Thursday, December 25, 2008

Guest post: Dating column #1

Before you all get on your high horses and accuse me of who knows what, just know that this is a guest post, I had nothing to do with it, I don't know who wrote it, I refuse to be associated with it in any way, shape, or form. I am not going out, I am not planning on going out any time soon, if you want to set me up call my mother or mashpia, they're handling all these issues for me. Thank you. Additionally, my real post is going up later tonight, as soon as I get around to it. Thank you and enjoy.
_____________________

Some wisdoms and thoughts on dating… who knows, they might prove to be useful advice!

Before we begin to delve into shidduch guidance,

Intertwined within my writing, you will find various quotes. Unless otherwise stated, these are all words taken from Gila Manalson’s book “Head to Heart”.

Firstly, Shidduch dating is not just to have and interesting experience. Don’t get someone’s hopes up just for your entertainment. It’s cruel.

Furthermore, as tempting as it may seem, dating for “practice” is not as promising as it may seem.
“Dating (not for marriage) may be educational, but education isn’t always wisdom”
Dating for practice can actually backfire! “For while learning a new sport can be difficult, it’s doubly frustrating when you thought you already knew how to play... The resulting disappointment and discouragement can even ruin the marriage.”

Thus, before even beginning to embark into the journey of shidduchim, ask yourself what your motives are.
By agreeing to date someone with the ideals of marriage, you are making an extremely strong and courageous move.
Quite possibly, four months from that first date, you will be married. You will be committed and responsible to another person for the rest of your life. For the rest of eternity.
Are you ready to handle that?

I’d like to end off with a short yet (as always) meaningful and applicable letter from the Rebbe that can be found in “Eternal Joy” Vol. 1 pg. 3

“… As one embarks upon such a critical and vital step in one’s life as constructing a Jewish eternal edifice of marriage, improving one’s spiritual state is of crucial and fundamental importance.”

May we hear only good news, and mazel tovs!


If you have any comments, questions, arguments, or if you would like me to discuss a specific topic, please share.

Two dating tips:

1. Keeping the conversation going is a beautiful talent, and it makes the other person seriously feel at ease. Please remember though to let the other person speak, even if you're a phenomenal orator. If I wanted to listen to a soliloquy, I would have gone to see a show.
2. Being honest and to the point is a very valiant thing to do, but it needs balance and good timing. Do not "lay all the cards on the table" on your first date. Let people get to know you before they consider your familial, financial, or emotional status. Also, let me clarify; the person you are dating is your date, not your therapist or diary. It takes a while for emotional intimacy to grow... don't rush it, because it may scare people off.

253 comments:

SZB said...

Excuse me while i go puke.

The Real Shliach said...

Is there room in the men's for me too?

LE7 said...

(Fab gal please take no offense whatsoever). I can't believe you posted it.

This made my night. I am too gleeful to even try and blog anymore.

The Real Shliach said...

Why wouldn't I post this? I was asked to, and I did.

Nemo said...

This guy has got it all wrong.

LE7 said...

Fine true.

It just feels so weird reading it from an actual blog post layout and not the comments.

The Real Shliach said...

Nemo: No, you got it all wrong. This ain't no guy.

Does someone want to actually comment on the toichen?

LE7 said...

I think the toichen of this post is too revolutionary for the immature readership of TRS.

The Real Shliach said...

Speak for yourself, white girl.

LE7 said...

I'm not white. I'm red.

Ouch!

The Real Shliach said...

Santa?

LE7 said...

No. Santa is white and red silly boy.

The Real Shliach said...

So you're a newspaper then?

LE7 said...

I guess so. Newspapers say a lot and have little meaning.

The Real Shliach said...

I meant that you're read all over. Geesh, didn't you ever hear any corny jokes as a kid?

LE7 said...

I did, but I like to kill conversations by being pseudo-serious.

LE7 said...

I just noticed, you used geesh! Are you going to use garsh next?

The Real Shliach said...

Sick.

The Real Shliach said...

What does garsh mean?

LE7 said...

Ex. "Aww garsh, that is so sweet."

Basically "gosh" with a southern twang.

The Real Shliach said...

Now that I know that, what do I do?Use the word? Give me an opportunity.

LE7 said...

I'm a peace-loving-tree-hugging-granola-crunching-gun-toting-hippie. So by me, things have to be organic.

It's just got to happen. Can't force it.

The Real Shliach said...

So go shoot a San Fransiscan General Mills salesman/child of 15 Shevatian aquarian/Palestinian and get back to me.

Crawling Axe said...

Two of my friends got married this week. Well, four, considering I also know their wives.

How depress... I mean, wonderful.

The Real Shliach said...

It's people like you who keep up my faith in humanity.

LE7 said...

(Sorry, me or Mr. Axe?)

One of my friends got married this week. The depressing part is she's a month younger than me AND I didn't get to go to the wedding.

The Real Shliach said...

The shooting comment was meant for you. The next one from me was meant for him.

If you're so depressed, go manacle yourself.

LE7 said...

I'm not depressed. I'm glad it wasn't me!

I just wanted to join in the depressed party.

sari(ta) said...

Thanks for the post. I've spoken with Gila before and I think it's an accurate representation of her stance. Dating for practice is just practice for dating. If you want to get married, I think this is an admirable way to go about it- no false expectations.

The Real Shliach said...

Elisheva: Who's depressed?

sari(ta): First of all, is there another name I could call you? It's a pain to have to write those parentheses every time. Secondly, yeah, not that I've ever dated, but this is how I intend to do it.

LE7 said...

You?

The Real Shliach said...

Heaven forfend! Wait for the next post, coming soon, for more info.

LE7 said...

Alrighty. When do you think that will be or should I finally go to sleep?

The Real Shliach said...

Give me ten minutes, I promise.

Cheerio said...

dating tip number two actually applies to anyone at any time. ever have one of those conversations with someone, where it gets really intense really fast? how often do you go on to be really good friends? how often does it fizzle out, leaving you with a lingering sense of connection to someone you have nothing in common with?
can't wait for next week's column ;) we're going to turn these boys into bulimics.

The Real Shliach said...

Happens by Farbies way too often.

Funny you should mention bulimia, we have a bochur in Yeshiva who does that kind of thing. Why would you wish it upon the rest of us?

Cheerio said...

yeah, that's exactly the kind of scenario i'm talking about.
wait, there's a bochur who's bulimic? oy. that's freaky.

The Real Shliach said...

Yeah, and it makes the bathroom really nasty too.

Cheerio said...

wow, why does he do it? i mean, he has body image issues?

The Real Shliach said...

I haven't figured out who it is yet.

The Real Shliach said...

So I'm not sure.

Cheerio said...

you never think of guys as having these issues... anorexia, bulimia. but i guess they do?

Cheerio said...

i always thought bochurim were more about having alchohol problems.

The Real Shliach said...

Sure, it's possible that every day after lunch this guy gets plastered and vomits, but I kind of doubt it.

fg said...

BS"D
Wow, you all are fantastically articulate regarding this post. Shocking. Not.
Should I write one for next week?
;)

fab gal said...

BS"D
TRS, thank you very much for posting it up... you know giving me some of your endless google space etc. etc.
Very kind of you indeed.

The Real Shliach said...

Of course you should write one for next week!

selfappointedmashpia said...

“… As one embarks upon such a critical and vital sep in one’s life as constrcting a Jewish eternal edifice of marriage, improving one’s spiritual state is of crucial and fundamental importance.”


Fabgal- Is this your way of improving your spiritual state??

selfappointedmashpia said...

D'haynu; sharing blog space with a bochur and "farbrenging" with him...

The Real Shliach said...

Hey, I'm not involved in this at all-I'm just hosting.

SZB said...

You are very much involved. It's called aiding and abetting.

It's time you man up and assume responsibility for the things you say/do without always leaving the cowardly escape route of CYA open.

The Real Shliach said...

CYA?

SZB said...

Wikipedia is your friend.

The Real Shliach said...

Oh. But it's a very important skill to have.

fg said...

BS"D
TRS- I don't think many people liked or cared to read it... Why bother? I can come up with advice on anything else either way. I just think that unless you're the author of the blog, people aren't so interested on inspirational comments... I can definately keep trying though.
Selfapointedmashpia- Thank you very much for your concern... honestly.
As a matter of fact, I have discussed the issue of blogging with my mashpia. I asked her about commenting on a bochur's blog etc. I was extremely surprised when she gave me her approval in doing so... as long as it's all for toichen. Unfortunately, lots of my comments earlier this week had not been one's of tochen, but as of late I'm working on it.
I don't really need to defend myself, or my stance on things. Posting up "dating advice" of tochen and the Rebbe's directives seems perfectly fine to me.
You're entitled to see things as you wish, and I appreciate your opinion, but I didn't really look at this as "farbrenging with a bochur".

There are many ways to improve one's spiritual state... Sharing Torah is one of them... "Emanti Ki Adaber" the more we talk about Torahdik thoughts with others, and the more we enfuse other's with passion and excitement for Yiddishkiet, the more we too are postively affected and strengthen our Emunah and connection to The Aibishter.

As a Lubavitcher, I am impowered by the Rebbe to in turn be a leader. I found myself on this blog, I enjoy reading it, so then if I'm here, (H"P) I will leave my thoughts, my mark, my "adaber" and b"H become one to say "emanti".

e said...

fg, you're a real cahssid'te!

fg said...

BS"D
e- is that a compliment in which case I say Shechiyanu? Or a sarcastic diss?

In any case, to clarify... my motivation for giving over information etc. is not "emanti ki adaber" it's just an added bonus :)

SZB said...

TRS,
Of course it's an important skill to possess, but when you use too fast to often you only attest to you emasculated cowardice. Sort of liking owning and using a gun.

E,
אפשר דארף מען זיך נעמען צו איר'ע ביינער...

selfappointedmashpia said...

Wow, Fabgal - You must really have a very special Neshomo... to have such a cunning Yetzer Hora...wow wow.

Give me the phone number of your Mashpia, looks like she needs help herself.

fg said...

BS"D
Selfapointed... As a matter of fact I have a very cunning Yetzer Hora, glad you noticed.
If I shamelessly ramble on, as I have done in the past, then yes I agree with you.
My Mashpia knows me a lot better than you do. My Mashpia is a very chashuv and special person, and if you knew who she was, you would consider it a breach of the Rebbe's Kavod to put down such a Chossid of the Rebbe as her. I don't know of any other woman who had daily kesher with the Rebbe like my mashpia.

You seem to be of the kind that just wants to find the negative of Klal Yisroel. Don't we have enough prosecution as it is? Isn't it our job to be the defenders of our Great Nation?!?
No, you obviously do not think so. You seem to prefer to put down both me and my mashpia without any knowledge of either of us.
It's a shame that a person can't admit that things run deeper than they appear.

May the light of the Chanukah candles shed "light" and understanding for you, and give you the clarification needed to truly understand others.

Brocha V'hatzlocha.

The Real Shliach said...

Fab Gal: I think Miss Self Appointed is just messing with you.

SZB: How often do I use it? Exactly, once in a million years. Especially here, where I had nothing to do with the content, I feel no pressing need to defend it.

selfappointedmashpia said...

Chaval al hazman.

Ya, you're right I don't know you.
But neither do you know me. So shut up with your "You seem to be of the kind that just wants to find the negative of Klal Yisroel. Don't we have enough...."
And continue to flirt with the boys, no sweat off my back.

fg said...

BS"D
I'm sure you're right... I shouldn't bother to "defend" my stance on things. I just can't stand baseless judging of others.

e said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Real Shliach said...

Fab Gal: You're gonna love my post tonight.

tp3 said...

Actually yes, you could be his sister, but that still wouldn't make it proper; maris ho-ayin.

LE7 said...

Fg is an inspiration. Maybe I should take a leaf from her book and cut out all the flirting. Although I don't think I'm so bad relatively speaking.

e said...

fg, I wasn't sarcastic before. And because I don't claim to have your scruples, I can *really* give it to Ms. Mashpia over her.

self-appointed mashpia,

fg, DOES NOT FLIRT on the blog. Unlike some other girls on this blog, fg just leaves a comment or two while trying to make us all a little holier, and then moves on with her life. And I WILL judge you (because it pertains to me...). You are just trying to sew the seeds of discord and make trouble for someone who's only done good for the spiritual state of this blog. That's more than you can say. Now before you write back something snarky, go ask YOUR mashpia if you should be doing this.

e said...

tp3 maaris ayin my arse.

Anonymous said...

Pffff.... The boys need a girl to "inspire" them, to make them "a little holier". Nice.

fg said...

BS"D
Selfapointed... Out of sheer curiosity, how on earth is this considered "flirting"?!
Perhaps I'm too naive to see it... Seriously, I'm ignorant in such matters, can you explain to me how I'm "flirting"?

Also, I don't appreciate being told to "shut up". If you display yourself as someone who is so negative against another Yid is trying to do the right thing, how else am I suppossed to view you?!?

Read what you've written. Where is there respect and derech eretz for other's in your words?

As Rabbi Tzvi Freeman says in one of his "daily doses", if you rebuked someone, but they didnt' listen, then in essence you were talking to yourself. You didn't say it with love, and true care for the other. Otherwise they would understand, and agree with what you have to say.

You don't know me, I don't know you, you are right. But all the same, we are Yidden with a Neshomah connection. I am dictated by Torah to love you out of Ahavas Yisroel, and so, despite our diffrences of opinions, I will say that in essence we are one, and I apologize if I offended you by judging you too quickly as well...

e said...

Not to detract from the earnestness of fg's remarks, I couldn't help but notice another example of it-pertains-to-me English: "I am dictated by Torah to love you"

The Real Shliach said...

Which boys need a girl to inspire them to become holy?

e said...

re: anon,

the guys are smarter, more learned, and just all-around better, but we're not super chassidish. (I bet the only guy who was insulted by that comment was SZB.)

fg said...

BS"D
Elishevers, thank you.
e- I'm so thouroughly honored by your words. Thank you.

Anon- Not to c'v compare myself what-so-ever, but would you shame a boy from being inspired from a Rebbetzin? Was there something wrong if a man took strength and inspiration from Dvora Hanaviah, or Rebbetzin Chaya Mushka?


Obviously, in my case, it's very very very different. But, I am not their teacher, mentor, or mashpia. I'm a human being whose words of other's I share, and in turn allow other's to appreciate.

SZB said...

I don't know of any other woman who had daily kesher with the Rebbe like my mashpia.

FG,
What was the extent of her daily interaction with the Rebbe OBM?

TRS,
You use it more than you care to admit. Especially IRL.

Would someone care to explain what is wrong with 'screen-name flirting'? Is it a violation of Halacha? If yes, which?

Maybe it's the hidden solution to the Shidduch crises.

LE7 said...

SZb - You're joking? It's not tznius! Not tznius.

Sorry. I can admit it.

e said...

SZB, I'm not impressed. What about al tarbeh sicha im ha'isha? does that not apply to blogs? You yourself referred to it as "flirting"...

e said...

But I agree that it would help the shidduch crisis.

The Real Shliach said...

Yes, it's not tznius. Duh.

Positive Thinker said...

BS"D
I cannot divulge (spl?) who my mashpia is. I will tell you though, that her kesher with the Rebbe and Rebbetzin is world renowned, and she is brought all over the world to speak about hiskashrus and the Rebbe and Rebbetzin.
I didn't exactly choose my name to be Fabulous Girl... It kind of fell into place, and I didn't even consider that it could chalilah be an issue.
If so is the case, I'll change it now.
From now on, i'll just be... "positive thinker" is that better?

The Real Shliach said...

No, positive thinker sounds pretentious. Stick to Fab Gal.

LE7 said...

Fab Gal - I've got a better one, I'm sure you'll get the full meaning of it. Magic Maidel. Hah!

Farbrengen said...

BS"D
Elisheva I love it :)
We're going to keep girl/maidle terms out of this name though.
You know what? Creative thinker sounds too enlightened.
I'm going to be "Farbrengen".

LE7 said...

Well if you ever start your own blog it should be "The Memoirs of a Magic Maidel."

Farbrengen is too straight forward.

Farbrengen said...

BS"D
What's wrong with being straight forward?
Basically, it's all about tachlis, doing what has to get done.
Besides, who doesn't like Farbrengens?

LE7 said...

Frbrngn - You're right, I'm just giving you a hard time. There I am going to abbreviate it for the heck of it.

Farbrengen (if you take away the "r" the first 3 letters are fab!) said...

BS"D
Okay, abrev. all you want, but I have hereby dubbed myself as Farbrengen.

LE7 said...

Okay FarbieBarbie whatever you want.

Okay I'll stop.

SZB said...

SZb - You're joking? It's not tznius! Not tznius.

LE7,
Do you think if you repeat a baseless assertion over and over again [perhaps in gradually increasing octaves for maximum results] it will become true?

Why is it not Tzanu'ah? Based on which sources?


SZB, I'm not impressed. What about al tarbeh sicha im ha'isha? does that not apply to blogs? You yourself referred to it as "flirting"...

1. Screen-names are not people and typing is not talking.

2. it's האישה. with a ה' הידעה about matters of ידיעה. As TRS is find of saying: וד''ל.

3. I am not in denial of the reality, not do i intend to play a game of semantics. I called it flirting because it is flirting. My suggestion is that perhaps this form of flirtatiousness is legal and maybe even desirable.

LE7 said...

SZB - You think this is a valid way to find a wife?

Farbrengen said...

BS"D
Regarding how to find a shidduch the right way, not via the wrong ways... (not to say that a shidduch through a screen name hasn't happened and that c''v it was wrong, still, all the same I present the following)
A quote from "Eternal Joy", which is a book of compilations of the Rebbe's advice regarding Shidduchim.

Pg.12, "In a Manner of Tznius"
"It goes without saying that you should interest yourself in a shidduch, doing so in accordance with the dictates of the Torah- with tznius, but energetically as well.

Pg.18, "'One's Greatest Energies'-A Good Shadchan"
In response to your letter... in which you write that you are unsure of my intent in saying that one must invest effort into finding an appropriate shidduch, applying one's greatest energies [to this quest], following natural order:
My intent is simple... [that you should[ establish a connection with an intermediary, a good Shadchan..."

LE7 said...

Didn't you guys have a shadchan hanging out on here for a few months?

SZB said...

LE7,
Sure, why not?

Farbrengen,
No one is doing away with Shadchanim [who happen to be failing miserably]. Rather, we are suggesting that we broaden our horizons according to the need of the generation, and utilize every medium possible to facilitate meaningful encounters between like-minded Jewish [and by inclusion Lubavitchers] singles.

SZB said...

and she is brought all over the world to speak about hiskashrus and the Rebbe and Rebbetzin.

Yeah, we're wary of those...

Farbrengen said...

BS"D
I understand, but an intermediary is necessary.
pg.15
"Friends in the role of Shadchanim"
"Almost all shidduchim are presently carried out with the help of shadchanim, and/or freinds who act as Shadchanim."

Rather then "alternate" shidduch-finding routes, we need different Shadchanim.
People with more of an open-mind and less of the old-school mindset of he's short and his parents are BT, she's short adn her parents are BT, it must be a match made in heaven!
When in essence these people have nothing in common.

Farbrengen said...

BS"D
Why are you wary of those?
A sharp-minded Chassidish woman who tells me as it is?
Without my mashpia I wouldn't be who I am today.

SZB said...

I understand, but an intermediary is necessary.

Why necessary. The letter you quote implies an observation [at best a helpful suggestion], not commanding protocol.

I didn't say we wary of youf Mashpia, i said we are wary of many who would fit the description you gave [for reasons immaterial to the conversation].

That's why i asked to know more details about the nature of your Mashpia. I would like to respect her too.

The Real Shliach said...

Farbrenegen: That's a stinky name.

SZB: When is the first blogger single's party happening? Perhaps TRS could sponsor one!

LE7 said...

Personally I like FarbieBarbie a lot better.

Also I'd like to come to this blogger singles party. I'm not interesting in the getting married part but it would give me something juicy to blog about.

The Real Shliach said...

Oh man, you got that part right.

LE7 said...

Which part? The juicy blogging bit or FarbieBarbie?

The Real Shliach said...

You know what I'm going to answer...come on, all together now, "

LE7 said...

I don't, but fine.

LE7 said...

Oh Both, I imagine.

The Real Shliach said...

Very good.

Farbrengen said...

BS"D
SZB- I'm sure if you've heard her name before you already can respect her. She's not kanelsky c'v (l'havdil!!!) if that's what you were thinking!

If you're questioning the need for an intermediary, then perhaps your mashpia will agree that you don't need one?
Shidduchim, wonderful shidduchim happen without an intermediary, but to begin l'chatchilah without one?
Perhaps I'm just too brainwashed into the system... But then again with all the garbage out there a good wash of the brain doesn't seem so bad...

TRS&LE7- Thank you, but farbiebarbie is rather insulting. I'm not made of plastic, and I have brain... Oh, and I would never be as flaky as Barbie. Seriously, she can't settle on any one career... Chef Barbie, Dr. Barbie, Racecar Barbie, Store Keeper Barbie, Teacher Barbie, Vetinarian Barbie, there's even McDonald Barbie!

Either she's bad at everything, so she's got to try it all out, or she's so good at everything she can't decide. If someone is so good and so many things, she should go on Shlichus.

The Real Shliach said...

Re: Shidduchim- Maaseh Avos Siman L'banim, yes? In the Torah we find that our forefathers had three different ways of finding their fore (and four) mothers. Abraham married the girl next door, Isaac had an arranged marriage, and Jacob went and hung out by a well. Why is any one of these inherently better than another?

Re: Name- the name you've chosen is very pretentious. Pretentious, moi? Yes, toi. Until you back your name up with daily inspiring posts, you have no business using it. Do what Elisheva did, and make some sort of cute acronym out of it.

LE7 said...

(Also FarbieBarbie is just a joke because no worries you are far from a Barbie. You're not a flake).

Cheerio said...

i like farbiebarbie - if barbie can be so many things, why not a farbrengener?
also - please do write another column - look at the conversation this one inspired.
re: shidduchim - the system may not always work, but it is the only system that does. meaning - the shidduch system doesn't work for everyone, and people need to be a bit more open minded in their approach to shidduchim, but out of all the systems of getting married that exist, the shidduch system is the best one out there.
here's a question: why does online conversation of this sort (blogging etc) between boys and girls have to be considered flirting? just because it's between opposite genders?

The Real Shliach said...

Yup.

Cheerio said...

why? are any conversations between singles of opposite genders considered "flirting" in your opinion?

The Real Shliach said...

Depends what the conversation is. "Hey Chanie, please pass the Coca-Cola Classic" can hardly be considered flirting. Though I can see a situation where it would be. Regardless, anyone with a brain that's larger than a peanut should be able to see that the conversations going on in this particular neighborhood of the blogosphere are flirtatious in nature.

Cheerio said...

"Flirting is a form of human interaction between two people, expressing a romantic and/or sexual interest. Flirting is often used as a means of expressing interest and gauging the other person's interest in courtship, which can continue into long-term relationships.In other situations, it may be done simply for immediate entertainment, with no intention of developing any further relationship."
ok. there's definitely a difference in the way girls talk to girls and the way girls talk to boys. but if it's not situation a, and it is situation b, then it's not really flirting.

The Real Shliach said...

No, it's mashma from this source that situation b really is flirting. Besides, go read Manis Friedman's book and then we'll speak.

Cheerio said...

read it. years and years and years ago. i still think situation b isn't really flirting.
and what this source proves is that there is two different actions, both of which are called "flirting", but which are not actually the same thing.

The Real Shliach said...

It's the same thing, just in one the men convince the women that they're not after anything.

Cheerio said...

hey! maybe it's the women who need to do the convincing?
the real question is - do you believe men and women can have any interaction that doesn't have "romantic" undertones?

The Real Shliach said...

I suppose it's possible, but also highly improbable.

Cheerio said...

a or b of my comment?

The Real Shliach said...

b.

I didn't even think about a. What did you mean, that women convince themselves that men care?

Cheerio said...

a - that it could be the women who are after something.
b - why so improbable?

The Real Shliach said...

a: They are?
b: I have very little faith in anyone who isn't a tazaddik of Tanya.

The Real Shliach said...

Sorry, a tzaddik.

Cheerio said...

b. you cynical. me hopeful.
a. hell yeah.

The Real Shliach said...

a. you mean I should be careful? (isn't it beautiful how naive I am?)
b. oh please, anyone who isn't a eunuch...

Cheerio said...

wait, what? did you mix up your a's and b's?

The Real Shliach said...

No.

Cheerio said...

let me reread that...
ah. got it.

The Real Shliach said...

Very good.

LE7 said...

I take offense to this whole conversation. How do you guys know that I'm not on blogger purely to find my husband?

The Real Shliach said...

Are you?

LE7 said...

I was just throwing it out there.

I'm not looking at all.

The Real Shliach said...

So why take offense?

LE7 said...

It was a joke and anyways, they're looking for me.

(Don't ask me to explain that sentence because it didn't really make sense to me either).

The Real Shliach said...

The FBI?

LE7 said...

FBSI

The Real Shliach said...

What does that mean?

LE7 said...

Federal Bureau of Shadchanim Investigators

The Real Shliach said...

Nu, what do they say about me?

BTW, do you know of any other Lubavitcher bochurim bloggers who have their pictures next to their names?

LE7 said...

I haven't asked about you.

Yeah. One. What is your point?

The Real Shliach said...

Ahh. What else can I say?

Who? This is important.

LE7 said...

Mottel. Yeah? Why?

The Real Shliach said...

Oh, please, that's not a picture.

The reason is, as pointed out by a friend, that I'm the only Lubavitch bochur blogger to have my picture by my name. What this says about me I don't know.

LE7 said...

It's an artistic rendition of him. Close 'nuff.

I was starting to wonder if I shouldn't have mine. Or if I should stop going by my name and putting so many personal details online.

The Real Shliach said...

Very far indeed.

Do whatever it is that floats your boat. I'm still waiting to get stopped in CH and be asked, "Are you TRS?" but so far, no luck.

Farbrengen said...

BS"D
TRS- I saw a bochur I thought might be you, but:
A: I haven't studied your picture to really know what you look like
B: I don't stop random bochurim on Kingston and tell them that I read their blog...

The Real Shliach said...

I'm not random!

Farbrengen said...

BS"D
Okay, rephrase:
Unless you are related to me, or under the age of 14, I don't stop bochurim on the street.

So, is there any real reason in me writing column #2, aside from people commenting on it regarding everything but the tochen of the original post?

The Real Shliach said...

A. Good policy. I recall some embarrassing moments when girls I knew from Wisconsin or Minnesota said "hi" or tried to start a conversation while they passed me on the mean streets of CH...as I said, quite embarassing.

B. Yes. You never know who is reading it and will be helped. Besides, some younger bochur cursed me out in the mikveh for posting it, and I don't want to look as if I'm giving in to terror.

Farbrengen said...

BS"D
Oh, I'm not embarassed when someone says "hi" to me, that would be a lack of good taste and grace. Rather I smile, ask about their family etc. and move on.

Why would a younger bochur curse you out for it? Ani lo mevinah?

The Real Shliach said...

Yeah, I say "hi", but still. Every other person in CH just ignores you, and then a motog has to go and make trouble? It's bad manners to start up!

He said that it wasn't tznius. So I asked him, "what about the CH newspaper which has had dating advice for the last six months or whatever?" He claimed that the CH newspaper only dealt with the preliminaries, not the actual dates. So I said that I was therefore providing a public service, because there was no other source for this kind of thing.

Farbrengen said...

BS"D
There's lots of resources:
"Eternal Joy"
"Dating Secrets"
"Shidduchim and Zivugim"
"Don't Judge A Book By It's Cover"
"Head To Heart"

Just to name a few...

Farbrengen said...

BS"D
There's lots of resources:
"Eternal Joy"
"Dating Secrets"
"Shidduchim and Zivugim"
"Don't Judge A Book By It's Cover"
"Head To Heart"

Just to name a few...

The Real Shliach said...

Online?

Farbrengen said...

BS"D
Try www.Lubavitchsingles.com on the bochurim's link, there are a ton of shidduchim articles.
I'm sorry to break it to you, but this shidduch advice column isn't so innovative, although it is enjoyable to see people's "articulate" commenting.

The Real Shliach said...

Yeah, but no one does it as well as you.

Farbrengen said...

BS"D
What's with the unprecedented and undeserved flattery?

LE7 said...

Because you deserve it farbrengen. As other people have said, you're not on here to flirt, you're on here to make a difference in peoples' lives. You're just wasome.

The Real Shliach said...

I couldn't have said it better.

Farbrengen said...

BS"D
Wow. Thank you.
The thing is though, that perhaps this is not the proper venue for shidduch advice?
Do people honestly take me seriously? If someone wanted shidduch advice, why bother looking here?

The Real Shliach said...

Most of the people who read this blog are simple and beginning to look for a shidduch. These columns can help them.

The Real Shliach said...

Not only are they simple, they're also single.

Farbrengen said...

BS"D
Are you calling us readers simple folk? You didn't even insinuate it! You down-right put down your audience as simple folk?!?
At least the Be'sht had faith in our kind.

The Real Shliach said...

I meant to say single the first time.

Farbrengen said...

"Oh I see"... Said the blind man to his deaf wife.

The Real Shliach said...

And thus endeth the conversation.

The Real Shliach said...

You did. I took it off to post on Monday night, but if you really insist...

Farbrengen said...

BS"D
Oh! Thanks! Smart move, you just didn't acknowledge that you got it, so I figured I must have forgotten to click "publish comment".

We're still waiting of the introspection piece for tonight... I'll b"h read it tomorrow morning... Or more like later this morning.

The Real Shliach said...

If you want to do me a favor, you can give me a topic to introspect re:

Farbrengen said...

BS"D
Here's a few probing quesitons:

What makes you inspired? Why?
What makes you happy? Why?
If you could change one thing about yourself, what and why?
What is your favorite trait, and why is it so important to you?

Wow, I'm great when it comes to mushy stuff aye?

The Real Shliach said...

A little more specific maybe?

Farbrengen said...

BS"D
Do you love your hat? Why? What's the emotional attachment you have to any one given item and why?

This is the kind of genre that inspires me to write. It's interesting that you are at a loss for it.

The Real Shliach said...

Yeah, this isn't helping me. The hat one could be good, but I'll probably only do it once I can get a picture of it online, which won't be until Thursday at least.

Farbrengen said...

BS"D
How about Teffillin? I know that Nemo once did a great one on that. I still remember it, so it must have been really good.

See, if I give you the idea, it doesn't really count.
Introspection has to come from within.

The Real Shliach said...

What is there to write about Tefillin?

Farbrengen said...

BS"D
He wrote about the connection he has with his Tefillin. It was a very nice piece.

The Real Shliach said...

Yeah, not happening on this here blog.

Farbrengen said...

BS"D
Like I said, introspection has to come from you.
It can be triggered from outside influences, but it has to be natural, not planned and restricted.

The Real Shliach said...

OK, so I'll be online until 6 AM working this thing out...nu nu.

Farbrengen said...

BS"D
Okay, have fun. Daven Netz while you're at it.

The Real Shliach said...

What am I, a snag?

Farbrengen said...

BS"D
No, a Chossid I should hope, or at least striving to be one.

The Real Shliach said...

I hope I'm striving to be one.

Farbrengen said...

BS"D
So, if a "Snag" can Daven Netz, a Chossid can do it even better.

The Real Shliach said...

Mikve, Mezonos, Tzedaka, Chassidus beforehand.

Farbrengen said...

BS"D
So do it all before the zman of netz, you're up anyways.

The Real Shliach said...

I'm busy doing Krias Shema.

Farbrengen said...

BS"D
From now till then? I think you just want to skip out on netz.

The Real Shliach said...

No, I'm very chassdish, a cheshbon hanefesh takes me hours. plus I still have to do tikkun chatzos.

Farbrengen said...

BS"D
Wow, thou is holier than thy thought.

The Real Shliach said...

Please tell me you meant "I".

Farbrengen said...

BS"D
Basically, you're more Chassidish then I thought.

The Real Shliach said...

Um...reality check...

Farbrengen said...

BS"D
My bad attempt at sarcasm.
You're Chassidish, I know... We went through this a few comments above, you strive to be a chossid...
Here's a daily dose to put some holiness into this:
By Tzvi FreemanWhen He made the world, He made two ways to repair each thing: With harshness or with compassion. With a slap or with a caress. With darkness or with light.

And He looked at the light and saw that it was good. Darkness and harsh words may be necessary. But He never called them good.

Even if you could correct another person with harsh words, the One Above receives no pleasure from it. When He sees his creatures heal one another with caring and with kindness, that is when He shines His smile upon us.

The Real Shliach said...

How do Canadians get away with writing shtuff like that?

Farbrengen said...

BS"D
He's "mushy" but really good.

The Real Shliach said...

That's a matter of opinion. You want mine?

Farbrengen said...

BS"D
Yes.

The Real Shliach said...

There are two paths, that of the Tzaddik and that of the Baal Teshuva. Mitzad Hashem, it doesn't matter which one you choose. In fact, a Baal Teshuva is in many respects superior. However, mitzad us it does matter, because no one is doing a sin in order to get closer to G-d.