Guest post: Dating column #1

Before you all get on your high horses and accuse me of who knows what, just know that this is a guest post, I had nothing to do with it, I don't know who wrote it, I refuse to be associated with it in any way, shape, or form. I am not going out, I am not planning on going out any time soon, if you want to set me up call my mother or mashpia, they're handling all these issues for me. Thank you. Additionally, my real post is going up later tonight, as soon as I get around to it. Thank you and enjoy.
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Some wisdoms and thoughts on dating… who knows, they might prove to be useful advice!

Before we begin to delve into shidduch guidance,

Intertwined within my writing, you will find various quotes. Unless otherwise stated, these are all words taken from Gila Manalson’s book “Head to Heart”.

Firstly, Shidduch dating is not just to have and interesting experience. Don’t get someone’s hopes up just for your entertainment. It’s cruel.

Furthermore, as tempting as it may seem, dating for “practice” is not as promising as it may seem.
“Dating (not for marriage) may be educational, but education isn’t always wisdom”
Dating for practice can actually backfire! “For while learning a new sport can be difficult, it’s doubly frustrating when you thought you already knew how to play... The resulting disappointment and discouragement can even ruin the marriage.”

Thus, before even beginning to embark into the journey of shidduchim, ask yourself what your motives are.
By agreeing to date someone with the ideals of marriage, you are making an extremely strong and courageous move.
Quite possibly, four months from that first date, you will be married. You will be committed and responsible to another person for the rest of your life. For the rest of eternity.
Are you ready to handle that?

I’d like to end off with a short yet (as always) meaningful and applicable letter from the Rebbe that can be found in “Eternal Joy” Vol. 1 pg. 3

“… As one embarks upon such a critical and vital step in one’s life as constructing a Jewish eternal edifice of marriage, improving one’s spiritual state is of crucial and fundamental importance.”

May we hear only good news, and mazel tovs!


If you have any comments, questions, arguments, or if you would like me to discuss a specific topic, please share.

Two dating tips:

1. Keeping the conversation going is a beautiful talent, and it makes the other person seriously feel at ease. Please remember though to let the other person speak, even if you're a phenomenal orator. If I wanted to listen to a soliloquy, I would have gone to see a show.
2. Being honest and to the point is a very valiant thing to do, but it needs balance and good timing. Do not "lay all the cards on the table" on your first date. Let people get to know you before they consider your familial, financial, or emotional status. Also, let me clarify; the person you are dating is your date, not your therapist or diary. It takes a while for emotional intimacy to grow... don't rush it, because it may scare people off.