Misunderstood

How do you know if you're battling demons? Do they politely knock on your door and, armed with calling cards and blueberry pies, begin to demonize? And how about these personal demons we're always hearing about? Is it more classy to have personal ones than public ones?Are personal demons more demonic than others? And how do you arrange to have personal demons? Can you order them from your local pizza- delivering system together with a pepperoni and extra cheese? Or is it perhaps a specialized system, with a special board set up to determine who should get what. And what happens to these demons when they're gotten rid of? Do they get recycled, or maybe they're sent out to pasture? And what would a pasture for demons look like? What do demons enjoy? I mean, besides demonizing. One would assume that they enjoy demonizing. Or perhaps they don't have very high job satisfaction? Has anyone ever done a study of this? Because I think someone should. If we only knew what was going on in the minds of demons (another study: do demons have minds?) then we could really learn to integrate them much better into society. Because really, demons are, for lack of a better word, demonized. What did they ever do to you? Have you ever battled your personal demons? And if you did, whose fault was it? Who caused those personal demons to come anyway? And even if you did have a good excuse, who said you had to do battle? Why can't we all just get along?

So anyway, as I was saying, how do you know that you're battling demons? After all, maybe they're really angels in disguise? All the time you see retired athletes desperate for someone to pay attention to 'em talking on some lovey-dovey television show about how they battled their personal demons (ahh, is that it? If you're a rich athlete, you get personal demons?) and are now stronger for them. Or else broke. Or both. Point is, if they're stronger because of these personal demons, then they were never demons anyway! They were just angels in disguise! That's right folks, you heard it on TRS first: alcohol, drugs, gambling, dog-fighting, whatever it is-all angels in disguise!

In fact, maybe all demons are angels? All right, probably not. For every guy out there who got saved there's thousands who died fighting their demons, or else they just got really sozzled at every opportunity, or whatever it was. So I think that what we've got here is a case of racial profiling. Sure, there are bad demons out there, but there are also good ones! And the demons have been demonized by the media. Yup, it's all the right-wing media's fault. Jerks. Just like it's wrong to paint all Jews as money-loving criminal-minded cabal-participating circumcision-inflicting bar-mitzvah-ultra-hyphenating jc-killing monsters sent by satan himself (yeah, his budget was cut, he had to fire his executive assistant and lower the temps in hell by a few degrees [did we mention that satan is now running hell in an environmentally conscious manner?] and in addition stop serving doughnuts) to pester the world for all time and space, so too is it wrong to portray all demons as being evil. Rather, they're in general a pretty good bunch, but some are bad apples. Or maybe, because they're demons, the good ones are the bad apples, and the bad ones are granny smiths. I don't know what standard's demons are held to. Another interesting idea for a post-doctoral thesis.