Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Advertisements for Mommy and Me

Make sure your child isn't being abused; come to Mommy and Me.

Feeling guilty about going back to work? Come to Mommy and Me.

Scared that your eight year old is too precious to be set free? Come to Mommy and Me.

Is your child terrorizing you? Let your child terrorize others at Mommy and Me.

Are you starved for neighborhood gossip? Come to Mommy and Me.

Does your husband think you should go back to work? Instead go to Mommy and Me.

Are you still attached to your child with the umbilical cord? Come to Mommy and Me.

Want to relive key moments of your own childhood? Come to Mommy and Me.

Hate criticizing people behind their backs? Trash your child's teacher in person at Mommy and Me.

Scared that your child will acquire communist tendencies at school? Teach him or her your own brand of right-wing dogma at Mommy and Me.

Scared that your kid will ruin his diet by trading food with other students? Police the lunchroom at Mommy and Me.

56 comments:

me, the famous Mr. anonymous said...

gosh, u r so bored! nothing better to write?

Cheerio said...

i wanna know what inspired it... missing YOUR mommy and me group?

The Real Shliach said...

You know, ever since I left Mommy and Me at the age of two, things just haven't been the same...
Actually, I was helping the Shlucha here who was trying to think up a catchy slogan for her very own Mommy and Me. Unfortunately, she didn't like my suggestions very much.

e said...

Can't trust us to take care of your bundle of love? Supervise us at Mommy and Me?

Wish to keep your child from using corny alliterations? Wish to teach your child the correct cases for personal pronouns? Come to Mommy and I!

The Real Shliach said...

What do you have against my alliterations and pronouns?

e said...

They're not yours; they belong to whoever made up the term "Mommy and Me."

The Real Shliach said...

Yeah! Vindicated once again!

Nemo said...

Eliezer, how do you know all this grammar shit?

The Real Shliach said...

A. Watch your language.
B. He isn't called the Almighty Editor for nothing.

E said...

Nemo, you just made my day.

The Real Shliach said...

With a capital E too!

E said...

TRS, it ain't such a big deal to be vindicated when you always assume that everything is against you.

The Real Shliach said...

You're going for the sympathy vote now?

E said...

I'm on the phone, so everything automatically is capitalized. yes, im addicted to TRS and cant stay away from it.

The Real Shliach said...

I guess that not all addictions are bad, eh?

E said...

I'm keeping you from getting any sympathy.

The Real Shliach said...

Well then you shan't have any either.

E said...

This Addiction Is Evil. Its Keeping Me Cycle At Bloody Two Am

The Real Shliach said...

Have you no willpower?

Nemo said...

TRS- Used in context, it wasn't bad language, because it's jocularity far surpassed it's vulgarity.

The Real Shliach said...

Never assume that jocularity comes through online.
BTW, it appears that Eliezer has some willpower after all.

Nemo said...

Um given which blog this is, jocularity should always be assumed.

The Real Shliach said...

Perhaps. Regardless, since this is a family-friendly affair, I would ask you to keep the vulgarity to a minimum.

Nemo said...

But anyways, I swear very sparingly on blogs, if you haven't noticed. When I do, it always has a deep, pithy jocular (or otherwise) import.

The Real Shliach said...

All right, all right, Salachti Kidvarecha

Cheerio said...

sorry to interfere in this delightful discussion between you and nemo, trs, but i didn't happen to notice any forgiveness solicited. therefore, salachti, maybe; kidvarecha? i think not.

The Real Shliach said...

Cheerio: It was implied.

wannabeshadchanit said...

I'm fluctuating between the umbilical cord one (has a certain feminine sound to it) and the radical right wing dogma.....
hmm.....
is there a way to combine the two?

The Real Shliach said...

How about: Is the blood flowing through your child's umbilical cord filled with Pat Buchananesque plasma? If not, sign up for Mommy and Me today, and make sure that your child is the next Vladimir Putin!

e said...

Vintage TRS hyperbole!

The Real Shliach said...

(I want to be an Oscar Mayer wiener,) that is what I truly want to be.

e said...

What are Oscar Mayer wieners doing here? Is there a joke that I missed?

The Real Shliach said...

I wanted to say that I was quite happy to be the cause of some vintage hyperbole; the song popped on in my head, and even though it didn't quite fit, I figured, "why not?"

Rachel said...

E, Re- your first comment:

You do realize "Mommy and I" is grammatically incorrect, right? That would make for horrible advertising in your proposed grammatically correct Mommy & Me.

e said...

Rachel, I beg to differ.

Rachel said...

How so? You stated "Come to Mommy and I." If you were to remove the "Mommy," you would say "come to me." Thus, "Come to Mommy and Me."

e said...

Puulleaz, Rachel,

You aren't telling the kid "Come to Mommy and me," (i.e. the advertiser). That's absurd--the kid is with his mom, not with the advertiser. The "me"/"I" is the kid.

Rachel said...

Dunno how the rule would work in this case, but I'll try it anyway:

Mommy and Me. Take out the "Mommy and" part of it. Simply leaves "Me." If you were to name it so, you would leave it at being called "Me" not "I." Weird as it may be to name a daycare "Me," 'tis weirder to name it "I." Thus, "Mommy and Me."

Don't argue it.

e said...

This brings us to a great question: when a pronoun isn't used in a sentence, which case does it take? I'm inclined to say the nominative. But I may be wrong.

wannabeshadchanit said...

as far as i remember, you cant end a sentence with a prepositional phrase....
hmm....

check out the book "woe is i"

also this article-it deals with the phrase "woe is me" which is slightly different (in more than one way) than "mommy and me," but the same grammatical rules can apply.

http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9F0CE0DA163DF934A25753C1A965958260

i couldnt get past this:
Does that make me, as Prof. Caldwell Titcomb of Brandeis University writes, "incredibly ignorant"? (Some people get really worked up about this.) My less-than-irenic academic correspondent holds that in both the biblical and Shakespearean examples, "the pronoun here is not a nominative at all: it is a dative. . . . In 'Woe is me,' the noun is not being equated with the pronoun. The meaning is 'Woe is to me' or 'Woe is unto me.' " He cites Isabella in "Measure for Measure," on being told her brother is in prison, as responding, "Woe me!" without even a verb, and holds that the me here, too, is dative.


hmmmm
seems to be talking about dating

e said...

Wannabeshadchanit,

"Woe is me," is not at all comparable to "Mommy and Me." In Yiddish, Hebrew, and Russian, they would say (their equivalent of) "Woe is me," and they would say their equivalent of "Mommy and I."

Even if one agrees that it's "Woe is me," it still remains a question if it's "Mommy and Me."

The NY Times article does not address this exact point. He's talking there about which pronoun to use in a sentence. Our dilemma is what to do in a context which is not at all a sentence.

Rachel said...

Pfff... y'all are funny. Don't you think this should be taken a bit more lightly than the crises it's being made out to be?

But I will present the solution anyway, and my word goes as the last word. So here it is:

When a teacher asks her students, "Who wants a sticker by her name?" (or replace that with any question you like) the students scream out in unison, "Me! Me! Me!" Therefore, "Me" should be accepted as the proper way to use the word without placing it in a full sentence. If they were to scream "I! I! I!" not only would they sound ridiculous but some poor soul may confuse it for "Aye! Aye! Aye!" (and think they've been transported to a ship) or worse, "Ayayay" (as in a variation of "oy oy oy"). That would be cause for concern.

:)

e said...

"My word goes as the last word."

What kind of arrogance is this?

Anyhow, that's what people say; that doesn't make it right. Those same kids would say, "Yukel and me are going to the park," which is certainly wrong.

The Real Shliach said...

Ya'll be crazy.

wannabeshadchanit said...

rachel's example is by far the most sensible (as well as funny)

i agree

who's ready to go out for some ice coffee now?

The Real Shliach said...

So let me get this straight...you won't tell us who you are, but as a married woman you're asking us out to have a drink?

Cheerio said...

i can see it now... two guys walk into sweet expressions and look around furtively before purchasing their iced coffees. suddenly, they spy a young married woman giving them the "look" (you know, the shadchan look.) "Aha!", they cry, "It must be WANNABESHADCHANIT!" our brave heroes rush over to this woman, and begin an intense grammatical debate. much to their dismay, she speaks only french.
meanwhile, in the corner of the store, behind the caramel popcorn, a beautiful young woman sips her iced coffee and laughs her head off.

The Real Shliach said...

Wow, you should write fiction! Funny, in Israel, Eliezer and I bought iced coffees almost every day, but we seem to have fallen off that habit here in the good 'ol USA.

Why would be dismayed if she only spoke French? Do you think that neither of us speaks French? Where's your faith in humanity?

Meanwhile, who exactly is this beautiful young woman of who you write?

Cheerio said...

who says i don't?
i miss iced coffees... :(
do i have to explain every part of the story? i assumed you'd understand that an English language grammatical debate would be difficult to engage in with someone speaking another language (and also that what i really wanted to say was the the woman had attended beis rivkah, but decided not to offend all my dear friends who attended beis rivkah and have excellent grammar)
as for the beautiful young woman...well, whom do you think she is?

The Real Shliach said...

1. So where it it?
2. So buy some.
3. Probably. If she is a French speaker, then we wouldn't engage in a debate re: English grammar with her. We'd talk about Provence.
4. Girls who attended Beis Rivkah have excellent grammar? Who would've thunked?
5. There is no way in the world that I am answering this question. Besides, how would you know when we were supposed to meet Mrs. Wannabe?

Cheerio said...

1. wait and see.
2. if you know where i can get cholov yisroel iced coffee in tennessee, i will give you my first born child.
3. Why Provence?
4. Just wait till you meet MY friends. a whole new breed of beis rivkah girls.
5. I admire your deft handling of answering this question, without directly answering it, and thus attracting the wrath of TP. and this is all taking place in my vision, anyway. who's to say you don't favor buncho's iced coffees?

The Real Shliach said...

2. You know, Fed Ex is based in Memphis. I'm sure they could arrange something.
2A. What would I do with your first born child?
3. Why not?
4. Who said I'm interested in meeting girls? Not that I'm not, of course, but I've got to keep up appearances here.
5. I answered your question thusly because I'm trying to stay on the (relatively) straight and (broadly speaking) narrow here. In Lubavitch dating guides, they always tell the guy never to say anything to the girl about her appearance before marriage. Over here would be even worse!
5A. You're omniscient or something?
5B. Honestly, I don't think I've ever had either.

Cheerio said...

2. too bad i'm in nashville, not memphis.
2a. whatever the heck you want!
3. always a good answer.
4. although i intended it figuratively, not literally, it could be arranged (sorry for horning in on your territory, wannabe).
5. wow, i have got to get my hands on those dating guides! do they have different versions for the boys and the girls?
5a. or something.
5b. well, don't go to buncho's for the iced coffee. it's the lame kind, which is just coffee with ice in it.

The Real Shliach said...

2. I'm sure something can be arranged for a small fee.
2A. That's a rather callous attitude.
3. At least someone thinks so.
4. That's okay, let's keep this thing online and out of harms way (HA!).
5. Yes you do. I've seen them in Beis Moshiach, and online at those list sites.
5A. Figures.
5B. Oh, I kinda like that.

Cheerio said...

2. what kinda small are we talking here?
2a. nah, i'd just pull a rumpelstiltskin on you, which would be pretty easy, and get out of the whole thing.
4. haha!
5. well, that explains why i never heard of them.
5a. yes it does, doesn't it.
5b. really now?!?

The Real Shliach said...

2. Your second born.
2A. Oh, that's sweet of you. Wait, now I have to reconsider #2.
5. What? Beis Moshiach is quality English reading material, and quite entertaining too.
5A. Glad we can agree.
5B. Is there a problem?