Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Chanuka!!

Lately I've been accused of, in the words of SZB, "pandering to your groupie-esque following, thereby effectively banishing the slightest vestige of intellectuality remaining in your empty ramblings." I was, like any self-respecting blogger would be, quite put out. I may not be the greatest human to ever trod upon G-d's green earth, but I do like to think that I'm not merely writing to get hits. If I was, then things would look a lot different on this here blog. How gratified I was then to receive an email from the sometimes-good people at Google Alerts which informed me of a very nice post over on someone else's blog. Not that I mean to toot my horn too hard, but it really makes it all seem worth it. Look, I affected someone. Someone has increased their Judaism because of me. Because of this blog. I don't feel like a fool now calling myself The Real Shliach. Yeah, go me.

All right, enough stupidity for the night. In other news, I finally met the South African who visits this site about once a day. Or maybe that's twice a day? The question remains, is Cape Town and Claremont the same person, visiting from two different locations, or two different people? Regardless, it seems that once again I've fallen into a discussion about me. That was not the plan. Sorry. I'll try to do better in the next paragraph.

Well here we are in the next paragraph, and I think it's finally time to talk about Chanuka. The festival of lights. Oh yes, it's also x-mas. The festival of commercialization. Seriously, what is up with these people? And why aren't they buying me presents?

I'm sorry that this post has turned into more of a stream-of-consciousness/e-loving-hyphen-party than it was meant to be. After all, we're dealing with a pretty cool day in Jewish history. First of all, I finished learning Bassar B'Challav. Once again, go me. Sure, I still have some major chazarah to do, and the test is in less than a month, but I'm pretty impressed that I managed to get through it without killing either myself or my chavrusa. Speaking of my chavrusa, his mother said, after reading this post, that I'm a lovely boy. My chavrusa thinks that she didn't actually read it, because, he thinks, how could she possibly come to that conclusion?
The reason I rushed to finish, instead of doing it over our mini-break, is because I know me, and me doesn't learn in Crown Heights. I'm not saying this is a good thing, but it is a true thing. Chitas yes, Shulchan Oruch no. Heck, our esteemed leader and possible candidate for man of the millennium Rabbi Chaim Schapiro, may his name continue to be a blessing for us, cursed out one of my friends today on this very subject. Basically, and I don't want to get into too many details because that wouldn't be nice, the great Rabbi had two simple points:
A. Chassidishe bochurim don't get upset with hanhala because of the rules. Every job has rules. Every school has rules. Any bochur who gets mad because of the dress code or because he can't have a cell phone or whatever is simply an immature brat. And there's no way he's chassidish either. Hopefully he'll mature in Yeshiva, because if he doesn't then he'll never be able to hold onto a job, a marriage, or a life. I once, in ninth grade, had a problem with the Yeshiva dress code. I got over it. If your ego is too massive to get over it in Yeshiva, then you have no chance in the real world.
B. No one, unless they are a tzaddik and a gaon, can leave yeshiva, go home, and learn. 99% can't even stay frum. It simply doesn't happen nowadays.

After this diatribe, and believe you me the Rabbi really got into it, a true pleasure to behold it was, I went to him and said that we should put up a sign in front of his desk that says "Truth". He didn't think much of the idea, but he loved it when I said that he should be a talk-radio host. Dr. Laura or Dr. Phil or whomever it is polluting our airwaves nowadays would have nothing on him. I can see it now, some stupid woman calling up and complaining about her kids or something, and the Rabbi lashes into her like a cat o'nine into a sailor's back. American's love this kind of thing. He'd make millions. I'd be his producer. I'd make even more money. It would be great. And the best part is, unlike all the other people who do this who eventually get caught having affairs or running ponzi schemes or other shtuff like that, our righteous leader is exactly that. At the very least, he's too smart to get caught. By the way, what is up with Madoff? (Plug to Chef for this) Jews are supposed to rip off goyim, not their fellow Jews. Sickness.

The second piece of excellent news, which I think can connect to the third, is that today Rabbi Schapiro gave out Chanuka gelt. If I wasn't so lazy I'd photograph the inscription, ala King of Crown Heights, that I put on mine. He liked that too.

The third piece is, Mrs. Chaim Schapiro, behind every great man is an even greater woman, made the five smicha bochurim who were still in Yeshiva this afternoon fresh doughnuts. Like, we ate them hot. They were really good. She used the recipe in the Spice and Spirit cookbook, which I also used once, though her's came out much better than mine. If I recall correctly, the oil wasn't hot enough, so they didn't cook properly. Nu nu, I got over it. Still, I really appreciated it Mrs. Chaim Schapiro.

41 comments:

Fredricka said...

Pretty girlie post, if you asked me.

The Real Shliach said...

Zul zein.

LE7 said...

Okay I was wondering how I got a hit from South Africa. Probably thanks to my incessant commenting.

Also I can honestly say that sometimes your posts have momentarily inspired me to improve. Or at least drop out of college and go learn. I just have to work on the follow through. (Do I really sound like a groupie? Uch.)

Also how did your chavrusa's mother read this post if you just posted it?

B. My roommate's tatty told her that (in some variation) and she told me that.

I think I should become friends with Mrs. Chaim Shapiro. I could go for a doughnut.

The Real Shliach said...

Just because SZB says shtuff it doesn't mean that they're true.

My chavrusa's mother read the blog, or claimed to read the blog, not this post.

B. And?

You should. If she's the female version of her hubbie...

LE7 said...

B. And and. I'm not sure.

The Real Shliach said...

You really want to know the truth? It's good advice.

LE7 said...

Yeah I was going to write that but... it's 3 am. I can't think on such a level.

The Real Shliach said...

I managed it, and it's 4:00 AM here.

LE7 said...

Yasher koach.

The Real Shliach said...

How many times do I have to tell you people, sarcasm doesn't translate well on the web!

LE7 said...

You're saying my comment isn't obviously sarcastic?

The Real Shliach said...

You're saying my comment wasn't obviously sarcastic?

LE7 said...

Wait, which one wasn't sarcastic? Were you being sarcastic about sarcasm not translating?

The Real Shliach said...

Yup.

LE7 said...

Collective ahh.

The Real Shliach said...

Over here it's more like a "duh".

LE7 said...

Before I lose all self respect, I am going to sleep.

The Real Shliach said...

You ever had any?

LE7 said...

Ouch. Ouch.

...


Yeah. Ouch. Ouch.

....


OUCH.

The Real Shliach said...

Happens.

LE7 said...

Yeah that's what happens when you play with the boys. They fight tough. You leave with at least a few scrapes.

The Real Shliach said...

And valuable life experience.

Cheerio said...

what happened to the family stories? although this was entertaining and mildly inspiring, i was looking forward to some trs family stories.
also - i think your idea for a talk show is brilliant. i'd listen to that.
LE7 - this lesson i learned arguing with my brother. boys - especially yeshiva educated boys - don't hold back.

The Real Shliach said...

Remind me for next time.

What would be the fun if we held back?

Cheerio said...

about the family stories? well, since mine are technically going up thursday anyway, we'll give you till tomorrow. but points are taken off!

The Real Shliach said...

You're posting tonight? When's the post about me going up?

Cheerio said...

i'm posting tonight!
and... eventually. and it's not about you. sorry to disappoint. it's about me (of course).

The Real Shliach said...

Like how soon tonight?

Cheerio said...

like i just wrote the first sentence.
give me ten minutes.

The Real Shliach said...

You've gone overtime. I'm going to sleep.

SZB said...

Jews are supposed to rip off goyim, not their fellow Jews. Sickness.
That's sick. Seriously.

The warped twistedness of a value system that can produce such a statement is so obviously devoid of any morals and Torah ethics it's appalling.

It's not funny, even for a joke.

Just because SZB says shtuff it doesn't mean that they're true.

You would be a tad more convincing if you'd actually believe that yourself.

You should. If she's the female version of her hubbie...

There's no such thing.

Cape Town Fan said...

Firstly let me say what a great pleasure it was to finally meet the person behind the blog that has been the source of great inspiration to me over the past year. Secondly let me clarify the possible confusion regarding two people vs two hits per day from different locations – the simple explanation is that I often read the blog at work during the day, then later that night wished to convey (usually to my daughter) the message or insight I gained from the blog so I would check in again on the home computer. In fact this daily practice became so entrenched (not unlike brushing ones teeth in the morning and again at night) and has led to a deeper understanding of many of the issues raised. Thank you for not only an informative and entertaining read but a highly helpful and inspirational one in my personal journey back to Judaism and for the potential it has afforded and continues to afford me in bringing Yiddishkeit into my daughter’s life. Looking forward to another year of reading.
Sincerely,
"CT/Claremont Fan"

The Real Shliach said...

SZB: Have you entirely lost your sense of humor? You used to be a funny guy...

You think I think everything you say is the gospel truth? Oh boy, do I have a bridge to sell you over the Mississippi.

Probably true.

Cape Town Fan: Who would've thunked that little old me would inspire so many people to come closer to their father in heaven? Besides me of course.

e said...

Cape Town fan, why didn't you comment earlier, and join the TRS community?

TRS, I really impressed. Its seems that your blog really has an effect. It's pretty amazing.

SZB said...

TRS,
No, i haven't lost my sense of humor; although it seems you have lost your better judgment.


You eat right out of my hand and you know it.

The Real Shliach said...

Believe you me, if I lost my better judgement, the entire Lubavitch would know of it within two minutes. V"DL.

The only time I would get near your hand would be to bite it.

SZB said...

Please expand on that.

Ah, biting the hand which feeds you. How typical. I know your kind.

The Real Shliach said...

Obviously you're not a maven.

The feeling's mutual.

SZB said...

I guess not. Should i feel left out?

How's that?

The Real Shliach said...

Yes.

I too know your kind

SZB said...

וראית את אחורי, ופני לא יראו