Sunday, August 30, 2009

What's that you say?

"Sir, it has come to my attention that-"

"What has come to your attention?"

"It has come to my attention that some-"

"Don't just go on repeating yourself like a jack in the box, I don't need to hear the same information thrice-fold, just deliver it fresh."

"It has come to my attention-"

(sigh)

"It has come to my attention, Sir, that some people are saying that, and I quote, 'Your posts pretty much beg for themselves', followed by a most indelicate wink."

"Beg for themselves what?"

"Beg for, I believe, comments."

"Comments?"

"Yes Sir, comments."

"So this, this, this trollop has the effrontery to say that I beg for comments?"

"Yes Sir, that would appear to be the case."

"Sick."

"Might I also point out, Sir, that your calling her a trollop will hardly recommend you to the fairer half for a more generous treatment-"

"Well, dash it, she started it, didn't she?"

"Sir, I believe you in fact did start it, if I may use so indelicate a verbiage."

"Me? Commence such a ridiculous undertaking? Speak up now, my man, tell me when!"

"When did you commence?"

"You mark my meaning most astonishingly. Now get on with it."

"Well Sir, it appears that you started the whole thing by inquiring as to the absence of commentage."

"You mean that most innocent of verbal jousting has been hijacked to represent a most gross liberty?"

"You've smoked my drift most exactingly, Sir. As you say, what is was that you said has been taken in quite the wrong manner."

"Perverted, no doubt, by a most malicious will designed to take me down in my prime, to dissemble that which I have created so lovingly, with so much care and effort. Sick, I say, sick."

"Sir?"

"What is it now? Can't you see I'm having a most delicious huff?"

"Sir, you mistake the meaning of that word."

"Which word? 'Huff?' You don't think for a moment I refer to Aubrey, do you?"

"Not at all, Sir, your use of that word is entirely consistent with the best dictionarians in the land."

"Well then, what is it?"

"Your use of the word 'dissemble,' Sir, while sounding on the board, is actually quite fallen off it."

"You mean I used it in the wrong sense."

"Precisely."

"Dang."

"I couldn't have said it better myself."

"No profanity-laced tirades coming from your mouth, eh?"

"No, I'm too full of myself for that."

"I noticed. Regardless, enough of the chortling. There's serious issues afoot, and I want them to be solved, and solved now!"

"You mean this insidious suggestion that you pander to your audience for comments?"

"Yes. What's to be done to respond to such horrendous accusations?"

"I don't know. Perhaps your readership has a suggestion or two?"

"An excellent idea. Hopefully they can come up with something."

23 comments:

sarabonne said...

I suppose I might risk the dread of nerdhood.

Mushkie said...

(Phew. I was gonna comment first but I have nothing intelligent to say and I was worrying about getting TRS' hopes up when he sees the comment then seeing that it's only me...)

Sounds like Joshua and Chandler.

Altie said...

Oh boy, only TRS would make a whole post out of one exchange about commenting/ not commenting.

Interesting. Sounds like you are talking to your alter ego. I could write a book about you and your multiple personalities. There has got to be like 15 by now.

And of course, my favorite line:
"Perverted, no doubt, by a most malicious will designed to take me down in my prime, to dissemble that which I have created so lovingly, with so much care and effort. Sick, I say, sick."

Modeh B'Miktsas said...

This was the longest beg-for-comments post yet.

The Real Shliach said...

Sara: huh?

Mushkie: It does, doesn't it?

Altie: Write away! My ego would enjoy the stroking.

Modeh: Exactly!

Altie said...

When I write my book I'll be sure to let you know. You will receive the first signed copy. It'll be worth a lot of money someday.

sarabonne said...

I was thinking of that real life vs blog life equation on C's blog.

The Real Shliach said...

Altie: Any book about me will.

Sara: Ahh.

e said...

sara: just go with the flow. If you refrain from commenting just because bloggers have no offline life, will your offline life get better by not commenting?

trs: last paragraph=smart move

Big N8t said...

Interesting, i am making a comment on a post about comments. Its so cute to see this blogger in american. So foreign and exotic :-)

Much hatzlacha

Altie said...

TRS- no, any book that I write.

big n8t- don't forget, YOU are the foreign one.

sarabonne said...

e-I might get more work done. But no, not really.

The Real Shliach said...

e: I try.

Big N8t: Isn't it?

Altie: Convince yourself.

Altie said...

I'm already convinced. Now I'm trying to convince you.

The Real Shliach said...

Good luck.

Altie said...

:) Ya I know. Someday...

Altie said...

You'll wish you were nicer to me.

The Real Shliach said...

Highly unlikely, but I shall congratulate you if such a rarity occurs.

Altie said...

hmm. we'll see.

C said...

1-I like when you write new posts. Tis a good trend you've started!

2-I'm feeling quite honored.

3-I think I may just start commenting a couple days late to reduce the risk of my little problem with commenting. Deal?

The Real Shliach said...

1. If you knew the sweat, toil, tears and blood that it took...

2. You should be.

3. I suppose. Though that does seem to do away with the point of commenting. But that's okay.

Qtap said...

This exchange reminds me of those between the Jeeves and Wooster.

The Real Shliach said...

Why yes, Mr. Wodehouse is a great inspiration.