bit hungry.

What happened when he came down the mountain? Did he eat and drink? I think not. In fact, he fed others before himself! All right, so it probably didn't taste so good, but hey, how many people can say they've eaten golden ashes or the ashes of gold or whatever? Must have been quite the treat.

And what happened after that? Back up the mountain did our hero trudge, and whilst there he engaged in some epic battle with the big blue dodger (Brooklyn) in the sky. Forty days later, down he came, and one can only hope that he got a square meal for his efforts, or at least some man. Mun. Man is illegal.

Yup, this Moses guy was a character all right. You know who else was a character? Abraham. This guy slaughters three cows for their tongues, and no one even eats them! And does he complain? Shoot, if three people came to my house, pretended to eat my food and drink my drink, and then started with some craziness about a ninety year old women giving birth, I know what I'd say. And it wouldn't be, "Please sir, may I have another?"

But there you go, our forefathers sure were swell. Not to forget our foremothers of course. They had some good shtuff going for them too.
Take, for example, Leah. Here she is, tears all cried out, and what does she care about?Some dudaim. This woman is trying to beautify her home, to make it a mikdash me'at. Incredible.

Who else is there in our pantheon of Jewish heroes? How about the women in the Taz's town who put a salted goose on top of an unsalted goose in a vessel without egress entrances and then put salt on top of the whole shebang. Some people might think to suggest that the whole bottom goose is forbidden, but my friends, you and I know better. At the worst only the part of the goose which became submerged in brine would be forbidden, but even that's questionable (hat tip the Shach for some incisive commentary on this one).

Yes folks, this has been the kind of selfless dedication to Judaism that has kept us as a people around for as long as we've been around (nearly half an hour at last count!). But is that all? I think not.

Enter the princes of the tribes, and specifically Zimri Ben Salu of the Simon tribe (made large and numerous in second temple days) who had the incredible self-sacrifice to challenge Moses (remember him? The guy who didn't eat) and stand up for his dues-paying tribal members. These poor guys were in danger of being gededed, and what did Zimri get for his pains? A spear thrust through him. And not only him, but some princess too. Sheesh, talk about a raw deal.

But that's what these Simonites seem to have gotten a lot of. Did they get blessed by Jacob? No sirree! How about by Moses? You kidding me? Did they even get some decent land in the land of Israel? Can you say "scattered among the Judases"? And let's face it, those Judah people had their own issues. All right, I can buy that David didn't sin with Bathsheba, but look where he's coming from? And where he's going too-I mean, would you, as a father, be proud of your son who raped his sister? What a guy, what a guy. And yet David is the progenitor of the Messiah. Crazy.

So how's that for a little history? Stay tuned for tommorow night's foray into geopolitical consultation (don't dissapoint us again Bibi!) and painting (Monet-good, Manet? You decide). And that's all there is to it. Just a little pinch here, a little pinch there, and you can convert a genuine case of writer's block into nine paragraphs of absolute nothingness. If that doesn't take talent, then I don't know what does.

80 comments:

e said...

1. Duda'im to beautify her mikdahs me'at? I think not.

2. The Simeonites became numerous during the Second-Temple times? They were lost then. They're one of the ten tribes.

The Real Shliach said...

1. Yeah? What else were they for?

2. Go read your Ezra and Nehemiah again, buddy.

e said...

1. fertility treatment

2. Care to cite chapter and verse?

The Real Shliach said...

1. What is she, octomom?

2. Remember not do I.

e said...

1. what is octomom?

2. I think you misremember. Maybe Modeh can help us out.

The Real Shliach said...

1. Where have you been the last four months? At the very least you could google.

2. I think not. I remember this whole thing about how their numbers increased because they were scattered amongst Judah.

sarabonne said...

Three cows, three tongues, and I still prefer chocolate covered raisins.
Manet vs. Monet, I just had this debate early this evening. I prefer Manet.

The Real Shliach said...

Sara: aren't you miss meat girl?

Can you tell the class why?

e said...

1. right. the lady with 8 kids. Well, she wanted to be. But she settled with 6.

2. dude. They could have increased. But by the time the 2nd temple came, they were long gone.

sarabonne said...

There's something very wrong in my mind with eating tongues. The wrong is regarding the tongues, not my mind, mind you.

Édouard Manet (French pronunciation: [edwaʁ manɛ]), 23 January 1832 – 30 April 1883, was a French painter. One of the first nineteenth century artists to approach modern-life subjects, he was a pivotal figure in the transition from Realism to Impressionism.

His early masterworks The Luncheon on the Grass and Olympia engendered great controversy, and served as rallying points for the young painters who would create Impressionism. Today these are considered watershed paintings that mark the genesis of modern art.
-Wikepedia

Regarding why I prefer him, it's a matter of personal taste.

Ver A Mentch said...

chrudge linked to u

The Real Shliach said...

e: look it up. I think you'll be surprised by what you find.

Sara: why, I like tongue! Pickled, sweet and sour, with mustard...

So you can't put into words why you prefer one to the other?

Ver: OMG! I can die happy!

le7 said...

Yeah I learned in Tzfat it was fertility stuff.

The Real Shliach said...

Nu, shivim panim l'torah.

le7 said...

I guess that's what they would tell girls.

The Real Shliach said...

My panim was a joke, don't worry.

le7 said...

Okiedoke. Whew.

sarabonne said...

I studied his art, his background, etc. senior year of highschool for my AP class (we got close).
He portrayed life candidly. He broke rules of traditional art. He did not idealize. He didn't run away. And he kept himself original without compromise. Blah blah blah.

sarabonne said...

Then again, Monet was revolutionary with light and color. His technique with contrasting pigments are quite incredible and he was a founder of French impressionist painting.

Mottel said...

-e: Wrong you are. Simeon was one of the tribes of the Kingdom of Judah and thus was around during the times of the second temple (albeit not under the distinct title of the tribe Simeon)

Monet rocks Manet any day! Though Manet did paint many nice pictures of people drinking alcohol -which gives him 3 points!

sarabonne said...

Nice? His pictures were not nice, they were considered comical and outragous (at the time of the their production) and always with an underlying message.

Mottel said...

Yes, nice like that. I like Le Bon Bock, The Cafe Concert, A Bar at the Folies-Bergère and Plum . . . They almost all have Beer, or Absinthe in them . . . So they're good.

sarabonne said...

Glad you find them relatable...of those listed, A bar at the Folies-Bergere is a favorite.

Altie said...

1. I hate art, find it boring.

2. interesting post. definitly writers block.

Modeh B'Miktsas said...

e:Thanks a lot. Now I'm expected to know what I'm talking about too?
The gemara in bava basra (I believe 19a. If not it's something else a) says on the possuk vayeilech yirmiyahu v'yashuv (or similar words) that he went to bring back the aseres hashevatim. We have members of most of the tribes today, just not under their own names. That is why Rashi to the birchos yaakov (which the TRS harem probably still knows by heart) says אין לך סופרים ומלמדי תינוקות אלא משמעון as a statement about today.

And now there isn't any room left for the important stuff like Impressionism and tongue with mustard.

E said...

Is there any reference specifically to the simeonites in ezra?

Anonymous said...

In Divrei Hayamim I 4:41 and 43 (which were written by Ezra, see Bava Basra 15a) there are references to groups of Simeonites living in various outlying areas "until this day."

Modeh B'Miktsas said...

Galil is not exactly an "outlying area" and smashed hat tip to anon for reminding me that the gemara I'm talking about is 13a.

As an aside, according to DH Divrei Hayamim was written after melachim but before most of bereishis.

The Real Shliach said...

Mottel: what's with you and alcohol?

C said...

And what I got from this: We are a pretty nifty nation with a rich heritage and incredible ancestors.

The Real Shliach said...

How you got that from this I don't know, but yes, I'd tend to agree.

Mottel said...

-TRS: it says יין ישמח לבב־אנוש - it is no coincidence that Whiskey comes fromthe Scottish Gaelic word uisge beatha - water of life.
TRS we make kiddush on alcohol, we farbreng on it - when you're done with smicha and start dating and one day, bez"h, find your besherte and, iy"h, get engaged you'll have a . . . l'chaim.

le7 said...

You're laying it on a little thick Mottel - started drinking today already?

The Real Shliach said...

So according to you life=alcohol? Good to know what to fry you for a wedding present.

Mottel said...

-LE7: No I'm just on coffee so far.
-TRS: Yes a couple of bottles of some nice Belgian Beers . . . or a bottle of Laphroaig Quarter Cask would be nice . . .

Anonymous said...

Modeh:

1. Where do either of the verses I cited mention the Galil? One speaks of Mevo Gedor (granted, I have no idea where that is, but come on - where would anyone find a "quiet and peaceful" area in Israel?), the other of Mount Seir (nowadays the Israeli-Jordanian border south of the Dead Sea).

2. I think you mean Megillah 14b. There's nothing about Yirmiyah in Bava Basra 13a.

3. So why should I care about what some idiots pull out of their hats (or parts of their anatomy) and dignify with the name of a Hypothesis?

The Real Shliach said...

Mottel: and your wife would appreciate these too?

Anon: 3: what is this referring to?

Mottel said...

-TRS: I don't have a wife. My Future wife would be happy that I'm happy though . . . You can always get something for each of us. One from you, one from the Besherte you'll IY"H one day find when you start dating after you get smecha be"h.

What's the whole uproar about my alcohol statement, but nothing on my dissing Manet and feeling Monet rocks the house so much more?

Anonymous said...

TRS: Modeh's second paragraph of 12:36. DH = Documentary Hypothesis = the idea that Tanach is composed of shreds of different "documents" written by unknown authors and pieced together by unknown editors.

Sebastion said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sebastion said...

belgian beer is for people who have lost the ability to taste. if you want good beer then english (welsch) ESB or german heffeweizens are the way to go. there are others but lets not go crazy. impressionism is good but I like Chardin. all the "finding beauty in life as it is around you" thing. as for DH, if its historically speaking (secular) we actually have a good idea about authors and editors for a portion of it.or at least their backround/agenda. This is definatly a great way to sidestep writers block!

Mottel said...

Which Belgians have you had? I like a good ESB - but prefer the hoppier American styles. From England I enjoy the toasty Stouts. Heffes are amazing, I love drinking them when I want to relax with a beer or on a hot day . . . but they don't hold a candle towards the complexity of a Belgian.

Sebastion said...

Bah! complexity? nothing of the sort. yes english pub ale is greta and i love stouts. but belgian? i mean its better thabn alot of stuff out there but not amongest the tastiest. there is actually a beer from scotland called heatherlock i think, made from flowers. very tasty. yes beer on warm days under a tree or on a porch are wonderful! there is a indie movie theater where i live that sells alcohol. nothing better than an old or independant film with beer (or wine). mmmmmm

Mottel said...

Which Belgians have you had?

The Real Shliach said...

Maskim.

le7 said...

TRS - What are you maskim?

The Real Shliach said...

Oh, whoops. I meant to be maskim to anon.

le7 said...

Ohhhh.

The Real Shliach said...

Yes, I refuse to be a part of this argument between Mottel and Sebastion.

e said...

yeah, beer is totally unchassidish. Everclear is the way to go.

The Real Shliach said...

No thanks, I'd prefer to keep my brains and body intact.

C said...

I'm with e on this..

Although I do like beer as well...

e said...

yeah, we discussed out mutual affinity for everclear before.

The Real Shliach said...

Not that I mind a decent beer once in a while.

le7 said...

I have to say, raspberry beer is quite pleasant.

sarabonne said...

I think mango juice takes all. Spike it if you must...
(Beer is good too...)

C said...

Mango Tango is delish!

Discovered it when I was sick and drinking every juice I could find.

The Real Shliach said...

Instead of blogging about serious shtuff like farbrengens and chassidus and whatnot, I should just blog about food and drink. Seems like people are more interested in their stomachs than their brains.

e said...

or their souls

sarabonne said...

You just discovered that?

le7 said...

Well yeah. Duh.

C said...

Isn't that the reason for food at a farby? To quiet the nefesh habehamis? It's not a new concept...

Modeh B'Miktsas said...

Anon, you're right about yirmiyahu. It's a sad comment on the status of chabad higher learning that they come to me with questions.

Again, I was using a half-remembered gemara instead of hard psukim that I actually know. Some yeshiva habits die hard.

#DH: Who said anything about a hypothesis. As far as I'm concerned it stands for disrespectful hock.

Now to the important stuff:
Dutch beer beats anything else.
The second worst whiskey on the planet (the worst being old williamsburg) beats any beer.

Mottel said...

-E: I've heard from Zkinei Anash from Tashkent that as youths they drank plenty of Piwo in their days (Leibel Mochkin, Dovid Mishulovin). Not to mention in Galicianer Chassidus (yes it isn't chabad, but it is chassidus) beer, rather then vodka, was the alcohol of choice - due, in part, to the proximity and association with Austria)

-TRS: And what good beers have you ever had to enjoy from time to time?

-LE7: It's called a Framboise - it's Lambic i.e. Belgian beer :-P

-TRS(again): There's a reason why they serve food by a Farbi [Note: I didn't see C's comment saying as such until after I wrote that line]. . . Perhaps if your posts weren't so long . . . and you didn't encourage this random, chatroom'esque use of the comments, you wouldn't have so many food remarks.

-Modeh: Which Dutch Beers do you like? Dutch beer, while not bad, is in no way better then Belgian, British or German Beers . . . Those good Dutch beers are from the areas closer to Belgium in any extent.

People can we make a rule that when we say a certain type of product is good, we bring names to back them up!
I'll start.
Good Belgians:
-Blonde such as La Chouffe or Piraat (Duvel in your local gas station)
-Trapists esp. Westmalle (Chimay for the run of the mill)
-Wit Biers (Hoegaarden for your most ubiquitous type)

The Real Shliach said...

Mottel: The various forms of Guinness, Sam Adams, Leinenkugels, plus various American microbrews whose names I recall not.

Mottel (again): Perhaps if you weren't ADD...and you appreciated a frum, kosher place for people to chat...

Re: Rules: It's my blog, I make the rules. You want to make rules, get your own blog.

Mottel said...

-TRS: Those are what we'd call gateway beers. They're good . . . in pinch, or for someone who grew up on Coors Lite and Bud. The offer still stands for you to come with me and try some good brews. The clock is ticking.

-TRS(again): I have no problem with how things work here. Just don't complain when it turns out as it does. Me ADD? I always reply to the subject of the post, or to an existing comment. I even tried to bring things back to Monet v. Manet! If it's mixed, it aint frum and it aint kosher. I don't pass judgement or necessarily have a problem with it, but a spade is spade.

Sebastion said...

touche sir! i will bow to the amazingness of trapist monk ale. chimy isn't terrible. the only time frambic is good is when you take samuel smith chocolate stout and mix the two (taste like a rasberry trouffle!) and hoegaarden is a belgian white, just like everything else belgian. have you ever had dead guy ale? or thelonious monk ale? tasty! and there is nothing wrong with tasty beer by a farbrengen! it is actually a pastime of the shliach of my town.

The Real Shliach said...

Mottel: You're just so pretentious and snobby, you can't appreciate the simple pleasures in life.

Mottel (again): You're so noble. We should give you an award or something.

Mottel said...

-Sebastion: Trapists rock. Chimay is great . . . but if Sam Adams is a gateway to good beer, then Chimay is only the gateway to great beer. Dead guy ale rings a bell, but I'm not sure if I've had it. I brought a big bottle of Thelonius Monk back with me from LA after pesach and enjoyed it the other week - the empty bottle is still her next to the coffee machine.

-TRS: Doesn't the first comment contradict the second?
-TRS(again): Doesn't the second comment contradict the first?

L'gufo shel inyan. I appreciate simple pleasures. Some pleasures are only enjoyed by merit of the crassness and nadir of a person's ignorance.

The Real Shliach said...

Mottel: Not at all. Ever heard of sarcasm?

Mottel (again): Not at all. Ever heard of sarcasm?

Sebastion said...

see, everything in balance. nice trapist ale, then enjoy a chardin and contemplate the beauty that surrounds you! :D

Modeh B'Miktsas said...

You'll laugh but I like Grolsch and I thought Chimay was Dutch. I also like Guinness and Sam Adams which even I know are not dutch.

Mottel said...

Grolsch is a passable Pilsner. Not pischatz like that cheep Milwaukee stuff!
Chimay is very Belgian

Midwestern Pride said...

Miller is THE BEST beer. Period.

The Real Shliach said...

Missouri is also in the midwest.

Cheerio said...

wow.
just.
wow.
i actually really liked this post. if only they taught us it like this in school...

e said...

they should teach it like that is school? They'd raise a generation of scoffers.

Cheerio said...

they already have.

The Real Shliach said...

Cheerio: This isn't exactly orthodox theology...

e: cynics, not scoffers. there's a difference.

Anonymous said...

sebastion seeems unperturbed by trs and mottel screaming over his head

lol

so WHAT WERE U SAYING ABOUT BEER

yes.. austria
my apt was next to a beer distrib in vienna