Kindly thoughts are appreciated

Tonight is the fortieth night of the omer. That's a lot of nights. Moses was on top of a mountain three times for this many days and nights. Not a blintz passed through his lips, nor the slightest draught of Appletizer. One can assume that he was a bit hungry.

What happened when he came down the mountain? Did he eat and drink? I think not. In fact, he fed others before himself! All right, so it probably didn't taste so good, but hey, how many people can say they've eaten golden ashes or the ashes of gold or whatever? Must have been quite the treat.

And what happened after that? Back up the mountain did our hero trudge, and whilst there he engaged in some epic battle with the big blue dodger (Brooklyn) in the sky. Forty days later, down he came, and one can only hope that he got a square meal for his efforts, or at least some man. Mun. Man is illegal.

Yup, this Moses guy was a character all right. You know who else was a character? Abraham. This guy slaughters three cows for their tongues, and no one even eats them! And does he complain? Shoot, if three people came to my house, pretended to eat my food and drink my drink, and then started with some craziness about a ninety year old women giving birth, I know what I'd say. And it wouldn't be, "Please sir, may I have another?"

But there you go, our forefathers sure were swell. Not to forget our foremothers of course. They had some good shtuff going for them too.
Take, for example, Leah. Here she is, tears all cried out, and what does she care about?Some dudaim. This woman is trying to beautify her home, to make it a mikdash me'at. Incredible.

Who else is there in our pantheon of Jewish heroes? How about the women in the Taz's town who put a salted goose on top of an unsalted goose in a vessel without egress entrances and then put salt on top of the whole shebang. Some people might think to suggest that the whole bottom goose is forbidden, but my friends, you and I know better. At the worst only the part of the goose which became submerged in brine would be forbidden, but even that's questionable (hat tip the Shach for some incisive commentary on this one).

Yes folks, this has been the kind of selfless dedication to Judaism that has kept us as a people around for as long as we've been around (nearly half an hour at last count!). But is that all? I think not.

Enter the princes of the tribes, and specifically Zimri Ben Salu of the Simon tribe (made large and numerous in second temple days) who had the incredible self-sacrifice to challenge Moses (remember him? The guy who didn't eat) and stand up for his dues-paying tribal members. These poor guys were in danger of being gededed, and what did Zimri get for his pains? A spear thrust through him. And not only him, but some princess too. Sheesh, talk about a raw deal.

But that's what these Simonites seem to have gotten a lot of. Did they get blessed by Jacob? No sirree! How about by Moses? You kidding me? Did they even get some decent land in the land of Israel? Can you say "scattered among the Judases"? And let's face it, those Judah people had their own issues. All right, I can buy that David didn't sin with Bathsheba, but look where he's coming from? And where he's going too-I mean, would you, as a father, be proud of your son who raped his sister? What a guy, what a guy. And yet David is the progenitor of the Messiah. Crazy.

So how's that for a little history? Stay tuned for tommorow night's foray into geopolitical consultation (don't dissapoint us again Bibi!) and painting (Monet-good, Manet? You decide). And that's all there is to it. Just a little pinch here, a little pinch there, and you can convert a genuine case of writer's block into nine paragraphs of absolute nothingness. If that doesn't take talent, then I don't know what does.