In today's Chumash we read that the lands of the Keni and Knizi were given to Ammon and Moab because their forefather Lot knew when it was a good time to shut up. It's a lesson we should all keep in mind...
Following a lesson shown by Eliezer, I have taken to harassing people on online forums and blogs by posing as someone I'm not. Israeli news sites are the best.
Happy 2:50 AM (see time of this post, even though you're still stuck on CST)
Summer: Hot-4 Miserable-2 Cold-1 Bold-1 __________________________________ Israel+Iran: Dark skin-6 War inevitable-6 Ruled by dictators-4 Separated at birth-3 ___________________________________ Macaroni and Cheese Good move-21 Bad move-3 ___________________________________ Should TRS stop the ad hominem attacks? Which attacks? -9 Yes-5 No-4 ___________________________________ Trains are to males as... hotdogs are to BBQ-10 crochet is to females-7 tennis balls are to dogs-6 robes are to HP-5 __________________________________ Shall we go healthy? Yes-10 Yumm...arugula... -8 Are you crazy? -8 No-1 __________________________________ Last album before Sefirah? Avraham Fried's Live in Israel-7 Benny Friedman's Taamu-4 Shloime Gertner's Say Asay-4 Beri Weber's Vehaarev-2 ___________________________________ Some day we will all be...? Expressing fear-10 Together-8 Warm-8 Sheltered-2 ____________________________________ Yossi and TRS are...? Evil-14 Brilliant-8 Hilarious-7 Awesome-5 ____________________________________ Brush teeth in the shower? Certainly-16 No way! 11 Brush teeth? 6 Shower? 5 __________________________________ America needs...? More bagel stores-9 Legalized marijuana-7 Universal health care-4 Less reliance on foreign oil-4 _________________________________ America is indebted to...? Charlie Chaplin-5 George W. Bush-4 Doug Mientkiewicz-3 Barack Obama-1 _________________________________ What should have been his reason? Bored-1 Urgent appointment with hairdresser-0 Phone needed sanitization-3 He was going on an actual date-11 _________________________________ Is Over-Capitalization A Uniquely American Problem? YES-2 no-8 Who said it's a problem?-2 Do they even have capitals in Crylic?-11 __________________________________ The winter has come... Down the hatches!-2 Up the hatches-0 Who said anything about hatches?-6 I was going to say alcohol...-14 __________________________________ Should TRS be invited to the Kinnus? Of course! He's TRS!-10 I hate to break it to you... -10 You really want rubber chicken?-3 I'll call Moshe right now-2 __________________________________ Craigslist: Drawers, Bookcase, Couch...-10 Rocks-3 Cheap-2 Awesome-2 ____________________________________ Crown Heights? Crazy-20 You couldn't think of a better poll?-16 Expensive-13 Boring-3 _____________________________________ TRS? Daily-17 Weekly-9 Every moment of your life!-7 Never-3 Monthly-1 ___________________________________ TRS+le7: No presence=Presents-11 I'm there!-7 I'm there+Presents-1 __________________________________ Breadsmith's Best? Everything!-9 Greek Olive Ciabatta-5 Blueberry Cornbread, Rustic Italian-4 French Roll-2 Lemon Poppyseed-1 __________________________________ The future is...? Now-9 Happened-2 In ten minutes-2 After supper-10 ______________________________________ Music by the wedding: Only Lubavitch-12 Lubavitch+Lipa-7 Only Lipa-5 Lubavitch=Lipa-4 ____________________________________ What's for dinner? Beef-6 Potatoes-3 Dan Quayle-10 The spelling bee-6 ___________________________________ The Nine Days: More mourning-7 More introspection: 3 More no music-7 More almost over!-8 ___________________________________ The Three Weeks: No music-6 Mourning-5 Introspection-5 Nearly Over!-5 ___________________________________ Have you ever seen your father... Cry-5 Fly-9 Tie-5 Sigh-5 ___________________________________ The summer: Hot-4 Sticky-7 Noisy-4 Enjoyable-12 ___________________________________ Do you believe in...? Unicorns-6 Taxes-3 The Great Pumpkin-7 Universal Health care-12 ___________________________________ Peanut Butter and...? Jelly-11 Jam-5 Plain-8 Who eats peanut butter?-6 ____________________________________ Is there any specific reason...? Yes-9 No-7 Depends who's asking-14 ____________________________________ I prefer... Lchaims-4 Shabbos Kallahs-1 Aufrufs-2 Weddings-7 Life-21 ___________________________________ To be or not to be? Be-10 Not to be-3 That is the question-5 Who cares about Denmark?-14 ___________________________________ Pease Pudding Hot-3 Cold-2 In the pot nine days old-14 ___________________________________ Lag B'Omer means to me... Bad Guitar Strumming-7 BBQ-5 Real Music-3 Parade-2 ___________________________________ What is an appropriate response to terror? Wringing of necks-21 Wringing of handkerchiefs-4 Wringing of hands-1 ___________________________________ Who is your favorite Sefirah artist? the Friedman Clan-9 Yosef Karduner-3 Lev Tahor-2 Kol Zimra, Six13-1 ___________________________________ If one finds Chametz in a matza box while setting up the Seder plate, does one burn your mashpia-31 burn your chametz+burn the entire box of matza-5 each call your mashpia-1 __________________________________ When the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza pie, 13-that's amore 8-that's a matzah, that's a bore 1-that's a law _________________________________________ What's your favorite aspect of Pesach?
14-4 cups of wine
5-Matza
2-Tahalucha
1-Elijah's Cup
_________________________________________
Does the RCA Hanhala need a backbone? 27-They have hanhala? 6-Yes. 3-No. _____________________________________ Does your mashpia approve of your actions? 14-I hope so. 12-Who has a mashpia? 4 each-Sometimes, No. 3-Yes. 2-Not sure. ___________________________________ How often do you listen to your mashpia? 21-Who has a mashpia? 14-100% of the time. 5->50% of the time. __________________________________ Do you have a mashpia? (courtesy of YYR) 12-Yes. 9-The truth? 7-No. 4-That's none of your business. ________________________________________ Should the Taaruvos test be before Pesach? 20 -Yes. 4-No. _____________________________________ Can it happen (VD"L)? 22-Yes. 4-No. _____________________________________ Which is Lipa's best CD so far? 5 each-Lipa Baderech, A Poshite Yid. 4-Keinehora. 3-Likro Et Hahalell 2-Non Stop Lipa _________________________________________ Should TRS spend more time in Yeshiva? 13-Yes. 7-He has no chance anyway... 5-No. 3-He's so smart anyway... ______________________________________ Will Taaruvos be harder than Bassar B'Challav? 13-How should I know? 8-Yes. 6-Depends. 3-No ____________________________________ Does Rabbi Chaim Schapiro read TRS? 8-Yes. 6-Go pack your bags TRS. 5-No. _______________________________________ Do you like TRS' hat? (Jan '4. 09) 7-Wear it on first date 6-Yes. 3-Wear it to wedding. 2-No. 1-I'll buy TRS a new one. __________________________________ Have you ever been inspired by TRS? 11-Define Inspired 8-Yes 4-No ___________________________________ Vus Meint Chassidish? 19-Group Think 6 Each-Smashed Hat, Lots of Alcohol, Ego___________________________________ Cheshvan-What do you think? 35-It is what it is 7-Unpack your bags 4-Depressing 3-Boring _____________________________________ What's the best thing about Sukkos? 10-Eating in the Sukkah 6-Eating in the rain, 4 each-Simchas Beis Hashoevah, Not sleeping in the Sukkah 2-The High Holy days are over. ___________________________________ Did you do Teshuva yet (prior to Yom Kippur '68)? 13-Working on it, 5-"Is Moshiach here yet?" 3-No 3-Have I sinned? 2-It's none of your business 1-Yes ___________________________________ Is reality broken? 12-"What kind of fool question is that?" 7-"Whose reality?" 4-Yes 1-No ___________________________________ Elul: By you what is it? 10-Beginning of school 7-A good time to repent 5- "Shofar, Sho Good." 3-"By David, Hashem is my light" 2-"Trembling Lubavitch Fish," 1-Sad to see that school is starting. ___________________________________ 15 Av: By you what is it? 6-Marriage 4 each-No Tachanun, On Shabbos this year-who cares, "Ma Zeh 15 Av?" 1-Heralds shorter days ____________________________________ Which CD did you miss most in the 3 weeks? (111 votes!) 42-Lipa's A Poshite Yid 16-Avraham Fried's No Jew will be left behind 12-Lipa's Likro Et Hahallel 10 each-8th Day's Brooklyn, MBD's Efshar Letaken 9-Abie Rottenberg and Shlomo Simcha's Aish 7-Yehudah Gilden's Harei Yehudah 4-Yossi Green's The 8th Note ____________________________________ What is the coolest place to go on Merkos Shlichus? 8-Perth 7-each Bulgaria and Namibia 5-Argentina 4-Kazakhstan 2 each-Canada and New Mexico ____________________________________ Can you think of a better poll than this one? 13-No 5-Yes ____________________________________ What's your favorite Shavuos food? 12-Cheesecake 1 each-Blintzes, Cheese Danishes, Sushi, and Fleishiks 0 each-Penne a la Vodka, pizza. ____________________________________ What CD will you listen to when Lag B'omer rolls around? 5-Yossi Green's 8th Note 2-Avraham Fried's Forever One 1 each-Lipa's Keinehora, Yosef Karduner's Road Marks the Whole, Avraham Fried's Chazak ____________________________________ What's the best thing about Pesach Sheni? 5-Matza 2-Only have to eat a little 0-Rosh's Farbrengens ____________________________________ Do you listen to music during Sefira? 13-No 6-Those who do are sinners and will burn 6-Yes 2-Why not? 2-I'd get depressed if I couldn't 1-Not stringent when it comes to mourning. ____________________________________ Is this the end of the world as we know it? 3-Could care less 2-Yes 2-No 1-I don't know ____________________________________ Which is the best Matza? 6-Crown Heights Matza 3 each-Boro Park, Your basement 1-Montreal 0 each-Kfar Chabad, Chicago, Russian ____________________________________ Which is the hardest to clean for Pesach? 7-Kitchen 6-Going to Florida 4-Children's bedrooms 2-Own bedroom 1-Car 0-Basement ____________________________________ What's your favorite Hamantaschen filling? 5-Poppyseed 1 each-Apricot, Chocolate, Raspberry, and Strawberry ____________________________________ What will you be drinking this Purim? 7-Benedictine 1 Each-Dry red wine, Sweet bubbly wine, Absolut, Glenlivet, and Full Throttle 0 Each-Smirnoff, Glenfiddich, Makers Mark, Bottled Water ____________________________________ Who won't win this year's (2008) Presidential Election? 5-President George W. Bush 3 Each-TRS, The Almighty Editor 2 Each-Hilary Clinton, Dick Cheney 1-Bill Clinton 0 Each-Barack Obama, John Mccain, Our Gallant Leader ____________________________________ Which is the more exciting Shechita? 6-Cows 2-Goats 1 each-Chickens, Turkeys ____________________________________ Which is worse? 8-Wicca 5-Communism ____________________________________ If a man speaks in a forest, and there is no woman present, is he still wrong? 7-Men are ever wrong? 3-Men are ever right? 4-Yes 1-No ____________________________________ How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck would chuck wood? 2 Each-Funny, Makes no sense, EP get a life, TRS get a life 0-Not funny ____________________________________ Are the recent polls Chassidish? 9-Yes 7-No ____________________________________ Your favorite condiment? 1o-A1 Steak Sauce 9-Honey Dijon Mustard 8 each-Wasabi, Tachina 5 each-BBQ Sauce, Olive Dip 4 each-American Mustard, Ketchup, Chrein, Soy Sauce, Chummus, Matbucha, Turkish Salad 3 each-Mayo, Chatzilim 2-Relish, Ginger, Lox (Yoni) ________________________________________ Your favorite cold cut? 6 each-Pastrami, Corned Beef, Tongue, Smoked Turkey 3 each-Salami, Bologna, Roast Beef 2 each-Turkey Roll, Turkey Pastrami
6 comments:
2:50 AM?
Following the example set by first cousin a bajillion times removed Lot, Eliezer will not comment on this post.
Following a lesson shown by Eliezer, I have taken to harassing people on online forums and blogs by posing as someone I'm not. Israeli news sites are the best.
Happy 2:50 AM (see time of this post, even though you're still stuck on CST)
2:50 AM? What are you going on about?
This post was posted at 12:47 AM!
After all these years of blogging, I still don't know what to call things ...
My COMMENT was left at 2:50 AM, or, more precisely according to the "official" record: August 8, 2008 1:51 AM
Your first comment says 2:50. It was posted at 12:49 Eastern. What gives?
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