Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Black and blue

Someone recently asked me why I'm posting so much fiction nowadays. I told him that it was because I had nothing else to write, and besides, my thrice-yearly ambition to write a book was once again coming to a head, and whenever that happens my mind is flooded with half-baked ideas for plots and other such figments of my imagination. All right, so my head is always flooded with these thoughts, but I only bother to write 'em down three times a year. Will any of this ever actually lead to anything? Probably not. But still, I enjoy writing 'em, and some of you evidently enjoy reading 'em, so why not? Besides, as a dues-paying member of Chabad-Lubavitch, I feel obligated to___Wait a minute there buster. Did you just say a "dues-paying member of Chabad-Lubavitch"? And you're giving us this garbage? What's wrong with you? Where's the sichos and maamarim and shulchan oruch and shtuff that people actually want to read? Huh? Huh?___As I was saying, so sorry to be interrupted like that, I feel that as a representative of the worldwide movement that is modern-day Chabad___And what's with all the hyphenation? You having heart problem or something?___Can someone get security in here? This is getting ridiculous. Here I am, trying to write a nice little post with a little toichen, and this guy___Toichen? You call this toichen? Are you out of your flipping mind? This nonsense is so ridiculously___You know what? Quit it. Quit it. I've had enough of this ranting and raving___And you think no one's had enough of your ranting and raving?! Crazy man!___I'm sorry, I'm too emotionally overwrought to continue writing, please excuse me___And good riddance to him too!

20 comments:

Leo de Toot said...

Dear Mr. R.S.:
This is one of your best - almost ready for prime time. Admiringly yours, ldT

C said...

Love it!

Reminds me of when I'm driving... I talk aloud and usually end up arguing with myself :).

Altie said...

lol. u crack me up

The Real Shliach said...

LdT: Really? One of the best? Impressive.

C: Schizophrenics of the world unite! (all fourteen billion of us)

Altie: Thanks. I try.

Sebastion said...

He wasnt talking to himself, i was standing over his shoulder. Crazy man.

The Real Shliach said...

And now J's hallucinating too...cute.

Leo de Toot said...

Dear Mr. R.S.
Yes indeed (I've just reread this after several hours and I'm chuckling all over again). Brilliant. LdT.

Leo de Toot said...

Dear Mr. R.S.
Yes indeed (I've just reread this after several hours and I'm chuckling all over again). Brilliant. LdT.

Crawling Axe said...

Blue is only for links.

sarabonne said...

Schizo. I can relate.

le7 said...

Pre-wedding stress getting to you??

The Real Shliach said...

LdT: Well, I'm glad to know that I have at least one fan.

CA: Evidently not.

Sara: Care to elaborate?

le7: Only on Tuesdays.

Modeh B'Miktsas said...

A good one.

Crawling Axe said...

is = ought to be

e said...

sounds like a town hall meeting

The Real Shliach said...

CA: Possibly.

e: Except there's no crazy Democrats to disrupt proceedings...

sarabonne said...

Elaboration: Arguments with myself.

The Real Shliach said...

Oh, those are always fun.

Mushkie said...

Fourteen billion and two, you forget me.
And me.
I argue with myself and I ask myself, "What would you do in this situation?"
I/t responds, "Whatever you would, idiot."

e said...

Yeah, sometimes I refer to myself in second person too. When I'm really pissed off at me, I call myself by my last name.