Sunday, December 21, 2008

Twelve nights of Chanuka

On the first night of Chanuka, my true love said to me, let's cook some Chinese food, and make a party.

On the second night of Chanuka, my master and overlord said to me, let's walk out in the freezing rain pushing a double baby carriage, to make a party.

On the third night of Chanuka, my dripping partner said to me, let's avoid the spilled milk all over the store and just buy our groceries.

On the fourth night of Chanuka, my sopping wet sister said to me, why don't you babysit while I go to a wedding, shouldn't be more than, hours three.

On the fifth night of Chanuka, my niece woke up in bed, we played for a while, and she broke out in a smile, but then for the last hour she called out I WANT MOMMY!

On the sixth night of Chanuka, my brother in law said to me, do me a favor, buy something on Kingston, take your niece for a ride, and Daven Mincha, at 770.

On the seventh night of Chanuka, everyone looked at me strange, why are you pushing a baby carriage, I answered-why is every store packed as if a Rebbishe marriage, why is 770 filled with screaming children, including my niece.

On the eighth night of Chanuka, the ride didn't quite work, the music played but the taxi didn't move, very disappointing, the stores were too full, the niece too desirous of mama, and I finally home.

On the ninth night of Chanuka, my menora said to me, you buy the fourteen dollar twist-off you get what you pay for, at least it works, be thankful for that, and yes you have to starve 'till the guests come.

On the tenth night of Chanuka, all the guests finally came, and what do you expect, three couples with kids, all they talk about, is....kids.

On the eleventh night of Chanuka, at least the food was unsurpassed, excellent Chinese, a doughnut for desert, fall asleep on the couch afterwards, and then slip on the ice on the stairs by Shul.

On the twelth night of Chanuka, my true love said to me, life's actually pretty good, the menora is lit, there'll be latkes tomorrow night, doughnuts for breakfast, if I ever go to sleep.

19 comments:

fabulous responds as a gesture of kindness said...

BS"D
Very cute.
There I commented, feel better?

The Real Shliach said...

You're too kind. Glad you liked it.

Fredricka said...

....and then you woke up??

The Real Shliach said...

Nope, it all happened today.

Elisheva said...

Quite a day.

The Real Shliach said...

Believe you me, it was.

EndOfWorld said...

true love? sounds intriguing.

I like the menorah one the best

The Real Shliach said...

Intrigued? How so?

Cheerio said...

and a merry, merry Chanukah to you!
My favorite one was the 770 one.

SZB said...

I'm officially being מוחה the blatant heresy and ע''ז laced throughout this post starting from the title.

For Shame.

The Real Shliach said...

What didn't you like exactly?

SZB said...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twelve_Days_of_Christmas

The Real Shliach said...

What's your point, white boy?

SZB said...

The title and theme of this post is the journalistic version of giving a Chanuka present. Or worse.

The Real Shliach said...

a little joke I can't make?

SZB said...

You can't eat your cake twice.

The Real Shliach said...

Watch me.

SZB said...

If you eat your cake twice, I'll eat my hat.

The Real Shliach said...

You needed a new one anyway, right?