Thursday, August 20, 2009

Misunderstood

How do you know if you're battling demons? Do they politely knock on your door and, armed with calling cards and blueberry pies, begin to demonize? And how about these personal demons we're always hearing about? Is it more classy to have personal ones than public ones?Are personal demons more demonic than others? And how do you arrange to have personal demons? Can you order them from your local pizza- delivering system together with a pepperoni and extra cheese? Or is it perhaps a specialized system, with a special board set up to determine who should get what. And what happens to these demons when they're gotten rid of? Do they get recycled, or maybe they're sent out to pasture? And what would a pasture for demons look like? What do demons enjoy? I mean, besides demonizing. One would assume that they enjoy demonizing. Or perhaps they don't have very high job satisfaction? Has anyone ever done a study of this? Because I think someone should. If we only knew what was going on in the minds of demons (another study: do demons have minds?) then we could really learn to integrate them much better into society. Because really, demons are, for lack of a better word, demonized. What did they ever do to you? Have you ever battled your personal demons? And if you did, whose fault was it? Who caused those personal demons to come anyway? And even if you did have a good excuse, who said you had to do battle? Why can't we all just get along?

So anyway, as I was saying, how do you know that you're battling demons? After all, maybe they're really angels in disguise? All the time you see retired athletes desperate for someone to pay attention to 'em talking on some lovey-dovey television show about how they battled their personal demons (ahh, is that it? If you're a rich athlete, you get personal demons?) and are now stronger for them. Or else broke. Or both. Point is, if they're stronger because of these personal demons, then they were never demons anyway! They were just angels in disguise! That's right folks, you heard it on TRS first: alcohol, drugs, gambling, dog-fighting, whatever it is-all angels in disguise!

In fact, maybe all demons are angels? All right, probably not. For every guy out there who got saved there's thousands who died fighting their demons, or else they just got really sozzled at every opportunity, or whatever it was. So I think that what we've got here is a case of racial profiling. Sure, there are bad demons out there, but there are also good ones! And the demons have been demonized by the media. Yup, it's all the right-wing media's fault. Jerks. Just like it's wrong to paint all Jews as money-loving criminal-minded cabal-participating circumcision-inflicting bar-mitzvah-ultra-hyphenating jc-killing monsters sent by satan himself (yeah, his budget was cut, he had to fire his executive assistant and lower the temps in hell by a few degrees [did we mention that satan is now running hell in an environmentally conscious manner?] and in addition stop serving doughnuts) to pester the world for all time and space, so too is it wrong to portray all demons as being evil. Rather, they're in general a pretty good bunch, but some are bad apples. Or maybe, because they're demons, the good ones are the bad apples, and the bad ones are granny smiths. I don't know what standard's demons are held to. Another interesting idea for a post-doctoral thesis.

34 comments:

Crawling Axe said...

I didn’t realize there is such a thing as post-doctoral thesis.

The Real Shliach said...

Better get cracking young man.

Crawling Axe said...

Doing what?

The Real Shliach said...

Working on your post-doctoral thesis of course!

sarabonne said...

I call demons by another name; schizophrenia.

Crawling Axe said...

Oh, good idea. I will invent the concept and be the first one to get one done. While I am doing a graduate thesis.

I am sure there is some obnoxious metaphor from baseball to describe this.

Crawling Axe said...

Sara, I just read a wonderful paper on schizophrenia. It would be nicer if I did not recognize half the symptoms.

The Real Shliach said...

Sara: You're telling me every retired athletes desperate for someone to pay attention to 'em talking on some lovey-dovey television show about how they battled their personal demons was really just suffering some schizophrenia?

CA: Excellent.

To describe what?

And does your other half recognize the other half?

Crawling Axe said...

To describe the process of getting step n+1 done while doing step n. Going to a third base? Two in one? A three-pointer?

Ah, I see. You are one of those people that confuse schizophrenia with multiple personality disorder. Don’t worry — I have symptoms of that too. And yes, we do quite nicely together.

The Real Shliach said...

Many people in the academic world do exactly this, no?

And actually, I was not under that impression.

http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-the-difference-between-schizophrenia-and-multiple-personality-disorder.htm

And of course...

roses are red
violets are blue
I'm a schizophrenic
and so am I

Crawling Axe said...

A thesis assumes work towards some degree. Once you’ve got your doctorate, presumably, you no longer do a thesis. (Unless, of course, you’re trying to get a second doctorate, but thesis for it will still be a doctorate thesis.)

Pretty much, the stuff you do after your doctorate is called “research”.

I don’t know, however, how it is in chak-in-chainik areas of humanities and social sciences. It might just be like them to invent something as ridiculous as that.

The Real Shliach said...

I meant doing two things at once-for example doing grad school and post-grad at the same time, or getting an MD/PHD.

Crawling Axe said...

When a person has schizophrenia, he experiences hallucinations and delusions, seeing things that aren't there and believing things that are clearly not true. For example, he may see demons sitting next to him at dinner or believe he is the son of God. A person with this condition also suffers from disordered thinking, decreased attention span, and problems with focusing. Typically, those with this disorder withdraw socially. It's also common for those with this condition to appear expressionless and lose their ability to initiate and carry out plans.

Sounds like a random snag on an Israeli bus. Except for “son of G-d part” — as that joke goes, he hasn’t thought of G-d for forty years.

Crawling Axe said...

That’s just called “being dorky”.

The Real Shliach said...

re: snags: lol.

re: being called: who is dorky?

Crawling Axe said...

The academic term for someone doing a doctorate thesis while doing post-doctoral research is “a dork”.

The Real Shliach said...

The academic term for someone calling someone else a dork for doing a doctorate thesis while doing post-doctoral research is "jealous".

Crawling Axe said...

Hmm. Because post-docs are so jealous of grad students. Ah, sweet times of being paid barely enough to survive, having no life outside the lab, no family, being constantly under stress and not being sure about one’s future.

Crawling Axe said...

Wait, didn’t get that fully. Must be late hour.

Yeah, I am jealous. I wish I was doing some more work right now.

The Real Shliach said...

A lot of people wish that right now...

http://www.google.com/publicdata?ds=usunemployment&met=unemployment_rate&tdim=true&q=unemployment+rate

Crawling Axe said...

No, they wish they were getting paid salary.

I see that Stimulus Package working nicely. A friend of mine read the news:

NEW YORK (AP) - Hundreds of auto dealers in the New York area have withdrawn from the government's Cash for Clunkers program, citing delays in getting reimbursed by the government, a dealership group said Wednesday.

His remark: “Obamacare will be different - there will never be delays with that.”

Even the terrorists’ human rights are not being safeguarded. And I hear the girls hate that dog.

Wait, why am not writing this in my blog?

The Real Shliach said...

Because mine gets more hits.

Crawling Axe said...

How does that help me?

Modeh B'Miktsas said...

In the humanities they don't do research they hock a chainik.

The Real Shliach said...

CA: More people will read it and decide to assault their local democratic rat/congressman at a townhall meeting.

Modeh: Why do you and CA hate the humanities so much?

e said...

I don't really get the central question of this post. Is it that hard to recognize a personal demon? If some issue is making your life more miserable than it ought to be, then it's a demon.

The Real Shliach said...

Yes, you didn't get it. Nu nu.

Altie said...

1.) good good, new post, not old, and not freaky fiction material.
2) sozzled- ????
3) this sounds like a conversation going on in your head.
4) i read this aloud, and i started laughing. so many questions, round and round in circles.

The Real Shliach said...

1. Glad you like it.
2. inebriated
3. in the beginning it was.
4. really? truly "laugh out loud"? Nice.

Altie said...

i hate LOL. so fake.

ya i laughed, cuz it sounded funny when i read it. can't imagine how it sounded when u though it up.

The Real Shliach said...

I was in shul... take that as you will.

Altie said...

oh boy.... that doesnt sound good. was G-d in on this too?

The Real Shliach said...

Isn't he always?

Altie said...

ya, but sometimes more visible than others.

and sometimes more approving than others. or vice versa.