Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry X-Mas!

It's the day after X-Mas vacation has ended, and all the little children are back in their classroom. The teacher, Miss Melbury, asks them to recount their holiday time. Little Vinny is first:

Well Miss Melbury, we went to sleep early on X-Mas eve, and woke up early too in order to get to mass on time. After we finished at Church we came home, opened up our presents, had a big X-Mas dinner, and then we all gathered 'round and thanked God for baby Jesus.

Miss Melbury said, "That was very nice Vinny. Who would like to be next?" Little Johnny raised his hand, and began to speak:

Miss Melbury, I couldn't fall asleep on X-Mas eve, and was up at 5:00 AM. I ran downstairs and saw a huge toy train under the X-Mas tree. I played with it until my parents woke up, and then we all went to Church for services. Later on we came home, had a big turkey dinner, and then the whole family gathered together and prayed to G-d thanking him for giving us baby Jesus.

Miss Melbury was quite impressed, and asked Moishy to explain how his family celebrated X-Mas. Here is his story:

My whole family woke up early, counted all the money we made off the Goyim this holiday season, and we thanked G-d for baby Jesus.

43 comments:

LE7 said...

Okay with the first five paragraphs I was a bit wary, but the last one was a bingo.

The Real Shliach said...

My mother emailed me, "Not Nice!".

LE7 said...

About this story?

Fun stories are never nice.

The Real Shliach said...

I don't know, maybe she thinks I'm inciting the goyim or something.

LE7 said...

Maybe she's afraid of anti-semetic backlashes.

Do any non-Jews even read your blog? I have a few, but they're friends from high school.

The Real Shliach said...

I don't know of any that regularly do. Even if they did, it wouldn't stop me posting shtuff like this. It's a cute joke, hopefully true, that's all.

LE7 said...

I don't think they would understand half of what is flying in general. (I always fight my urge to write b'chlal).

The Real Shliach said...

Give in to the dark side of the force.

LE7 said...

I fight my urges everyday to write Jewish phrases. It's a tough battle but I think I'm successfully holding out.

The Real Shliach said...

What's wrong with Jewish phrases.

LE7 said...

Notin'. I just feel like a big phony.

The Real Shliach said...

fake it till you make it!

e said...

What, you feel like your BT accent comes through over the internet? (joke. I just couldn't resist. blame it on late-blooming third-graderness)

LE7 said...

e. - Good point. I hate my stupid BT accent. It's worse than my American accent when I speak Spanish.

LE7 said...

Or my Spanish accent when I speak Japanese.

The Real Shliach said...

You're showing off your quad-lingualness or something?

LE7 said...

Yeah. Not but seriously. When I was a sophomore, the Japanese exchange students said that my handwriting was "cute, just like a little kids" and that I speak Japanese with a Mexican accent.

The Real Shliach said...

Is that a back-handed compliment or what?

LE7 said...

They're Japanese.

The Real Shliach said...

That explains a lot.

SZB said...

Your mom is right.

The Real Shliach said...

Ahh, always a kind and encouraging word from SZB.

Leo de Toot said...

Dear Mr. R.S.:
Your humorous posting confirms a very Freudian concept i.e., the purpose of jokes is to allow us to deal with uncomfortable/difficult observations about life in a (relatively) socially acceptable way. So, while I agree with your mom about this being "not nice," it nevertheless encapsulates the very ambivalent relationship Jews have with the non-Jewish world around them.
On the couch at $300/hour,
Leo de T.

LE7 said...

Is it wrong to say that Mr. Toot, you are my absolute favorite commenter.

The Real Shliach said...

LdT: Sounds about right.

Elisheva: It's actually quite right.

Anonymous said...

I am born Jewish, and today on Christmas as I do everyday, I thanked G-d for not only the baby Yeshua, but the One who died for me on the tree. He rose from the dead. He is the promised Messiah, the Holy One of Israel and my redeemer.

LE7 said...

Holy mackeral. You attract all types.

The Real Shliach said...

Sure babes, whatever floats your boat.

The Real Shliach said...

You know what they say, it takes all types.

LE7 said...

It's actually kind of embarrassing having my picture on the sidebar of your blog.

Crawling Axe said...

Died on a tree? Where is that from?

Anyway... They did not use Moskowitz’s nails. Etc.

Crawling Axe said...

Your humorous posting confirms a very Freudian concept i.e., the purpose of jokes is to allow us to deal with uncomfortable/difficult observations about life in a (relatively) socially acceptable way. So, while I agree with your mom about this being "not nice," it nevertheless encapsulates the very ambivalent relationship Jews have with the non-Jewish world around them.

The favorite Russian jokes are about Russian Eskimos (Chukchas). Does this mean Russian are uncomfortable about those?

You know what they say about how much a free advice is worth.

The Real Shliach said...

Elisheva: Deal with it.

Axe boy: Obviously, there are different types of jokes.

Crawling Axe said...

Probably.

Just felt like making fun of psycho-mumbo-jumbo. People in exact and natural sciences tend to do that (sort of like British making fun of Australians or chareidim making fun of MO).

EndOfWorld said...

hey, look at the bright side. at least you know that your mom reads your blog

hehe...on second thought, maybe that's not such a bright thought after all.

The Real Shliach said...

Axe Man: Psychology isn't a science?

End of World: The posts are fine, it's the comments that scare me.

EndOfWorld said...

seriously....if she only knew what was going on here....

LE7 said...

Well at least it looks like you have a lot of friends or somethin'.

The Real Shliach said...

You don't know the half of it.

Crawling Axe said...

Psychology isn't a science?

In theory. Not in practice.

The Real Shliach said...

Whatever.

Cheerio said...

cute...
but you seriously think the kid would still be going by "moishy"? try "max".

The Real Shliach said...

Of course he would, he's like the Jews in Egypt land.